“Julia?”
“I can’t do it! I can’t go through with it… You expect me to share a bed and for us to live like a normal married couple, but I just can’t do it. I lied…everything’s a lie. I’m sorry, Alek, truly sorry.”
“You agreed to my terms,” he reminded her without rancor. She was pale and trembling and it disturbed him to see her in such emotional torment. He would have liked to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he could see she wouldn’t welcome his touch.
“I was overwrought. I…I didn’t know what I was doing. Everything happened so fast.”
Alek considered her words and slowly shook his head. “You knew.”
She retreated a couple of steps. “I’ve had a change of heart. It’s understandable, given the circumstances.”
It pained him to see her so distraught, but she’d willingly agreed to his stipulations, and there’d been ample opportunity for her to speak her mind before the wedding. Calmly he pointed this out.
“You didn’t have to go through with the ceremony, but you did,” he said. “You wanted this marriage, but you refuse to admit it even to yourself.” He stared at her, demanding that she relent and recognize her foolishness. They were married, and she was his wife. There was no going back now.
“I…I felt I had no choice. Jerry was convinced that marrying you was the only way to keep you in the country. My grandmother’s dying and she likes you, believes in you, and it seemed, I don’t know, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.”
“But now it doesn’t?” he asked calmly, despite his mounting frustration.
“No,” she said emphatically. “It doesn’t feel the least bit right.”
Alek rubbed his hand over his chin as he contemplated her words. “You Americans have many sayings I do not understand. There is one expression I remember and it seems to fit this situation.”
“What’s that?”
“Hogwash.”
Julia went speechless. Once she’d composed herself, she tilted her head regally and glared at him. Alek suspected she used this cold, haughty regard to intimidate those who dared to differ with her. A mere look was incapable of daunting him or distracting him from his purpose. It was apparent his bride had much to learn about him.
“Have you so little pride,” she asked disdainfully, “that you’d hold me to an agreement I made when I was emotionally distraught?”
Alek was impressed with her ability to twist an argument. “Pride,” he echoed slowly. “I am a proud man. But what are you, Julia? Have you so little honor that you would renege on an agreement made in good faith and expect me to accept weak excuses?”
Her face reddened and she slumped into her chair.
“I’ve fulfilled my part of the bargain,” he continued. “Is it wrong or unjust to expect you to live up to yours? I think not. You have what you wanted, what you needed. Therefore, shouldn’t you satisfy my demands?”
She scowled at him and even though an entire room separated them, Alek could feel the heat of her outrage. “You ask too much,” she muttered.
“All I ask is that you be my wife—share my life and bear our children.”
Tears marked her pale cheeks. “You have every right to be angry, every right to curse me, but I can’t be your wife the way you want.”
“It’s too late to change your mind.” His voice was flat and hard. “We are married. You spoke your vows, you signed your name to the document. There is no turning back now. I suggest you forget this foolishness and finish your meal.”
“Please try to understand. This isn’t easy for me, either. I’ve been sick with guilt. I don’t want to cheat you…I never wanted that.”
Alek sighed, his patience shrinking. “You’re beginning to sound like a disobedient child.”
“You’re correct about one thing,” she said, gesturing beseechingly with her hands. “I should’ve said something sooner. I should never have gone through with the ceremony, but it’s not too late. I’m saying something now.”
“We are married.” He sat down at the table and reached for his fork. He refused to give her the satisfaction of thinking her arguments had troubled him.
In abject frustration, Julia threw her hands in the air. “You’re impossible!”
“Perhaps,” he said readily enough. “But you are my wife and, as you yourself have agreed, you shall remain so.”
Without another word she stormed out of the dining room. He heard her in the kitchen banging around pots and pans, but couldn’t tell what she was doing. He finished his meal, although his appetite had long since deserted him.
He heard her trying to make a phone call, but whoever she called didn’t answer. From his chair he witnessed her frustration when he saw her replace the receiver and lean her forehead against the wall.
His dinner finished, Alek returned to the kitchen to find Julia busily rinsing dishes and placing them in the dishwasher.
She ignored him for several minutes, until he said, “Shall we prepare for bed?”
Julia froze, then turned and stared at him. “Are you crazy?” Each word was spoken slowly, as if he didn’t understand English.
“No,” he answered thoughtfully. “I am a husband. Yours.”
“I’m sorry, Alek,” she said, her face pale, her voice shaking. “I know I should’ve spoken up before the ceremony.… I’ve put in a call to my brother. As soon as possible I’ll make whatever arrangements are necessary to have our marriage annulled.”
Alek didn’t swallow the bait. Jerry Conrad was not only his friend but an attorney and had sanctioned this marriage with his sister. In fact, he’d encouraged it from the beginning.
Although Jerry hadn’t shared his concerns with Alek, he was convinced Julia’s brother was worried about her. Whenever Jerry mentioned Julia’s name his eyes clouded. After working with her these past two years, Alek understood her brother’s anxiety. She was aggressive, domineering and driven. In themselves those weren’t negative attributes, especially for a woman in a competitive business, but Alek had noticed something else. Julia Conrad had closed off her life from everything that didn’t involve Conrad Industries. Perhaps he was a fool, but Alek saw this woman as a challenge. More than that, he liked Julia and with very little effort could find himself in love with her. Already he admired her and was attracted to her; he longed for the day she’d feel the same about him.
No, Alek reasoned, Jerry wouldn’t give in to her dictates. He would be unemotional, reasonable. Alek knew they couldn’t count on the same behavior from Julia. Smiling to himself, he decided he rather looked forward to the battle of wills.
Alek had met Jerry years earlier while the young American had traveled across Europe. Together they’d spent a restless day in a train station. Eager to learn what he could of America, Alek had questioned him and found they shared several interests. Alek had liked Jerry. They’d corresponded over the years and Alek had shared his frustration with his country and his work. Jerry had offered Alek employment soon after the fire that had nearly destroyed Conrad Industries. It had taken them almost a year to secure the necessary visa for him to live in the United States.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Julia asked. “I’m arranging an annulment.”
“Yes, my love.”
“I am not your love,” she cried, sounding close to tears.
“Perhaps not now,” he returned confidently, “but you will be soon. Sooner than you realize. Ah, Julia,” he said, “we will have such marvelous children.…”
Alek knew when her eyes drifted shut that she wasn’t envisioning their offspring, but was desperately fighting to hold on to her temper. Once she accepted their marriage, he told himself, she would be a splendid lover. Already he’d experienced the passion that simmered within her. Soon, in her own time, she would come to him—and he’d be waiting.
Alek sauntered back into the living room, turned on the television and sat back to watch the nightly news.
No man had ever infu
riated her more. Julia had needed every ounce of courage she’d ever possessed to confront him with the truth. But he’d been so blasé about it, as if he’d expected her to default on their agreement. As if he’d been calmly waiting for her to defy him.
Then to have him casually announce it was too late to change her mind? That was too much! She’d rather rot in jail than make love to such an uncaring, ill-tempered, scheming—
Suddenly she felt tired. If anyone had been scheming, she was the one. Exhaustion permeated her bones, and it was almost more than she could do to finish the dishes. Alek sat in her living room, watching television. Undaunted. Confident. Sure of himself.
“I’m going to bed,” she said shakily, praying he wouldn’t follow her.
Alek reached for the remote and turned off the television. He was on his feet, trailing her into the master bedroom, before she had time to protest.
“I’m very tired.” Her eyes pleaded with him. If she couldn’t reason with him, then perhaps she could evoke sympathy. Bottom-of-the-barrel compassion was all she had left.
“I’m tired, as well.” He stood at the opposite side of her bed and unfastened the buttons of his shirt.
Julia felt like weeping. “You expect to sleep in here?”
“You are my wife.”
“Please.” Her voice cracked.
He didn’t pause in his movements, tugging the shirt free from his waist.
“I can’t sleep with you.” Her words were low and barely audible.
He turned back the bed covers. “We are married, Julia, and we will share this room. You needn’t worry that I will make any unwelcome…advances. I’m certain that in time you’ll come to me. You will, you know, and when you do, I’ll be waiting. I can be patient when the prize is of such high value.”
The presumptuousness of the man continued to astound her. “I can’t…sleep with you,” she repeated.
“I am not a monster, Julia, but a man.” He stopped and looked at her as if expecting her to argue further.
“I don’t understand you,” she cried, nearly hysterical. “I’ve cheated you and lied to you. Why do you still want me? You should be glad to be rid of me.”
“You are my wife.”
It demanded all of Julia’s energy just to hold up her head. This man confused her and she lacked the resources to go on arguing.
He pulled back the sheets and rearranged the pillows on his side of the bed, making certain she understood that he wouldn’t be dissuaded.
“I can’t think clearly,” she said, holding her hands to her cheeks. “I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom.”
His disappointment was obvious. “You’re sure?”
She nodded. “For now.”
“As you wish, then.”
Listlessly she moved around the foot of the single bed. She’d made a mess of this marriage from the beginning.
“Julia.” His voice was softly accented and warmly masculine. Something in the way he said her name gave her pause.
“I’m so sorry,” she said before he could speak. She could hear the tears in her voice.
“For what?”
She shrugged. For another failure. For dragging him into a loveless marriage with a cold, unwilling wife. For countless unconfessed sins.
“You’ve spent today and many others before it fighting yourself. You’re weary of the battle, aren’t you?”
Julia nodded. He was behind her, moving closer. She should leave now, walk away from him before he started to make sense, before he convinced her there was hope. She couldn’t allow it to happen, because ultimately she would disappoint him. Even hurt him.
“I am your husband,” he whispered once more as he turned her into his arms. “Let me carry your burdens and lighten your load. I’m here to be your helpmate, your friend, your lover. Let me take care of you, Julia. Let me love you.” As he spoke, his mouth was drawing closer and closer to hers, until their breath mingled.
As hard as she tried, Julia couldn’t dredge up a single protest when his mouth settled firmly on hers. He kissed her the way a woman dreams a man will kiss her, with a tenderness that touched some long-hidden spark within her.
And then…he altered the kiss, making it hot and fierce. He buried his hands deep in her hair.
Alek sighed and her name spilled from his lips. His voice was filled with need. With unbridled desire.
“Be my wife.”
Julia’s eyes fluttered open. It took her a second to comprehend what he’d said. When she did, she stared at him, unable to speak. Her heart was pounding, tapping out a dire warning. One she should heed.
“I…need time.”
He continued to hold her gaze. “All right.”
Tears filled her eyes and she bit her lip. “You’re getting the short end of the stick with me, Alek.”
“Short end of the stick?”
She smiled softly. “It means you’re getting less than you deserve.”
“Let me be the judge of that. As I said, in time you’ll come to me of your own accord. In time you’ll want me as much as I want you.”
“There are many things you don’t know about me,” she said, her words so low he had to strain to hear.
“Tell me.”
She shook her head. “Just remember, I warned you.”
He released her, maintaining their contact as long as possible. His hands slid down the full length of her arms and, catching her fingers, he held on to the tips with his own.
“Good night, my wife,” he whispered, then turned away. “I shall be lonely without you.”
Julia left the room quickly, knowing that if she stayed a moment longer, she’d end up in the bed next to Alek.…
Julia found it surprisingly easy to avoid Alek. Their schedules were different and they drove to work in separate cars. She left for the office early, before he awoke. In the afternoons she visited her grandmother, then ate a quiet meal by herself. She was usually preparing for bed about the time Alek returned from the lab.
He was working long, hard hours, getting ready to put his latest research into production. From the weekly reports he sent her, she knew that they were speeding ahead; the marketing and distribution plans for Phoenix Paints were under way. The advertising blitz had yet to be decided, but that was coming. Everything looked promising.
But then, it had looked promising three years ago, too. Yet within the course of a single week she’d lost her father, been betrayed by the man she loved and nearly destroyed a business that had been in the family for four generations.
Julia had learned harsh but valuable lessons about promises. Probably the most painful lessons of her life. She’d come away convinced she could trust only a cherished few. Equally important, she’d learned never, ever to cash in on mere potential. The promise of a check in the mail wasn’t money in the bank.
Dear heavens, she mused as she left the office, she was becoming very philosophical. Perhaps that was what marriage did to a woman.
Marriage.
Even the word sounded strange to her. She was married for better or worse. Married. After her tirade on their wedding night, when she’d pleaded, threatened and tried to reason with Alek, she’d decided he was right. There was no backing out now. They were married, for better or worse.
Her decision was prompted by a certain amount of pride. Jerry had made sure the news of their wedding was carried by the local newspapers. The business community and their acquaintances would know about her marriage. It would be acutely embarrassing to seek an annulment so soon after the ceremony.
Mentally she added vanity to her growing list of character defects.
“Julia,” Ruth said weakly when she entered the hospital room, “what are you doing here?”
Julia grinned as she leaned forward to kiss her grandmother’s pale cheek. “It’s good to see you, too.”
“Alek will never forgive me.”
“Alek is hard at work,” she assured Ruth.
“But you’re newlyweds.”
/> Julia’s gaze skirted past her grandmother’s. “He’s been so busy lately. I’d rather spend time with you than go home to an empty apartment.”
“I worry about you,” Ruth said, her voice growing weaker.
“Worry?” Julia repeated. “There’s no need. Our schedules are hectic just now. Coming here is the best thing for me.… That way, when Alek gets home, I’m calm and relaxed.”
“Good. He’s such a dear boy. You married well.… I so want you to be happy—it’s what you deserve. Your season of pain is past now that you have Alek.”
Julia wanted to avoid the subject of her husband. “Would you like me to read to you?”
“Please. From the book of Psalms, if you would?”
“Of course.” Julia reached for the well-worn Bible and sat in the chair next to her grandmother’s bed and began. She read long past the moment Ruth had fallen asleep. Long past the dinner hour. Long past the time she should leave for home.
The night was hot and muggy, the air heavy. Her air-conditioning system must not be working properly because it felt like the hottest night of the year. Even her skimpy, baby-doll pajamas seemed clammy and constricting.
Sleep seemed just beyond her grasp no matter how hard she tried to capture it. The night was still and dark, and she flopped from her side to her back, then onto her side once more, attempting to find the touch of a cool breeze. But there was none.
Another hour passed and she gave up the effort. Getting out of bed, she moved into the living room, standing in front of the window. A few scattered lights flickered from Puget Sound. The last ferry crossing before dawn, she guessed, on its way to Winslow on Bainbridge Island.
The lights from Alki Point gleamed in the distance.
Julia had no idea how long she stood there, looking into the still, dark night. Raising her arms high above her head, she stretched, standing on her toes. The thin fabric of her pajama top rustled. Her hair felt damp and heavy and she lifted the long tresses from the back of her neck. She shook her head, sending a spray of hair in a circle around her face.
An Engagement in Seattle Page 6
