I’d been imprisoned.
“Lahn –” I began as I started toward him.
I stopped when he lifted a hand palm out and growled, “Do not near me, my queen.”
Uh-oh.
My heart squeezed and my stomach clenched and both hurt… a lot.
“Lahn,” I whispered.
“I will fill you in on the parts you missed,” Lahn stated, crossing his arms on his wide chest and planting his feet apart. “After my punishment was delivered on this Geoffrey for his insolence at attending a selection and talking to my queen without my leave, he returned with haste to his king. Once there, he reported that the Dax had installed his golden Dahksahna at his side, heralding the rise of The Golden Dynasty.”
I nodded when he stopped so he continued.
“Upon reading the description of my queen, King Baldur recognized her as his own personal sorceress. A woman who had been born displaying great powers therefore as a child she was seized by Baldur so she could be at his command. A child who grew into great beauty. Therefore, he used her magic and her body at his whim.”
Oh God. Poor other Circe now in my world.
Lahn went on, cutting into my thoughts. “Clearly, his sorceress did not enjoy his attentions or her forced service. Some time ago, she escaped. She sought to put distance between herself and her king but her vessel was set upon by pirates in the Green Sea and she was later apprehended by Korwahk scouts. Nevertheless, when Baldur heard you were here, he spared not a second in amassing his soldiers and he moved on Korwahk.”
He was calling her “she” which meant he knew she was not me.
“Lahn –” I started.
“Quiet,” he whispered.
“But –”
“Quiet!” he thundered, leaning into me, his raw energy filling the room and I instantly had trouble breathing.
I also got quiet.
He stared at me and I held his stare. I did it fighting back the tremors that threatened to consume my frame but I did it.
Finally, he spoke and he did it quietly. “You are not she.”
It took me a second to get the courage to shake my head but I did.
He stared at me again. Then he whispered, “I do not know what you are.”
I held my breath as the pain sliced through me because he said that like not only did he not know what I was, he questioned whatever that was and he suspected he would abhor it when he found out.
I didn’t hear it, my focus was in that room, but outside a light rain started to fall.
When he spoke again, the pain came back, tenfold.
“What I do know is that you are far more powerful than I suspected. You have bewitched me with your beauty. You have manipulated me through months of deception. You have tricked me with your skilful mouth and body to siring a child on you, you, a creature unknown. A changeling.”
That hurt so much, I couldn’t stop myself from whispering, “Lahn, baby, please listen to me.”
He jerked his chin up. “You will be heard but I will warn you, Circe, this will be your only opportunity to be heard so you had better make whatever you say convincing.” I stared at him when he finished by commanding, “And you will not speak your soft names to me when you do it.”
I swallowed as I took that hit and my mind reeled.
He was the king of a primitive, savage horde and what I had to say to him would not go over well, I knew this. I knew. Hell, if I told someone in my world what was going on they’d think I was crazy and be justified in that belief.
But I had no choice. And I knew, looking at him, I should have told him well before now, of my own accord, not as his command. I didn’t know if that would have gone down better but I should have tried.
“I am not of this world,” I whispered my admission.
“I am aware of that, Circe,” he replied swiftly then asked, “Do you take this shape from another?” When I blinked at his question he clarified, “What is your true form?”
I shook my head and held out my hands. “I don’t take this shape. This is me. This has always been me.”
His jaw went hard and his stare started glittering.
He didn’t believe me.
I sallied forth. “I… I woke up in the pen with the other women of the Hunt. I went to bed at home, in Seattle –”
“Seattle is a nation that does not exist, my queen,” Lahn bit off. “Do you not think when you told me this was your homeland that I would not confer with those who had travelled widely? None of them have heard of this Seattle.”
“It exists in my world,” I replied.
“That,” he spat, “I will believe.”
“Lahn –”
“Get on with it, Circe,” he demanded impatiently.
“I… okay,” I shook my head. “My world is different. Much different. It –”
“It has things called hormones,” he interrupted to say, “and germs. And they do what you did to Bohtan’s son to stop people choking. They do not allow their women to drink wine when pregnant. They sew the flesh of wounds together, before and after bathing it in spirit. They have a place called ‘Mexico’. They say ‘freaking out’ to explain just about any emotion as long as it comes with shock or fear. They treat slaves like family. Their queens walk freely amongst their people; they do not hold themselves aloof as all queens should.”
Wow. He’d really paid attention.
Lahn kept speaking. “You have given me many indications you are not of this world and I’ve been so drunk on your xaxsah, so bewitched by the spirit shining in your eyes, I ignored every one.”
“That isn’t how it was,” I said softly.
“No?” he asked on a brow raise.
“No,” I shook my head and lifted my hand. “Lahn… I… this place is very strange to me too but I… well, I endured, I got over it, I adapted and I…” I hesitated, swallowed and whispered, “I fell in love with you.”
The energy in the room went brutal, so brutal it pounded against my flesh.
“Do not ever speak those words to me again unless you wish to feel the back of my hand,” he growled.
I stared at the wrath burning in his eyes.
He meant it.
Oh God.
Was this happening?
I kept staring into his furious, stony, beautiful face.
It was happening.
It was happening.
And with that thought it occurred to me that I was, again, blameless. I was innocent. The only thing I did was fall asleep. And I’d borne countless nightmares since that time, bouncing back from each stronger and stronger. I had been a good queen. I had been a good wife. I had been a good lover. I had given him everything. My body, my world, my love and I was carrying our child.
Fuck… this!
I dropped my hand, squared my shoulders and locked eyes with my husband as outside, just above our house, without either of us seeing it, a bolt of lightning rent the air.
“I know it sounds unbelievable,” I stated, “because it is unbelievable. Fantastical. Extraordinary. Bizarre. But it… is…” I leaned forward, “true!”
He opened his mouth but before he could speak I carried on.
“Right here, right now, what you’re feeling, I felt too and it was probably a hundred times worse than what you’re feeling now, Lahn, because in my world, they do not hunt women and rape them. In my world, if you do that, you go to jail for a long, long time. Everything, everything,” I threw out my hands, “was different. Your clothes. Your language. The landscape. Your homes, food, furniture, shopping. And I don’t mean a little different, like here warriors wear hides and up north, they wear armor, I mean a lot different. In my world, we don’t ride horses, we drive cars. In my world, we don’t have chamber pots, we have toilets. We don’t have slaves. That was outlawed years ago. Most countries don’t even have kings or queens!” I was now shouting, lightning striking fast and hot outside our windows. “And if they do, they hold no power but are only figureheads.”
&nbs
p; He glared at me, it was scary but I didn’t care. I was too far gone. I just kept talking.
“I was terrified when I got here. I don’t even know how I had it in me to breathe much less move or speak. This doesn’t happen in my world, this changing of beings, me taking her place, her taking mine. But I suspect powerful sorceress Circe had had enough at men’s hands, her king, those pirates, your scouts, and she knew what was about to befall her during your fucking Hunt as she stood in that pen or she found out and therefore she got the fuck out of Dodge! And when she left her world, she changed places with me. I had no control and I’ll tell you, Lahn, so many times in the past months, I wished, I fucking prayed to go back home because you and your people and your practices scared me and they sickened me.”
“It is unfortunate for you, Circe, that just from your words, I cannot know this is true,” he stated.
“Yes,” I hissed, “it is. And guess what, big guy, even I don’t know if it’s true. The only thing I know is that I’m here and she’s not. That’s all I know. I’m just guessing.”
“And I am guessing, because even as we stand here, you command the heavens, that you wield extraordinary power. You have not hid it, it is at your command and since it is, I can only wonder what other power you have wielded for what other results.”
“It isn’t at my command, Lahn,” I flashed and threw an arm toward the windows which now flared with lightning and roared with thunder as the rain pounded down. “That’s happening and everything that has happened is because of what I was feeling. And you,” I jabbed a finger at him, “fucking know it.”
“I also know that you say you were sickened by my people’s practices, but it didn’t take long for me to win you, did it, wife? Three days you gave it before you were rubbing against my hand and rearing into my cock,” he, unfortunately, stated the God’s honest truth with that. “It has taken Zahnin’s wife months to yield to his endeavors to win her. But not you,” he threw an arm out toward me before locking it back across his chest. “No, not my golden bride, not only was she riding my cock, moaning while I drove it in her, she was offering to take it in her mouth if I gave up the Xacto, doing everything she could to keep me drunk on her charms while she manipulated me into capitulating to her whims.”
“That’s insane!” I screamed on an accompanying crash of thunder.
“I did not take free woman nor slave while I plundered, Circe, because you demanded it!” he shouted back.
“That’s because it was important to me!” I returned, just as loud.
“Yes, keeping me bewitched is indeed, for whatever reason, important to you. This, at least, I believe is true.”
I shook my head and went silent.
I couldn’t believe this.
This was unbelievable.
It was also heartbreaking.
Nope, I was wrong about that.
It was soul destroying.
I breathed hard through my nose and looked away, trying to calm myself as the thunder and lightning stopped but the rain continued to drive down.
Then I sucked in a huge breath and looked at my husband again.
And when I spoke, I did it softly. “I gave up a world for you.”
He glared at me, not giving me anything.
I kept right on going. “I thought, perhaps, when I learned I had powers, I might be able to use them to go home,” his eyes flashed but that was all I got so I kept on going, “but not for good. My father isn’t dead.” Another flash. “He’s alive and at home and living maybe with a fake Circe. He’ll know the difference, though, I know it. He’s out of his mind with worry, I know that too. He’s wondering where I am and if I’m okay and how to get me back. I also know that. I know that and I know that my life there was good. I loved my life. I loved my home. I loved my job. I had a lot of people who loved me that I loved back.” I sucked in breath and then whispered, “But as much as your world scared me, as much as our practices repulsed me, I still chose you.”
His torso jerked, it was almost imperceptible, but I caught it.
I kept at him. “I gave up my world for you, Lahn. I sat at your side through things people in my world would find loathsome and I did it with my head held high. I even felt pride that I could endure, that I could be a good queen to you. I didn’t know how to be a queen but every day I walked amongst your people giving them my time and my ear and my attention, hoping that was what I was supposed to do. Everything I did in this fucking place, even before I fell in love with you, was for… fucking…you.”
After that, I was breathing heavily and he said not a word, just continued to stare at me, stony-faced with fury.
I was not getting in. Not even a little bit.
Not even a little bit.
The rain outside stopped driving down and started to fall slower, softer, quieter as that knowledge settled in my soul.
“I gave up my world for you,” I whispered, “and if you don’t come to me right now, put your arms around me and tell me you believe me, I will stop at nothing to find my way back.”
His answer was immediate. “I will not come to you, Circe. As of now, you are being sequestered, watched by guards with our most powerful witches in attendance to see you get up to no mischief. You will stay sequestered, alone, in this house, without slaves, friends or your pet, until the pregnancy culminates and we see what creature you bear me. I am informed by those of our people who hold magic that you will not be able to hide it while birthing and it will not have the power to shield its true form while being born.”
Oh my God.
That was when he delivered the killing blow.
“Only then will I come to you to deliver my judgment or allow you back into my bed.”
That was it.
I was done.
Just as he had with the claiming chain Dortak had hooked to me, with those words, Lahn severed our connection just… like… that.
“I’ve left you,” I whispered and his head jerked.
“What?”
“I’m standing right here but I promise you, even if it is simply in my mind, I’ve left you. I’m gone. You’ve lost me forever.”
He planted his hands on his hips. “You birth a warrior or a golden girl, we shall see.”
I shook my head. “No,” I swallowed back the tears. “No. This is it. You’ve gone too far. We’re done. I’m gone. You’ll never get me back, Lahn. Never.”
“If what you say is true, I have won you before, Circe. And if you are what you say you are, I will do it again.”
I stared into his dark, beloved eyes as mine filled with wet and unbeknownst to me the shining, golden swirl of spirit that always was so close to the surface for Lahn to see twinkled brightly then extinguished completely.
Then I whispered, “No. You won’t.”
Then I turned from him, missing the quickly hidden flash of alarm that slashed across his features.
I moved to the windows and stared out, my arms crossed protectively on my belly, the tatters of my heart dripping blood, my lungs feeling empty as silent tears slid down my face.
“Circe,” Lahn called but I didn’t look. I couldn’t look. And I knew even if I saw him again, I would never see him the same.
I knew it was crazy, all I said, but I also knew I was me. And I’d only been me for months.
And he’d fallen in love with me.
But he needed to believe in me in the good times and bad.
Like I did with him. Sometimes it was a struggle. But I fucking did it.
And he didn’t.
And I’d had enough. Hell, I’d had more than enough.
I was done.
“Circe, look at me,” he ordered.
I stared at the rain and I did this for a long time before he spoke again.
“It will be reported to me if you do not care for yourself and the creature you carry.”
The creature I carry.
Nice.
When he received no response, he continued, “And Circe, if this is th
e case, they will have orders to make certain you care for yourself and what is in your womb.”
“I will not… ever,” I whispered fiercely to the rain, “do anything to harm my child.”
Lahn fell silent.
I kept my eyes on the soft rain as corresponding tears slid down my cheeks.
Then his voice came at me again, this time it was softer, nearly sweet, almost, but not quite, my Lahn.
“Circe –”
I cut him off, my voice flat, dead and nothing like anything he’d ever heard from me.
“Good-bye, Lahn.”
I heard nothing for some time before I heard the pound of fist on door, the bolt slide, the door open, then it closed and the bolt was thrown home to lock me in.
I closed my eyes and fresh tears surged down my cheeks.
Then I waited and when I felt that his energy had indeed left the room, I looked to it.
I was alone.
I tore off my crown of feathers, ripped it in half, ripped it in quarters, ripped it until it was nothing but shreds.
I threw its remains away from me and sank to my ass on the tiled floor, knees to chest, face to knees, my arms tight around my calves and my sobs pierced the room as the rain outside no longer came softly but hit the city in unrelenting sheets.
And I rocked back and forth, whispering brokenly to my thighs, “Take me home, take me home, take me home, I need to go home. Please, please, whatever magic is out there for me, let it be at my command to take me home.”
I did not go home.
No, I fell asleep curled on the tile, exhausted from my tears, the rain still pounding down, unremitting, outside.
Then it stopped and when it did, it did this abruptly.
* * * * *
The rain stopped so abruptly, Dax Lahn heard it.
All night, listening to his queen’s sorrow driving its wet into the city, feeling that wet as if it was pounding against his skin causing emotions he didn’t understand to war in his gut, emotions he would not know until later were doubt and guilt, not sleeping or having slept, he shot from his bed, tore down the hall and ignored Bohtan and Feetak who were standing outside Circe’s bolted door.
He threw back the bolt, threw open the door and saw the room empty.
The Golden Dynasty f-2 Page 41
