I shake my head. “It wasn’t, though. She started quoting Dracula, wandering out at night, being strange overall.”
“Why?” He asks. “I made her no promises.”
“You don’t get women, do you? We don’t like feeling used.”
“She came on to me,” he argues. “I only followed her where she wanted to go. I never offered her anything else.”
This isn’t the time to discuss the difference in expectations of men and women in relationships. Besides, I don’t know Chloe’s mind; maybe she was only looking for a little fun. Maybe we’re both reading more into her behavior that night than there was. Either way, something happened after he was with her. “Do you think-” I start.
“Anything’s possible. Where is she now?”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“We should talk to her. I doubt it’s anything, but it’s worth checking out anyway.” He yawns again. “But first, sleep.”
We go down to the hall to our rooms, both weary and needing rest. He’s exhausted, as am I, but when we reach my door, I take his hand. He’s been so different from what I’d expected; without noticing it, I have become attached to him in a way that spells only trouble. Regardless, I know he’s seen little kindness and that’s what leads me to say, “Thank you, Caleb. For everything.”
He looks at me with pain in his eyes and shrugs. “Yeah, no problem.”
I reach up and kiss him on the cheek, pretending that touching him doesn’t send shivers through me. I want to know more about him, to know everything about him. After the scene on the couch earlier, though, his walls are securely in place. I don’t want to push him when he’s reluctant to share. “Good night,” I say. Caleb squeezes my hand before dropping it; I smile and close the door between us.
****
I wake after noon but it was not a refreshing sleep. I sit on the edge of the bed, trying to recover some semblance of sanity. My dreams varied between those of Alec fighting hopelessly against an army of vicious monsters - generally monsters I imagine based on movies, since I have no idea what a revenant looks like - and those of Caleb and I engaged in illicit and magnificent sex. In the glare of the afternoon sun, I think the nightmares were preferable. How do I face Caleb when every time I think of him, I imagine his body in all sorts of sinful positions? I rise, willing the day to erase these dark desires; we have work to do following up on talking with Chloe. When I go out into the den, Caleb is already scanning the internet for anything that might help.
“Good morning,” he says without looking at me.
“I need to take a shower and then maybe we should go see about Chloe,” I suggest.
“Yeah, okay.” He’s being dismissive. I wonder if his dreams were anything like mine. I move to the bathroom for my shower, stripping out of my clothes. Standing naked on the tile floor, waiting for the water to heat up, my body whispers its wanton desires to me. I ignore the call between my legs, the tingling in my nerves. When there is a soft knock on the door, I almost fall over. This denial trick Caleb and Alec have perfected is not compatible with my personality; I’m not accustomed to need without indulgence.
I open the door a crack. Caleb is standing there, holding a towel and soap. The tingles grow more demanding.
“I figured you didn’t know where they were,” he says, averting his eyes. The small crack does not reveal much, but it wouldn’t take a detective to realize I am naked. I reach for the towel and soap and my hand brushes Caleb’s arm. It is total agony to touch him; my self-control fights with my hunger and I drop both the towel and soap as flames of lust lick my skin. Bending over to pick them up, I let go of the handle and the door opens. It is only a slight opening, but, suddenly, I am naked in front of Caleb and the line is crossed. His eyes move along my body and the shame on his face betrays his thoughts. He wants to look away but he can’t. The moment is frozen until I reach forward and drag him into the bathroom by his collar, walking back toward the sink. His mouth lowers over mine; his kiss obliterates any remnants of a line. There is no going back now. I need him and my body can’t deny the emptiness any longer. His fangs stretch out from under his lips as he looks at me with doubt.
“Yes,” I nod, and then they break the skin, drinking from me from the opposite side of where his brother did. His hands hold me against him and I clutch at his head. Fear stops me from touching his back, from acknowledging the Mark. He drinks until I am weak, but I don’t need to ask him to stop. He does so freely and then, sated in one way but still full of longing, his blue eyes meet mine. I pull his shirt off over his head, revealing all of him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, but it’s too late. His body and mine are obviously meant to be together. Caleb’s lips move to my breasts and his tongue traces my nipples; my breath catches in my throat. I feel guilty but I cannot stop. His fingers reach up between my legs and find me wet and warm. They bury themselves inside of me and start to stroke me from the inside. His touch makes my dreams seem sterile; I explode as he teases my cunt and promises me so much more. I fumble for his pants, but my hands are weak from pleasure. I twist, opening myself up deeper to him, but also slamming my back against the sink. The cold porcelain digs into my flesh. I don’t want to break the moment, but it’s started to hurt.
“Caleb,” I say. I push my body from the sink and his fingers leave me; remorse shatters him and he backs away toward the door. “No, you don’t need to stop; it’s just, the sink-”
My words echo in the empty room; he’s gone, the door slammed behind him. The throbbing between my legs is unbearable. I know I should feel terrible for what just happened, but I don’t. There is something I can’t understand at work; in his arms, it makes sense. I take a quick shower, but it can’t get cold enough to douse the burning inside of me. I dress and go back to the den; Caleb is sitting on the couch, sobs racking him. Kneeling between his legs, I rest my head on his thigh.
“You did nothing wrong,” I tell him.
“I never wanted to kill him,” he says. “He’s my brother.”
Agony grips me and refuses to let go. His guilt runs deeper than the act in the bathroom. “I know,” I say, although it’s only a phrase of consolation. I don’t know any such thing.
“The first time, it was an accident. I just wanted to scare him. It was always a joke for him. He was my parents’ favorite, and it ruined me. He would never listen to me and when I complained, everyone took his side. I didn’t mean to hurt him; I just wanted to teach him a lesson.”
“So you hit him with a rock?”
He looks up. “It wasn’t supposed to kill him.”
“Rocks do that. They’re heavy.”
“Can I continue?”
“Sorry,” I say, and I am.
“After the accident, I fled, but they found me. At which point, it became a barrage of whys. I didn’t have an answer and I was angry.”
“So you were cast out?”
“I was told that I would be hated for eternity, that I would give rise to a race of creatures so evil that I would regret my own birth. So when he rose several days later and came to find me...”
“Didn’t that surprise you?”
“Of course, but I was relieved to see him, alive. I thought maybe-”
“Go on,” I tell him.
“He told me that she would make us both immortal. That she would wipe my sin from me.”
“Lilith,” I say.
He nods. “She didn’t, though. She didn’t even tell me that I was already immortal; had I not drank from her, there would be no cycle. She tricked me, so that I would be punished by always hunting and killing my brother, a reminder of the price of passion. And in a twist of irony-”
“Passion is all that sustains you,” I finish.
“Yes.”
“The Mark, though? I thought it was punishment for the murder.”
“Banishment was punishment for the murder. The Mark prevents me from being able to get close to anyone and it is a constant reminder of what I�
�ve done.”
“But Lilith couldn’t-”
“She didn’t,” he says. “It was Him. He also ensured that I could go out in daylight, but denied my brother the same freedom.”
“It seems like Alec got the short end of the stick.”
“His punishment was simple. The cycle. Mine is that I have to watch him suffer, knowing his death will come for him, watching the entire world live while I cannot. All I can do is plot to kill.”
“And again, if you don’t? If you refuse to kill him? Another plague?”
He sighs. “It isn’t an option. We would bring down the wrath of Heaven on Earth. When we accepted immortality, we accepted obedience to the cycle.”
“That’s stupid.”
Surprisingly, Caleb smiles. “Maybe, but I suppose in some ways, it’s not. I have to kill my brother, but at least I have had all this time to know him. Time I would never have had. I just wish that-”
“What?”
“There is a lot of time,” he says. “I don’t think you can appreciate just how much time. My brother does not want to get to know me.”
“I mean, you killed him. I guess he’s still a little upset.”
“There’s more, though. We began to change; after we went so long trying to find another way, only to realize it was impossible, we started to accept it. Again, there was so much time…”
“Something happened in Oxford,” I say.
“All these years, all these centuries, I have been the wanderer. I must kill him time and time again. Somehow, though, we had found a way to try to make it tolerable. When he fell in love, though, it became too great a price to pay. He didn’t want to die. He feared his rebirth would take too long and she would forget him. When we could not find Lilith, I didn’t know how else to save him, except through her. If I could convince her… I never expected to fall in love as well,” he says.
“The same woman. It’s happened before,” I realize aloud.
“Yes. Her name was Teresa.”
“What happened?”
“I adored her, but he had seen her first. She made me think she felt something for me, though. She made love to me as if she loved me as well, but it was meaningless. When the time came, she chose him.”
“So you killed them both?”
He shakes his head. “No. I relished killing him that time. It was the only time I took pleasure in it, but I couldn’t hurt her. I never told him. I allowed him to think that she had died. I erased all sign of her, all that he had left. She met someone else eventually, fell in love, and had a normal life. Neither of us ever spoke to her again.”
“So you don’t have to kill everyone? Alec said-”
“I don’t know. It had never really been a question. We’d never been in love and certainly not with the same woman. However, I fear it’s what the revenants are after. I think I changed something, but I don’t know what. Something in the cycle is broken; I may have discovered a loophole. And now-”
“Now they will ensure that you don’t use that loophole,” I say, understanding. Someone wanted Alec to fall in love with me, because it would distract them both. It may also break what is left between them; Caleb must have done significant damage after Teresa. If he kills me, the bond will be severed and Lilith will be safe. I just can’t figure out if she is the force behind it all.
“I can’t kill you, Nora,” he says. “I’ve become weak. Teresa opened something in me and I can’t turn it off. I tried. I thought I would stop you if you got in my way, if you prevented us from our goal. Now, I know I will let the world burn if it means saving you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. It isn’t weakness,” I tell him. “It’s love. Compassion.”
“I love you. I swore I would not allow myself to feel a thing, but I love you, Nora.”
I put my finger against his lips and kiss him softly. His blue eyes fill with tears as I undress him and then remove my own clothes. He doesn’t move to touch me, and I understand why. This must be entirely my choice. I reach over to him and place his hand on my thigh.
“I’m not Teresa,” I say. “This isn’t meaningless to me. Make love to me, Caleb.”
He cries out, but it does not stop us from falling to the ground with him between my legs. He moves closer to me and his hands brush my thighs; I can feel the hardness of him pushing against me. I reach down and open myself up, slipping myself over the head of him. His body tenses, but it’s only out of remorse; at the edge of me, he is willing.
“Caleb, please.”
He buries his head in my shoulder and slides himself all the way into me. If there is fate or destiny, this is it. Despite the purity of the ecstasy, being with Caleb is different than it was with Alec; there is as much regret as there is pleasure in the feeling. Clinging to him, all reason and all shame cannot deny that something about us just works. My body is suited to his; the way his hands move and the way he fills me are too real to be wrong. He lifts me closer to him and I am sure that my eyes reflect back his pain. As much as we both want this, the price is steep; yet as he slides in and out of me, it is a cost we both pay freely.
“It hurts to be with you,” he says. “But you are everything.”
I kiss him, a strange kiss for it’s soft and innocent, unmatched by his determined thrusting. Our bodies are not under our control and we fuck like the world is ending. However, when our lips meet, the kiss is pure; it is the kiss of lovers. His hands cup my face and I wrap my arms around his neck, reaching up to caress the back of his head. Our tongues touch and I want to stop myself from falling for him, but Alec’s face can’t break the spell. It may be impossible, but I am theirs equally.
“I love you,” I tell him between kisses. He responds by pushing himself into me as if he can bury his guilt. We hold each other and try to forget the future that we have just made happen. My pussy is tight and I clutch him from the inside, my orgasm destroying any chance we had of saving ourselves. When I shudder, the remaining thrills of him fading, he moves out of me and carries me to the bathroom. I don’t know what he intends to do until he turns on the water and hot steam fills the room. Still hard, he readies the shower and I stroke him slowly and gently. In return, he grabs me and throws me against the wet marble wall once the temperature is to his liking. Caleb lifts one of my legs and enters me again with force.
“This is so wrong,” he cries, but it doesn’t stop him. He holds my hands against the wall with his free arm and ravishes me. The pulsating reaches through me and I move to help him lift me up. Now, with my legs wrapped around his waist and his hands under my ass, I get to work on him. The hot water pours over our bodies and I ride up and down, his cock the only sensation left for me. He knows how to make me come and it happens again and again before I can’t do much else. In the final throes of my last orgasm, I reach out without thinking. My hands slide from his neck to his back and I brush the Mark as he shoves himself inside of me. Scorching pain shoots up my arms, but it fades as fast as it starts; his eyes register shock when nothing else happens. He leans down and kisses me, and together, under the warm shower, we cross the final threshold and the ecstasy is complete.
When we have both come, I let my legs fall to the floor and we pull apart reluctantly. The shower is still streaming overhead. We look at each other, naked and ashamed, but yet somehow placated. This had to happen and it is easier accepting some things. He starts to back away but I go to him, wanting the moment to last a little longer. My lips find his and again I touch his Mark, this time lightly tracing the scar tissue. I am surprised still when there is no cataclysm and I push him out into the bathroom, wondering if it’s the water alone saving me. It is a risky move, but I’m right; I can touch Caleb with no punishment. This only proves that we are meant to be together somehow; I just need to find out how that is possible.
“Why can you touch me?” He asks, as bewildered as I am.
“I don’t know. But I think it means that everything between us is okay. It isn’t wrong, not if I can touc
h you without repercussion.”
“My brother,” he says and I see the agonizing reminder start to grow in his mind.
“We’ll address that when the time comes. I won’t lie to you, Caleb. I love you. I also love Alec, and when he returns, I won’t deny my love for you, either. We’ll just have to see what that means.”
“We are ruined,” he says.
“No,” I say and caress his back. Each time my fingers brush against the Mark, he responds with sounds of satisfaction. I imagine it’s the first time he’s felt this kind of love. “We are whole. The explanation will come, but I know it now.”
“I love you,” he says. He didn’t need to tell me, though. I already knew. He kisses me and I want him again, but we have work to do. We need to talk to Chloe and then find Lilith. It’s time to find a way to break these two men I love from a curse that I can’t fight.
11.
No one has seen Chloe in days, which is the last thing I want to hear when we go looking.
“Yeah, we haven’t really been keeping track lately,” her roommate, Elizabeth, says. “She’s gotten kind of weird.” As if to accent her point, which I suppose is that she’s a moron, she pops her gum loudly in my face. I clench my fists.
“So you don’t care that she took off and hasn’t been back?” I know Elizabeth and company don’t understand what’s at stake, but Chloe has some pretty shitty friends. Sure, this is college, but we aren’t far from exams and, also, Chloe’s been out of her mind. You’d think someone would’ve thought to keep an eye on her.
“I don’t know. She isn’t much fun like this.”
“She isn’t fun?” I yell. “Your roommate - and supposedly friend - could be dead somewhere. She could have been kidnapped and trapped in someone’s basement. An insane drifter could be planning to wear her skin as a suit right now.” I’m aware that my arguments are not sane. I’m also aware that Elizabeth has already lost interest in this conversation. However, fury and human decency gather in my arms and fists. Elizabeth is lucky therefore that Caleb pushes me into the hall. I really want to punch her. He thanks her quickly and leads me to the emergency stairwell.
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