I swiftly brushed my teeth, changed, and dashed back to my room. Logan stood up and met me just inside my doorway. He pulled me into a good night hug and securely held me for a couple of minutes. He kissed the top of my head before he launched into his prolonged, nightly instructions. I knew he was repeating them because he was apprehensive about leaving me here with Jack just ten brief steps away from my door.
“I made sure the window wasn’t jammed. Please don’t forget to lock your door after I leave. Keep your phone close and charged. Remember, if you need to leave your room call me first,” he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear.
I sought to ease his anxiety.
“Don’t worry; I usually sleep clutching my phone.”
He winced a little at my reckless admission and held me a little tighter. I should’ve kept that information to myself; it only revealed how edgy I was when I was home. I unsuccessfully sought to distract him.
“Thanks for a great day. I loved it.”
His grip on me only tightened. I could sense that he wasn’t comfortable leaving. After a few seconds, he seemed to accept the inevitable. Jack was going to flip soon if he didn’t leave.
“Me too. Goodnight angel.”
He kissed my head one more time before reluctantly releasing me and closing the door. He listened for the lock of my door before I heard the firm thud of the front door closing a few seconds later.
I wasn’t exaggerating when I told Logan that I slept with my phone in my hand. It was my lifeline. I knew I was becoming too dependent on him, but I felt powerless to stop myself. Jack was capable of tremendous violence. I knew I could endure another beating, but I wasn’t sure I would survive it. As long as I had Logan standing between me and Jack, I was safe.
Even though I was exhausted, the excitement of the day hadn’t worn off enough for me to sleep. I decided to tackle my Algebra homework. I managed to finish it but still wasn’t ready to go to bed yet. I yawned as I grabbed my dog eared copy of “A Tale of Two Cities”. We were reading it for English, and I was way behind. After a few pages, I struggled to keep my eyes open. Soon, I was so sleepy it was pointless to read anymore. I checked to make sure the window was slightly open and my door was locked. On my way back to bed, I turned the lamp off, grabbed my phone, and was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
It was pitch black when I woke up to the sound of my window slowly sliding open. I knew it wasn’t Jack because he would be too drunk to be so quiet. Within a couple of seconds, I felt the bed dip under Logan’s weight. In the dark it was easier to reach for him; I groped around blindly until I found his hands already reaching for me. He pulled me towards him with both arms and ran his hands up and down my side as if to reassure himself that I was safe. I sighed with relief when he pulled me closer, and I was able to put my head on his chest. His arm was around my back, pressing me closer. The silence wrapped us in our own bubble that we were reluctant to break.
He methodically ran his free hand through my hair for several minutes. It was so soothing that he almost lulled me back to sleep. His hand leisurely made its way down my cheek, continuing down the curve of my neck and making its way back up to my chin. My entire body broke out in goose bumps when his hand coaxed my face up towards his. He hesitated for a second, measuring my reaction and giving me time to refuse or turn away. I was frozen in anticipation. The only part of my body moving was my heart. It was threatening to beat through my chest if Logan didn’t kiss me soon.
He moved his hand up from my chin to cradle my face as he pulled me half onto his chest with his other arm. He anchored me to him tightly and tilted my face still closer to his. He gave me one more second to pull away before he closed the last inch between us. My first kiss was exquisitely gentle and sweet. Logan’s lips lingered on mine for several seconds before he drew just far enough away from me to put a couple of inches between us. I could feel his breath on my face. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to make out his features. His eyes were locked onto mine, silently asking for permission to kiss me again.
My answer was to close the distance between us. I had never kissed anyone before and was not sure exactly how to go about it, but judging by Logan’s groan when I kissed him, I was doing something right. He responded by rolling me on my back without breaking the kiss. He found both of my hands and laced his fingers through mine, pressing our joined hands down on either side of my head.
I felt more of his weight on me as he deepened the kiss. After several minutes I started to get dizzy, either from the kiss, or lack of air. Logan pulled back a second time and his face hovered over mine in the darkness. His eyes never left mine. His chest was heaving as he tried to catch his breath. It was reassuring to see that I had affected him the same way he had me.
Every nerve ending in my body was on fire as I returned his gaze. He still had both of my hands in his, pinning them on each side of my head. His breathing slowly evened out, as he continued to hover just inches from my face. After a few seconds, he placed a light kiss on my temple and kissed the side of my face all the way back down to my jaw. He continued to slowly place feathery kisses up and down both sides of my face for several minutes before he finally lay back down beside me and pulled me into his arms.
There was no way I was going to get any sleep after that kiss. My cheek was on his chest again before Logan finally broke the silence.
“I love you” he whispered into the darkness. I didn’t know what to say, so I buried my head into his chest and maintained my cowardly silence.
He started to comb his fingers through my hair again and surprisingly, after just a few minutes I slept.
Chapter Twelve
LOGAN
I couldn’t remember being this happy. Bethany filled a hole in my life that I didn’t realize I had. Life with her was easy, and I found myself looking forward to every day I was blessed to spend with her. Before I knew it my senior year began. Bethany and I had been together for almost year. She was starting her sophomore year, and she was cautiously blossoming. When we ate lunch together in the cafeteria, she would smile and laugh with Wyatt and Alex, like they were old friends. She would crack them up with her wicked sense of humor. She still hadn’t branched out to many other friends, but she was more comfortable in a crowd than she used to be. She could offer a stranger a smile without fear. Jack had pretty much left her alone, and I only saw him occasionally. He continued to insist that Bethany be home by ten. I could abide by this rule as long as it kept Beth safe and free from his constant presence in her life.
One Sunday morning, I awoke with sunlight flooding my bedroom. I abruptly sat up, realizing I had overslept and missed church. After I had taken Beth home last night, I stayed up and filled out some applications to local colleges. Every time I broached the subject of college with my dad, he would encourage me to apply out of state.
“This is the time of your life to explore. Expand your horizons, maybe even study abroad,” he encouraged.
I was wasting my breath when I told him I planned to stay in the area. He knew why, and he’d made his disapproval plain. The conversation was getting stale. I didn’t even pay attention anymore.
“Son, I like Bethany. She is a nice girl, but you can’t afford to tie yourself down right now. We might not even stay the school year.”
This was a new development. It got my attention immediately.
“No, wait, hold on. We’ve moved almost every year since mom’s been gone. I’ve never complained, because I understood why, but now I’m staying put. The least you can do is allow me to graduate with people I know. I’ve got friends here-- a life. You go wherever you want. I’m staying here and graduating with my friends,” I declared.
My dad wanted to argue but decided not to push me.
“Okay. That’s fair enough. We’ll plan to stay until graduation but after that, it’s going to be time to leave. “
He put a conciliatory hand on my shoulder and attempted an understanding tone.
&nbs
p; “I know you are reluctant to leave Bethany. You think you’re in love and can’t imagine leaving her, but she’s still got two years of school left. She can’t expect you to just wait around this little town until she graduates.”
I irritably shrugged his arm off. My jaw was clenched tight, cutting off the angry words struggling to force their way past my lips. It took a couple seconds to get my temper under control before I could reply.
“Dad, she’s never asked me for anything. I do love her, whether you believe it’s genuine or not. I’m not leaving. I’m going to school close by and when she graduates, we will do whatever she wants. I’m tired of running dad. She’s finally given me a reason to stop.”
He responded by violently slapping both hands down on the granite kitchen counter.
“Are you ready to face the consequences of your choices? Because I sure wasn’t! I’m still paying. Every day, I’m paying. Your mom was tired of running too.” He irately pointed a finger in my face. “Never forget that!”
Apparently, the discussion was over because he stormed from the room. Same story, different verse. We’d had the same argument dozens of times over the past few months. It was futile to argue anymore. I wasn’t going, and that was that. Ostensibly, my dad felt the same way because we hadn’t talked about it since.
I looked at my phone to check the time and saw a slew of messages from Beth. My heart dropped. She’d been messaging me, and I’d slept right through them. I anxiously scanned the messages, praying I wouldn’t come across a desperate plea for help.
“I’m up. Be ready for church in a few.” 8:06 am
“Hey, I’m ready. Can we stop for donuts? I’m craving sugar and coffee. ” 8:42 am
“Logan? You up?” 9:02 am
“Okay, sleepyhead, we just missed church. Text me when you wake up.” 9:37 am
“Don’t freak out or anything but Jack and Mom are in the kitchen. They know I’m here because someone just tried to open my locked door.” 10:45 am
Then nothing. I checked my call log, and she hadn’t tried to call. I angrily flopped back on my rumbled bed. I couldn’t believe I had slept so late. I grabbed the phone and hurried to text her back so she would know I was on my way.
“I’m sorry baby. I didn’t hear the phone. I must have been really tired. Don’t leave you room until I get there. Give me ten minutes.” 11:06 am
I took the shortest shower of my life, brushed my teeth, threw some clothes on, and headed out the door. I checked the phone, and she still hadn’t texted me back.
“Hey, I’m leaving see you in five.” 11:12 am
I jumped in the car and traveled the familiar trek I made daily.
“Here” 11:16 am
I waited a couple of minutes and she still hadn’t come out. Maybe she had fallen back asleep. I made my way over to her window to check. She always closed and locked it in the morning. I peeked in but didn’t see her anywhere. The next thing my eyes fell on stopped my breath. Her bedroom door was wide open. I didn’t even stop to contemplate my next action before I insistently knocked on her front door. Jack answered, still dressed in yesterday’s clothes judging from the food stains on his shirt.
“What do you want?”
“I’m here for Bethany,” I said as if I was talking to an idiot. What I wanted should have been quite obvious, why else would I even speak to the vile man?
“She’s gone.”
“Where is she?” I asked threateningly.
He took a step back and held his hands up as if to protest his innocence.
“Look. It’s after 11 o’clock. She left here without a word thirty minutes ago. I don’t know where the hell she is.”
I turned around and raced back to the car. I checked my phone again. Nothing.
“Beth, where are you?” I whispered to myself.
I pulled out of the drive way and started to search the streets of Fort Grange looking for her. After an hour of frantic searching, I was desperate. Where else would she have gone? She really didn’t hang out with anyone except for me and my friends. I grabbed the phone and called Alex.
“Hey Logan, what’s up?”
“Have you heard from Bethany today?”
“No man, why?”
“I just went to pick her up and she wasn’t there.”
Alex knew the bare bones story about why Bethany spent so much time at my house, without the gory details. Her dad was mean and abusive, and she wanted to spend as little time in her house as possible. He knew I worried about her and tried to allay my fears.
“I’m sure she’s fine.”
“She’s not fine!” I almost yelled into the phone. I’m sure he could hear the fear and panic in my voice.
“She’s not answering any of my texts! I’ve been driving around town for over an hour looking for her!!! She’s not at the park, or the lake, or the diner. I even looked at those girly shops on the square and no one there has seen her. Where else could she be?”
“Okay, Logan, calm down. Are you sure she’s not at her house? Maybe her dad was just brushing you off. Maybe she got grounded or something?”
I remembered Jack’s defensive posture when he told me Beth wasn’t there. She wasn’t at home.
“No, she’s not there man. I looked in her room. If she was there she would be answering my texts. They don’t even know she has a phone so they wouldn’t take it away from her.”
There was ponderous silence on the other end for a few seconds.
“Come get me and I’ll help you look. I’ve lived here my whole life, I know a few more places to check than you do.”
“On my way,” I answered as I hit the accelerator.
We spent another hour checking every place in Fort Grange that Alex could think of: the baseball fields, the stadium, the places at the lake kids in town used to party, but we had struck out. I was beyond frantic. I’d texted her another dozen times. Those, and all my calls, continued to go unanswered. Suddenly, Alex looked over at me with a sheepish grin on his face.
“It didn’t even cross my mind. I should’ve thought of that first,” he spoke to himself as much as me as he shook his head ruefully.
“What didn’t cross your mind?” I was going to throttle him in about two seconds if he didn’t start speaking English.
“Relax, I know where she is, Logan.”
I pulled up to the ancient looking building five minutes later. Alex was so sure I’d find her here that he asked me to drop him off at the track so he could get a run in before the meet on Monday. I closed my eyes before I got out. Please be here, I prayed.
I opened the door to the town library and was hit with the smell of old books and furniture polish. My eyes quickly scanned around the room, but I didn’t see her. I began methodically hunting for her aisle by aisle. I exhaled loudly when I finally found her. She was sitting on a bean bag chair twirling her hair while reading an obviously engrossing novel. She still hadn’t seen me yet. I stood there for a minute, just watching her. She was safe. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hug her or throttle her.
She finally looked up when she noticed me stalking towards her out of the corner of her eye. Her eyes widened when she realized I was not in a good mood, but she didn’t show any fear or hesitation as I approached. She put the book down and met my angry stare unflinchingly. I responded firmly grasping her hand and marching out of the library. As soon as the door was closed, I launched into her.
“I’ve been all over town, looking for you, for hours. Can you not pick up your phone or answer a text? I went to your house and all Jack could tell me was you were gone!”
I knew I was yelling, but I couldn’t seem to get my temper under control. I raked my hand through my hair and took a few steps away from her before I continued my tirade.
“I was going out of my mind worrying about you and there you sit calmly reading a book. I told you never to leave your room unless I was there. Anything could have happened to you. Do you understand that? Do you have any idea how unbelievably f
rantic I’ve been all afternoon, looking for you?”
She took a few cautious steps towards me before she calmly answered.
“I put my phone on silent when I went in, and I guess I lost track of time. You didn’t answer your texts this morning. I figured you needed your sleep or maybe you were sick. Jack started in on my mom, and I decided I wasn’t sticking around for that. You don’t own me Logan Drayton. If I want to leave my house, I’m going to do it.”
“No, you’re not. I’m not trying to control you. I am trying to protect you! In order to do that we have to take certain precautions were your safety is concerned. This is not up for debate,” I adamantly demanded.
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both just be wrong. I’ll leave whenever and however I want. I was taking care of myself long before you showed up. I’m not stupid nor am I going to take unnecessary risks where Jack is concerned, but I’ll be the judge of that, not you,” she replied with a flat, icy stare.
So there we stood in the parking lot silently fuming at one another. After a few seconds, she turned on her heal and stormed away.
“Hey, where are you going?” I called out to her retreating back.
“Somewhere you’re not!”
Wow, that was really juvenile. She must be really fuming if that was the best she could come up with. I followed her as she continued her trek across the park. After a few minutes, she slowed down and finally stopped. Once I caught up to her, she gave me an embarrassed smile.
“Did I really just say that?”
She was adorable, and I was finished fighting with her. I held my arms out, and she came to me immediately. I held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. I was unbelievably relieved that she was safe. I let out a pent up breath.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I was so afraid something happened to you, it made me crazy. I was mostly mad at myself for oversleeping and missing your texts this morning. It was inexcusable. What if you needed me?”
She put her arms around my back, returning my hug.
“If I had needed you, I would have called and that ridiculous song would have played until you woke up.”
Breathe Page 9
