“We have lesbians here?” Boba Fett asked, confused.
“Lesbians ain’t no problem,” Fat Bastard purred and grabbed his kitty privates. “A little girl- on-girl action is hot. I wouldn’t mind seeing Zelda and Sassy do a little lesbian thing.”
“I said thespian,” Fabio corrected them with a disgusted eye roll. “And if you mention my daughter in a sexual way again I’ll call in your debts to me and buy Zelda a dog.”
“Harsh, dude. I thought maybe you’d developed a lisp,” Boba explained with a shrug. “And what the hell is a thespian anyway?”
“It means actor, you imbecile. But they don’t want me to direct their show,” Fabio complained.
“Who don’t want you?” Fat Bastard hissed as he extended his sharp claws. “The lesbians?”
“Do we need to kick some ass?” Jango demanded as little sparks of magic wafted around him.
“It’s a bit tricky to kick a lesbian’s ass,” Fat Bastard informed the group of idiots.
“Sweet Goddess on high,” my dad shouted. “Thespian not lesbian.”
“My bad,” Fat Bastard apologized clearly confused as to what he was sorry for.
“No ass kicking of the thespians,” Fabio warned. “I don’t want to win with magic or violence this time. I want to make real friends. I’ve never actually had real friends.”
“We’re your friends,” Boba volunteered as he waddled over and patted my dad on the back.
“This is true and for that I am thankful,” Fabio said with a smile as he slumped in his chair. “However, I’d like some human friends. I want to be part of something bigger than shopping or poker. Zelda’s made me realize that I want a real life. I want to be a dad that she’s proud of.”
Human shuman,” Fat Bastard grunted. “You’re a great fucking dad. Everyone in this town would be lucky to have a friend like you. You’re the finest card cheatin’ mother humper I’ve ever had the honor of getting my sphincter handed to me by before.”
“Damn straight,” Jango agreed. “I say we just off whoever don’t like you. The Bastard is outstanding at making things look like an accident.”
Fat Bastard preened under the dubious praise.
“He’s correct. You just give me the name of the lesbian that needs a shake down and I’ll take care of it for you,” Fat Bastard promised.
The silence in the room was palpable as they all stared at Fat Bastard in different variations of confusion and disgust. The obese cat was oblivious to the weighted silence as he went back to cleaning his no-nos.
“Again, I said thespians. Your political incorrectness is going to make you more unpopular than I am,” Fabio said wearily. “I suppose I’ll just have to give up on my dream of directing. I won’t make Zelda do something she doesn’t want to do. She’s really warmed up to me and I can’t risk losing that.”
“You don’t think she would go for it with Sassy?” Fat Bastard asked not even glancing up from his tiny balls.
The small explosion of magic that flew from my father’s hands hurled Fat Bastard across the room and into the wall with a thud. Everyone—including me—quickly ducked to avoid the ricochet. Whenever one of the cats got nailed, the magic flew back in defense. Even invisible, I was certain I could get singed.
I knew my minutes of invisibility were numbered. I definitely had a few questions, but now was not the time for an interrogation. I had to pee like a racehorse and revealing myself would cause more problems than I wanted or had the time to deal with at the moment. Plus, getting them to come clean would only lead to more questions I was positive I didn’t want the answers to…
Quietly climbing back out of the room, I walked away. I probably should have run, but my bladder and my curiosity had thwarted that plan.
Following my instincts had been second nature before I’d landed in Assjacket. Now I cared. Caring sucked. Liking people was complicated. Protecting my heart was always my motto up until a few weeks ago. Now it seemed to be growing and breaking into little pieces all the time.
Best thing to do when you don’t know what to do?
Ignore it.
Pee.
Go on a motorcycle ride with a hot dude who won’t have sex with you.
Win-win-win.
Maybe…
CHAPTER 6
“You’re awfully quiet,” Mac said as he pulled over to the side of the road and flicked off the ignition on the motorcycle.
He was correct. I had a lot on my mind. Mac was used to me shouting nonsense over the roar of his bike while we rode. Being a Shifter, his hearing was supersonic and he could always understand what I was babbling about. Today was different—so very different.
“I was thinking,” I told him as I removed my helmet and hopped off the bike.
He pocketed the keys, put the kickstand down and then stared at me waiting for a diatribe to pour forth. Surprisingly nothing came out of my mouth.
“Thinking can be a dangerous hobby,” he said as he took my hand and led me over to a dirt trail. “I say you just let it go for the afternoon and let me take you somewhere secret.”
“Secret?” I asked, intrigued.
“Yup. Come with me.”
I squeezed his hand and followed. Little did he know I would probably follow him straight to hell if he asked me to…
Colorful leaves still clung to the huge trees. There was a nip in the November air, but it was far warmer than usual. Sticks and fallen leaves crunched under our feet as we trekked to Mac’s secret place. Normally I’d be making up a scenario that would lead to sex, but that was off limits and shockingly, I was okay with that. Not that I didn’t want to do the deed with Mac—he was sex-on-a-stick personified—but maybe Roger was right. Maybe I’d missed a few things. Maybe if I got to really know Mac I wouldn’t even like him… yeah, right. It was the exact opposite. If he really got to know me he’d run for the hills.
Was that what I was afraid of?
“Close your eyes,” he instructed as we came to a clearing and stopped.
It was a huge grassy field with a pond in the center. The sunlight reflected off the water and made the late fall leaves shimmer. It was magical.
“But I already see it,” I told him, taking in the gorgeous place.
“No,” he corrected quietly. “You don’t. Close your eyes, pretty girl.”
“Is my tree house here?” I inquired and did as he requested.
“It might be,” he replied with a chuckle.
We walked a few more feet and then halted. Mac gently pulled me to a seated position on the ground and then sat beside me. A light fragrant wind blew and I breathed in the air happily.
“Can I open my eyes?”
“Nope. I’m going to tell you a story.”
“Like Rapunzel?” I asked with a huge grin.
His laugh made me shiver with delight. Had he changed his mind about climbing my hair and doing me till I couldn’t walk? Goddess, I hoped so.
“Not like Rapunzel. It’s a story about a little boy. You wanna hear it?”
“Does it end where we have sex?”
“Well… it could,” he hedged.
Good enough for me. “Yes. I want to hear it.”
I heard him inhale and exhale. His scent made me weak and my inclination was to scoot closer. Sometimes I just wanted to crawl inside him and stay. That couldn’t be healthy. I made a mental note to share this alarming barnacle-like need with Roger at our next session.
“Once upon a time there was a child. He had two parents who loved him and a younger brother he liked to wrestle with and beat the hell out of occasionally. The little brother thought he would eventually be able to kick his older brother’s ass, but he was sadly mistaken. The younger brother was a pain in the older brother’s butt.”
“Um, that’s kind of a weird start to a story,” I interrupted.
“You’re right. I digressed a little bit. The brother thing isn’t really important. Sorry.”
“No biggie. Get to the part where we get to have sex,” I told
him.
“That’s not part of the story. That’s up to you,” he said, tucking my wild locks behind my ear.
“Dude, no brainer. You don’t even have to finish the story. I’m all in with the sex part. Can I open my eyes and wrestle you?”
“Not yet,” Mac said with a laugh as he pulled me close to his side and played with my curls. “You have to hear some more. You might not want to have sex when you hear it all.”
“You’d have to turn into a troll for me to not want to do the nasty with you,” I promised.
“Definitely not a troll,” he muttered with amusement and continued. “When the boy was small he used to come to this secret place and wish for things. He wanted to grow up to be a good man and he wanted to always be able to kick his brother’s ass.”
“Sounds reasonable,” I commented.
“Yep. The Goddess heard his prayer and sent him a gift. She gave him strength, power and an affinity for the earth. She told him he had to practice diligently and one day he would be rewarded with a second half that would make his gift whole.”
“Did this little boy practice?” I asked, knowing I wasn’t hearing a fictitious tale.
“He did,” Mac said. “But as much as he tried he couldn’t get it quite right.”
“Meaning?”
“His flowers came up roots first. His butterflies had horns. Instead of jumping gracefully, the fish in his pond tap-danced. A big fucking mess.” Mac sighed and pulled me even closer. “However, lately things have been a bit different for the boy.”
Did I want to hear this? Hell’s bells, I did … and I didn’t.
“Can the boy still kick his brother’s ass?” I cut in, hoping to go back to a lighter part of the story and possibly stay there.
“Yes. Yes he can and he kicks his brother’s ass every Tuesday. Occasionally it’s been close, but the boy has come out victorious.”
“How does your little brother feel about that?” I asked with a smirk.
“Who said this story was about me?” Mac demanded in mock horror.
“My apologies. I was mistaken. Please do go on,” I replied as I bit back a giggle.
“So lately the boy has produced flowers with the buds up and the butterflies lost the horns but seemed to have grown fangs.”
“And the fish?” I asked wondering if they’d started twerking…
“Ahh, the fish. They have toed the line so to speak, but the rain is an issue,” he explained.
“The rain?”
“Yup. Every time a certain girl cries, it floods the secret place and the fields explode with indescribable beauty. Which has led the boy to believe she is the other half that would make him whole.”
“Is that the only reason?” I whispered into his chest.
“Nope. The boy knew she was his from the moment he saw her.”
“Don’t you mean from the moment he yelled at her?” I countered and he laughed.
Our first encounter had been auspicious. I’d saved him from the evil honey badgers but accidently zapped the bejeezus out of his ass, knocking him unconscious. I dragged his huge, heavy, bleeding frame back to my place and locked him in a cage. This didn’t go over well when he came to. I wasn’t too happy either since he’d bled all over my Prada. However, I healed him, shouted back at him, stripped my clothes off—much to his shock and mine and then banged the living daylights out of him. And this was my very recent history.
“I beg to differ about the first moment part. It was in the grocery. Remember?” he asked as if he had to. It was burned into my brain.
“You’re correct. I saw you in the grocery.”
“Saw?” he challenged.
“Fine,” I conceded with a snort. “I accidently-on purpose might have touched your butt.”
“Grabbed would be more accurate,” he shot back with a chuckle. “I knew then, but I thought you were human.”
“Human?” I asked with surprise.
I supposed it was possible. I hadn’t used my magic in the nine months I’d been in the pokey serving time for killing my cat who wasn’t even remotely dead. My aura was probably a little wonky—but human?
“Yep, it was a bit of an issue.”
“You were going to try to mate with a human?”
I really wanted to open my eyes. This was unbelievable. Magical beings could not mate with non-magicals.
“I was in deep discussion with the Goddess who was probably silently laughing her head off,” he told me with his own laugh. “However, after you almost killed me, I was greatly relieved to find out you were a witch.”
“I saved your life,” I yelled, completely insulted. “You were about to bite it.”
“No. I was winning. I would have killed all the honey badgers if I wasn’t trying to protect you,” he insisted. “You were quite the distraction.”
“Thank you,” I replied, still a little miffed that I was underappreciated for my honey badger popping skills. “I was looking really good that day.”
“Yes. Yes, you were—as always. And even though I could lose my alpha werewolf man card for admitting this, I will say you were insanely powerful and did help. I couldn’t have done it without you. Well, I could have, but not with you there.”
“I think I actually followed that,” I muttered as I put my hands over my eyes so I wouldn’t cheat and open them. His acknowledgement of my hotness and the fact that I was a deadly, unstable force of nature removed him from the I need to smite your ass category—for the moment. “So why are we here?”
“Because I want you to see what it is that you being here has done to my secret place,” he said simply. “Keep your eyes closed. Let me get in touch with the earth.”
His body tensed and the rhythm of the earth changed. A new kind of magic I’d never felt filled the air. It was mind boggling and a bit unnerving. The wind became a soft melody and it bathed me like the sun on a perfect spring day. The chattering of birds and frogs filled the air and made me giggle. The splashing from the pond were the words that filled the music. I was dying to open my eyes, but I stayed blinded to whatever was happening around me.
“Are you ready?” he asked as he pulled me to my feet.
“Am I?” I asked, unsure if anyone could answer my question other than me.
“Open your eyes, Zelda. See what you’ve done to me.”
Slowly I did and I was flabbergasted at what I saw. Beautiful was a paltry word to describe what was before me. Riotous color rendered me mute. Delicate flowering trees were surrounded by blooming shrubs, and vines in every shade of the rainbow shot up everywhere. Hundreds of fanged, day-glow butterflies flitted around my head as their wings gently brushed my cheeks.
Dropping to my knees, I tried to take in the sheer beauty around me, but it was too much. How could Mac possibly think I was responsible for this? I healed Shifter boo-boos, ate my own weight in cheesecake and conjured up treadmills.
The pond rippled as the purple and turquoise fish hopped in and out of the crystal clear water. Multi-hued birds flew wildly around and sang joyously. This had to be what the Next Adventure looked like. It was too otherworldly for Assjacket, West Virginia.
“Did we die?” I choked out as my eyes began to fill.
“Nope,” Mac said as he guided me to a bench at the base of a tree. “We’ve just begun to live.”
“I can’t do stuff like this,” I whispered. “You’ve made a mistake. I’m not capable of this kind of beauty.”
“Neither am I,” he said. “Not without you.”
“Mac, there’s just no way,” I tied to explain but my tears blurred my words.
And then it happened.
And it was so simple, so wonderful and so terrifying.
As my tears fell from my eyes the rain fell from the sky. The sun didn’t hide away, it grew stronger and brighter. The harder I cried the faster the rain fell. Rainbows shot out from behind the puffy white clouds and sparkled like glitter in the sky.
Mac took my hands and I felt a powerful magi
c flow between us. As breathtakingly gorgeous as the surroundings were, nothing was more beautiful than the man staring at me with so many unanswered questions in his eyes. Was it really true that together we were capable of making this kind of beauty? Could I trust this? Would I fuck it up?
“There’s another surprise,” Mac said as he tilted my chin up to the branches of the tree above our bench.
Sweet Goddess on bender, now I was certain I was going to turn Mac’s secret place into a flood plain. In the strong and thick branches of the tree was a darling little house. The kind of tree house every little girl dreamt of. The windows had window boxes with peach and lemon yellow flowers spilling from them. Sheer curtains floated in the breeze and there was a porch with rockers on it. It was mesmerizing.
A Witch In Time: Magic and Mayhem Book Three Page 5
