“All you say may feel true to you at the moment, yet you are still physically alive, Ania. Plus I saw all of you in the reading. Your spirit is still inside your body, just hidden away and sleeping until something awakens it. I have faith in the Creator’s plan, so I will meditate for you until you are able to do so for yourself again. Blessings on your continued long life, my great teacher. I serve you still.”
Ania snorted at Dorian’s declaration, but afterwards felt herself close to tears once more. Yes, teacher. She had been that once, though the details were like a story that happened to someone other than her.
Ania was tempted to demand more answers. If pressed, Dorian would probably tell her the secret Liam was hiding. But she couldn’t in good conscience ask Dorian to divide his loyalties between Synar and her. There was no choice but to wait for her former mate to decide to talk to her.
“Blessings on your continued long life as well,” Ania said finally, bowing her head to him again. More anger would not help. And she was grateful that Dorian cared. “Go in peace, Dorian. I’m sure I’ll see you again shortly on a ship this size.”
Dorian turned his body toward the door, but his face was still turned toward Ania, reluctant to leave. Her head was bowed in even more defeat now than when he had entered the tiny cramped space where Synar had put her. He almost ran over the person in the doorway as he considered whether to stay or go. “Liam—pardon. I didn’t see you.”
“Why are you here?” Synar demanded. “I said Ambassador Looren was not to be disturbed at all today.”
“I am only here to help her get settled in, Captain. If you’ve come to see to your mate’s needs, I will gladly take my leave of her.”
Dorian’s irritation faded quickly. His formality had the desired effect of causing Liam more guilt than a thousand carefully chosen words might have. He almost never called him captain. Liam had never asked it of him.
“Dorian is not disturbing me anymore than you are, Captain Synar. He offered me vibrational solace and showed me kindness, as is the best gift of his people. His efforts were appreciated and quite within protocol for a ship’s counselor.”
Ania hoped her words covered her resentment for Dorian calling him her mate. She wasn’t going to allow Liam to know how much being on the ship, and near him again, was bothering her. She didn’t want to risk triggering Liam’s stubborn side, but she wasn’t going to let him dictate her actions either. They needed to reach a new understanding.
“Let’s get some uncomfortable business between us settled. I hereby officially request you, and your crew, to stop addressing me by a title you and I know I no longer hold. I claim the right be called Ania Looren only. I revoke all other names and titles.”
Ania hoped he realized “mate” was also one of the titles being revoked. It would save further confrontation.
Despite no forthcoming invitation, Synar walked by a glaring Dorian to enter the room, ignoring the warning look the older male bestowed on him as they passed each other. He probably owed Dorian an apology, but it would have to be offered later.
“As you wish,” Synar conceded, his gaze moving from Dorian’s retreating back to the female now mostly ignoring him. “I’ve been thinking of what would be a suitable role for you on the Liberator. Being a peace keeper on a ship is not so different from being an ambassador.”
“I probably no longer qualify for that either, but will abide by your decision while I am among your crew, Captain.”
Ania turned from her now completed task of unpacking to face him. Dorian, for all his greater size, did not fill up the small room as much as the Norblade male now standing way too near to her. She acknowledged her rising female awareness of him and set it aside.
“You said we would discuss what happened when I fell asleep during the inquiry. Is this a proper time?”
Synar looked at Ania in the crew uniform she had donned. All he could think of was how much she looked just like she did when he had met her. In her capacity as ambassador back then, Ania had come aboard his ship to be transported to a multi-planet counsel session. Though she had looked beautifully cold and unapproachable, he had become instantly ravenous to bond with her. The thought of Ania being with or belonging to another male was just as unbearable now as it had been then.
It was unfortunate that another male ultimately had claimed her, and worse that he had done so by Synar’s command. Yet no matter how loathsome the decision, he was no closer to being able to give Ania over to death now than when he’d sent Malachi into her the first time. And he didn’t care how many planetary laws it broke. Every instinct he possessed still said the female in front of him had to live—whatever the cost.
“Do you require anything for your comfort?” Synar asked quietly, putting hands in his pockets to keep them off her. His strong need to touch her again surprised him.
“No. I require nothing more. My needs are even more simple now than when you used to know me.”
As she talked to him, Ania kept her gaze trained on the door, and her awareness off Synar’s escalating discomfort in her presence. She refused to worry about his mental state. What he felt was not her concern any longer.
“May I speak my truth to you, Synar?”
“You may always speak your truth to me.”
Ania didn’t believe he meant his words, but she continued anyway.
“I feel an imperative need to discuss what happened during the inquiry. I want to know why I am required to be on your ship when you so obviously do not wish me to be here. If you retain any respect for my former place in your life, I ask that you make your explanations of those things a priority. Dorian spoke of me having to make decisions soon. I feel compelled to obtain knowledge as soon as possible in order to prepare myself.”
“What did Dorian say about the future?” Synar demanded, stalling his response to her comments.
“Only kind and comforting things,” Ania answered sincerely, unwilling to fully disclose the details of her energy reading. “Dorian gave me his compassion. I had forgotten how nice it could be to be touched.”
Synar looked away, unable to hold Ania’s accusing gaze, while inside he secretly resented Dorian’s interference.
Dorian Zade’s offering of spiritual comfort is not what you resent, Liam, Malachi sent. You just don’t like that a Siren male was touching your female. You should have seen how happy he made her. Providing such comfort was beyond my ability. How could you leave a female who needed you that much?
Be silent, Synar ordered. You do not know my feelings on the matter.
I’m not sure you do either, Malachi replied.
Liam frowned. He wanted to touch Ania. He wanted to hold her. He wanted it now. Yet he could not bring himself to embrace Ania knowing the demon was a witness to his desire. The idea that Malachi would be hearing everything, sharing everything, bothered Synar more than he could set aside.
Dorian had cautioned him when he first bonded with Ania that there was very little heat in the Pleiadian female for him. But he hadn’t needed his intuitive friend to know Ania’s physical desire was lukewarm. He had been very aware that after many centuries of setting aside the physical side of herself, Ania never had reached the point of being more than mildly aroused by their physical bonding.
Yet her lack of desire had not put him off from formally mating her. He had been convinced that Ania was all the mate he would ever want or need. While part of him had been irritated by her reticence, another part had considered her coolness a challenge. The first time they had actually shared a bonding vibration had rivaled the moment he’d earned his captain’s rank. Every experience after that first one eclipsed all others he’d shared with any female.
He had no regrets in mating Ania. His regrets were only about not stopping Conor’s men in time to really save her.
“I’m not upset that he helped you. Dorian just should have checked with me before he came to see you,” Synar said, knowing it wasn’t fair of him to hold such a view.
Ania turned away to keep him from seeing her irritation. “My friendship with Dorian is centuries older than you are. I will not allow it to be disrespected no matter what you think of me. My interactions with him are not your concern.”
“I am not talking about your friendship with Dorian. You are I are still mated, Ania. It is disrespectful to let another male touch you other than to render aide,” Synar declared, all but choking on the hypocrisy of his words. Irrational or not, he didn’t want Dorian touching her. In fact, he didn’t want any other male touching her. Ever.
“Your accusations are invalid since you and I are no longer mated, Synar. To pretend we are is an illusion that serves no one and I will not be a part of it. The last two years of pretending were quite enough, even in my long lifetime. Check your records. Our mating agreement has been formally severed.”
She had drafted the mating dissolution form the day Synar said he might never come back for her. After the commissioner announced Synar was still legally responsible for her, Ania had decided to move forward with the dissolution. Sending the form and getting the acceptance back in a mere instant had barely hurt at all. It had seemed the only logical thing left to do to end a relationship that was over in every other way.
“I have seen no dissolution notification,” Synar said, a bit shocked that Ania would take such an official action without first informing him of her intent to do so.
Then he found himself morbidly wondering how the Pleiadians could accept a formal dissolution of their mating if they no longer considered her a live entity. Bureaucracy was always confusing, no matter how advanced the planet. By Pleiadian laws, he owned Ania’s body, if not the spirit within it now glaring at him. Coming out of his musings over the matter, Synar realized he’d been staring the whole time and swallowed hard at the anger radiating from her.
“Why did you feel the need to dissolve our arrangement after all this time? Is there someone else you wish to mate?”
Ania shook back her hair. If there had been another male, she would not have waited until now to dissolve it.
“My bonding availability is no longer your concern. I simply refuse to deceive any creature deliberately, even those of your crew that I do not yet know. While I packed at my parent’s house, I filed the dissolution form. It was acknowledged instantly. Trust me, our separation is legally, as well as spiritually, real. Isn’t that why you put me in my own space?”
Ignoring Ania’s angry pronouncement, and not ready to discuss their sleeping quarters, Synar turned his attention from the technical details to the bigger issue he needed to understand.
“What else do you know about the outcome of your inquiry?”
Ania turned her back to him and pretended a great interest in the contents of her room. It kept her anger from escalating to a point of wanting to attack him.
“The details were not published before we left. The best of my intuition has been stripped from me in the last two years. But what knowing I do possess tells me you have my answers. I am being as patient as I can be in the circumstances, Synar. I want to know what is going on.”
Curse Malachi, Synar decided. He was behind Ania knowing. He was supposed to be suppressing her awareness. Was the demon truly so determined to shed Ania’s body that he would hasten their confrontation? There was no available host body on the ship for the demon to use in place of hers. If Ania chose her death, Malachi would have to go into the amulet. In the amulet would be nothing but a void. So what could Malachi be planning?
I am planning to get the truth out so we can all move forward. The female and I are both weary of the secrecy. And yes—I would risk the Creator’s wrath to tell her myself. I obeyed you without question while we were apart, but I am out of patience as well, Liam. Do what is right and tell your mate the truth, Malachi ordered.
I will not accept her death as an option. You will remain in Ania until I say otherwise, Liam declared.
How is it that you know so little about the female you mated? Her spirit is ancient and weary of life’s constant struggle. You took away her primary reason to want to live longer when you left her. She never got over you, Malachi declared in return.
Synar resisted for a few moments more, hating to admit that Malachi’s communication about Ania was reassuring, even if accompanied by a threat.
“Your indecision is energetically depressing. Are you planning to make me wait another two years to know what has come to pass?” Ania demanded.
“No. You’re right. No more waiting. We will meet in the briefing room after the evening meal. What I have to say will not be a comfortable revelation for either of us, but. . .you have a right to know.”
“Thank you, Synar. I wish only to know the truth that belongs to me.” She bowed her head respectfully, but not before she watched Synar flinch from her words. Then Ania watched him leave as abruptly as he had arrived.
Feeling a fluttering inside her again, she rubbed a hand over her midsection to soothe it. Anxiety and stress were steady companions lately. She was tired of feeling so emotionally fragile. It was not at all how she thought of herself.
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About Robyn Peterman
Robyn Peterman writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper.
Her addictions include laughing really hard with friends, shoes (the expensive kind), Target, Coke Zero Cherry with extra ice in a Styrofoam cup, bejeweled reading glasses, her kids, her super-hot hubby and collecting stray animals.
A former professional actress with Broadway, film and T.V. credits, she now lives in the South with her family and too many animals to count.
Writing gives her peace and makes her whole, plus having a job where you can work in your underpants works really well for her. You can leave Robyn a message via the Contact Page and she’ll get back to you as soon as her bizarre life permits! She loves to hear from her fans!
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