“I realize that,” I respond with more bite than I intended. “She already knows there are parts of me I can’t share with her. She doesn’t give a damn.”
Robert’s expression doesn’t change. He’s holding his ground. “She’s taken to you quickly. I can’t help wondering if there’s a reason behind it.”
I throw back the rest of my iced tea, wishing desperately that it was some form of alcohol instead. The undercurrent of anger flowing within me suddenly sparks, and I find that I need to physically remove myself from this situation.
After setting down the empty glass on the small table in front of us, I stand up and try to keep a scowl off my face when I address Robert again. “Is it really that hard to believe that a girl could like me?”
I want to say more. I want to explode with the amount of frustration and fury coursing through me at what my own family member is implying about the woman I’ve come to care so much about, but instead I channel those feelings toward wanting to prove him wrong. Gathering my keys from my pocket, I turn away and head to my car without another word.
I’m going to see Lily. I’m going to experience all the beautiful things about her. I’m going to confirm that there’s nothing to prevent us from being together.
I’m going to prove that I can have this life.
My foot is heavy against the gas pedal the entire way to the tavern. It’s rare for me to speed and risk getting pulled over by the cops, but at this moment I don’t really care. Between the anger pulsing through me and my desire to see Lily for the first time in over two days, I’ve become a man on a mission to get to my destination as quickly as possible.
The tires screech just a bit as I yank the car into a parking space in front of the tavern. I’m out of the car and inside the building within seconds, and the moment I see Lily serving drinks at a table across the room, I feel the effects of the pound of bricks on my chest and the gallon of adrenaline soaring through my veins start to subside. I breathe a sigh of relief just at the sight of her, my overall reaction confirming everything I tried to explain to Robert.
There is something between us more powerful than friendship. She is the other half of my forever. She makes me feel complete.
I feel this moment of realization directly in my heart. It’s right there in my chest, a pulsing source of warmth that I think for the first time makes me genuinely happy to be alive and excited about what’s to come.
I now know the difference between existing and living, and it’s such a stark contrast. There is much more to life than having a beating heart. That heart needs to beat for something. It needs a future to reach toward and a person to spend it with.
My heart needs Lily.
While Lily’s distracted taking orders from a pair of younger couples, I slip over to my usual quiet table in the corner. The tavern is only about a quarter full this afternoon, and I smile knowing that this will only mean more time that Lily can spend with me at my table.
My eyes remain fixed on her as she finishes taking orders. She keeps a smile on her face, but it’s more subdued than normal. When she turns to walk away from their table, her eyes briefly meet mine. I can’t help smiling as she notices me, though the expression is short-lived when there’s barely a flash of recognition on Lily’s face at our eye contact. As she continues on her way through the door into the kitchen, I feel a small seed of doubt burrowing its way into my head or my heart, or perhaps both.
I wait anxiously during the minutes that seem like hours until she finally reemerges from the kitchen carrying a tray of food to large round table of six guys that look to be in their twenties. As Lily sets each of their plates down in front of them, they all thank her by name, clearly more familiar with her than the average patron to walk in this tavern. Lily seems uneasy the entire time she’s serving them and looks even more distressed by the time she’s finished and approaching my table.
“Didn’t know you were stopping in today,” she says quietly with a forced smile on her face.
I wait a moment to respond to gauge her expression, which is difficult given that she can hardly look at me. “What’s wrong? You seem off today.”
Lily continues to look at the wall on either side of me but refuses to meet my gaze. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
I’ve waited as long as I can but can no longer resist reaching out to touch her. I take her hand in mine before she has a chance to withdraw it. “You don’t seem fine. This isn’t my Lily I see in front of me.”
Using her own words from the amusement park against her is enough to get her attention. She finally looks at me, but in a way, I wish she hadn’t. Her eyes are almost pleading for me to leave. “I promise everything is okay. I’m just a little stressed at the moment.” She squeezes my hand slightly before letting go of me. “You want your usual to drink?”
She shouldn’t need to ask, but I nod anyway. When she turns around to head toward the bar, I can’t help noticing her glance at the table of guys she served food to just before she came to talk to me. She’s not just checking on her patrons; she’s gauging whether they noticed her talking to me.
The seed of doubt inside me sprouts into something more. I don’t like this. Nothing about this situation is sitting right with me.
When Lily returns with my bottle of Sam Adams, I thank her but don’t otherwise try to keep her at my table. If she won’t tell me what’s going on, I need to observe her and the rest of the tavern to figure this out for myself.
I keep a close eye on the table of guys she looked concerned about earlier. They seem completely normal. They’re just bullshitting with each other, a group of friends having a good time. In the few times Lily has stopped by to check on them or bring them new drinks, I’ve caught a couple of them checking out her ass, but who wouldn’t when she’s wearing those tiny jean shorts?
It’s not until Lily brings their bill and one of the guys offers his credit card to her that I notice something concerning. The guy’s free hand ventures to the small of Lily’s back as he hands her the credit card, and I immediately see Lily’s body tense at his touch. She snatches the card and glances at me briefly before walking quickly away from their table.
It was a simple and likely innocent touch, but inside I’m fuming at the sight of it. My mind races with thoughts of what could have happened to Lily to make her react that way. Is she afraid of that guy or someone at his table? Did a patron try to feel her up during her double shifts the last two days? Did something worse happen?
Lily makes her way from the cash register back to their table, politely wishing the guys a good afternoon. As she hands the card, receipts, and a pen to the guy who paid, she leans in closely to him, but I can’t hear her and her back is turned to me so I have no idea what she’s saying. The guy nods and smiles at her before she turns away and heads into the kitchen.
I don’t try to hide the scowl on my face as I watch the guys at the table stand up to leave. When the guy who paid rises from his chair, I notice just how tall he is compared to the others, well over six feet high. His brown hair is long enough to give him a disheveled look, but the expression on his face and the way he carries himself give him a confident and almost cocky demeanor. As he moves to follow the other guys toward the exit, he catches my glance only briefly but doesn’t react to it.
I’m ready to react, though. I’d love to punch his pretty little face in.
It’s a relief to see the guys filter out of the tavern. I don’t care how much Lily doesn’t want to talk about it. I need her to tell me what’s going on and why she reacted the way she did.
When Lily emerges from the kitchen a minute later, her eyes immediately look to the empty table where the guys were sitting, and I can see the relief spread across her face at the sight of it. She approaches me with a little more life to her step, a slow transition back to the Lily I’m used to seeing.
She surprises me when she sits down at my table, something I’ve never seen her do with a patron while she’s on the clock. She leans
in close to speak to me. “Sorry. I know I’ve been acting a little crazy, but I swear everything is fine. I don’t want you to worry.”
“What was with that guy?” I burst out, managing to keep my voice down despite my desire to yell out the question. “I saw you stiffen up when he touched you. Did something happen with him? Did someone else touch you? I need to know, Lily.”
She shakes her head and takes my hand from across the table. “Nothing happened. It was a little uncomfortable, but he’s completely harmless.”
“You know him, then?”
She nods. “I went to college with him and most of the guys at that table.”
I don’t know if this information makes me feel better. It still doesn’t answer the question of what happened in the two days since I’ve seen Lily to make her seem so off. “So, what is it then? Did someone else do something to you?”
“Always looking out for me,” Lily replies with a smile on her face, and this one is genuine. She stares down at our connected hands on the table in front of us and rubs my skin slightly before returning to meet my gaze. “It really is just stress. Work has been busy this week, and it’s not over yet. I’m going to be tied up until my next day off on Sunday.”
Over three full days until she wants to see me again. Two days was hard enough. Three days sounds like torture.
I try to keep an even face as I respond. “Is there anything I can help you with? You do what you need to do, but if I can make any of it easier on you, just say the word and I’m there.”
Lily ponders over what she’s about to say for a moment. “You’re sweet to offer, but I just need the time alone.”
The seed of doubt inside me feels like it’s grown into a full blown weed. I hate the thought of Lily being sketchy about what’s keeping her tied up the next few days and why she needs to be alone, but I can’t press her for more when I’m keeping as much if not more secrets from her about my own life.
I’m still worried about her, though. Something clearly has her on edge. She’s a beautiful woman working her ass off in an ideal environment for someone to take advantage of her or treat her inappropriately. Hell, she even insists on walking back and forth to work, alone without anyone or anything to protect her.
It suddenly hits me. I’ll give her the space she needs, but I’ll also give her something that will make me feel better about leaving her alone like this. “Just do me this one favor.” I reluctantly let go of her hand and lift myself from the chair just enough to reach in my back pocket. Lily’s eyes go wide as I pull out the three-inch folding switchblade I keep tucked away there. “Please carry this with you. Have it on hand just in case.”
Lily adjusts her position to block the blade from view of the rest of the room and whispers, “What are you doing with that thing?”
It’s one of the rules I learned at too young of an age that most people never have to learn in their lifetimes: always have a means to defend yourself and your family. I can’t explain the reasoning behind that rule to Lily, though. “I spend a lot of time in the woods. Never know when I might need a knife for something.”
Lily observes the folded switchblade cautiously as if it might suddenly jump out and attack her. I offer it forward to her again, and she finally accepts it, although reluctantly. “It looks well worn. I don’t want to take your trusty knife.”
My lips involuntarily turn up in a grin at Lily’s concern over taking my switchblade. She would never expect I have plenty more at home. Other than a hunting rifle, my parents keep no other weapons in the house besides a stockpile of switchblades and knives.
I put my hand over hers, forcing her fingers to curl the rest of the way around the closed switchblade. “It’s not my only one. I’ll feel a million times better knowing that you have that with you when I’m not around.”
“I suppose.” Lily still doesn’t seem convinced, but she stands up and discreetly pockets the blade in her jean shorts. “Thank you… I think.”
I pull her hand to my mouth and kiss her knuckles lightly. “If you change your mind the next few days and need some company, just give me a call. I’ll be missing you in the meantime.”
She squeezes my hand before letting go of me and holds back a laugh as she starts taking slow steps backward away from the table. “I’m missing you already.”
I see just a glimpse of it, but it’s definitely there. A tiny spark of that vibrant life appears in Lily’s eyes, that quality she has that pulls me in every time I look at her. It’s a relief to see it reemerge, even in this subdued form.
As she turns away from me, I’m left feeling better than I did when I first stepped in the tavern, but I can’t completely get Robert’s voice and doubts about Lily out of my head. Something’s going on with her. She doesn’t seem to be in any immediate danger, but it’s impossible not to worry about her. I can only hope she’ll find it in herself to trust me enough to open up about it.
I want to be there for her. I want to be all she ever needs.
17
“Dante!”
Mom’s sudden appearance at the front door yelling my name startles me, my head jerking straight up into the metal protruding from under the open hood of the car. I don’t know what she could possibly need from me so urgently when I’m this covered in grease and grime, but the moment I see my cell phone waving in her hand, I drop the wrench I was using and wipe my hands on my jeans to run over to get the phone from her.
“Thanks.” I quickly grab the vibrating phone from her and answer the call, hoping I beat it to voicemail. “Hello?”
“Hey, you.” Lily’s excited but drawn out voice fills my ear, and though I should be relieved to hear from her after two days of complete radio silence since I dropped in on her at the tavern, I can tell something’s not quite right. She’s almost too happy.
I manage a meager smile to my mom, my subtle cue that I’d prefer to have this conversation in private, before turning to walk out into the driveway to focus on Lily’s call. “Are you drunk?”
“I’m not drunk,” she replies emphatically, though the last word trails off into a sort of giggle. “I may have had a little something to get me started tonight, but I’m not drunk. Not yet, at least.”
“To get you started for what?”
“For tonight. Bucket list item number two, baby!”
It takes me a moment to remember that ridiculous list I came up with on a whim the night Lily suggested she help me learn to live a little. “A day in the life of normal people our age?”
“Yes! But it’s not really daytime for much longer, is it?” she responds with a noticeable slur sporadically linking her words. “Well, how about this. We’ll split it up. We’ll do the day part another time, but tonight we do the night part. Yes, that’s it. That’s exactly what we’ll do.”
I haven’t been around drunk people enough to know whether this behavior is normal, but I try to keep my worry about Lily to a minimum. I’ll do anything she wants if it means I’ll get the chance to see her tonight and take care of her through this strange drunken state she’s in. “Okay, it’s a plan, then.”
“When can you be here?” She sounds almost desperate for my presence. It makes me wish I could jump through the phone to be with her immediately.
I glance over at my car knowing I’ll need some time to put everything back as it was before I started tinkering with car maintenance to keep myself busy. I also need to clean myself up, and it’s over thirty minutes just to get to Lily’s from here. “It will be at least an hour before I get there.”
“An hour.” The line goes quiet for a moment. “An hour’s good. I need to shower. I stink and I want to look pretty for you.”
I laugh at what I can only hope are Lily’s honest feelings piercing through the alcohol. I’m absolutely in love with the idea that she wants to make herself look nice for my arrival. “Okay, you go do that, but do me a favor, okay?”
Lily’s voice turns sultry. “What kind of favor?”
I bite my lip, sud
denly grateful I’m not with Lily at this moment because I’m not sure we’d be able to keep our hands off each other much longer if she were to keep talking like that. “No more drinking, okay? I don’t want to carry you wherever we’re going.”
“What if I want you to carry me?” Lily counters, her voice turning even softer and more seductive. “What if I want you to do more than carry me, Dante?”
I can feel myself hardening beneath my jeans with each of Lily’s tempting words. I’m going to need a damn cold shower to get over this phone call. “We’ll talk when I get there.”
“Dante.” As Lily moans my name, I’m about ready to lose it completely right here on the driveway. I walk over to the side of my car and lean against it, doing everything I can to focus on anything but the continued sounds of pleasure humming across the phone line. “I want you, Dante. I wish this was you touching me, squeezing me and feeling me right there.”
She gasps loudly, and I can only imagine what her hands are doing to her body on the other end of this call. I don’t know if I should even be listening in on this. She’s clearly had too much to drink and doing something any sober person would do in private, but I honestly can’t help myself. It’s a beautiful sound to hear her bathing in absolute pleasure, and with each moan she makes and frenzied breath she takes, I can imagine myself more and more as the hands and body prompting those sounds from within her.
“Dante?” she calls out to me breathlessly.
“I’m here,” I whisper back.
“Oh, Dante.” I hear her breathing quicken to a rapid pace amidst the delicate squeaks and moans that greet my ears. “Dante!”
By the time Lily screams my name and her sounds of ecstasy crescendo to their peak, I find myself breathing hard and desperate for my own release. While she’s coming down from the height of it, I’m struggling to keep it together and calm myself down.
I need that cold shower. Now.
Beyond Resistance (The Ransom Series) Page 11
