by Jordan Ervin
Maria stared down at Jamie’s lifeless corpse before slowly glancing up to meet Lukas’ eyes. The thin trickle of blood on her chest was somewhat thicker now, though not as thick as Lukas thought it should have been for a wound to the chest. However, it was nothing compared to the gaping hole on the side of her face—a wound of jagged flesh where the bottom of her left jaw had once been.
Lukas wanted to howl and cry out for his wounded wife. As he opened his mouth to speak, Maria’s eyes rolled back in her head and she fell to the side.
“Maria!” Lukas tried to force his numb limbs into movement. He could barely move his arm more than a few painful inches at a time. He roared—a weak shout that sounded more like a whimper—and tried to roll over onto the floor. Instead, his body fell sideways and he lay on the leather seat.
“Maria!” he whispered. His right hand lay on the seat in front of his face, both it and the edge of the seat blocking his view. He attempted to lift his head, though he might as well have been trying move a small car. It wasn’t impossible, but it wasn’t likely going to happen.
If I can just reach over and pull myself….
He glanced at his hand again, his eyes falling further before resting on the watch at his wrist. Suddenly, he remembered the order he had given not one minute ago. His men would be storming Buckingham Palace right now and unless he could stop them, Jacob would be soon be dead. He summoned all of the strength he had left in him and moved his left hand toward the watch. He pressed his shaky thumb against the tiny screen, cursing as he waited for it to register. When it lit, he began to speak, tears streaming from his eyes.
“All units, this is Lukas Chambers. Stand down. I repeat, don’t kill Jacob Brekor!” He waited for a reply, but nothing came. Panic overwhelmed him and he wondered if he was getting through. Suddenly, it dawned on him that maybe something Jamie had done had cut his ability off to transmit anything. There was no way he could tell, but he knew he had very little time left. Darkness was closing in, and he was on the verge of unconsciousness.
“I’m…I’m on the bridge,” he said, his eyes growing heavy. “Fourteenth bridge…railroad tracks…Maria’s shot…please….”
As the light of the world fled and he tumbled into a stupor, the last thought that ran through his groggy mind was a question—one that he knew he would never be able to stop asking himself if he lived to see another dawn.
What have I done?
Chapter Seventeen
Hope and the Scent of Wool
Alexandra Andreou hobbled forward underneath a hot springtime sun, trying to ignore the dull pain in her legs and the fierce torment in her mind as they neared Harding University. She glanced over at Judah and frowned. He had said barely a word to anyone in the nine days it had taken for them to travel the short distance from Memphis to the outskirts of Searcy. Like her, he had lost so much of his innocence the night he stormed into a brood of vipers to save a girl he hadn’t known had already been tainted.
Tainted, Alexandra thought to herself as tears reformed in her red eyes—a common occurrence, be it day or night. That’s what you are. Tainted. Stained. Ruined!
She lowered her head and wiped the tears away before anyone could see her crying. The others had been very quick to show her compassion and concern, slowing their trek to a dangerous halt anytime she had bouts of suffocating panic. They had already been traveling at the slow pace due to Judah’s limp and everyone’s exhaustion, and Alexandra hated when her emotions slowed them further. At night, her screams dwarfed those from the first days of her journey with them; a time when nightmares existed as merely dreams about the brother and father she had lost.
What would your father think of his sweet Alexandra now? How would your brother look at you if he knew what you had been to those men? She slowed to a stop, lowering her head and gazing off into nothingness as she tried to answer that question. No. They’re dead, just like you. The only difference is you’re still walking.
There was so much hate in Alexandra’s heart, yet she redirected it all at herself. She saw herself as nothing more than spoiled goods—a contaminated orphan worth less than those who were willing to give their lives for her.
You’re dangerous. You’re an infectious piece of meat that’s going to kill those you care about! There’s nothing for you. Nothing but pain and sorrow! You’re alone. There’s no one else, just you. Don’t love anything. Don’t trust anyone. You can’t….
She slowly looked to her left as she realized Judah had stopped beside her. The others continued walking across the vacant highway, unaware that Judah and Alexandra had halted. He didn’t look at her directly; his eyes seemed to pass through her, gazing at something unseen. Judah had barely glanced her way over the past nine days. Still, he had been true to his word and stuck by her side the entire time.
“I already have a shadow,” Alexandra muttered angrily as she started forward. Sarah glanced back, her gaze shifting from Alexandra to Judah before she lowered her eyes and turned back forward. Judah silently resumed his walk, a pace that matched Alexandra’s step for step. She rolled her eyes, doing her best to ignore his silent, ever-present company. She didn’t want to hate him or berate him.
She wanted him to hold her and never let go.
Alexandra wanted to believe that not all men were like those monsters who had ripped her purity away. She wanted to cling to the boy she had grown fond of during her time on the road. Despite all the hatred that swirled inside of her like a fiery tornado, she didn’t want to see him go. Alexandra still looked at Judah as a modern knight who had braved hell to save her. Nevertheless, the love that had begun to blossom in her heart was now smothered beneath a bushel of thorns that threatened to choke out all the good that remained in her. She had been violated by men and she couldn’t help but hate them all because of that, including the one who had rescued her. She didn’t want to be angry with Judah, Eric, or anyone but the dead men a hundred miles east of her.
Alexandra simply wanted back what she could never have again.
While she wanted to embrace Judah, she truly believed she was the real danger. Her thoughts and her presence would always be a threat so long as Judah risked his life for hers. Judah had sacrificed nearly everything attempting to save her days ago. Now, Alexandra was beginning to believe the time had come to save him from her as she staggered through her own personal nightmare.
After another few moments of silence, she gritted her teeth and exploded.
“What do you want from me?” she shouted furiously as she rounded on him. Judah simply looked up and stared back at her with his hollow gaze. Her eyes watered with frustration as she shouted at herself silently to stop and wrap her arms around him. The others turned around slowly, watching her wordlessly.
He saved you! Don’t do this. Don’t push him away. Not now when you’re so close to safety. Don’t….
She stepped forward and shoved him angrily, causing him to stumble back wordlessly—grimacing as he stepped backward on his injured leg.
“Say something!” Alexandra shouted. “What do you want from me?”
His eyes finally flickered away, tears beading inside them. He cleared his throat, clearly doing everything he could to avoid eye contact.
“I don’t want anything from you,” he replied. “I’ll leave when you’re safe.”
“Oh, so I don’t have a say in this?” The voice inside continued to plead for her to stop.
He paused before shaking his head. “Like I said, I’ll leave when I know you’re safe.”
Stop it! Leave him alone! He’s one of the last friends you have alive. He’s—
“You sure you simply aren’t hoping to get me alone?” Alexandra said, hot tears forming in her sorrowful eyes. “You sure you don’t want to put your hands on me when no one is looking?”
“I’m not going to touch you,” Judah replied. “But where you go, so do I.”
“Then you can go to hell!” Alexandra roared.
“Alexandra!” Elizabe
th shouted from behind her.
“I’ve seen him looking at me since North Carolina,” Alexandra barked, turning to the others. “He’s always standing there, undressing me with his eyes.” She turned back to Judah, the pain on his face boring holes through her heart. “What, you think I wouldn’t notice? You’re pathetic! You’re just like those men back in Memphis and—”
“Enough!” Sarah shouted as she rounded on Alexandra. “Enough, Alexandra! I’m sorry for what happened. I truly am. God knows I wish I could take it away. But honey, you can’t act like this. Not after everything we’ve—”
“Everything we’ve been through?” Alexandra replied. “You mean like when you and your girls were raped back there? Oh wait, that didn’t happen. It was me, shut up in a room by myself because I was the only one with the guts to fight back when they tried to take us at the camp. You just keeled over and waited, almost like you wanted what was coming.”
“I never—”
“And by the way, don’t act like you’re upset. Don’t give me those big crocodile tears. Don’t act like you haven’t thanked God that you and your girls weren’t touched. Those who really matter to you made it out unscathed. I’m nothing more than the girl that’s been getting in the way for three months.”
“You are more than that, Alexandra,” Sarah said, stepping closer. “You’re family now. You have become like a daughter to me, and I know that every moment of every day is pain for you because I can see it in your eyes. I know you’ll never forget what happened. I won’t either. I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop it but I will be there to help you get through the pain. But Judah…he’s not like those men. He’d never hurt you, he has never hurt you; he has only shown you respect, and I hope you can return that respect.”
Alexandra stared back at Sarah silently, her arms crossed defiantly as she struggled to contain the emotions that surged within her. She wanted to believe Sarah’s words. She wanted to know she still had family, be they kin or not, but to Alexandra, belief was illusion. Her pain…that was sadly real. It was a fierce anguish that had endangered those she loved, and she refused to believe it would ever go away. She loved them like family and because of that, she didn’t want them to struggle with her.
To Alexandra, she was the real danger and the only way to love them was to push them away.
“You’re not my family.” Alexandra wiped her tears away as she started forward again. “You can all go to Texas or wherever you want after we get to Harding. As for me, I’ll go my own way and with a bit of luck…I’ll never see any of you again.”
Alexandra passed by Sarah defiantly, continuing down the road without another word. Sarah’s heart ached as she watched a girl she had started to love as a daughter struggle because of what the new world had taken from her. Like Alexandra, Sarah had also suffered a pain that pushed her to the breaking point.
A year ago, she would have barely said an unkind word to a stranger for taking a parking space, cutting in line, or acting flat out rude. But nine days ago, she had literally beat the life out of a stranger. She hadn’t killed because she had to; she could have easily used the baton to stun Cate or attempted to knock her unconscious. Sarah had killed because the fear that had nestled deep inside of her had shifted—changing into a seething, primordial rage that had needed to be released. Despite surviving the deadly road behind them, what scared Sarah most was realizing just how much she had changed in less than three months on the road while knowing that her journey was far from over.
What will tomorrow look like? Sarah wondered as she resumed her walk down the highway. What will you become?
Judah began to pass her on the left, his pace quickening in order to catch up with Alexandra. Sarah reached out and grabbed him by the arm, but he yanked it away. He glanced back at her, his eyes every bit as hard as a trained killer’s.
That’s what he is now, she thought with a heavy heart as she let her hand fall to the side. Your boy is a product of war. He is a killer, just like you. Judah turned away and continued forward, slowing only a few feet behind Alexandra as he trailed her. Sarah shook her head, sighing as Eric approached from the side.
“Trey managed to access a recent satellite image of the town up ahead,” Eric said, looking over at her from underneath a sweat-stained baseball cap. “There is a bridge a quarter mile up ahead that spans the river, though it looks like someone’s set up a roadblock.”
“You think it’s safe?” Sarah asked.
“I’m not sure safe exists anymore,” Eric replied as he glanced off to the side, surveying the trees beside the road that had begun to fill with foliage. “Still, my guess is that the good people of Searcy tried to regulate the flow of traffic in and out of their borders as much as they could. From the images, they have similar roadblocks set up on virtually all entry points. Regardless, whatever it is, we’ll be at the northern-most blockade in five minutes. I’d scout ahead, but I doubt Alexandra will wait for me.”
“Then we’ll all go together,” Sarah said, sighing. “We can’t fight forever.”
“Don’t give up on me yet,” Eric said, glancing over at her with a grin. “I can’t imagine trying to survive without the fierce and wonderful Sarah Reinhart.”
Sarah smiled back at him, chuckling as she nudged him playfully. She was thankful for his kind words. They were encouraging and refreshing, strengthening her immediately. She was about to look away when her eyes fell on his neck. Just below his thin beard hung the black medallion she had given him weeks earlier.
“You kept it,” Sarah said, pointing to his neck. “The medallion. I thought you would have traded it in one of the outposts we stayed in between Montgomery and Memphis. I didn’t think—”
“Some things aren’t worth trading,” Eric replied with a subtle smile. “I can always barter and figure out how to earn another meal, but give this away…no. You might think I’m fearless, but I’m not courageous enough to make that leap just yet.”
Sarah’s eyes lingered on his as they continued forward on the hot concrete. She wanted to reach out and grab his hand. She almost did, but she knew like him, she wasn’t yet courageous enough to make that leap. Instead, she nodded back at him and turned back to gaze at the road.
“So what next?” Sarah asked, her eyes lingering on Alexandra. “We walk up to the blockade you were talking about, pray to God they’re generous enough to put us up for a few nights, and then keep on west without her? That’s all assuming nothing like Memphis happens again.”
“It won’t,” Eric said quietly.
“Oh yeah?” Sarah replied. “How can you be so certain?”
“Like I said, I have a feeling we’re about to meet the good people of Searcy.” Eric glanced over at her with a smile. “What Trey and I spotted on those satellite images sits quite well with me. Besides, I won’t be so careless next time.”
“Eric,” Sarah began, glancing over at him, “what happened in Memphis wasn’t—”
“Yes, it was my fault,” Eric cut in. “I promised you that I would look after you and then I left that job up to your son. He shouldn’t have lost that part of himself, just like Alexandra….” He looked up at Alexandra from underneath his hat. Even with the shadow cast across his face, Sarah could see the beginnings of tears. It was strange, seeing or even thinking of Eric crying. Sure, he had been gentle with her children while meeting the violent with a deadly violence of his own, but he had never been emotional. It was like watching a rock weep. Despite everything they had gone through, she had never thought much about his inner struggles. She wished she could do something to help him. She wished….
Sarah took a deep breath and reached over, her fingers brushing his as she grabbed his hand. He paused for a moment—walking next to her so silently that she wasn’t sure he was aware of her hand. After a pause, Eric gently wrapped his gloved fingers around her tiny hand. Tears watered in her eyes as her hand felt both alive and afire. Though Sarah had grown fond of him, Adam was still alive inside of her. She had hoped sh
e was ready to move on, but the touch of Eric’s skin on hers only summoned memories of Adam, proving her hope was nothing more than an illusion. Reluctantly, like a woman dying of thirst who refuses a glass of cold water, she pulled her hand away.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, avoiding looking at him as though it might actually kill her. “I can’t—”
“Eric!” Trey shouted, “Visual on the gate.”
“Is it still there?” Eric asked, eyeing Sarah as Trey raised a set of binoculars to his eyes.
“Is what still there?” Sarah asked.
“What I’ve been praying for,” Eric said. After a pause, Trey glanced back with a smile.
“It’s still there,” he said.
“Then let’s get going,” Eric said, glancing over at Sarah with a smile as he quickened his pace. “Anyone foolish enough to still fly the American flag is a friend of mine.”
Judah Reinhart slowed as he, his family, his friends, and the girl who now loathed him approached a monstrous steel wall. The overpass was actually two separate bridges—one for the southbound lane and another for the northbound. The blockades were made of shipping containers that had been stacked two levels high, dividing each bridge in half. The colorful ramparts spanned the width of the bridges that stood a hundred feet above a river. There were only two narrow passageways through the center of each wall and both of them were obstructed by a pair of school buses that would have to be moved before entry was possible. A dozen armed men sat atop each barricade, their heads half concealed by the reflective glass of a rifle scope.
Whoever and whatever was on the other side of that wall, it was well-protected and they wanted to keep it that way.
“That’s far enough,” a voice cried out over a megaphone as Judah and the others slowed to a halt a hundred feet from the wall. A man crouched atop the wall, a bullhorn at his lips and a sandbag protecting the majority of his body. “What’s your business?”
