by Bella Andre
She should be stone cold around him. Or she should remember to be angry so that she kept her walls up. Both of those reactions would have made sense.
Anything made sense right now but feeling like it was too much, too good, too right to be sitting this close to him.
No. She needed to stop focusing on Ford. Today was about Marcus and Nicola. If she couldn’t help but cry, c’est la vie. The important thing was that her tears wouldn’t have a single thing to do with the man who’d had the nerve to sneak into the barn and squeeze in next to her in the already crowded pew. Heck, by now, she felt like she was practically sitting on his lap...and she refused to admit to herself just how downright sexy that thought was.
Focus, Mia!
With laser precision, she trained her gaze on her cousin, knowing Marcus had never looked happier. She was so happy for him, especially considering how much of his own life he’d put on hold when her Uncle Jack had passed away and Marcus had taken over the reins of the family to help raise his seven younger brothers and sisters. Every single person in the barn could see the way he looked at his bride, like she was absolutely everything to him.
It was an expression she regularly saw on the faces of her cousins and her brother when they looked at the women they’d fallen for. But, she found herself thinking for the very first time, hadn’t she recently seen that look in a more personal way? But where?
Suddenly it hit her: It was exactly how Ford had looked when he first saw her walk into the tower on Friday morning!
Oh God...she couldn’t be right about this, had to be spinning out from one drink too many on Friday night with the girls, and not enough sleep, and a stressful work week, and all the emotion in the barn.
And yet, before she could stop herself, pure shock at the thought that it might be true had her turning to look directly at Ford for the first time since he’d slid in beside her.
Do you really feel that way about me?
As if he’d been able to read her mind, his dark eyes immediately held hers. The heat—and emotion—in them held her completely still while she could have sworn he answered back.
Always.
Somehow, Mia managed to drag her gaze away. She forced herself to keep breathing slowly and evenly until she got her heart rate back to normal. That had always been her problem with Ford: When she was this near to him, her brain went haywire, straight into crazy-town where rock stars who regularly hopped into multiple beds in a single night actually wanted to be with only one woman for the rest of their lives.
Sure, she knew her cousins Smith and Ryan were such big stars that they could have bed-hopped forever if they’d wanted to, rather than both being happily engaged to awesome women. Still, the worlds of movies and professional sports never seemed to be quite at the sinning level of rock stars. In point of fact, off the top of her head she could think of half a dozen rock-and-roll tell-alls that had been written by groupies detailing just how rampant nonexclusive sex was in the music business.
And no wonder sex fairly poured off the rock star sitting next to her, given how devastatingly sexy he was in his dark suit and tie, with the scruff he often wore on his chin freshly shaved, and a hat pulled down low over his slightly-too-long dark hair.
What woman wouldn’t throw herself at him? Once the wedding guests realized he was here, Mia wouldn’t be surprised if otherwise sane women started throwing their bras at him.
As if he knew she was cataloging each separate element of his sexiness factor, out of the corner of her eye she could see him grin. Clearly, he thought he was winning this round between them.
But Mia had already vowed not to let him win one more thing where she was concerned. Filled with renewed determination, she used every last ounce of focus to tune back in to what her Aunt Mary was saying.
Instead of speaking to the wedding guests, Mary extended one of her hands to Nicola. “As soon as I spoke with you that first night when you met my son, I knew that you were going to change his life in the most wonderful ways.” Mary then took Marcus’s hand, and the three of them held on to each other as she said, “Oh honey, I—” When she became too choked up to continue, Mary laughed softly through her tears and said, “I think it’s time for you and Nicola to say your vows now.”
Neither Marcus nor Nicola had even spoken yet, but Mia was already wiping away the tears spilling down her cheeks. She could feel Ford’s eyes on her, but she didn’t have a prayer of holding her emotions in for another second, even if she knew he was planning to prey on her weakness afterward.
Marcus and Nicola turned to face each other, both hands linked. There had to be more than three hundred wedding guests looking on, but Mia got the sense that her cousin and his bride were only aware of each other. Marcus lifted Nicola’s hands to his lips for a kiss before she began to speak.
“The night we met,” Nicola began in her melodic voice, one that easily carried throughout the barn due to all her years on stage, “your mother told me that you are one of the best men she’s ever known. And then she said I would be safe with you.” Nicola looked back at Mary. “Thank you for doing such a beautiful job raising the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving with all my heart and my soul.” Mary smiled through the tears that she was wiping away one after the other.
Nicola turned her gaze back to Marcus and said, in a voice that trembled with love and wonder, “All the greatest love songs in the world could never come close to expressing just how much I love you. And every day I promise to try to love you even more than I already do.”
Marcus threaded his hands into Nicola’s loose waves and dragged her in for a kiss that nearly set the old wood barn on fire. And thank God he did, because at least that gave Mia a few seconds to try to corral her freely flowing tears. She wasn’t the only one losing it, given all the sniffles and sighs from the people all around her.
Just then, Ford reached out to gently wipe away one of her tears. His hand lingered on her cheek a few beats too long, long enough for her to feel that the current between them was still super-strong, no matter how much she wished it were otherwise.
Right then, she wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to move his hand away, but for the first time, he didn’t push his luck. And when he took his hand from her skin, she felt the loss deep within.
Looking back up at the bride and groom, Mia saw they were standing so close that Nicola’s wedding dress had tangled all around Marcus’s legs. “The moment I set eyes on you,” Marcus said, his deep, resonant voice filling the barn, “I knew you were the one. And every moment since, I’ve fallen more in love with your intelligence, your talent, and most of all, your amazingly beautiful heart. I never truly understood what forever meant until you.”
This time Nicola was the one lifting her hands to his face, to bring him closer for another kiss. Mia had been to at least a dozen weddings by her late twenties—weddings that were fun and happy events, but where everyone was so careful to follow the rules. Only at her cousins’ weddings were those rule books tossed out the window. Love was the only thing that mattered, and the I do’s would happen in their own good time.
As Marcus and Nicola turned back to his mother so that she could finalize their vows and proclaim them husband and wife, Marcus grinned and said, “And thanks again, Mom, for saying exactly the right thing to Nicola on that night when she was wondering if she should be leaving the club with me.”
The guests swung back again from laughter to tears as, in a voice that rang with pride and love, Mary Sullivan finally declared, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. And,” she said with a wide smile, “you may now kiss the bride. Again.”
All of the wedding guests erupted into applause as Marcus and Nicola kissed yet again. As soon as the bride and groom had begun to make their way back down the aisle, with their groomsmen and bridesmaids following, Mia grabbed a fistful of Ford’s black suit and yanked him close enough to whisper, “We need to talk. Now.”
Chapter Twelve
F
ord gladly let Mia pull him out through the barn’s side door and across a brick patio into a small outbuilding. The storeroom was dark and smelled like leather and old planks of wood, but there was a skylight in the peak of the roof that let in the sunlight.
Light that streamed over Mia’s glossy hair like a halo.
“You blindsided me at the tower house on Friday, but now that I’ve had some time to think, I’ve decided it’s long past time that I give you a piece of my mind.” She narrowed her eyes. “And don’t even think about leaving until I’m done.”
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” he said honestly. “And no one I’d rather be with.”
He saw the effect his words had on her before she took a step away from him, one hand over her heart as if that would be enough to keep what he felt for her from getting in.
“That right there is one of the big problems I have with you. You’re so good with words. Too good. I was twenty-three years old when we met. The tattoos and leather pants would have gotten me more than halfway there, but how could I not fall for every word that fell out of your mouth, whether you were singing them or saying them? For a long time I beat myself up for being so stupid, so naive—but then I realized something.” She looked resigned as she said, “I don’t think there would have been very many women who wouldn’t have fallen for you just the way I did.”
“You had me more than halfway there with your slinky silver dress and gorgeous eyes,” he told her, “but you weren’t the only one who fell for more than just looks, Mia. You’re not only beautiful. You’re intelligent, too. Spirited. Driven. There are a million beautiful women out there, but there’s never been anyone like you.”
Mia made a sound of disbelief. “You’re a walking musical encyclopedia, so I know you know that Joni Mitchell song where she sings about pretty lies. Like I just said, you’re a master of them, Ford. But they only work if the woman you’re with still wants to believe in roses and kisses from pretty men like you.” She shook her head. “I’m way past that now.”
“Nothing I’ve ever said to you was a lie. Not then. Not now.” But she’d already made it clear that more pretty words weren’t going to help his cause, so he ripped past them to say, “And neither is the fact that neither of us has ever had this deep or strong a connection with anyone else.”
“Trust the rock star to turn hot sex into a deep connection.”
“The hottest sex I’ve ever had,” he agreed, “but now who’s lying, Mia? You know damn well what we had was more than that.”
“Only you would be so certain that I’ve never connected with another man.”
“If that guy existed, you’d have married him.”
She shot back, “I didn’t marry you.”
“You didn’t marry me because I was an idiot. And if I thought there was a chance in hell that you’d say yes to marrying me now, I’d drag you out to have Marcus’s mother marry us in the middle of this vineyard with your whole family here to be a part of it.”
He watched Mia’s beautiful, full lips open slightly in shock. “Stop it! Stop saying things like that to me.”
On Friday, he hadn’t come close to saying everything he needed to. Today, he’d risk it all, including his pride.
“You’re right that setting myself up as your anonymous buyer was the wrong thing to do. It was pulling my same old bullshit. But I wanted to come to Nicola’s wedding long before I knew you were related to Marcus.” She looked surprised at his admissions, and when she didn’t immediately shut him down again, he hoped she was finally ready to believe that what he was saying was true. “I’m a changed man, Mia. And hopefully I’ve learned enough this time around to admit when I’m wrong, when I’ve screwed up…and to try not to repeat the same mistakes I made five years ago.”
But, clearly, these admissions weren’t enough, because she shook her head and took a step back from him. “I can’t do this again, Ford. I just can’t.”
“Tell me why. Tell me why you can’t believe that I love you. Tell me why you won’t believe that I never stopped loving you. Tell me why you won’t listen when I tell you that I’m sorry for what I did five years ago, so damned sorry that I’ve replayed what an idiot I was in my head at least a thousand times.”
Ford hadn’t just fallen for Mia because she was beautiful and made him laugh. He’d fallen in love with her strength.
Strength that she now used to make sure she didn’t let him in.
“Miami was—” She took a breath so deep it shook her chest. “It was horrible. Walking in on you backstage with that stranger touching you was like being stuck in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.”
“Mia.” He started to reach for her to soothe away the remnants of that nightmare, but she quickly put up a hand to stop him.
“You said you wanted to know why, and I can’t get my brain to work right when you’re touching me.”
Filing that accidental admission away for later, Ford said, “I do want to know why. I can’t stand to see you standing here in pain and know that I did that to you.”
“Don’t give yourself too much credit, rock star. Like I said, I was young and stupid and willing to believe in fantasies that could never be real.”
“I hadn’t touched anyone else in that week after I left Seattle. And that girl in Miami, I swear she didn’t mean anything to me.”
“Wow, a whole week without a groupie in your bed,” she said in a sarcastic tone. “Do you think that makes what you did any better? Do you think that makes you less of a jerk?”
“No, I don’t. Not anymore. Back then, I was an immature kid who dug his heels in and backed himself into a corner and tried to tell himself he was right about what he’d done for way, way too long.” Ford let out a harsh breath. “But now I know that I never should have left you with an ultimatum that you were either all in or it meant you were out.”
“So you do know what you did.”
“Now I do,” he told her, “but back then, when you didn’t jump at the chance to go on tour with me, I was sure it meant you didn’t love me the way I loved you.”
“You asked me to give up everything in my life, and barely gave me fifteen minutes to say yes and pack and get on the bus.” Her eyes flashed with hurt. “You acted like your life was the only one that was important. That my family, my career, my own dreams were just a footnote to the Ford Vincent show and I was supposed to feel lucky to be a part of it.”
“Everything I thought I wanted was coming to me, fast and easy and on a silver platter. Fame. Money. Recognition. And then, out of the blue, there you were. I’m not telling you this to make excuses. There are none for what I did or for how long I tried to convince myself that I was right. But I need you to know that I would never ask you to make a decision like that again.”
“Okay,” she said slowly, the very first time yet that she’d actually seemed to take in one of his apologies. “But it wasn’t just seeing the naked girl on your lap that hurt me. And it was more than the way you belittled my career and life in Seattle. You hurt me, Ford.”
“How?”
But he knew how, didn’t he? Because when she’d given him an opening to change in the tower house on Friday morning, he hadn’t taken it. And when she sighed this time, he sensed that she’d let down most of her walls. She didn’t seem to be particularly angry with him anymore, and the sarcasm was gone now, too.
But disappointment remained.
Unfortunately, he knew from personal experience with his parents that disappointment wasn’t a step up from angry. It was a wound that went so much deeper.
“So many of my cousins have fallen in love this year,” she told him. “My brother Rafe, too. I’ve only watched from the sidelines, but something I’ve seen over and over again with each of them is that they trust each other. With everything, especially the parts of themselves that they’ve never been brave enough to share with anyone else. I know you and I were young, and I’m not saying you weren’t in a crazy position with your career and
personal life all zooming up in the same moment, but even though you said you loved me, you never shared any more of yourself with me than you did with your fans every night from the stage.”
He knew it hadn’t been any easier for her to say all of this to him than it was for him to hear it. “If you’ll give me another chance, Mia, I promise I won’t screw up this time.”
“I—” Her eyes were big and clearly conflicted, but then he watched them fill with a sad determination. “I’m sorry, Ford. I think it’s great that we’ve finally cleared the past. And I want you to know that I forgive you for everything that happened five years ago, even for the way you blindsided me at the tower house on Friday, and then again today during the ceremony. But it’s time for me to move on with my life.” She paused and looked him directly in the eye. “Without you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Mia was halfway to the door when Ford reached out and slid an arm around her waist to stop her. The blood was pumping in his veins at the thought of opening himself up to her. It would be easier to continue to keep his feelings about his family hidden.
Easy...and empty.
Five years ago, she’d given him everything—not just her body, but her heart and soul, too. But he’d been too scared shitless to do the same. He needed to find a way to fight that fear now.
Or he’d lose her.
“The reason I hate the name Rutherford is because my parents gave it to me.”
He felt her shock at his sudden statement, and the way he’d just made his feelings about his parents perfectly clear to her in one simple sentence. That shock was what held her where she was in his arms a few seconds longer, her back to his front.
“Rutherford is the son they’d planned to have. Blue blood. Privileged. Top of the class in French. English literature. Polo. Lacrosse. Rutherford was supposed to attend an Ivy League school, graduate with top honors, then proceed to acquire a law degree.”
