“I’ll look forward to hearing from you,” she said. To her own ears she sounded oddly formal. She stood on the other side of the screen door, watching him walk away from her. She had the craziest feeling that he was taking a piece of her heart with him.
She waited until his car was gone before she breathed again. She told herself she couldn’t possibly know a man for such a short while and adequately judge her feelings. She was attracted to him, but any other woman with two eyes in her head would be, too.
Then there was Tony. She’d loved him for so long she didn’t know how to stop. He’d been an integral part of her life and without him her world felt empty and meaningless.
Lesley walked back into her kitchen and listened to the message again. She thought about phoning Lori and asking for advice, but decided against it. Lori had said she’d get back to her later, and she hadn’t yet.
Daisy was the more logical choice, although her feelings about Tony were well-known. Lesley found her neighbor in the backyard, wearing a bikini, soaking up the sun on a chaise longue while propping an aluminum shield under her chin. Amused, Lesley stood by the fence and studied her.
“Where in heaven’s name did you get that?” Lesley asked.
“Don’t get excited. It’s one of those microwave pizza boxes the boys like, with those silver linings. I figured I’d put it to good use now that they’re finished with the pizza.”
“Honestly, Daisy, you crack me up.”
“I’ve only got so much time to get any sun. I’ve got to make the most of it.”
“I know, I know.”
“Where’d Chase take off to?”
Lesley looked away. “He had to get back to his hotel. Did I tell you eight hundred women responded to his billboard?”
Daisy’s eyes were closed. “Seems to me it’s a shame you’re not one of them. What’s the matter, Lesley, is it beneath your dignity?”
“Yes,” she snapped.
Daisy’s sigh revealed how exasperated she was with Lesley. “That’s too bad, sweetie, because that man’s worth ten Tonys.”
Lesley’s fingers closed around the top of the fence. “It’s funny that you should mention Tony because he’s been calling me.”
“What does that poor excuse of a man have to say for himself?”
“He claims he needs to talk to me.”
“I’ll just bet.”
“He left two messages and Chase was here both times when I listened to them.”
Daisy shook her head. “Chase isn’t the type to stand still for that nonsense. Did he set you straight?”
“Daisy! I don’t need a man to tell me what to do and I resent you even suggesting such a thing.” She remembered, a little guiltily, that she had asked Chase to help her sort out her feelings for Tony as well as her moral obligations.
“You’re right, of course. Neither of us truly needs a man for anything. I don’t and you’ve proved you don’t, either. But you know, having one around can be a real comfort at times.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Lesley said, worrying her lower lip.
“About Chase and all those women?”
She was astonished by the way Daisy always brought the conversation back to Chase. “No! About Tony calling me.”
“You’ve been miserable because that slimeball dumped you,” Daisy went on with barely a pause. “I find it ironic that when you meet up with a really decent guy, Tony comes sniffin’ around. Does this guy have radar or what?”
Lesley smiled. “I doubt it.”
“He couldn’t tolerate the thought of you with another man, you know.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! He didn’t want me, Daisy. You seem to be forgetting that.”
“Of course he wants you. For Tony it’s a matter of pride to keep two women in love with him. Don’t kid yourself. His ego eats it up.”
“He’s married.”
Daisy snorted. “When has that ever stopped a man?”
“I’m sure you’re wrong.” Here she was defending him again although she didn’t even know what he wanted from her.
“Listen, sweetie, you might have a college degree, but when it comes to men, you’re as naive as those kids you teach. Why do you think Tony didn’t want you transferring to another school? He wants to keep his eye on you. Trust me, the minute you show any interest in another man, he’ll be there like stink on—”
“I get the picture, Daisy.”
“Fine, but do you get the message?”
Lesley gnawed at her lip. “I think so.”
Daisy lowered the aluminum shield. She turned her head to look at Lesley. “You’re afraid, aren’t you? Afraid of what’ll happen if you call Tony back.” Lesley nodded.
“Are you still in love with that jerk?”
Once more she nodded.
“Oh, Lesley, you idiot. You don’t need him, not when you’ve got someone like Chase. He’s crazy about you, but he isn’t stupid. He’s not going to ram his head against a brick wall, and who could blame him? Not me.”
“I hardly know Chase.”
“What more do you need to know?”
“Daisy, he’s looking for a wife.”
“So what?” Her neighbor asked impatiently.
“I’m not in love with Chase.”
“Do you like him?”
“Of course I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t continue to see him.”
“What are you expecting, sweetie? This guy is manna from heaven. If you want to spend the rest of your life mooning over Tony, feel free. As far as I’m concerned, that guy’s going to do his best to make you miserable for as long as he can.”
“Chase is from Alaska,” Lesley argued.
“So? You don’t have any family here. There’s nothing holding you back other than Tony, is there? Is a married man worth all that grief, Lesley?”
“No.” How small her voice sounded, how uncertain.
“Do you want to lose Chase?”
“I don’t know…”
“You don’t know? Sometimes I want to clobber you, Lesley. Where do you think you’d ever find another man as good as Chase? But if that doesn’t concern you, then far be it from me to point out the obvious.” She swung her legs from the chaise longue. “If you want my advice, I’d say go for it and marry the guy. I doubt that you’ll be sorry.”
Lesley wished she could be as sure of that, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t even sure how she was going to get through another night without calling Tony.
Six
Chase forced himself to relax. He wasn’t being fair to the women he’d interviewed. He tried, heaven knew he’d tried, to concentrate on what they’d said, but it hadn’t worked, not in a single case. And this had been going on for several days.
He’d ask a question, listen intently for the first minute or two, and then his mind would drift. What irritated him most was the subject that dominated his thoughts so completely.
Lesley.
She was in love with Tony, although she was struggling to hide it. Not from him, but from herself. All the signs were there.
If he had more time, he might have a chance with Lesley. But he didn’t. Even if he could afford a couple of months to court her, it might not be enough.
The best thing, the only thing, he could do was accept that whatever they’d so briefly had was over, cut his losses and do what he could to make up for wasted time.
“That’s the last of them for this evening,” Sandra said, letting herself into the room. The door clicked softly behind her.
“Good.” He was exhausted to the bone.
“I’ve got appointments starting first thing tomorrow morning. Are you sure you’re up to this?”
He nodded, although he wasn’t sure of anything. He could hardly keep the faces and the stories straight.
Sandra hesitated. “Has anyone caught your fancy yet?”
Chase chuckled, not because he found her question amusing, but because he was susceptible to one of the most basic human flaws—wanting w
hat he couldn’t have. He wanted Lesley. “The woman I’d like to marry is in love with someone else and won’t marry me.”
“Isn’t that the way it generally works?” Sandra offered sympathetically.
“It must,” he said, stretching out his legs and crossing them at the ankles. He wasn’t accustomed to so much sitting and was getting restless. The city was beginning to wear on him, too, and the thought of his cabin on the tundra became more appealing by the minute.
“Is there one woman who’s stuck out in your mind?” He motioned for Sandra to sit down and she did, taking the chair across from him.
“A couple,” she said. “Do you remember Anna Lincoln and LaDonna Ransom?”
Chase didn’t, not immediately. “Describe them to me.”
“LaDonna’s that petite blonde you saw yesterday evening, the one who’s working in the King County Assessor’s office.”
Try as he might, Chase couldn’t recall the woman, not when there’d been so many. There’d been several blondes, and countless faces and little that made one stand out over another.
“But I hesitate to recommend her. She’s a fragile little thing, and I don’t know how well she’d adjust to winters that far north. Seattle’s climate is temperate and nothing like what you experience. But…she was sweet, and I think you’d grow to love her, given the opportunity.”
“What about Anna Lincoln?”
“We chatted for a bit before the interview and she seemed to be a nice girl. Ambitious, too. Of course there was the one drawback.” Sandra shrugged. “She’s not very pretty, at least not when you compare her to a lot of the other women who’ve applied.”
“Beauty doesn’t count for much as far as I’m concerned. I’m not exactly a movie star myself, you know.”
Sandra must have felt obliged to argue with him because she made something of a fuss, contradicting him. By the time she’d finished, she had him sounding like he should consider running for Mr. Universe.
“At any rate, I liked Anna and I think she’d suit you. If you want I’ll get her file.”
“Please.”
Sandra left and returned a couple of minutes later with the file. Chase was reading it over when she said good-night. He waved absently as he scanned the application and his few notes. There wasn’t a picture enclosed, which might have jogged his memory. The details she’d written down about herself described at least twenty other women he’d interviewed in the past few days.
He set the file aside and relaxed, leaning back in his chair, wondering if Anna’s lips were as soft and pliable as Lesley’s, or if she fit in his arms as though she’d been made for him. Probably not. No use trying to fool himself.
He reread the information and, exhaling sharply with defeat, set aside the file. At the rate things were going, he’d return to Twin Creeks without the bride he’d come to find.
“Lori?” Lesley was so excited to find her friend at home that her voice rose unnaturally high.
“Lesley? Hi.”
“Hi, yourself. I’ve been waiting to hear from you. We were going to get together this week, remember?”
“We were? Oh, right, I did say I’d call you, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I haven’t had a chance. Oh, Les, you’ll never guess what happened. Larry asked me to marry him!” She let out a scream that sounded as though she were being strangled.
“Lori!”
“I know, I’ve got to stop doing that, but every time I think of Larry and me together, I get so excited I can hardly stand it.”
“You haven’t been dating him that long, have you?”
“Long enough. I’m crazy about this guy, Lesley, and for once in my life I’ve found a man who feels the same way about me.”
“Congratulations!” Lesley put as much punch into the word as she could. She was thrilled for Lori, and wished her fellow teacher and Larry every happiness. But in the same breath, in the same heartbeat, she was so jealous she wanted to weep.
Truth demanded a price and being honest with herself had taken its toll on Lesley all week. First, she’d been forced to admit she still loved Tony, despite all her efforts to put him out of her life. It was hopeless, useless and masochistic. She didn’t need Daisy to tell her she was setting herself up for heartache. Not when she could see it herself.
Despite the temptation, she hadn’t returned Tony’s calls. However, it wasn’t her sense of honor that had prompted her forbearance, nor had it been her sense of right and wrong.
Good old-fashioned fear was what kept her away from the phone. Fear of what she might do if Tony admitted he’d made a mistake and wanted her back in his life. Fear of what she might become if he came to her, claiming he loved her, needed her.
On the heels of this painful insight came the news of Lori’s engagement. Now she and Jo Ann were the only two single women left at the school. And Jo Ann didn’t count, not technically.
Jo Ann had separated from her husband a year earlier and she’d taken back her maiden name. But recently they’d been talking. It wouldn’t surprise Lesley if the two of them decided to make another go of their marriage.
Now Lori was engaged.
“Larry wants a short engagement, which is fine with me,” she was saying. “I’d like it if we could have the wedding before school starts this fall, and he’s agreed. You’ll be one of my bridesmaids, won’t you?”
“I’d be honored.” That would make six times now that Lesley had stood up for friends. What was that old saying? Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. It certainly applied in her case.
In the fall she’d be returning to the same school, the same classroom, the one directly down from Tony’s. April’s class was on the other side of the building. They’d all return, enthusiastic about the new school year, eager to get started after the long break.
Tony would glance at her with that special look in his eyes and she wouldn’t be able to glance away. He’d know in a heartbeat that she still loved him, and worse, so would April and everyone else on staff. That humiliation far outweighed the likelihood of being the only unmarried faculty member.
Lesley knew she never should’ve let Tony talk her out of transferring to another school. Perhaps she’d asked for another assignment just so he’d beg her to stay; she didn’t know anymore, didn’t trust herself or her motives.
“Larry talked to my dad and formally asked for my hand in marriage,” Lori was saying when Lesley pulled her thoughts back to her friend. “He’s so traditional and sweet. It’s funny, Les, but when it’s right, it’s right, and you know it in your gut. It wouldn’t have mattered if we’d dated three months or three years.”
“Hadn’t you met Larry a while ago?”
“Yeah. Apparently. He’s a friend of my brother’s, but I don’t remember meeting him until this spring, although he claims I did. He pretends to be insulted that I’ve forgotten.”
Lesley smiled. Lori’s happiness sang through the wire like a melodious love song, full of spirit and joy. They spoke for a few minutes longer, of getting together with three of Lori’s other friends and choosing the dresses, but it was all rather vague.
Jealous. That was how Lesley felt. Jealous of one of her best friends. She hated admitting it, but there was no other way to explain the hard knot in her stomach. It wasn’t that she wished Lori and Larry anything but the best.
But her feelings were wrapped around memories of the past, of standing alone, helpless and lost. Abandoned.
When she finished talking to Lori, Lesley called a florist friend and had a congratulatory bouquet sent to Lori and Larry with her warmest wishes.
Housework, Lesley decided. That was what a woman did when she suffered from guilt. It was either that or bury herself in a gallon of gourmet ice cream. She stripped her bed, stuffed the sheets in the washer and was hanging them on the line when Eric and Kevin found her.
“Is Chase coming over today?” Eric wanted to know.
“He didn’t say,” she answered as noncommittally as she could. She didn’t want to
disappoint them, or encourage them, either.
“Can you call him and ask?”
Lesley shoved a clothespin onto a sheet, anchoring it. “I don’t have his phone number,” she said, realizing it for the first time.
“He’ll be calling you, won’t he?”
“I…don’t know.” She’d asked him to and he’d said he would, but that wasn’t any guarantee. He’d been annoyed with her when they parted, convinced she’d contact Tony despite her shaky reassurance otherwise.
Chase was an intelligent and sensitive man; he knew better than to involve himself in a dead-end relationship. It wouldn’t surprise her if he never contacted her again.
The thought struck her hard and fast. The pain it produced shocked her. She hadn’t realized how much she’d come to treasure their brief time together.
“What do you mean you don’t know if he’ll call you again?” Eric demanded. “You have to see him again because Kevin and me wrote him a letter to thank him for taking us fishing.”
“Mom made us,” Kevin volunteered. His front tooth was missing and Lesley noticed its absence for the first time.
She caught the younger boy by the chin and angled his head toward the light, although he squirmed. “Kevin, you lost your tooth. When did this happen?”
“Last night.”
“Congratulations,” she said, releasing him. “Did you leave it out for the Tooth Fairy?”
The boy rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe in that silly stuff anymore and neither does Eric.”
“What do you expect when they’ve got me for a mother?” Daisy said, stepping out the back porch, her hands on her hips. “I never did believe in feeding kids all that garbage about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. Life’s hard enough without their own mother filling their heads with that kind of nonsense.”
“We get gifts and candy and other stuff,” Kevin felt obliged to inform Lesley, “but we know who gave them to us. Mom gave me a dollar for the tooth.”
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