I said, ‘We have one day left, one night left in this chalet.’
‘Uh-huh,’ she said, quietly sighing in response to my tongue lashing against her slippery folds.
‘So are we playing poker again?’ I asked her, trying to sound fairly casual about it.
‘I... I don’t know...’ she said, seeming suddenly a little more troubled than I expected—though it could have been simply her response to my sliding my fingers inside her soaking pussy.
‘Maybe you’d get to experience a night with Hayden,’ I said, again doing my utmost to keep the tone light.
‘Or Jake...’ she moaned, and it was very much as though I’d prized a secret out of her by sexual manipulation. Her utterance tweaked my jealousy, although at the same time the fact she was thinking adulterous thoughts did give me that little buzz of arousal again.
Nevertheless, the thought that she might be falling for Jake was preying on my mind.
I said, ‘If you won the game—you’d choose another night with Jake?’ Then I dipped my head, enveloped her little swollen clit in my hot, wet mouth.
She moaned, long and low, and it sounded as though she was answering me in the affirmative. I tried to keep calm, enjoy the thrilling side of her infidelity while playing down my fears. I supposed that she really was only going to get to sleep with Jake while this weird vacation of ours continued—there was no assumption that it would continue after we got home. At least as far as I knew. I guessed that Hanna just wanted to enjoy as much time with Jake as she would be allowed, without having to start again with a new lover.
Still. My suppressed sense of jealousy was rearing its ugly head somewhat.
‘Don’t you think it would be nice to... you know... include Hayden in all of this?’ I said. ‘I just thought... you know... we were all doing this... to pass the time.’
Her eyes burned with mild annoyance. ‘The game is what’s helping everybody pass the time,’ she said. ‘Playing the game. Right? I’m not a hooker.’
There was an edge in her voice. Anger. Lying between her legs, my lips wet with her juices, I really wasn’t prepared for any kind of an argument. The way she was looking at me made it seem like she was suggesting all this was my fault. I’ll admit, her attitude did surprise me. I guess she thought differently than I did, and perhaps that was because she was a woman, perhaps not. My assumption, perhaps male-oriented, was that given the chance to sleep with two new guys, she would sleep with two new guys, she wouldn’t keep to just one of them. But it hadn’t been part of the deal for her to fall for Jake.
‘If I won the game, you’d just spend the night with me,’ I said, not quite sure whether it was a question or a statement.
She said quietly, ‘You might... let me... spend a little time with him.’
I sighed, and propped myself up on my elbows. ‘The deal wasn’t for you to fall in love with one of my best friends.’
She sighed sharply, angrily. ‘I’m not ‘in love’ with him,’ she insisted, although her sudden, fierce blush seemed to tell me otherwise. ‘I like him... And since it turns you on that I... that I fuck him... I don’t see how you can have a problem.’
I pulled myself away from her, and up to lie beside her. ‘I don’t have a problem,’ I insisted. ‘I just thought this was... you know... just about the sex.’
‘It is just about the sex.’
‘But you do have feelings for him.’
I saw her bristle at that. ‘Of course I have feelings for him. I can’t just sleep with a guy I don’t have some kind of feelings for.’ I felt irritation pinch my stomach because she was twisting my meanings. ‘I’m not a porn star,’ she said. ‘I’m not a whore.’
I sighed. ‘There’s a difference between finding a guy attractive... wanting to sleep with him... and actually falling for him.’
She drew back from me. Grabbed the bedsheets to cover herself. I felt my stomach turn over in dread. I hated arguments.
‘So what are you saying?’ she demanded, now sitting up and pulling the bedclothes up to conceal herself. ‘You just want me to be your good little slut, is that it? Fucking all your friends, fucking a bunch of men, so long as it doesn’t mean anything to me. So long as I remain your own personal sex toy.’
I groaned inwardly. Sure, there was a little of that desire in me. I wouldn’t have used the word ‘slut’, but to have her free to sleep with whoever she wanted, that put lead in my pencil.
‘Kind of objectifying me, aren’t you?’ she accused me.
Now it was my turn to bristle. I’m as feminist as the next liberal, I declared silently. But a man can’t truly say how a woman feels about a given situation. I had to concede that she might feel differently about this particular new fantasy of mine. That she would, in fact, have a completely different point of view on it. I had failed to take her perspective into consideration.
And yet, despite her protests about the differences between having feelings and falling in love with someone, I could detect the telltale stench of romance between my wife and her new lover. It was both completely terrifying and oddly exciting all at once.
She stood up, grabbed her clothes, said: ‘You can’t just pimp me out to your friends and decide how I should feel about it.’
It was a fair point, but I’d probably learned my lesson too late for this argument.
‘You either want me to sleep with him, or not,’ she added.
I sighed. ‘I just don’t want you falling in love with him...’
‘I told you, I’m not in love with him,’ she insisted again, angrily dressing herself in front of me as though to flaunt what I was now missing out on.
She stormed out, and I heard her in the bathroom turning on the shower. I threw on some clothes myself, so I could go downstairs to find something for breakfast. It didn’t quite feel as though I’d lost the argument, because deep-down I still felt I was right, she probably did have more feelings for Jake than she was admitting, even to herself. But my eyes were now open to the fact that I’d been treating her as more of a sex object than I’d realized or meant.
But what did this argument mean for the final night of our vacation?
Chapter Fifteen
Hayden came downstairs into the kitchen area as I was finishing up my breakfast. Clutching my bowl, I was in something of a daze of contemplation on the couch. He gave me a quick salute before digging out his own breakfast.
‘Hey, buddy. How’s it going?’
He seemed unusually bright and breezy. I guessed that he’d had a great night’s sleep, and now felt fully rested and at peace with the world—whereas Jake and I had been sleeping very little recently, owing to the sexual antics of my wife. But then Hayden asked me, ‘You see the weather?’
I turned to look out of the windows, and was surprised to see that I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I’d totally overlooked the fact that the sky was blue and, apparently, completely cloudless.
‘Wow,’ I said.
‘Crazy, huh?’ he smiled broadly. ‘It’s not exactly going to get us skiing any time soon, but... hey, maybe we can get some hiking in today, right?’
I nodded. Hiking wasn’t exactly something I’d actively choose to do on a vacation, but after our claustrophobic few days, it seemed like the best thing ever. And perhaps, I thought, it would divert attention from the argument I’d just had with Hanna.
‘Sounds good,’ I smiled, and pulled myself up from the couch to wander over toward the windows and marvel at the blue, blue sky.
‘I need to stretch my legs, man,’ Hayden said, ‘I feel like I’ve been in prison for a month.’
‘There are some maps in the equipment room,’ I said, pointing over toward the hallway.
‘Oh, I don’t know if I need a map—I just want to get up to the top of the mountain, you know? At least then I can say I’ve been there, snow or not. Then it’s straight down again, right?’
‘Easiest way back,’ I nodded.
‘You guys planning something?’
I turned at the sound of Jake’s voice. Here he was, coming downstairs with a freshly showered and dressed Hanna, like the two of them were a couple. Hanna looked all smiley and chirpy as though she hadn’t had an argument since college. She avoided my gaze, and sauntered into the kitchen to find some food.
‘We’re gonna hike up the mountain,’ Hayden said, waving a spoon at the windows and the cloudless sky. ‘You guys coming too?’
‘I don’t think I’d make it,’ Jake said, clutching his back and wincing like an old man. ‘I think I must have slept in a bad position last night. My back is killing me.’
Hayden couldn’t help but glance over at me, an eyebrow raised as though to say, Is he kidding me or something? ‘Slept in a bad position last night’? Jesus. ‘Fucked’ in a bad position, more like. But then he said simply, ‘You never know, a little nice, fresh air and exercise—you might walk it off.’
Jake attempted to stretch his lower back and groaned at the pain, ‘Uh-huh, I don’t think this is going to walk off.’ From the kitchen, Hanna giggled.
‘We were going to head slowly down to the store to see if they had something to dull the pain,’ Hanna said, whisking up some eggs in a glass mixing bowl.
‘It’s that bad, huh?’ Hayden said, though his pity seemed a mite less than genuine.
Hanna turned, and for the first time since coming downstairs this morning, actively glanced at me to gauge my reaction to her spending the day with Jake while Hayden and I went hiking. Was she taunting me? Or was there some concern about how I might take it, how I might interpret her desire to be with him after our argument? I couldn’t quite tell.
I flashed her a smile that attempted to be vaguely apologetic and conciliatory. She looked down and poured her eggs into a sizzling frying pan on the hob, her emotions hidden.
‘Well,’ Hayden said brightly, ‘we’ll take a load of pictures I’m sure, so you guys can check out the view from the top.
*
Hayden didn’t mention anything for a while. We engaged in cheerful small talk from the moment we stepped out of the chalet wearing short sleeves and no cold weather gear, and carrying backpacks containing food and water and some extra clothes in case the cloudless sky turned suddenly back to the way it had been all week.
The small talk seemed to peter out when we started out into the trees immediately above the little town, and the walk started to be a real effort. After a while, only our quiet panting broke the silence.
As the trail proceeded through a small clearing that opened up to a magnificent view down the mountainside, Hayden paused for a drink of water. He leaned up against a fallen spruce to gaze down on the little town and the rest of the upland valley, but then caught me by surprise, saying, ‘You all right there, buddy?’
There was clearly more in his eyes than just asking after my well-being as a fellow hiker.
‘Sure, fine,’ I nodded, leaning up against the fallen tree trunk beside him in order to retrieve my own water bottle.
He paused for a while, then said, ‘I heard you guys this morning... you know... voices getting a little raised...’ It was as though he had waited to broach the subject of our argument until there was absolutely zero chance that Hanna, or Jake, or both of them, might change their minds and suddenly come on up the mountain after us.
I took a sip of water. ‘I guess everyone heard, huh?’
‘Everything okay between you guys?’
I shrugged. ‘You know how it is.’ He didn’t, not at all, but then I wasn’t sure I did completely, if I was being honest. He did have some idea that a strain might have been generated between Hanna and myself by the strange situation we were in, it seemed. He gave a sympathetic nod.
‘You buy all that stuff about his back being sore?’
I shook my head. ‘They’re probably in bed right now.’
‘Seems like it. You... are you sure you’re okay, buddy?’ he didn’t seem to know what to say.
I shrugged, ‘It’s only sex.’
Actually, despite my misgivings about Hanna developing feelings for Jake, it still felt oddly exciting for her to be back at the chalet with him. Fucking him. They were probably doing it all over the place, and particularly in my bed. I supposed that since they’d given us a cover story about spending the day searching for painkillers for Jake’s bad back, if they were actually fucking right now it was, technically, Hanna cheating on me. We hadn’t agreed anything as husband and wife. I felt troubled by the suggestion that she might do something behind my back—even if that strange, perverted, dark part of me seemed to revel in the thought the she would do something as interesting as cheating on me.
I told myself it wasn’t a breach of trust. It wasn’t really cheating. Hanna knew I’d assume she would start fucking Jake as soon as Hayden and I were out the door. Maybe that’s what she had been doing when she’d looked into my eyes just before we left. She was claiming my approval for whatever was about to happen.
It was something to cling onto mentally.
Hayden said now, ‘It’s kind of weird to think that if I had won that poker game the other night—either night—maybe I would have... you know...’
‘Slept with her?’ I looked at him, smiling at his sudden awkwardness over what might have happened.
Suddenly defensive, he said, ‘Hey, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to do that to you, anyway, Bud.’
I thought of how Hayden had been, particularly that first game of ours. How flirty he’d been with Hanna. Naked—or almost naked, if things had been different and he’d won that game—I wasn’t sure he’d have been able to accompany an entirely naked Hanna upstairs to the bedrooms and resist her very clear intentions to fuck him.
But it was nice that he was sensitive to my possible insecurities.
I said, ‘It’s all right, man. It’s only sex, as I said. When you’ve been married as long as we have... I don’t know... it’s like we’ve done everything together already, anyway. It doesn’t matter so much that once in a while someone hops in and takes my place.’
Hayden swigged his drink. ‘It’s not every husband would say that sort of thing, even after five years married.’
‘Seven,’ I corrected him. ‘But... you know... even for me, that first night... it wasn’t exactly easy.’
‘But you tell yourself it’s only about the sex, and that makes it okay?’ he asked. I wondered if Hayden had ever been in love with anyone before. I don’t remember ever seeing him cut up about a relationship ending. And, he had never given the impression he was with someone who could go the distance.
I said, ‘It felt like... you know... we just take a little breather, Hanna has a little fun while we’re on this shitty vacation, and maybe you or Jake get a little fun, too, and then things wouldn’t have been all bad this week. No big deal.’
‘But you don’t get to have fun?’
I shrugged, ‘I’d get a wife who’d had fun.’
‘And that’s a big thing when you’re married, right?’ he chuckled.
‘A happy wife is a happy life.’
‘Even so,’ he said. ‘I was kind of surprised... you know... Jake... going through with it and everything.’
‘I don’t know... the whole concept...’ I shrugged. ‘I think originally it was supposed to be more about the game, you know? We play poker, get through the night. Hanna throws a little spice into the mix, and it all seems exciting. I’m not sure I thought she’d actually go through with it.’
I was telling Hayden a little white lie. I couldn’t admit to him that I was turned on by the thought of Hanna being with someone else, that I had that fantasy. We were friends, but this was too much of a taboo. I couldn’t face his judgement.
‘But maybe... because you didn’t actively stop her...’ he said, trying to add another layer of explanation as though to help me out.
‘She assumed I was okay about it all,’ I nodded. A sigh. ‘Then... you know... after it happened... well, it was no big deal...’
‘Only sex, right?’
‘Right.’
‘But then came the second night... and maybe she’s enjoying being with him a little too much...’
I shrugged. ‘It’s okay if it’s just sex. If it’s more...’
‘And she doesn’t understand that?’ he asked me.
I nodded, and he gave a nod in return as though he understood it all now.
‘If she’d won that second game and she’d had the choice of who to sleep with,’ Hayden said. ‘She would have chosen Jake again, wouldn’t she?’
I nodded. ‘I think so.’
‘Figures.’ It almost sounded as if Hayden felt slightly embarrassed at attempting to flirt with her that second night—at showing signs that he wanted to win the game, that he had wanted to bed her. At the same time, I glanced at him, and there was a mild sense of relief about his features, as though he felt he’d dodged a bullet by not being put in a position to fuck my wife.
‘I hope you wouldn’t have been... offended by her choosing him,’ I said.
‘Oh, I might have been a little pissed at missing out,’ he smiled broadly. ‘I think even I realized she had a little candle for Jake, as soon as he won that second night.’
I recalled Hayden’s reaction—walking away from the poker table and upstairs to bed the moment Jake’s winning hand had been revealed. He’d been gutted.
‘But you know it wasn’t to do with you.’
‘I know, I know. If I’d have won that first game, she would have spent the night with me. I know that.’
‘She would.’
He chuckled, ‘And you know after a night with me she wouldn’t even have needed a second game of poker.’ Then he glanced my way and added, ‘Sorry, man.’
I laughed. ‘You’re probably right. But maybe she’d have fallen for you, and now I’d be sitting here with Jake worrying about the fact that she wanted to see you some more after we got home.’
He sighed. ‘So that’s where this is headed?’
Game Changer Page 12
