Gray sauntered over to take the basket of bacon from the counter while she put the scrambled eggs in another bowl. “I knew better than to try and reach out and touch you,” he agreed, his shoulder barely grazing hers as he stretched across her to grab the basket.
Sky followed Gray over to the table and sat down with the bowl. Her shoulder tingled pleasantly in the wake of their accidental meeting with one another. “We’re a sad lot, aren’t we? Military vets with PTSD?”
Gray pulled the toast from the toaster. “Look at it this way, Sky. We are stronger than we would be without the other.” He gave her an amused look and handed her the toast he had buttered. Just getting to contact her fingers momentarily sent a sizzle of heat up through his hand. She grimaced, but the softness in her eyes remained.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Sky shook her head and handed him the bowl after putting some scrambled eggs on her plate. “Iris gave me a chance knowing I’m damaged, not whole. You didn’t blink an eye over my issues for obvious reasons.” More softly, she added almost shyly, “You haven’t judged me, and for that, I’ll always be grateful to you.”
Gray placed a huge amount of scrambled eggs onto his plate and set the bowl aside, leaving some in there in case Sky wanted more later. “I’ll never judge you, Sky,” he said. Not ever. Not after what Jag had confided in him. Gray doubted seriously if Sky could remember the bulk of those two weeks in captivity. Other military men, who had managed to survive torture, had told him it was a blank slate in their minds. He hoped like hell it was a blank slate in Sky’s mind because he couldn’t stand the thought of her remembering.
Sky wanted to move on from the topic centering on her. She was always uncomfortable talking about her capture. She picked at her eggs. Gray, on the other hand, ate voraciously. He’d put half the bacon on his plate and had two more pieces of bread in the toaster. “Are we still going to ride this morning?”
“Yes. I’ve got two geldings saddled in the main barn. When we get done here, I’ll carry a pack on my back with water and some protein bars. We’ll head out to the areas where we take the families who come to the dude ranch. You need to know the trail system and the fastest way back here in case a child or adult gets injured.”
“Sounds reasonable.” Sky’s appetite increased, and she reached for the blueberry preserves. “Do you have an idea of injury statistics among the guests?”
“Not many, from what I know,” Gray murmured. There was a flush spreading across her cheeks. He didn’t blame Sky for not wanting to talk about her wounds. “The horses we have are matched to the rider. And Iris is set on having good, patient and quiet horses for the guests. We’ve never had a death or even a bad injury from someone riding one of our dude horses.”
“So, kids cutting their hand or knee? Falling-and-bruising-themselves sort of thing?”
Gray nodded. “That’s about the extent of it. Sometimes one of the guests has forgotten to bring his or her medication, though. Iris wants the most popular meds available for them here at the ranch, if possible.”
“Or could we run down to the drugstore in Jackson Hole and pick up a duplicate prescription for them?”
“Exactly. It happens more than you think.”
“People get distracted. They forget. It’s tough to remember a med every day or taking it a couple of times a day,” Sky offered.
“You’re such a marshmallow, Ms. Pascal.”
His teasing had her grinning. The light in Gray’s eyes made her feel good, feel desired. The way his sculpted mouth moved into that lazy smile of his sent sheets of heat and hunger through her. “Consider me a steel fist in a velvet glove, Mr. McCoy. Just because I don’t look tough doesn’t mean I’m not strong. You just don’t see it.”
“How did you get to be so strong?” he wondered, becoming serious. Gray liked the laughter shining on her face. He wanted to see Sky laugh more often.
Sky shrugged. “I grew up on a cattle ranch, Gray. I hated shoes. My mother liked me running barefoot. I always rode a horse bareback, never with a saddle. I’d run for miles just for the sheer love of feeling the wind on my face and playing with my long hair.”
Gray could picture Sky as an exuberant child. And he saw that elfin look in her expression to match it. “Your mother’s a strong woman, isn’t she?”
“The backbone of our family,” Sky agreed. “As a child, I matured really fast because of how life is given and taken away from you on a ranch.” She gave him a wry look. “I didn’t have other kids to play with, so I was out in nature and on my own. I spun fantasies lying on my back in a meadow, watching clouds drift by. I closed my eyes, and I smelled the earth, and it was like perfume to me. My days were magical in a way because my mother encouraged me to be independent and resourceful from the time I learned to walk.”
“And that’s where your strength came from.” Gray could envision her as a child, that shining ginger hair of hers long, flying behind her as she raced barefoot across a flower-strewn meadow.
“Yes,” Sky said softly. “I loved my time growing up here in Wyoming. I loved discovering and defining myself by exploring, climbing, hiking and watching the birds and animals around me.”
Gray felt woven into her world of magic. Swallowing hard, he nodded, wanting to show her how he felt. Wanting to kiss her full, parted lips, taste her, run his hands over her from her head down to her feet. He got ahold of himself and poured them coffee.
“Do you think it’s due to your Indian heritage?” he finally asked, sitting back down. “That gives you this inner strength?”
Sky tilted her head and drowned in Gray’s green-and-gold eyes. The invisible connection between them was palpable. He was masculine, thoughtful, and his eyes never left hers. She could feel Gray wanting her, man to woman. Swallowing against her tightening throat, she couldn’t handle him and her own healing process together. A sadness filtered through her because Sky was so powerfully drawn to Gray. She craved him in every way. If nothing else, she was far enough along in her own healing to begin to awaken sexually once again. And for that, she was grateful.
“My mother tells me I’m like her grandmother. She was a healer, too. She was a medicine woman for her people.” Sky lifted her fingers, moving strands of hair away from her face, watching Gray’s eyes darken over her unconscious gesture. “My grandmother was so very strong and confident. I never saw myself like her at all because I cried over little things, things that touched my heart. I never saw my grandmother cry. She was so stern, like a bulwark. She was indomitable.”
“I like you just the way you are,” Gray said, his voice low. He couldn’t be this close to Sky and not absorb her like the heat of sunlight was absorbed by the rich, fertile earth. “Crying is a good thing. And you don’t need to be stern.”
One corner of her mouth lifted as she raised her head and looked out the window. “When I became a Navy officer, I hated the sternness. I remembered how my grandmother was, and I was forced to behave like that around her, up to a point. I didn’t really like being an officer, Gray.” She looked over at him. “I loved being there for the men and women who were sick or injured. I just wanted to ease their pain, their suffering. I really disliked being a manager of people.” She wrinkled her nose. “So now you know the real truth.”
“I can see that in you,” he offered. Sky was a healer, like her grandmother, but a softer, more approachable version. All Sky wanted to do was help others. It was in her DNA. “There are plenty of animals over at the wildlife center that will enjoy having you around. They all respond to a loving touch.” Hell, he responded now to her touch. Now Gray just wanted to hear her laugh. And God, he wanted to love her.
Pushing back his chair, he drank the last of his coffee and set the mug down. “Come on. It’s time to show you around the Elk Horn Ranch.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE PLEASANT CREAK of leather as Sk
y rode the buckskin quarter horse soothed the constant anxiety that was a part of her life since capture. They had ridden down a dude trail toward a set of two hills that rose out of the flat plain. At 9:00 a.m. the sun was warming and taking off the deep chill of near-freezing temperatures in the valley. Above her, the sky was light blue. A few high clouds, which looked like strands of a woman’s long hair unfurling across the sky, made her smile. She tried not to allow Gray’s quiet masculine presence to deluge her opening senses. It was so easy to ride near him, their legs occasionally touching as their horses ambled along at a steady walk.
She glanced over at his profile. He wore his SEAL baseball cap, the bill low over his eyes. Gray was constantly looking around, and she understood it was part of who he was. SEALs lived or died by how alert they were to the subtleties around them. His large, gloved hand rested on his thick right thigh, the leather reins of the horse in his left hand. He’d traded in his black goose-down coat for a denim jacket that hugged his broad shoulders and emphasized his powerful chest. Sky found it disconcerting that she had such natural beauty around her on this quiet, frosty morning, and her heart and her body instead were focused on Gray. He’d done nothing to lure her to him. Nothing overt. She tugged at her thin leather riding gloves, glad Gray had borrowed a pair from Iris earlier for her.
Gray rode a tall, rangy black half Thoroughbred and half quarter horse gelding known as Shadow. Man and horse looked supremely confident, and Gray rode with an ease of someone born to saddle. They were a matched pair. Shadow’s small, fine ears were constantly twitching, listening, and the horse was just as alert as his rider.
All Sky wanted to do was enjoy the outing. It was a gift to her, and she slowly inhaled the pine-scented air deep into her lungs. The hills just ahead of them were covered thickly with fir. She enjoyed the sway of her gelding, Charley, between her legs, simply relaxing and allowing the day and the man beside her to infuse her with happiness. If Gray knew how much she was drawn to him, Sky was sure he’d be shocked. Having no explanation for her unexpected feelings toward him, Sky wondered if it was because of Gray holding and caring for her last night. That had to be it, she decided. She pulled the green baseball cap a little lower over her eyes as the eastern sun’s slats shot bright and blinding through the pine trees in their direction. Gray had given her the cap. On the front of it was embroidered Wildlife Center in gold thread with a wolf emblazoned upon it.
Gray pointed toward the trail that led between the two hills. “This is a nice trail, usually one we reserve for adults, not children, because you can see it takes us an hour to get out this far. Most kids have never ridden a horse before, and we try to keep them to less than about thirty minutes so they don’t end up with bowed legs and sore butts.”
Sky grinned and chuckled. “That’s good thinking.”
Gray liked her smile. “We use it as part of a picnic ride. When we get into the hills, you’ll see a nice area to your right where we have hitching posts and picnic tables. Usually, on Wednesday or Thursday, we plan a lunch out here for our guests.”
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed. Literally, Sky felt as if the energy of the area, the pristine beauty, was pumping new life into her. Until just now, she hadn’t realized how badly she needed to get back into nature. It had been such a strong part of her growing-up years.
“You look happy,” Gray observed, seeing luster shining in her blue eyes. Sky had pulled her thick, long hair into a ponytail. Her cheeks were flushed, and he saw no tension in her face at all. He was beginning to realize how much she needed this type of work to relax. Gray understood that the PTSD kept her in a constant state of anxiety. It had him, too, until Dr. McPherson had given him an alternative medication that had stopped the cortisol from remaining constantly in his bloodstream. Now he was at peace, no longer amped up on twenty-four-hour-a-day anxiety. For Sky, however, until he could persuade her to get to Jordana for treatment, Gray knew she would always remain in her hypervigilant state. Only two things could dull this sharp-edged hormone within her, and that would be brute exercise or getting out into nature. Both had helped him, so he understood on a deeper level what was happening with her this morning. His heart swelled with silent joy. Gray felt helpless to stop desiring Sky. He knew she didn’t realize how attractive, how necessary, she’d suddenly become to his life. Gray had no explanation for it, either, except that his two-year-long depression and grief over Julia’s murder was finally lifting. And he was starting to come alive once more.
Charley got frisky, tossed his head and snorted. Sky laughed a little, sharing her horse’s joy of the cold morning. “You have no idea what this outing is doing for me. I grew up riding horses, and this is like going back to that time.” She gave a breathy laugh. “I almost feel normal, if you want the truth.” Sky suddenly felt so free, a feeling she hadn’t had in a long time.
“Your anxiety levels are down.” They rode close enough that Gray could have reached out and grazed her cheek. That mouth of hers sent dark longing through him, and he wanted to feel those lips beneath his. Something told him deep in his SEAL intuition that Sky was a very passionate lover and enjoyed the man who had her attention. That sinner’s mouth of hers made him burn with longing for her.
“Anxiety.” Sky’s brows fell, and her mouth compressed. “I hate it, Gray. I wake up with it. I go to sleep with it. I always feel on guard, threatened, and jump at my shadow sometimes. It’s not pretty,” she muttered, shaking her head.
“I understand.” Without thinking, Gray reached out, touching her jacket-clad shoulder for a moment. Damn! He scowled, unhappy with himself until he saw the reaction on Sky’s face. Her eyes had widened, those black pupils growing large, her soft lips parting. Did he see what he thought he saw? Desire in Sky’s eyes... Swallowing hard, Gray forced his hand back to his thigh.
“Do you have it, too?” she asked, feeling her skin suddenly heat up beneath his brief touch. Sky felt her breasts tighten, felt her nipples hardening and brushing against her soft cotton bra. The man could incite a riot in her body.
“Yeah, I did.” Gray looked away for a moment. They were entering the shadowy area between the two hills. The trail was wide and solid in front of them. It would curve soon, and the silence within the area would be even more soothing to Sky. He turned and looked over at her, seeing lingering want in her eyes. Did Sky realize it? “I used to have it just like you. I was going to talk to you about it, but now’s as good a time as any.”
“You said you used to have it? How did you get rid of it, Gray?” Sky had been told by her therapist she would have anxiety forever. Oh, over time, it would lessen, but never disappear entirely. The anxiety was like a living animal within her, a separate hormonal entity that she was at constant war with. It was always trying to wrest control from her and send her emotions rocketing out from beneath her grip. And she hated it because instead of not reacting to a nonthreat, her anxiety made everything a threat to her, pumping gobs of adrenaline into her bloodstream, making her go shaky and feel scared.
“Yeah.” Gray gave her a reassuring smile. “Dr. Jordana McPherson is an expert in PTSD symptoms. I went and saw her a year ago, and she gave me a saliva test. It showed my cortisol levels were off the charts and said it wasn’t unusual for someone like me who was in black ops for nearly a decade. I lived with that anxiety and controlled it constantly. She gave me what she called an ‘adaptogen’ for thirty days and damned if it didn’t work. The fourth day I was taking it, my anxiety disappeared. I couldn’t believe it.”
Sky’s eyes widened enormously as she heard his story. “Seriously? It stopped your anxiety symptoms?”
Nodding, Gray smiled a little. “Every one of them.”
“Do you have to take this adaptogen all the time?”
“No. Only for thirty days. What it does is plug the cortisol receptors, Sky. In doing that, it stops the cortisol from moving into our bloodstream. And then you feel peace
. Finally.” He saw such burning hope mirrored in her eyes.
“But...my therapist never told me about this at the hospital.”
Gray shrugged. “Jordana is on cutting-edge technology where PTSD is concerned. She said this adaptogen is considered alternative medicine. Frankly, I don’t care what the hell the medical establishment calls it. It worked, and I’ve been free of anxiety ever since then.”
With a ragged sigh, Sky whispered, “I’d give anything to get rid of my anxiety. I know it’s hormone based. I hate feeling on edge twenty-four hours a day. It’s so wearing physically and emotionally on me. I see threat everywhere, Gray. Things that never scared me or sent adrenaline crashing into my system do now. I found out after I got out of the hospital and was driving home to Wyoming to stay with my parents that I was in a constant state of panic. I would stop at a truck stop to go to the restroom. If a trucker just looked at me, I went into panic and anxiety. The bathroom stalls were so small and enclosed that I could hardly force myself into one.” Sky shook her head, giving him a sad look. “I was so totaled emotionally by all these things that by the time I got home, I was absolutely physically exhausted.”
Gray felt bad for her. “That’s how it goes, unfortunately.”
“When I got home, my mother told me to go hike and get back into nature. She said it would help, and it did.” Sky’s voice dropped with pain. “But it didn’t stop the nightmares. My dad was so upset by them. It’s part of what drove me out of their house. He said it was all in my head, that I could stop them if I really wanted to.” Sky felt tears burn in her eyes and forced them away. “I—I tried to tell him I had no control over them, but he never believed me.”
Gray winced internally, seeing the serrating anguish in her eyes and hearing it in her voice. “He didn’t know what happened to you. He didn’t realize,” he said.
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