Annie listened, appalled, while Cathy described in detail how difficult it was to get beyond their first time. Neither she nor Cyril had any previous experience with actual intercourse.
To Cathy’s surprise, and Cyril’s dismay, it was not as easy as they’d always thought it would be. At first, it was so difficult to get it in they thought they must be putting it in the wrong place.
Time, and some furtive research, assured them they were right on the mark; it just wasn’t going to slide in as smoothly as they’d always expected, especially after Cathy had tried for so long to prevent that very thing.
Annie felt her legs squeeze together as an image of herself and Gerry trying to figure out how to do it flashed before her eyes. As curious as she’d been about sex, now she wished Cathy would just shut up. But Cathy wasn’t finished.
Once they’d finally gotten past their first time, Cathy assumed the worst was over. Unfortunately, sex between her and Cyril didn’t get much easier. Still, in Cathy’s opinion, at least they had each other and, occasionally, they could try to have sex, too.
Cathy’s eyes had widened at this point and Annie knew the worst was yet to come. Cyril became obsessed. He wanted sex constantly. He was willing to skip classes and meals on the chance that they might do it, anywhere, anytime.
Annie couldn’t imagine Gerry acting like that, but what did she know? Maybe Cyril couldn’t help himself. Maybe that was why the church wanted women to wait until they were married before they had sex, so that it was too late to say no.
The more beer they drank, the more Cathy talked - about the pain and the bother, about the frustration of condoms and the mess of pulling out fast, about how she wished they’d never done it in the first place. By the time Cathy stumbled back to her own room, Annie’s stomach and the room were both spinning. She threw herself at the toilet, sick with beer and fear.
Come morning, tired and hungover, Annie concluded that it was definitely an omen. Sex was off the agenda.
The next weekend, she and Gerry were in her room sprawled across the bed. One of those groin-weakening kisses sent everything Cathy had said right out the window of Annie’s mind. All she could think of was Gerry lying next to her, holding her so tight and kissing her so hard that she didn’t care if she ever saw daylight again.
They did it again that same night and the next morning too. She had to wonder if she and Cathy were doing the same thing. How could Cathy not like it? Then, as the realization hit home, Annie offered a silent prayer, apologizing if it was wrong, but at the same time thanking Him for letting her be one of the lucky ones to like sex.
Annie would not have believed she could feel closer to Gerry, but after they made love she could no more imagine a life without him than a life without breathing.
Caught up in the joy of each other, the weeks flew by in a haze of lust and hormones. Each morning Annie awoke waiting to see him, to hear his voice, kiss his lips, to feel his eyes on her face, his fingers in her hair, on her skin.
Then they went home to St. Jude for Christmas.
Gerry was interested in a program at Dalhousie University for the fall, but only if Annie would transfer to Halifax with him.
Relishing the prospect of being so far away and on their own, just like a real couple, Annie told him she’d be gone in a heartbeat. This meant the secrecy they’d both tacitly agreed upon would have to end, but they decided that Christmas, with emotions running high and liquor flowing freely, was not the time to break the news. They would wait until January.
In the meantime, they arranged to steal a few minutes together each day by sneaking off into the woods for a pre-set rendezvous, which is where they were a few days before Christmas, frolicking in the bushes, oblivious to the snow and the cold and the rest of the world, when the boys happened upon them.
“What the hell?” Pat’s voice sounded behind them.
“Pat?” Annie arched backwards and twisted around. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing? What are you is more like it?” He started to reach in towards Annie. He looked confused; Annie was on top.
“Fuck’s sake, Annie, you desperate?” Aiden added over his brother’s shoulder.
“Watch your mouth, you saucy bastard,” she shouted.
Gerry was struggling to get both he and Annie up off the ground. “Now, guys.”
“I think you should stay out of this,” warned Pat.
“I think he’s already in this,” Annie retorted, landing on her feet.
Aiden shoved his face in front of her. “Well, you get the fuck out of it, Annie.”
“Mind your own business, Aiden,” she warned.
“I don’t get it,” Pat said. “When did this start? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Annie rolled her eyes at him, spreading her hands to indicate the four of them standing there in the woods. “Why do you think? Look at the two of you!”
Aiden spat on the ground. “Messing around with a fucking Griffin.”
“That’s it, I’ve had it!” Annie glared at Aiden. “How dare you—”
“It’s okay, Annie.” Gerry’s voice was low and soothing as he moved between them. “Listen, guys, sorry we never told you, but we didn’t want my mother to find out. You know how she is.” With a tentative smile, he extended his hand.
There was an awkward silence. Standing behind Gerry, Annie caught Pat’s eye. Silently, she mouthed “please,” her hands joined together as if in prayer. That, and Gerry’s conciliatory tone, seemed to have some effect, at least on Pat. He gave Gerry a weak handshake. Still, it was better than his brother’s reaction.
“Enough of this shit,” Aiden muttered. “Let’s get the fuck out of here, Pat.”
As Annie watched them tromp out of the woods, she knew their secret would be short-lived – Aiden had a pretty loose tongue when he was drinking. She had to stop him before that happened. God knows she’d done him enough favours over the years. He owed her. They both did. Matter of fact, they could help get Gerry into her father’s Boxing Day party as well.
That afternoon she went to their house. They were alone, thankfully.
“You can’t tell anyone, guys,” she said right away. “Just for now, okay?”
“Why the big secret?” Pat looked hurt.
“Oh you know…it’s just kind of complicated, what with Sadie and Mom and Dad and everything else.”
Aiden snickered. “Maybe you’re just ashamed.”
“Indeed I’m not.”
He stuck his head out at her. “Well, I am. I’m ashamed for you.”
“Fine. Just shut up about it, will you.”
“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t admit you had anything to do with that lot.”
Pat gave his brother a disgusted look. “And who’d know better than you?” Before Aiden could respond he turned to Annie.
“You sure about this?”
“Just give him a chance, would you, Pat.”
Pat shrugged. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
She smiled at him, happy to have him on her side even if he didn’t smile back.
Sadie stood at the front window looking down the snow-covered street, a wet cloth in her hand. Her eyes were narrowed, her lips pursed. “Where’s Gerard off to now?”
Debra did not look up from the TV where Bob Barker was trying to get a contestant to give him a price. “Don’t know, don’t care.”
“Every morning the same thing. Just goes off by hisself, not a word to anyone.”
Debra watched until the commercial came on, then she folded her arms and leaned back against the couch. “What I’d like to know is why he’s so frigging simple lately. Always got that shit-eating grin on his face. Drives me nuts.”
Got a point there. Never seen Gerard so happy. And sure why wouldn’t he be? Got the world by the tail, he do. Free education, that’s the ticket right there. I bet that’s it. He’s off doing stuff for Herself, bit of payback.
“Who knows, maybe he finally got a woman,�
� Debra added, her tone disgusted.
Sadie wiped the cloth over the remains of a dead bug on the window. “Thanks be to Jesus he’s not into that.”
“What? You want him to be going after the boys? Like father, like son?”
“Debra!”
Some crotchety, that one. Can’t blame her, I suppose. No boyfriend, no job, no money. Beth Ennis’s fault. Wasn’t for her, Debra’d have that job at the plant. Boils me. What do that Beth want to be working for anyway with two babies at home? And Luke - God help him, stuck with her - he’s on at the meat counter now, regular paycheque and all. Not like Debra with a youngster no one’s laying claim to. That really boils me, that do.
Debra turned up the volume on the TV. “You said it, not me,” she yelled.
“What I means is Gerard got better things to do than be hanging around with some floozy. He’s probably doing stuff for Mercedes. And turn that thing down.”
“Sure he is, little Prince Perfect.” A wail from down the hall got Debra to her feet. “Whatever floats your frigging boat, Ma,” she said, leaving the room.
Sadie went over and flicked off the TV then returned to washing the window. Her arm moved back and forth across the top, into the corners and down the sides. As she cleaned she wondered, as she had so often since Mark was born, who the boy’s father was. Debra was saying nothing, and neither was anyone else, at least not when Sadie was around, not even Phyllis or Bessie. Sadie suspected they knew something but she couldn’t come out and ask. Then they would know that she didn’t know. The only time she’d heard anything was one day when she’d been cleaning the church. Some of Debra’s friends had been smoking behind the building and Sadie overheard one of them say that Aiden Hann was the father. Sadie had flung down the mop and marched straight home. Debra had been furious and denied it in the strongest language Sadie had ever heard from her daughter’s frequently foul mouth. Sadie had felt better then.
The window squeaked as Sadie, her mouth bunched into a tight, hard grimace, pushed harder and faster on the cold, wet rag.
Our Debra got better sense than mess with that lot. Might be a Griffin but she’s not that stupid.
18
Although the guest list to the Byrne’s Boxing Day party had always been open to interpretation, Lucinda had never extended it to the Griffins. While anyone could drop in on a funeral, there were certain proprieties when it came to parties – unwritten, unspoken, but understood. However, if Pat and Aiden were to accidentally run into their new friend Gerry on the way over and invite him along, that would be acceptable.
Late in the afternoon they made their entrance. Aiden abandoned Gerry as soon as they were in the house, but Pat got him a beer and hung out with him until Mercedes came along. Annie had been surprised to see her aunt at the party. Mercedes had missed Christmas Mass, which was so out of character that Annie had assumed she must be really sick. But she’d made it to Christmas dinner, and now here she was again, looking perfectly healthy, talking to Gerry.
With her boyfriend firmly entrenched among the partiers, Annie relaxed, happy in the knowledge that anytime she wanted, she could look around and see him, and in her own home with no one the wiser. As the day wore on and everyone got merrier and noisier, they found themselves gravitating towards each other more often. Several times, Pat joined them.
Around seven that evening Annie went upstairs to use the bathroom. When she came out, a flicker of movement in the doorway across the dark hall caught her attention. She assumed it was someone looking for a coat or dropping one off. When her eyes adjusted, she saw Gerry’s face smiling at her, his finger pressed to his lips. Stepping silently from the room, his familiar hands settled in around her waist as he steered her backwards into the bedroom.
Although sex in her parents’ house was out of the question, an old-fashioned make-out session on a soft bed was irresistible.
Slightly drunk, as much on the taste of each other as the liquor they’d consumed, their hungry mouths and searching hands explored temporarily forbidden territory as they necked and nibbled and stole every ounce of pleasure they could from each other.
Out of nowhere, light flooded the room. They lurched to their feet, blinking madly and grasping each other’s arms. Mercedes stood in the doorway. She looked stunned, horrified even. Her mouth moved. Nothing came out. Clamping her lips together, she looked from one to the other of them, then grabbed her coat from the bed and rushed past them out the door. Not one word passed her lips.
In the harsh light, the upheaval within the cramped room jumped out at Annie. The musty pong of winter wetness hung in the air. Coats and scarves were strewn over the bed and floor.
She and Gerry had probably pushed them aside in their haste to go at each other.
“Annie?” Gerry’s hand squeezed hers. “You all right?”
She bent to pick the coats up off the floor. “Yeah…yeah, I’m fine.”
“That was weird.” He took the coats from her. “Not like her at all, was it?”
Annie shook her head. “I suppose we better get back downstairs.” The mood broken, they rejoined the party. Annie went in one direction, Gerry in another. Mercedes was nowhere to be seen.
Annie was sitting on the sofa talking with her grandfather when she saw her mother come in and motion to Gerry that he had a phone call. Gerry followed Lucinda out but returned within a minute and came over to Annie.
“That was my mother. I need to get going.” His eyes widened. “She said I have to stop at your aunt’s, too.”
“Oh?” Annie’s skin prickled. “What does she want?” And why would the message come from Sadie? Had Mercedes told her about the scene in the bedroom?
“She didn’t say, just that I had to go there and then straight home.”
Annie noticed her grandfather staring at them. “Glad you could drop in and have a beer with us,” she said in an offhand voice. “See you later.”
“Right. Good night. Merry Christmas, Mr. Hann.”
“And a Happy New Year to you, Gerry,” Callum answered.
Gerry got his coat and went to the door. There was no chance to talk to him about what had happened in the bedroom, a fact for which Annie was grateful at first. With a smile plastered to her face, she waved goodbye.
But something was wrong. She knew it in her heart, that sudden lead weight inside her chest. As he put on his coat and gloves, making small talk with her father at the door, she waited for him to look her way. She needed to see his eyes again, to lock into one private glance and know that all was well. But just as Gerry moved to look in her direction, Aiden stepped in front of him. Her father opened the door. He left.
As a winter wind swung the door shut behind him, it was all Annie could do to stop herself from chasing after him. If they could have that single second, one tiny kiss or whispered caress, then maybe the knot in her stomach would ease and the peculiar fear that had come to possess her would disappear. One moment, that was all she needed.
Sadie waited. She looked out the window, down the wet, slush-covered street, and she waited. She took another swallow of vodka from the small flask in her apron, and she waited.
What’s he doing at that Boxing Day party anyway? Our crowd don’t get invited to them shindigs. And what got Mercedes in such a panic? Never heard that schoolmarm voice so shook up. Not like her to lose her cool. Something’s up with her lately. Not been to Mass in ages, not even Christmas Day.
New priest is cranky and all, but that’d never stop Mercedes Hann, biggest Catholic alive, that one. Why’s she missing Mass?
And why the hell is Gerard taking so frigging long to get here?
She looked at her watch. A full hour had passed since she’d spoken to him on the phone. If he’d gone straight to Mercedes’ house, he should have been home by now.
That’s him! At the corner. About goddamn time, too.
Sadie watched as he came closer. His head was down, his hands deep in his pockets. Taking a final sip from the flask, she shoved it beneat
h the chair cushion. She slipped a mint into her mouth just as he opened the door.
“What did she want?” Sadie asked immediately.
He was staring at her oddly, as if he wasn’t really seeing her, as if his mind was somewhere else.
“What did Mercedes want?” she demanded.
He took off his coat and dropped it on a chair. His hand rose to press against his forehead, then moved to massage his eyes and the bridge of his nose.
“Gerard? Is something wrong?”
“I don’t… no, nothing.” He looked towards the door, his expression confused.
Sadie felt her blood rise. “What did that woman do to you?”
He hesitated.
“What did she say? Out with it!”
“Just that…that it’s wrong…and it’s… against God and the church…”
Against God? Frigging Mercedes Hann! Thinks she’s God herself.
“…and that it’s immoral.” His voice rose on the last word, as if he no longer knew its meaning.
Sadie stared, dumbfounded. For the life of her she could not imagine what he could have done that was so wrong. But there was something in his tone and in the way he wouldn’t meet her eye that was starting to worry her. “What is?”
He stared at the floor.
She went over to him and grabbed his arms. “Gerard! Answer me!”
“Ma, please—”
She slapped one hand on either side of his face and made him look at her. “What the Christ is going on? Do you hear me? The truth! What’s she talking about?”
He closed his eyes. “Being with my cousin,” he whispered.
“Being with…?” Sadie paused, confused.
What do he mean? What cousin?
She shoved him down into a chair. “Tell me!” she screeched.
And he did, slowly stammering out how Mercedes had caught him and Annie.
Sadie’s heart stood still. Smack dead in the middle of her chest. Not for long, just a few seconds, but she had no doubt that it actually stopped beating as the unwelcome image filled her head. She couldn’t speak. Could not think past the image and the words, the words and the image, playing over and over in her stupefied mind.
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