Lahn grinning down at me the first time I drank the zakah.
Lahn holding me while I was trembling with sunstroke.
Lahn preparing medicine for me and holding it to my lips to drink.
Lahn checking on me during the day after I was sick.
Lahn giving me Zephyr.
Lahn holding me on his horse, asking me about my mother, my father, telling me I was beautiful, explaining to me how my claiming, something that had been hideous for me, had been, to him, a gift he held precious.
Lahn’s eyes holding mine, asking nonverbally if I was all right after Dortak extended his challenge.
Lahn taking care of me after Mahyah’s death.
Lahn offering me the greatest gift I’d ever received, more than once, his spirit.
Lahn telling me he was pleased my heart guided me back to him.
And Lahn telling me last night he couldn’t have dreamed a better me.
And as each memory shimmered in my brain, I watched in stunned silence as a new blossom sprouted out of nothing and bloomed in a flash of color somewhere along the bank.
Except for the memories of Lahn giving me his spirit and the last of him telling me I was better than a dream, both of which caused dozens of flowers to explode and grace the banks with astonishing vibrancy.
Holy shit. I totally had magic.
And it wasn’t noble.
It was awesome and it was freaking beautiful.
The eyes of those sharing this turned to me in wonder and Lahn’s arms gave me a squeeze as he murmured over my head, “My wife thinks happy thoughts.”
Yes. He was right, I did.
I… so… freaking… did.
And I did because I was in love with a savage, warrior king and I knew straight to my soul that he loved me.
My arms crossed over his hand at my belly and stared at the beauty I created.
That made me happy too.
And I smiled when a bloom burst to life at that thought.
Lahn chuckled.
He was happy too.
Another bloom burst open.
Freaking cool!
“Loolah,” I heard the tired mew and twisted my head to look around Lahn and my bodies to see Gaal emerging from the tent she shared with all the girls, Ghost padding toward us, still blinking sleep from her beautiful blue eyes and I noticed with the weeks passing, my cub was becoming less of a cub and growing into a tigress.
“Poyah, kah teenkah lahnahsahna,” I called to her, she made it to us, bumped her head against Lahn and my legs then her booty collapsed and she sat leaning against them.
Lahn’s arms gave me another squeeze and I knew another bloom had opened but I was looking down at Ghost and didn’t see it.
One of my hands twisted so I could wrap my fingers around his at my belly.
Then I whispered, “I love you, my Lahn,” and heard the swift hiss of his intake of breath.
Then he buried his face in my neck and whispered back, “Loot kay hansahnalay na, my Circe.” And I love you, my Circe.
At his words, the banks of the creek burst forth in a riot of blooms, so many, no bank could be seen as one blossom crowded the next.
And that was when I knew, I loved my father, I loved my friends, I had a good life at home in Seattle and I was happy there.
But nowhere near as happy as I was here.
And I was never going back.
* * * * *
Life carried on as normal for the next two weeks. I wandered amongst my people with Bain and Zahnin. I spent time with my girls. My Korwahk improved to the point I no longer needed lessons. My mornings were spent with my husband in bed then at his bath, my evenings with him at our table then back in our bed.
And I was not content, I was gloriously happy.
Dark moments drifted through as I considered exploring my magic, maybe finding out if I could go home and explain things to Pop, say good-bye to him, his boys and my friends and come back, maybe even plan trips back and forth but there would be time for that, I decided. And I would know when that time came; I would then speak to Lahn and Diandra and plan for it. But my worry was, if I went home to Seattle, I couldn’t get back to Lahn.
And in the now, I was happy just to exist in a crazy dream that had become a beautiful reality.
* * * * *
After two weeks, when Lahn and I were taking our evening meal together, he told me that the Daxshee would pack up the day after the next and ride.
And we did, for eight days, until, on a bleak cliff with not very much scrub but a lot of stone, dirt and sand, we set up again. It was a weird spot and not very attractive, especially compared to our spot by the creek, but what did I know? I was no Dax.
The morning after the Daxshee rose, Lahn told me he would be leaving the next day to lead a raid and he wouldn’t return for five days.
And he wouldn’t be taking me.
I didn’t want him to go because I didn’t want him to be away from me but there was more.
This alarmed me.
Diandra had told me that the warriors kept their wives close while they were out plundering. And if Lahn was out plundering, I needed to be close.
And when I told Lahn firmly I wanted to go with him, we had our first knockdown drag out fight. He flatly refused and I flatly refused to allow him to refuse. I shouted and he thundered. This lasted a long time and got heated. He was angry, actually furious, not only that I was questioning his decision as Dax that I not go but that I wanted to go at all considering he thought such a journey would be dangerous for me as we would be entering a neighboring country. Even in his fury, though, not once did he let it get out-of-control enough for him even to raise a hand with the intent to strike me.
This was good.
What was bad was me finally sharing with him what was on my mind.
“If you’re off marauding, then I can’t take care of you before you do!” I snapped and he blinked in surprise at my words which clearly bewildered him.
“What?” he clipped back.
I planted my hands on my hips and swept his body with my eyes. “Don’t forget, honey, that’s mine, all mine. You said it yourself. And I’m not sharing it with anyone. I know how you get when you’re celebrating, boy do I know, and you sure as hell are not going to be off collecting booty and plundering villages without me being the one you celebrate with, before and after.”
I couldn’t believe I was saying this shit but there it was, I was.
He stared at me and I didn’t know if he was staring at me in shock, he didn’t know what to say or he was controlling his anger so he didn’t say anything he would regret.
Too far gone, I stupidly kept going. “In other words, Lahn, I’m not a big fan of raiding and looting. I know it’s your way, I don’t like it, but I won’t speak against it. But you are not going to add raping to your looting. No fucking way. You take no other woman but me.”
I knew light dawned when his face turned to granite and he was silent again for several heartbeats before he asked softly, “Am I standing in my cham with my wife telling me what I can and cannot do?”
His tone was dangerous, as dangerous as the stony look on his face and, lucky for me, I was smart enough to read it so I let my silence be my answer.
Lahn went on. “A husband and wife, Circe, they do not speak of this.” He paused then finished, “Ever.”
“We are not just any husband and wife,” I shot back.
“That is agreed, I give you your head in many ways. I will not with this. This is not your concern and we will never speak of it again, my queen. Not ever. Am I understood?”
Oh no. Hell no.
My voice quieted too when I replied, “You come back smelling of anything other than dirt, sweat and blood, I get that first fucking clue you’ve taken a woman who is not me, we’re done, Lahn, no joke. I will leave you.” His eyes flashed and his body tensed but I didn’t stop talking. “You find me and bring me back, I’ll leave you again. I’ll keep going until I can stay gone. And in t
he meantime, you will never, ever, get me sweet again. I tell you in my world it’s important that a husband remains faithful to his wife, you must understand that it is important. It is crucial I know that I can trust you don’t use your body with anyone but me. When I say it’s mine, I mean that outside of you sharing your spirit with me, it is the most precious gift you’ve ever given to me. I treasure it. I worship it. And it will tear me apart inside to think you’ve tarnished it by forcing it on another woman.”
I was breathing heavily when I was done speaking and Lahn held my eyes but kept his silence as his body continued to exude raw, pissed off, brutal energy.
Then it hit me that if he did go out raping with his pillaging (which was bad enough), I was not lying. It would kill what we had and I loved what we had. He didn’t know it but I’d given up everything to keep what we had. And staring at my husband just then, I knew he was not going to give in. This was who he was and what he did and it would be the end of us.
And that was why tears filled my eyes and I felt my lips quiver as those tears spilled down my cheeks but I held his angry gaze until it melted with the wet.
Then I looked to the side and whispered, “You will tear me apart. You do this; you do it knowing you will destroy me.” I pulled in a breath and dashed the tears away with the back of my hand and, when my vision cleared, I straightened by shoulders and looked back at him. “But you are Dax and you are warrior, so obviously, you are free to do as you will.”
That was when he growled, “You will not leave me.”
I didn’t respond.
“You will never leave me.”
I kept my silence, held his eyes and we went into stare down.
He broke it by stating, “You will never leave me, Circe, in any way you could leave me.”
I didn’t know what that meant exactly but I didn’t ask nor did I get the chance because he kept talking.
“To make that so, I will not ever take another woman but you.”
I sucked in a hopeful breath as I felt my eyes grow round at his capitulation but he wasn’t done and when he spoke his voice was way lower than normal and it rumbled through the tent.
“You have this one warning, I will not repeat it and I will point out that I have not once asked you to alter any of who you are. Not once. You are not of my people and you behave in ways that are strange to me, yet you seem not to understand that this is true. But never have I asked you to change who you are.”
I winced because this was true. He expected me to accept his way of life but he never asked me to change who I was.
He continued. “This is the last concession I will make for you. I am who I am, I am Korwahk, I am warrior, I am Dax and you must accept me as what I am. I may have forced my body on yours but I did not force your love, you gave it to me knowing who I am. As we live our lives, you cannot decide to disagree with parts of that and then decide to take your love away, Circe. I’ll not live like that. Therefore, you need to reflect on this, come to your peace with it and never, my golden queen, never request another such concession from me.”
My lips parted to respond but he didn’t give me the chance. He prowled to the cham flaps, slapped them back and he was gone.
He didn’t return until very late but I was awake when he did. I stayed still in our bed until he joined me in it and I knew how angry he still was when he didn’t curl into me or pull me to him but settled on his back not touching me.
So I whispered hesitantly into the cham, “Thank you for…” I paused then, “It was important to me, thank you.”
Lahn didn’t respond.
I forged ahead. “I will um… process things and come to peace with my life with you and the Korwahk.”
Nothing from Lahn.
I kept going. “I’ll, uh… never ask for another concession again, I promise.”
To that I got a growled, “Promise never to leave me.”
I closed my eyes tight, rolled, scooted to him and got up on an elbow but rested my other hand on his chest.
When my eyes locked with his, I whispered, “I promise never to leave you, baby.”
And I said it like I meant it because I did. And in that moment, he didn’t know that I actually gave up a world for him. But the weight of my words still communicated that.
He glared up at me, then his arms shot around me, pulling me down, his lips captured mine and then he rolled me to my back.
The next morning he left.
And tomorrow he would be home.
I know it sounded crazy, but I couldn’t wait.
I missed my king.
* * * * *
“Oh Circe!” Nahka called through the throng surrounding the fabric stall, she was holding up a bolt of pure gold silk that shimmered in the sun, “You must have this! It was made for our golden queen!”
She was beaming at me brighter than the gold silk she held in her hand.
I smiled back at her and twisted my head to Teetru who stood just slightly behind me. “Could you go buy some of that for a sarong for me?” She nodded then I went on, “And, choose something you like for you and pieces for Jacanda, Packa, Gaal and Beetus. My girls need something pretty. For sarongs and tops too.”
She blinked at me in shock and stayed unmoving.
So I grinned at her, took her hand, gave it a squeeze and urged with a jerk of my head toward the stall, “Go.”
Her body jolted physically before she nodded then hurried forward.
I felt a hand curl around my elbow and looked to my other side. It was Sabine.
“Can I speak with you?” she asked in Korwahk.
She’d taken to the language and was getting pretty good at it. She wasn’t as good at it as me, of course. I was, I was pleased to say, nearly fluent. But she hadn’t had as much practice though she was better at it that Anastasie, who was struggling. Claudine was still giving them daily lessons.
She had also not shared what was happening with her and Zahnin and not one of my posse pried. That said, I was in her cham twice when he came in. The first time was some weeks ago and she’d instantly gone tense but not with fear, still simply guarded. The second time was two days ago and she’d bitten her lip before she’d offered him a tentative smile. Neither time did he repeat soft words or a gentle touch like he had weeks ago but both times his eyes went warm and his mouth went soft when he saw her.
My hope was, he was breaking through.
At that moment, when she pulled us slightly back and out of the crowd, Bain moving with us, I would find out he definitely was.
She looked shyly at Bain and I knew she didn’t want him to overhear.
I gave him a look and asked, “Can Sabine and I have a moment of privacy?”
His eyes went from me to Sabine to me again. Then his mouth twitched. Then he stepped out of hearing distance.
Sabine didn’t delay. She launched right in. “Can I be forthright?”
I nodded.
She studied me then said, “I mean, really forthright.”
I struggled against a giggle and nodded again.
“I, er… need your advice,” she stated.
“About what, sweetheart?” I asked.
“About,” her eyes slid away, she bit her lip and then they came back to me, “er… Zahnin, my, um… husband.”
I turned to face her, folding my hand on hers still at my elbow and whispered, “I’ll do my best. Tell me what you need.”
She was looking up at me again and I saw pink tinge her cheeks.
Then she spoke quickly in somewhat broken Korwahk, “He doesn’t er… he has been… for some time, he has been… changed. At first, he was, it was… not good. I was, you know, I’ve told you, I had no idea what was happening. But, I got to the point where, I don’t know, I decided… er, since it kept happening, I knew it wasn’t going to stop. So, uh, anytime he touched me, I just,” her face flamed deeper pink and she whispered, “got to my knees, pulled up my nightgown and put my face in the bed, like he always took me so he would j
ust… get it over with.”
Oh God. How hideous.
I let her hand at my elbow go, grabbed her other one, held it to my chest and whispered, “I’m so sorry, my sweet girl.”
She nodded and bit her lip. “Thank you,” she whispered back then she drew breath into her nose and kept whispering, “He was my first.”
Oh God. She was a virgin.
I squeezed her hand. “Oh Sabine, I’m so sorry.”
“I… didn’t like it,” she shared what I knew was an extreme understatement.
“You wouldn’t,” I told her. “Of course not. I understand that.”
She nodded again and then moved an inch closer. “But, he has not done that to me. Not for weeks.”
It was my turn to nod but I kept quiet.
Sabine kept talking. “And he has been, like I said, changed. Er… greatly changed. His tone has gentled and for some time, except to stroke my face or shift my hair off my shoulder, he didn’t touch me at all. Not even in bed.” I nodded again when she stopped talking to urge her on so she took a deep breath and continued. “Then he, er… started to chat with me. I didn’t know much of what he was saying but he would come to our tent at night and talk to me… quietly. Then, one night, when he left… um, he started always to leave to give me time to prepare for bed,” she explained then went on, “he, er… kissed my forehead before he left which felt,” she squeezed her eyes shut then opened them and breathed, “nice.”
She stopped again. I squeezed her hand and prompted, “Go on.”
“Well that started… it started, er… then he started to change again but not to go back to how he was before. He just kind of, um… kissed me. Not my mouth or anything. My eyes, my forehead or when he would sweep the hair off my shoulder, he would bend low, you know…” she paused and her eyelashes fluttered a little in a very cute way before she whispered, “he’s very tall.”
“I know he’s very tall, Sabine,” I whispered back when she didn’t go on.
“Well, he would bend low to kiss… er, my neck. And then… then, one night he pulled me into his arms when he got in bed with me and I was terrified he was going to… you know.”
I nodded again and held her hand tight. “I know.”
She leaned further into me. “But he didn’t. He just held me. And I… I… slept with him like that.” Her eyes grew round. “Like a baby.”
The Golden Dynasty f-2 Page 33
