by Lucy Gordon
‘I can tell you that,’ Perdita said, appearing from the next room. ‘She’s here.’
Both men stared as though seeing a ghost.
‘You,’ Leonid whispered. ‘You—at last.’
‘Good evening, gentlemen,’ she said smoothly. ‘Please don’t waste time arguing.’ She faced Amos. ‘Leonid is telling the truth. He knew nothing about this. I told you that when we talked in the Casino.’
‘You told me a lot of lies that day,’ Amos snapped.
‘On the contrary, I told you a lot of truths. That was what you didn’t like.’
‘You used my son to find dirt about me.’
‘No, I’ve told you Leonid isn’t part of this.’
‘Not knowingly perhaps, but you played your tricks.’ He turned on Leonid. ‘And you just let her wheedle things out of you.’
White-faced, Leonid glared at him. ‘She didn’t.’
‘Believe him,’ Perdita said. ‘Leonid isn’t in thrall to me. To him, I was a passing curiosity. No more. He never loved me and he never will. Nor could I, or anyone else, make him do what he didn’t want to.’
She wasn’t looking directly at Leonid but she was still acutely aware that her words were affecting him. He was full of tension that was mysteriously different from what had possessed him only a moment ago.
Amos was oblivious. Only his own rage and petulance concerned him.
‘Fine talk,’ he growled, ‘but you don’t fool me. Not in thrall to you! I know when a man’s off his head about a woman. I saw his eyes follow you everywhere. You could do what you liked with him, and you did. There’s no other way you could have known what you did.’
‘Nonsense, of course there is,’ Perdita said. ‘I have my sources, many of them, spread over a wide distance. Leonid knew nothing about it and I didn’t want him to know. That’s why I stopped you contacting him.’
‘Why, you scheming little—’
‘Yes, that’s right. I scheme and connive and deceive. I pretend, I wear false faces, I use underhand methods that no decent person would think of using. I learn things about people that they don’t dream of, and I use that knowledge as I think fit. Don’t look so outraged. It’s what you’ve always done yourself.’
‘You blackmailed me,’ Amos snapped.
‘Yes, I did. It was the only way.’
‘Now, hand over those files. It’s time for you to keep your word.’
‘And I will, when you’ve finished the job.’
‘I’ve done what you wanted. Hand over.’
‘No, you haven’t finished yet. You still have to go back to Varushka, and keep her happy a while longer.’
‘Now, look—’
‘No, you look. I’m giving the orders here, not you.’ She turned to Leonid. ‘When she wakes she should find him sitting there beside her.’
‘Listen—’ Amos raged.
‘She’s right,’ Leonid said. ‘Mamma must believe you never left her side for a moment.’
‘This girl’s really got you where she wants you,’ Amos sneered. ‘She says, “Do this, do that!” and you do it.’
‘Perhaps that’s because she sees things with a clarity I can’t match,’ Leonid said softly.
He turned to Perdita as he spoke, gesturing for her to go on ahead. As she went into the bedroom, Nina rose from where she sat by the bed and stood back to make room for Amos. No sooner had he sat down than Varushka’s eyes opened, gazing directly at him.
‘I was afraid you would have gone away,’ she whispered. ‘Or perhaps that you weren’t really here at all. So many times I’ve thought you were with me, but then I opened my eyes and you were gone.’
Conscious that he was expected to say something, Amos managed, ‘Not really. I thought of you a lot.’
He was doing his best, Perdita realised, but he was embarrassed and awkward. He needed help.
‘And if he thought of you, he was really here,’ she said. ‘Just as you thought of him. People who love each other so much are never really apart.’
She gave Amos a small unobtrusive nudge, and he responded on cue.
‘Very true. We should always remember that.’
Then Leonid leaned forward to stroke his mother’s face and said gently, ‘And I can tell you how much in his heart and mind you’ve always been. Whenever I’ve been to see him he speaks of nothing else, asking how you are, if you miss him as much as he misses you.’
That’s it! Perdita thought. You’ve got the idea. Keep going.
She couldn’t speak the words but they were there in the shining look she gave Leonid. He met her eyes, sending her a message of perfect understanding, and for a moment they were one again. She had the dizzying sensation that he had reached out and clasped her in his arms.
‘I’ve been so lucky,’ Varushka murmured. ‘I’ve had the love of the dearest man in the world. Even though we couldn’t be together, his love was always there to sustain me.
‘In my son too I have been blessed. Dearest Leonid. And Perdita—’
Until then, Perdita hadn’t known Varushka had seen her. But now she gave her a warm smile.
‘How kind of Leonid to fetch you, dear girl. If you are wise you will seize the chance to make him your husband, for he is like his father, the kindest and most generous of men. Witness what he has done for me, how he helped my dearest Amos to be here.’
‘He is the most generous, loving man alive,’ Perdita said.
‘Yes,’ Varushka whispered. ‘Yes—both of them. Even through the years apart, I knew I always lived in Amos’s heart and one day he would return, however difficult it was.’ She pressed Amos’s hand. ‘Dear Leonid, dear Perdita, I only hope life can bring such joy to you.’
‘Perhaps it will,’ Perdita said. ‘I have something to tell you that I hope will make you all happy. I’m pregnant. Leonid and I are going to have a baby.’
Varushka gave a little cry of joy. Perdita heard her faintly, but she was looking at Leonid, who stared at her, thunderstruck.
‘It’s true,’ she told him.
‘We…a child?’ he stammered.
‘Yes. Our baby. Yours and mine.’ She turned back to Varushka. ‘And your grandchild.’
‘My grandchild,’ she murmured. ‘And Amos’s too.’ She turned her head towards him. ‘My love, we were always united in our son. Now we are united again in our grandchild.’
‘Yes,’ he said gruffly.
‘United for ever.’
‘For ever,’ he growled.
Varushka reached up to touch his face. ‘Goodbye, my dearest. Goodbye until we meet again. And we will—one day. Thank you for everything.’
She stretched out a hand to touch him. With her other hand she reached out to Leonid, who took hold of it. Both men sat watching as her eyes closed. Gradually her breathing stopped and only her smile remained.
After a silence Amos asked, ‘Is she dead?’
‘Yes,’ Leonid said softly. ‘She’s dead.’
‘Well, that’s that then.’
Perdita gave him a look of disgust and took his arm, drawing him away. Leonid must have this moment alone with his mother. At the door she looked back and saw him laying down his head against Varushka’s breast.
As he must often have done in his childhood, she thought.
She closed the door firmly to give him privacy.
Back in the office, she handed over the papers to Amos, who went through them and grunted. After a few minutes Leonid joined them.
‘Is this everything?’ Amos demanded, indicating the papers.
‘Everything,’ Perdita confirmed. ‘But you don’t have to worry. If you’d refused to come I’d never have published a word.’
‘What?’
‘I wouldn’t have done anything that could hurt Leonid, but I guessed you wouldn’t realise that.’
‘I suppose you think you’ve been very clever,’ Amos snapped. ‘That silly story about a baby—’
‘It was the truth, although I suppose I shouldn’t be
surprised that you didn’t understand.’
‘Are you saying that you’re really—?’
‘Yes. Your grandchild—and Varushka’s, so you won’t be able to forget her existence, the way you were planning to. Whenever you look at the child you’ll remember her. I’ll make sure of that.’
Amos muttered something that sounded like a curse, glaring at them both with equal hostility. ‘Right, I’ll be going. You won’t need me now.’
‘Thank you for coming,’ Leonid said quietly. ‘It meant everything to her.’
‘Call your driver and get him to take me to the airport.’
Leonid did so, keeping one hand on Perdita’s shoulder as if fearful that she might escape. But she had no intention of leaving.
‘Goodbye, Father,’ he said at last.
It was clear that Amos couldn’t wait to escape, and cared for nothing else.
They saw him to the car and watched as it drove away into the darkness. Leonid didn’t speak, but he drew her back into the house, then into Varushka’s room. She was still smiling with the air of peace, contentment and fulfilment that had come to her at the end.
‘Thank you,’ he said quietly. ‘And yet that doesn’t begin to say what I want to. There are no words to thank you for what you did for her. It took so much courage to stand up to Amos. Such a risk for you to take. And you did it all for her.’
‘Not for her,’ Perdita said at once. ‘For you. I knew what it would mean to you, and nothing else mattered. I would never have published a word about Amos. Please believe me.’
‘I do,’ he said fervently. ‘I believe you, and I always will. I even believe—can I believe that we are to have a child?’
‘Yes. Your child and mine. Believe that and believe this. I love you. I shall always love you, and I shall always stay with you—if that’s what you want.’
‘It will always be what I want,’ Leonid declared fiercely. ‘I ask myself why you should doubt it. But I know the answer. Because you know I’m a coward.’
‘No, don’t say that.’
‘It’s true. For years I’ve avoided love. I thought a man was stronger without it, but he isn’t. He’s weaker. I lacked the courage to face up to love, welcome it into my life, take its risks. When I saw you off at the airport I felt that my life was over, but I still couldn’t call you back. I wanted to but I seemed to be paralysed. It makes me a man that no woman in her right mind should love.’
‘But where you’re concerned I’m not in my right mind,’ she said. ‘I guess I never have been, and never will be. It’s true about the risks, but I’m willing to take them because the rewards are so beautiful that they turn it into a new world.’
‘Our world,’ he murmured. ‘The one we can make together—’
‘And explore together, and we’ll find so many things we never dreamed of.’
‘I remember something you said once, something that’s lived with me ever since. When Travis missed the award ceremony for Charlene, you said, “If the love is that great, then you’ll do anything to prove it, no matter how difficult, no matter the lengths you have to go to, no matter what may happen afterwards.”’
‘That’s right. I had to get here to tell your mother about the child before she died, and make Amos come too, to give her that happiness. Because I knew what it would mean to you to see them together, joined in the knowledge of their grandchild.’
‘I’ve never dared to believe in such love,’ he murmured.
‘Believe in it now. It’s real and it will always be real. Listen to me. Ya tebya lyublyu.’
He smiled. ‘You’re already speaking my language.’
‘Varushka taught me the words.’
‘Ya tebya lyublyu,’ he repeated. ‘Yes. Always. But think of the sacrifices you’ll have to make to marry me. We can’t live in different countries—’
‘Of course not. I’ll have to come and live here, and concentrate on writing books. That’s what she wanted me to do, and I think she saw a great deal.’
‘She wanted us to be together,’ he murmured.
‘Yes. Look at the way she’s smiling, almost as though she was giving us her blessing.’
They both leaned down and gently kissed Varushka’s cheeks, then backed out of the room, closing the door quietly behind them.
Leonid led the way to the living room. There he took her in his arms for a kiss whose tenderness conveyed the overwhelming relief he’d felt from the moment he’d seen her. For a long time they stood, holding each other with love and reassurance.
‘I can’t believe you came back to me,’ he murmured. ‘I’ve longed for that. Every day I’d yearn to see you appear out of the blue, making the world right again. But I knew I had no right to hope. Can you forgive me?’
‘Have you forgiven me for deceiving you?’
‘You didn’t really deceive me; perhaps just a little at the beginning, but you changed. You told me that, and I know it’s true. By the time I found out, so many things had happened between us that I should have just relegated it to the past. But somehow I couldn’t. At least, not then. Now everything is different.’
‘I know. Truly, I do understand.’
‘Yes, because you can look into my heart and mind, and read everything there. Aren’t you frightened by what you see? The weakness, the confusion, the uncertainty: a man who doesn’t know what he’s doing?’
‘A man who needs me,’ she said.
He nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes.’
In her heart she knew that the resolution of their love would be no ‘happy ever after’. He was a troubled man and he always would be. But she could give him something nobody else could give, and his need for her would never die.
‘Yes,’ she repeated. ‘It won’t always be peaceful. We’ll fight—’
He nodded. ‘Yes, we will. Mostly you’ll win, but sometimes—’ he gave her a smile that was both warm and wry ‘—sometimes you’ll be kind enough to let me win.’
‘I’ll think about it. But I’ll always be here for you,’ she said. ‘I’ve promised that before, but perhaps now I can make you believe it’s true. Whatever goes wrong, we’ll defeat it together.’
Suddenly Leonid grew very still as a strange sensation came over him. Travis was mysteriously there in his mind as he had been on his wedding day, telling Leonid about the time Charlene had charged into battle for him and flattened the enemy.
She was my friend, comrade, someone who’d fight beside me to the end.
Thinking of how Perdita had stood up to Amos, challenging him without fear, Leonid felt almost dizzy.
The day will come when Perdita will take up the cudgels for you, and you’ll thank heaven for it.
‘That’s right,’ Leonid whispered. ‘And it’s taken me until now to see it.’
‘See what?’ Perdita asked.
He took her into his arms. ‘I’ll tell you one day,’ he said. ‘But there’s no hurry. We have all our lives.’
*
Keep reading for an excerpt from Little Cowgirl on His Doorstep by Donna Alward
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CHAPTER ONE
HE HAS A face that could frighten small children.
That was the first thing that sprang to Avery Spencer’s mind as
she stared up at the imposing figure of Callum Shepard. With his stubbled face and long tangle of hair, he didn’t look anything like the clean-cut, charismatic groomsman she’d met just over a year ago. And definitely not the image of a doting dad, she thought with dismay. He stood with feet spread wide, one broad hand splayed on the edge of the door, glowering down at her like she’d committed a cardinal sin.
Except if anyone was the sinner here, it was him. And she reminded herself of that fact to keep from being intimidated—as surely that was his intent. She felt the first tiny trickle of sweat sneak down her spine in the cloying summer heat. Everyone always said Alberta was a dry heat, but that sure wasn’t keeping her shirt from sticking to her back. It made her shift uncomfortably just at the moment she needed to be in absolute control. This could go so wrong in so many ways….
“What do you want?” he asked sharply.
Apparently he had also acquired the manners of a boor. How lovely. For a brief second Avery considered that making this trip might have been a colossal mistake. But then she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. No, it had been the right thing to do. At least after today there would no longer be any secrets or lies. She wouldn’t spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder wondering what would happen if he ever found out about Nell. Far better to face it head-on and get it over with.
Besides, when it came down to brass tacks, Avery really believed that Nell deserved to know both parents. She swallowed, battling against the familiar wave of grief whenever she thought of her sister, Crystal. In this case, Nell deserved to get to know the one true parent she had left. Callum.
“You don’t remember me, do you, Mr. Shepard?”
His dark brows pulled together. “Should I?”
That stung. After all, she remembered him, and he’d looked far different the last time she’d seen him, which was one year, one month and…what, five days ago? Not that she was counting, mind you. Back then his hair had been precisely cut, his face clean-shaven and he’d been wearing a suit with a single white rose in the lapel. Avery’s tongue snuck out and licked across her dry lips. She knew that because the moment he’d stepped into the hotel suite she’d looked up and her mouth had gone dry and her palms sweaty. Callum Shepard had been gorgeous. And when he’d smiled, her stomach had gone all swirly.
