I’m scanning files an hour later when Caleb closes the third of six notebooks. I feel like I have scoured most of the computer by now as well. Frustration sinks in, but I’m not giving up quite yet. “Find anything?” He asks.
“Unless Lilith is a producer of hentai, no.”
“Hentai?” He stands and peers over my shoulder. “Huh. People are into that?”
“I guess.” I click over to the next file and Caleb laughs when he sees what’s on the screen.
“We should try that one,” he says and rubs my shoulders. I’m not sure if he’s being ironic or flirtatious. I close the file and turn around.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“Can you blame a guy for trying?”
“Yes. Also, I’m pretty sure I have like ten STDs from even sitting on this bed.”
“Gross,” he says and goes back to the notebooks.
Another hour passes and I am starting to feel like this is futile when I find it. The file is labeled, “Tax Returns,” so naturally it was one of the last ones I checked. There are no tax returns; instead, there is a collection of essays as well as a number of links to news reports. It seems Lilith has been busy.
“You’re gonna want to see this,” I tell Caleb. According to the notes as well as the news reports, Lilith has spent the last year creating a small army. And these are definitely vampires, despite Caleb and Alec’s insistence that they are not.
“What is she doing?” He asks as he settles on the bed behind me.
“You know more about her than I do. Didn’t you say you were tracking her?”
“We knew she was here, but this? No, we didn’t know this.” He grabs the laptop from me. He reads quickly, saying words aloud although only sporadically, so there is no context for them. When he gets to “battle,” however, context is not really important.
“Battle?” I ask and slide between him and the computer so I can view the screen from his lap. I try not to think about his breath on my neck, the closeness of his body. This motel room has seen plenty of that kind of action and we’re tracking a monster from the pages of the Bible; his incredible skin and hands can wait.
“She’s scared,” he says, awe giving way to terror in his voice.
“Of you?”
He puts the laptop on the bed and wraps his arms around me. “No. This is-” His voice catches and I turn around to face him. He looks terrified, his pupils dilated, his eyes wide. I brush the back of my hand against his cheek and he flinches. I don’t know what was in that file, but if it scares him as much as it does, I’m also not sure I want to look.
“This is all my fault,” he says, his voice that of a wounded animal. I keep touching him, his arms, his face, his chest, trying to bring him back to me. He’s shaking and his eyes are distant.
“Caleb,” I say, but my voice doesn’t soothe him. I move to kiss him and he grabs my wrists in one hand and holds them in front of me. He stares at me like I’m more frightening than anything he has ever seen. I’m not sure if I should be scared, but he loves me; I know whatever is raging inside of him won’t hurt me. He pushes me back onto the bed, knocking the laptop to the floor. I hope it hasn’t broken, but I don’t get a chance to look. With my arms held over my head, Caleb bears down on me and begins to drink. He is hungry and it hurts when he penetrates my flesh; I want to touch him, to pull him back to me, but he has me pinned.
I arch my back toward him and meet his hardness. “Let me be whatever you need,” I tell him and he tears himself from his drinking to stare at me. The fire in his eyes is a little unnerving, but I say nothing. He lets go of my hands and we undress in mere seconds. I can’t help but think he and I need to find more romantic places to do this, but it’s the only thought I have before he enters me with force. I clutch at his back and he resumes drinking; the pulsing in my neck is matched by his throbbing inside of me. I buck against him, wanting to be fucked like an animal.
Caleb finishes drinking and when our eyes meet, there is life in them now. He smiles wickedly and flips me over so I can ride him. His hands move up to my breasts and cup them, his mouth teasing my nipples while I take my satisfaction from him. Lilith and her army don’t matter as he pounds into me, driving me crazy and sending my body into spasms. I come on top of him and then lower myself so our bodies are pressed together. He slows his thrusting and we move ever so slightly together. The delicious tease rips through me all the way to my toes.
“You’re a very, very bad influence,” I tell him. All of my doubt is gone; there is never going to be a world that exists without him.
“And you’re the most dangerous pleasure I’ve ever had,” he replies. He can’t deny himself any longer and he digs his fingers into my hips and pushes deep, his movements getting faster. I squeeze myself around him and he screams my name as he comes inside of me.
Sweaty and sticky, I get up to clean myself off. The computer is still in one piece, which is good. In the bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror. What is happening to me? How is it the world is falling apart around me and yet I remain delirious for him? Who are these guys? I don’t understand their hold on me. I splash water on my face and try to shake myself out of the daze in which I’ve been living. When I come back into the bedroom, Caleb is still naked and I avert my eyes. I can’t believe he is ready again.
“You really need to cover that thing up,” I say.
“I can think of a few ways to do that.”
“Shit. You’re out of control,” I tell him.
“You know you like it.” He’s right. I do. I slip between his legs and move my mouth over his shaft. As I lick along the length of him, he begins to make soft noises of pleasure and my motions increase in speed to match his sounds. He is immortal, but when he touches me, there is no past; I am everything that matters and I return the favor now. It doesn’t take long at all and I drink from him, as he has from me several times. When he’s finished, I toss him his boxers.
“There. Now let’s figure out how to fight this army.”
13.
In movies, fighting a supernatural army is usually pretty straightforward. The good guys find some kind of magic box, recite some chant, and the bad guy loses. Usually after a lengthy diatribe expressing all of his reasons for being evil. However, I have exhausted all the methods I’ve seen on TV or read about: silver, crucifixes, holy water, magic boxes, and sunlight. Turns out most of those aren’t real. Who’d have guessed?
“But she can’t go out in sunlight, right?” I ask Caleb, after we have been brainstorming for what seems like hours. “Only you can. Otherwise, it’s barbecue time.”
“You know, Nora. If there was one human being I could choose to fight alongside while facing down the end of the world, I’d pick you a million times over.”
“It’s because I’m crazy hot, right?”
He smiles. “Something like that. Anyway, no, Lilith cannot go out in sunlight. Nor can her creations.”
“So why don’t we just get them all outside on a nice day and - bam! War over.”
“Well, for starters, I don’t think she would take an invitation to an outdoor extravaganza. Secondly, there is still the question of what she’s fighting.”
“And that is?”
“Revenants,” he says and the fear returns.
“Wait. I thought we were fighting them.”
“We are,” he confirms.
“So Lilith is on our side?”
“Lilith is on no one’s side but her own. However, my actions...” He trails off and I try to piece together everything I’ve learned. He began to show these signs after he started reading Dr. Evans’ journals.
“There’s something. Something in the notes.”
“The revenants. They started about five years ago. The first sighting was in a small town in England, about a hundred miles north of Oxford.”
“Okay,” I say, waiting for him to say something that I understand as significant. I’m not really looking for a geography lesson of revenants.
“So you knew that they were rising?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Before we came to the States, I made an annual trip there, to a cemetery. I kept my distance, but I still needed to mourn.”
Understanding washes over me. “Teresa,” I say.
“Teresa.”
“So, what? Is she a revenant?”
“I don’t know. But they’re linked, the revenants and her death.”
“And that’s why Lilith...” I get it now. Lilith needs this cycle as badly as Alec and Caleb do. I don’t know why exactly, but I am sure it’s true. However, if Alec were to find out that Teresa didn’t die when he thought she did, it might change everything.
“I think I know how to fix this,” he says. He doesn’t explain anything, of course, but instead, gets off the bed and goes to his jacket. He rummages in the inside pocket for a moment and then pulls out a dagger. It’s not a decorative dagger, either, but a big ass shiny and pointy dagger that could easily pierce any of my organs.
“You just carry that around, do you?”
It bothers me that he doesn’t smile or laugh; instead, he touches the tip of the dagger and looks at me with regret and sadness brewing. Let me say - there are few things more disconcerting than the anxious, immortal first son of Adam and Eve looking at you with a giant dagger in his hand.
“I need you to do me a favor.”
“No, Caleb, you cannot sacrifice me on the virgin altar. Because, well, one, I’m clearly not a virgin, and, two, I’m not really cool with the whole blood sacrifice thing.”
“You’re not a sacrifice,” he says. “Not exactly. But I need you to help me.”
“For future reference, the phrase ‘not exactly’ is not comforting.”
He continues to stare at me, rigid and serious; this side of him makes me uncomfortable. I shiver but force myself to approach him, to reach for the dagger. I’m scared he’ll do something stupid with it, something I can’t fix. He jerks his hand back and holds it out of reach, the blade glinting in the fluorescent motel room light. “What do you need me to do?” I ask, wary of any solution that involves a dagger.
“You need to drink from me,” he says.
“Why?”
“I want to keep you safe. And there’s a chance we can defeat them both this way.”
“I won’t be a vampire after, will I?”
“No. But Nora, it’s... See, if you drink, the bond cannot be unbroken. Ever. Except by death. You will be linked to me for the remainder of your lifetime. You and I... You’ll be mine forever.”
I stand up and lean into Caleb’s body. “You know, most girls dream of a man getting down on one knee, breaking out a diamond that cost his entire life savings, and proposing marriage. I guess it’s lucky for you that I’m not most girls.”
“It’s your life, Nora,” he says with regret.
“And I want to share it with you. I don’t need some kind of ritual to tell me that we’re entwined for the rest of it. I knew that the moment you touched me.”
He kisses me fast and then pulls away, sliding the dagger across his throat. I don’t have fangs, but I drink from him, feeling his hands grip my back and push my head closer. The intimacy of him, of this step, is not shocking; I meant what I said to him. We’re interwoven by something greater than us through time. I don’t know what the recognition of this truth means for me and Alec, but I’ll face that step when the time comes. I don’t even know why Caleb needs this from me, but it’s an act of faith. I drink deep from him and when I am done, we fall to the bed. He holds me close against him, the wound on his neck already shutting. We are locked in that embrace when there’s a banging on the door. I’m drowsy and content; the disruption is unwelcome.
He moves to the door, which seems like a terrible idea. We are in the middle of nowhere. There is nothing good that can be on the other side of that door. It opens and I see that I’m right; the woman standing in the frame, silhouetted by the lights of the parking lot, makes me doubt every part of myself. I’ve spent years trying not to feel envious of Scarlet, trying to find confidence in my own average beauty. Over time, I trained myself well. All of those years make a break for the hills when I see her. I don’t know how I know, but I recognize her immediately as Lilith. Caleb was right; I’ve studied art history extensively but no artist could have captured her beauty. I think of some of the Pre-Raphaelite painters, of Waterhouse’s Windflowers. They only dreamed of women like her. No canvas could hold this kind of perfection.
She moves into the room with something that is both grace and seduction, the door shutting behind her as she walks. Her eyes run over my body and I want to apologize for existing. The worst possible mother-in-law stories cannot compete as she flicks her tongue over her lips and turns to Caleb with a look of enormous disappointment.
“We need to talk,” she says.
“I figured.”
“Your brother-”
“Is out cleaning up my mess. Our mess,” Caleb replies.
“What do you suppose he will do when he finds her?” She asks. Her voice slithers. I’ve never heard words move like a snake, but that is what hers do.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. But you’re amassing an army, so I suppose you do.”
“It’s precautionary only. You may yet be able to handle your own mess.”
“I need to know. What did you do-”
“No,” she says. “It doesn’t concern you. You have a task and I expect you will see it to completion.”
“You know we’re going to destroy you,” Caleb replies.
“We shall see. I think things have grown more complicated,” she says and her eyes move to me, sitting on the bed.
“Leave her out of it.”
Lilith turns back to Caleb. “The church. At the full moon. I need you by my side against her.”
“I’m not your servant,” he says.
“No, but you have something to lose.”
I rise and clear my throat. I’m not sure how one addresses a creature that walked in the Garden of Eden, so I just start speaking. “What have you done with Henry?”
“Henry,” Lilith sneers. “I had nothing to do with his disappearance. I want to destroy the revenants as much as you do. Henry is already on his way back, a safe return after some daring work by my other son. The one you’ve forsaken.”
I steel myself. “I didn’t forsake anyone. We-”
“It’s too late,” she laughs. The sound carries all of the guilt and shame I have ever felt and dumps it on me with the weight of eternity. “You made your choice tonight.”
Those words - they peel the flesh from my skin and drip acid into my veins. I fall to the floor in front of the bed. I agreed to be with Caleb forever and soon, Alec will go to his death. I chose his murderer over him. Sweet, kind Alec. I collapse, sobs shaking me and drowning out everything else. They continue to talk, but I can’t hear the words. All I can think of is Alec’s face - and the betrayal he will feel when he returns, with Henry safe. A task he took on for me, because he loves me. Stupid, impulsive me.
I don’t know when Lilith leaves and I don’t register anything even as Caleb lifts me onto the bed. Agony gives way to sleep and it’s late morning when I wake. Caleb is lying beside me, his back to me, and I remember everything as sleep fades. What have I done? I sit up, trying not to wake Caleb. I don’t know what kind of deals he made with Lilith last night, but none of it matters anymore. I can only hope Alec will forgive me. When the cycle restarts, perhaps... Standing, I take my things and go to the shower.
I set the water to maximum heat and let it scald my body, but nothing will get me clean. I wish I could deny that I would make the same choice again, but I can’t. I love Caleb and I am willing to give him my life. The problem is that I also love Alec, and I have now, in a sense, given Caleb Alec’s life as well. I’m standing under the hot water, just thinking
, when the door opens. Caleb pokes his head into the shower and his eyes drink in my nakedness, but he makes no move to touch me. There is sadness wrapped around him. I grab my towel and dry off, waiting for him to speak.
“If Lilith is telling the truth, we should head back. Alec and Henry will be there tonight,” he says.
I nod and he leaves me alone in the bathroom. I’m not sure if it was my willingness to give myself over to him or Alec’s return, but something between us has broken. He didn’t even kiss me.
He has already cleaned the room and packed our few things. Check out doesn’t take long and we’re on the road again before noon. As if the universe knows what’s coming, the sky is overcast and the day is dreary. It smells like snow, but nothing has fallen yet. Technically, it is not yet winter, but the sky doesn’t care. Barren trees and the smell of wood smoke keep us company on the silent drive back to campus. As we turn into the parking lot, Caleb reaches for my hand.
“I love you. I know that what you promised... Well, I know you did it for him as much as for me. I promise you, Nora, if there is a way to stop this, a way that doesn’t end in death, I will do it.”
I turn off the car and reach for his face. “I know. I trust you.” I honestly don’t know why I agreed to bind myself to him, except that it felt like it was the answer. My own guilt should not be Caleb’s burden. I kiss him to show him that I don’t blame him for my choices. His kiss is soft, not looking for anything. We hold onto one another in desperation, but our mouths move slowly, ignoring the anxiety we both feel. I don’t know how this will end and I don’t know how much time we have left. I just don’t want him to stop kissing me. The dam holding back my sadness breaks. Tears spill down my face, into our kiss, and the salt spreads from my lips to his.
“I’ll make it right,” he tells me.
We go back to my room, assuming that’s where Alec will look first. Maintenance has attempted to fix the window further, but their fix is an uglier board and duct tape, both of which still don’t stop the freezing night from pouring into the room. Caleb holds me and we wait. There is nothing else left to do.
Bitter Fruits Page 13
