That’s why I remember everything so clearly to this day. I wanted to be ready to tell Congress everything before the attack. I could never have believed that Congress, as leaders of the American people, would not want to know precisely and accurately what our warnings entailed. So I replayed my conversation with Attorney General John Ashcroft’s private staff on August 7 or 8 over and over in my mind. I replayed every detail of hanging up the phone to Ashcroft’s office, and immediately dialing the Office of Counter-Terrorism at his staff’s insistence—right down to the last irrelevant details. I wanted to be ready. I made a decision to read no reports by other sources –not even the 9/11 Commission Report— so that external sourcing would not influence my first-hand descriptions of our warnings.
By November, there was a new tension in my midnight solitude: How extraordinary that nobody appeared willing to acknowledge our warnings before the attack?
Now that stumped me. I suffered no delusions that I gave the only warning. You’d be wrong to think that. There were others. Trust me.
Exhaustion was starting to wear me down. But something did not sit right. It struck me that somebody was cooking the intelligence books. I was just too exhausted to figure out why. I was so damn tired! And that proved my undoing.
All of my energies had to stay focused on Baghdad—and fulfilling the mandate from the White House, Congress and all those Washington pundits who railed against Iraq on CNN and the Fox News Channel after 9/11.
Dr. Fuisz and Hoven pushed me hard for results. They watched “Meet the Press,” too. They listened to the speechifying on Capitol Hill, and all of us recognized that Iraq was the second hottest front in counter-terrorism after Afghanistan and Pakistan. And Iraq was our baby. If the White House was guided by a secret agenda of leading our nation to War with Baghdad, they dropped no hints to an anti-war Asset who campaigned aggressively against sanctions. Truly I don’t believe Dr. Fuisz or Hoven understood that agenda for awhile to come, either.
You see the obstacles I had no idea I was confronting?
Let me underscore this point: Every time White House or Congressional leaders opened their mouths with public demands for Iraq’s cooperation, they were speaking to my team. I was the Asset designated to carry out that particular mission. My back-channel had filled that purpose since August, 1996.
For those reasons, Dr. Fuisz urged me not to get distracted by our advance warnings about 9/11. We’d confront them later, he said, after our work got finished. He didn’t say when it would be safe to discuss. I don’t think he knew. He only said that he couldn’t use me if I fell apart.
I definitely exhibited signs that I might. I suffered night sweats. I’d wake up from nightmares where I’d spin like a twister out of my body. Then I’d crash into my bed drenched in a cold sweat, my sheets and nightclothes soaking wet. Those are clear signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Does that disappoint you? It shouldn’t.
Everyone can help in good times when things are easy. Everybody’s your buddy and your pal. Everybody wants to contribute. What separates the “men from the boys”—or the “women from the ladies” is who stays in when situations get really tough. Who doesn’t give up? Who doesn’t quit?
After 9/11, you needed me. I considered my actions on your behalf to be the proudest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Because I did this work when it got hardest for me. Because I pulled myself through my own pain and grief, and gave everything I had. I tore myself apart for this. I did not break. I did not give up.
Regrettably America, you did not help me.
When I begged for a budget to support my work, Dr. Fuisz said, and I quote: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. You don’t ask for anything.”
Paul Hoven echoed those sentiments, with a few ugly, anti-feminist expletives thrown in. “Susan: President Bush said you’re either with us or against us. You’d better get to work and stop asking my friend for money.” And so I kept going.
By November, Dr. Fuisz accessed a large pot of money totaling $13 million from emergency “black budget” appropriations for the 9/11 investigation. While I argued that money existed to support our field operations, Dr. Fuisz handled it as his own private financial compensation. When I pleaded desperately to receive “something” to hold my own finances together, Dr. Fuisz vigorously refused. He had started building a mansion in Virginia earlier that year. An architect stole $3 million dollars off the $8 million project, Dr. Fuisz claimed. As a result, construction on his extravagant house stalled throughout the summer. Having listened to his phone calls many times on visits to his office, I saw for myself that he could raise no more cash to finish his mansion.
All of a sudden after 9/11, Dr. Fuisz was flush again. When I expressed heart-felt relief for the availability of funds, Dr. Fuisz told me straight out that $13 million (definitely from the feds) gave his family the opportunity to start construction from scratch. He talked about buying new land, and starting from the foundation up. And this mansion would be more spectacular than the first, because now he had $13 million to build with! I have always wondered if some of that money bought fancy houses for his college-age children, as well. Either way, he gave me nothing.
My request for funds to acquire Iraq’s cooperation with the 9/11 investigation: Denied.
Was Richard motivated solely by greed? Did a Pro-War faction at the White House relay a clandestine order to stall our Iraqi project? Or did Richard augur the future War policy on his own, and conclude the White House would be supremely pleased if all that federal gold got invested anywhere except to compel Iraq’s cooperation with the 9/11 investigation? In which case, nobody at the White House or CIA would mind if funds got diverted to the construction of his great house in Virginia.
Senior officials might have speculated that without budget resources, I would get fed up and quit. If so, they had a poor understanding of our team. We accepted the challenge under any conditions that we had to face. Dr. Fuisz gave me a personal check for $2,500 in October, and I kept going. This had to get done. We would make sure it got done right. These men aren’t quitters. Neither am I. If members of Congress aren’t who they pretend to be, that had nothing to do with us.
Not surprisingly, the lack of funds made it vastly more difficult for me on a personal level. I had to push forward with no safety net at all. My furnace broke that winter, and I had no heat for almost 10 days from Christmas Eve until after New Year’s. I cranked up my kitchen stove to stay warm through the Holidays. Dr. Fuisz sent me a honey baked ham for Christmas dinner. But life got awfully grim in my household, while Homeland Security beefed up its bureaucracy, and the National Security Agency splurged on high tech gadgetry.
I shudder to recall it, even today. Honestly, I felt heart-broken and I suffered for it. Yes I did. For months I pushed Richard to intercede on my behalf to secure the annuity payment promised as reward for my work on Lockerbie, the U.S.S. Cole, 9/11—You name it. I was entitled to receive rewards for all those projects.
Failure to honor those promises amounted to massive leadership fraud. It was a major betrayal of Congressional pledges of support for Assets in anti-terrorism, flags flying high on the sound stages of CNN and the Fox News Channel.
Meanwhile, the “Black Budgets” exploded to $85 billion a year—all of it taxpayer dollars off the books to federal auditors—paid from the salaries of hard working teachers, doctors, construction workers, farmers, and every day Americans across the country, who sweat, like me, from pay check to pay check. There’s no accountability for handling those “black budget” appropriations. Congress has barred itself from auditing black budget projects. So in truth, Capitol Hill has no idea whether appropriations reach the field, or if monies get diverted to private bank accounts for non-professional uses, resulting in thefts of billions of U.S. tax dollars.
Failing to provide resources to Assets like me, engaged in the daily work of counter-terrorism amounted to gross command negligence, howev
er.
There’s a time-honored tradition in military style structures that leadership entails a responsibility to provide for the welfare of individuals under the command. Underlings give obedience, and commanders act in good faith to provide for their honest needs— not extravagantly, but at a basic threshold. It’s known as “Jus in Bello,” and it’s critical for the success of the command unit.
This time they failed badly, and I suffered intensely as a result.
And all because of the total absence of black budget oversight. Black budget monies are equivalent to 100 percent, interest free gifts to the notorious Beltway Bandits in Washington, who grab for that cash with open fists. They have no obligations to provide any services to the government in return, or to repay the money if businesses are sold for a profit down the road. It’s corporate welfare. Small business owners across America would be so lucky. They’d be thrilled.
As a result, it is impossible for me to hear leaders on Capitol Hill brag about their outstanding leadership support for Assets and anti-terrorism without becoming very, very angry. Congress should keep its mouths shut, until whatever time black budgets get reformed. An overhaul of intelligence appropriations is long overdue.
Unhappily after 9/11, I needed to buy groceries and pay my mortgage and utility bills just like other Americans. I tightened my belt and kept going. After 9/11, I got to New York twice a month on average for meetings with Iraqi and Libyan diplomats. I went after Iraq’s cooperation pretty hard. And the spooks kept track of it all.
Later on, when I got accused of acting as an “Iraqi Agent,” I dreamed of going into Court wearing a shirt that read: I Warned About 9/11 And All I Got was This Lousy T-Shirt & a Federal Indictment.
Pretty scandalous, eh?
Bottom line: Republicans on Capitol Hill got a free ride on the publicity train after 9/11. They never paid the fares. Promises were broken and forgot as soon as the TV cameras packed up. Unhappily, their deception carried a bitter cost for Assets like me.
After my indictment, my emotional stress after 9/11 would become a matter of fierce conjecture and debate. The spooks would grab for any excuse to block my demands for a trial, and thereby prevent exposure of Iraqi Pre-War Intelligence and our 9/11 warnings. My panic attacks and chronic fatigue gave them a reprieve. They would not let it go.
Ominously, the Justice Department attack would spiral beyond their grasp. And Congress would hold no inquiry to check the facts of my history as an Asset. They would not want the truth about Iraq or 9/11 coming out either. My indictment helped a lot of people tell a lot of lies.
And so it’s important to know what really occurred during those twelve months after 9/11. My “emotional state” turns out to be nothing remotely similar to what it was portrayed to be.
Chronic fatigue should not be confused with depression. In fact, it has quite the opposite effect. I experienced stress and anxiety, which I associated with my profound disappointment over our team’s failure to stop 9/11. However, I continued to feel motivated to pursue my work. I worried for my future. But I also expected any private setback to be short term. Throughout those months I never stopped appealing to Dr. Fuisz for funding.
I suspect chronic fatigue is something I have shared with Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson. It’s a condition where your body becomes so tired you can’t sleep at all, because you’re throbbing with energy of what has to be done. You know that you must sleep, and it hurts physically that you can’t. You’re just too wired and hyped. It’s a bad cycle to fall into. It’s more likely to occur, I think, if you’re forced onto a sustained level of high energy, when your body does not get a chance to recuperate or slow down as part of its normal cycle.
In fact, my chronic fatigue was the brunt of hard work. I was accustomed to the quirks of my trade, and perfectly content. I lived my life the way I chose. I pursued projects I loved. Dr. Fuisz and Hoven never coerced me for help. Our team was incredibly close, and I wanted to do this, despite the lack of funding, which I considered grossly unfair and selfish. Up to this point, in every respect I lived the best life that I could have chosen, given who I am. I made sacrifices, but I considered those worthwhile. I was a good sprinter. I was at the top of my game, no matter how exhausted I felt.
What I needed was a long vacation on a tropical island, with snorkeling and horseback riding and a private masseuse. Or a hike through the Australian Outback. I certainly deserved it! I had earned those rewards promised by Congressional leaders on CNN and the Fox News Channel.
Alas my daily life had to be far more practical. After my trip to Baghdad, I started a job as Press Secretary to Congresswoman Zoe Lofgren, a Democrat from San Jose, California. That proved to be a horrible mistake.
There’s an honorary code of silence among former Hill staffers. Suffice it to say that Washington PACs keep Lofgren in office, no matter what happens to San Jose, California. She’s a safe Democratic seat. She’s not going anywhere.
In fact, she got promoted. Today, Rep. Lofgren chairs the House Ethics Committee, though I recall her angrily hiding in her office, waiting for a San Francisco TV journalist to leave the front waiting room, so she could take her car for an oil change.
I had no tolerance for that sort of behavior on Capitol Hill. As it was, I lost eight weeks sitting at a desk in Lofgren’s House office, doing absolutely nothing. Sure I needed the rest quite desperately. But every day I chomped at the tether, longing to get back to work.
It all came to a head when my old friend, Rita Cosby at the FOX News Channel breathlessly informed me that Iraqi diplomats told her about the documents proving a Middle Eastern connection to the Oklahoma City Bombing and the 1993 World Trade Center attack. I was convinced those papers tracked Ramzi Youseff’s financial accounts from what we formerly called the “Inter-Arab Group,” at the birth of Al Qaeda. That made the decision for me. I had to get those papers. When a frivolous dispute arose inside Lofgren’s office, I managed to extricate myself from her ego trip within the hour. I was not alone in the flight out of her office. She hired four press secretaries in the 12 months before me. That says everything.
I was glad to get out of there. I had real work to do. Working made me feel better.
PART TWO:
WHEN TRUTH
BECOMES TREASON
CHAPTER 11:
THE OLD
POTOMAC TWO-STEP
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight.
It’s the size of the fight in the dog.
–Mark Twain
Arguably, I just might be the most slandered woman in America. In which case, I am also the subject of the greatest farce.
Think I’m exaggerating?
You’ve all heard the rap: Bad Intelligence before the war. No options for peace. Lousy Assets got our facts wrong. Incompetent! Poor risk taking and creative problem solving.
Oh yes, it’s my fault the U.S. invaded Iraq! I’m the fool who ruined us!
That’s right. Assets are supposed to be proactive and creative fighters, aren’t you? You guys are supposed to stick your fingers in the dyke to hold back catastrophe.
You’re supposed to find a way when the situation’s hopeless. You’re supposed to create opportunities for action where there are none. That’s what an Asset does. It’s what an Asset’s for.
So where the hell did you disappear to before the War? Did you get lost in the Gobi Desert, and couldn’t get an internet connection to find out what lunacy was seizing Washington? Were you stuck in a Siberian gulag? Lost in the Australian Outback? Hiking in the Himalayas on a quest to find the true Dalai Lama? Did you find Amelia Earhart in Tonga?
Where did you go? Why didn’t you do something when all of us needed you so badly?
You dealt with Libya and Saddam Hussein for years. Couldn’t you handle Andy Card and Colin Powell? Was Nancy Pelosi really so difficult?
Oh I see. If only I’d gone to Capitol Hill, and confronted congressional staffers about the gross mistakes in their assumptions about Ir
aq’s weapons stocks! Maybe Congress would have allowed U.N. weapons inspectors to finish their jobs, instead of racing to spout war propaganda loaded with salacious intelligence “facts” that were totally wrong!
Surely they would have listened to me. Obviously I had better access to higher quality intelligence than they did! I was a primary source for intelligence on Iraq after all.
If only I had debriefed Congress about the comprehensive peace framework constructed by the CIA, protecting all U.S. interests, post-sanctions—
Oil contracts? Got it.
Lucrative reconstruction contracts for U.S. corporations in telecommunications, transportation and health care? Done.
Anti-terrorism? Bulls eye.
Weapons inspections? Not a problem.
Democracy? Some very creative ideas on the table.
Surely if I informed them, Congress would have recognized that all the problems identified by Washington could be resolved without firing a single missile. No American soldier had to die, or lose his arm or leg in five tours of duty in Mosul and Fallujah. No Iraqi civilian had to lose their home, or watch their future destroyed.
Picture the streets of Baghdad with no IEDs. No suicide bombings. No fragmentation of Iraq.
There would be no quagmires. No $5 Trillion Dollar war deficit. No financial meltdown bankrupting the Middle Class. Just peace and prosperity for all of our days! A future of contentment and envy around the world, while the Greatest Super Power of All Time enjoyed bountiful blessings, dominating the global agenda.
The world could have been spared so much pain…
Why didn’t I think of that!
My apologies to Nancy Pelosi, but my actions totally demolish the rants on Capitol Hill about Assets and Pre-War Intelligence.
I might have been “last to know” on the Intelligence food chain of what the Bushie Boys were up to in Baghdad. But I certainly got the message that something was wrong before the rest of the American people or the world community.
EXTREME PREJUDICE: The Terrifying Story of the Patriot Act and the Cover Ups of 9/11 and Iraq Page 22
