by Jordan Ervin
“Alexandra,” Judah said softly, fighting back tears.
Her head shot up and her eyes went wide, glancing from him to the door and back as though she had just realized there was more to the world than her gray sorrow. She rose to a crouch, pointing a white pen she held at him defensively almost as though it were a knife.
“Get away from me,” she whispered uneasily.
“Alexandra, I just—”
“I said go!”
“I will, Alexandra, I promise. I just need to…,” Judah’s eyes widened as he shifted his gaze from her to the pen in her hand. Not a pen, Judah realized as his thick walls crumbled to ground beneath the onslaught of anger, pity, horror, and love.
“Oh, God,” he mumbled, tears quickly beading in his eyes. “Are you…are you…,” Judah paused and took a deep breath. “Are you pregnant?”
Alexandra let loose a whimper and glanced down at the pregnancy test in her hand, fear masking her face. She rose to her feet, replacing the appearance of fear with anger as she threw the white pregnancy test across the room.
“Yes!” she bellowed, struggling to speak as she wept and screamed at the same time. “I am! I’m pregnant with the bastard child of a murdering rapist!”
Judah’s legs almost gave out and he reached out for the chair next to him, grabbing it quickly to steady himself. The tears swelling in his eyes broke free.
“I’m sorry,” he said, raising his eyes to look at her—no easy feat. “I’m so, so sor—”
“What the hell are you sorry about?” She stepped forward and shoved him. “Huh? Why the hell do you care?” She reached out and smacked him, weeping as her hand struck his face. She hit him again with the other hand, dropping a tiny box she had been holding to the ground. He let her hit him over and over as she wept. He hated himself. He wanted to absorb the anger that coursed through her veins. He wanted to howl with her and the fear that grew in her body.
You didn’t save her in time! This is all your fault!
He glanced up at her, his eyes finding those dark, beautiful, terrified pools of sadness. “I’m sorry,” Judah said.
Alexandra stopped, wiping the tears away, though they were quickly replaced. She hesitated, her arms twitching as though she wanted to embrace him. However, she simply wrapped her arms around herself and continued to cry as she turned and walked back to the corner. Judah lowered his gaze. He couldn’t look at her. He didn’t deserve to stare upon the beauty he had failed. As he looked down at the floor, his eyes found the box she had dropped. He reached down and picked it up. He scanned over the box, unsure of what it was.
“What’s Mifepristone?” he asked, holding it out for her. She slowly turned, her dispirited gaze resting on the box. She stepped toward him and snatched it from his hand. “Alexandra, please tell me you’re not going to hurt yourself. I can’t fathom what you’re going to do, but if you’re suicidal, I can—”
“I’m not going to hurt myself,” she said, glancing up at him. “I came up here to put an end to the abomination inside me. Please, I just want to be alone.”
Judah’s cheeks grew red and he suddenly thought he might pass out. “An abortion?”
“If that’s what you want to call it,” Alexandra replied. She stared at the box as a fresh deluge of tears fell. “Now would you please just go and never say anything to anyone?”
“Alexandra, have you talked with anyone about this?” Judah asked. “I mean, do you even know what you’re doing?”
“I can figure it out,” she replied.
“But should you figure it out?”
“What the hell did you just say?” Alexandra replied, stepping up close to him as anger filled her eyes. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare tell me what to do!”
“Alexandra, please just—”
“No!” she roared as she began to hit him again. “You asshole! You son of a bitch! This isn’t your choice. This is my decision to make!”
“But what about the child?” Judah asked. “Alexandra, you can’t just—”
“Three men!” she barked, her lower lip quivering. “Three men, multiple times in one day. All doing whatever the hell they wanted when I couldn’t even move. You know what that’s like? Can you even fathom the pain—the physical and psychological torment of being too drugged to move as men old enough to be my father violated me?” She paused, stepping back as her eyes burned. “You have no idea what it’s like to lose that part of you.”
“You think I don’t know torment?” Judah replied, his own voice shaky. “You don’t think it doesn’t eat away at me, knowing what happened to you? You don’t think I would have died to keep this from you? There is not a day that has gone by that I am not haunted by my failure to save you in time, but I tried to save you and I lost my innocence that night too. You were raped by three men? I’m seventeen and have already killed at least triple that many men. Do you know what it’s like burying a knife in someone’s neck? Do you know how it feels when a dying man jerks at the end of your blade? I did what I did to save you and I’d bear that burden again.”
“But Judah, this isn’t your burden to bear.”
“And it’s not a burden to kill!” Judah shouted as thunder crashed outside. He paused to take in deep breaths in an effort to keep his asthma at bay. “The world changed, Alexandra. Terrible things happened to me and unimaginable horrors happened to you. We’re teenagers, seventeen-year-old kids forced to grow up fast in a place that’s trying to kill us or take the good inside of us. But I…I don’t know if I believe the new world is so dark that love and life can’t break through.”
“And what would you know about love?” Alexandra asked, her chin quivering as she folded her arms defiantly.
Judah paused as he gazed back at her silently. He had killed grown men. He had run through war and watched as those he loved were murdered and broken. He had left boyhood behind him as he charged forward into becoming his own man, and yet Judah still wasn’t sure he could do it. He didn’t think he had the courage to tell the most attractive girl he had ever known how he felt. He didn’t think he had it in him to do anything but turn away from her in her brokenness and….
“I know you’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” Judah said, facing her as he stopped thinking about his lack of courage and simply said what he should have weeks ago. She looked up, the tiniest hint of hope breaking through her gray mask. “I know I’d walk a thousand miles just to see you smile. I know I’d endure battle just to hear you laugh. I know this world has tried its best to forge me into a ruthless killer while your very presence makes me want to be a poet.” Judah stepped closer, his eyes never faltering from her dark, teary pools of sorrow and hope. “I know love still exists because I love you, Alexandra. I know you’re hurt and want nothing to do with me, but I’d stay by you and protect you forever, even if we were nothing more than friends. I know that child—that living human being that grows inside of you—I know I will fight to protect that life as well. I cannot believe the foul actions of a few men call for another act of evil. You are a good person, Alexandra, and the good that is inside of you will always triumph over the bad that tries to defeat you.”
“I’m just…I’m so afraid,” Alexandra replied, wiping the tears from her cheek. “I’m afraid I’ll look at that child and only see the man who did this to me.”
“No,” Judah said, taking one more step closer. “You’ll look at that child and you’ll see yourself. You’ll see love, you will love, and I’ll be there with you if you’ll let me. I’ll never leave you again.”
“I want to believe that,” Alexandra replied, meeting his eyes. “God knows I want to believe that with everything in me. But I’m tainted now, Judah. I don’t know what you thought you saw in me, but I’m not the same. You can’t continue to—”
“Your eyes—those endless and unforgettable eyes—they still shine like suns, illuminating an ashen world,” Judah said, reaching out to grab her hand. “Your laugh can still warm a winter day. Alexa
ndra, you’re not tainted. You’re perfect. You always have been and you always will be.”
Judah paused, holding her hand as her eyes probed his face as though she was beginning to believe him. Suddenly, she ripped her hand free and leapt forward. She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as she wept. Alexandra pulled herself in tighter and tighter as though she were afraid he might let go. She lifted her head and whispered lightly in his ear.
“Thank you.”
Judah pulled her in tighter, her embrace overwhelming him with love and bliss. They both stood together silently, two young adults who had lost so much.
A young couple that had gained the world.
The rain outside fell softly as Sarah sat quietly in the living room of her new home. Elizabeth, Grace, and Eva were already down for the evening while Eric, Judah, Alexandra, and Trey remained elsewhere. Sarah smiled, realizing it was the first time she wasn’t worried that someone wasn’t in sight.
She glanced at the door and frowned as she thought about Eric. He had been gone the entire evening and she was hoping he would return soon. She had so much she needed to say to him and the time had passed for her to say it. Now, as she finally had a moment of privacy, she simply hoped he would return before that moment fled.
She glanced to her right at the two suede chairs that occupied the far wall next to the fireplace. On some small level, it reminded her of Rick and Judi’s home in Southern Colorado. She thought back to her mornings sitting in similar chairs, visiting with her husband and his parents. Now, all three were dead. She had never even had the chance to say goodbye to Adam. She had never….
Sarah realized in that moment that she had never actually said goodbye to her husband. Over the past few months of traveling from one dangerous location to the other, she had never found the time to be quiet and say farewell in her heart. She smiled as she reminisced about Adam. Her thoughts suddenly shifted from Adam to the Bible in her back pant pocket. It tugged at her. It beckoned Sarah to rise from her chair and find an empty room somewhere away from temptation and noise so that she could lose herself in its pages. She hungered for its words. She knew she needed to….
The front door opened and in walked Eric, shaking the rain from his jacket. She pushed the calling inside her aside and stood up, smiling as Eric wiped his boots on the front rug. He glanced up at her and returned the smile.
“Hello, Eric,” Sarah said.
“Sorry I’m late,” Eric replied with a nod as he leaned his rifle up against the wall. “It’s really starting to come down out there.”
“How are you?” she asked.
“Good,” he replied. “I’m happy I finally got the chance to survey the town. I already have a few ideas on how to make it all better. Good news is they seem to be willing to listen. Regardless, they have this place locked up pretty tight.”
“Is that right?” Sarah said, placing her hands on her stomach nervously as she slowly approached him.
“Yeah,” he said as he began to remove his jacket. “That gate we passed through to enter the campus is but a fraction of the inner wall. The entire thing consists of a couple hundred shipping containers reinforced with downed lumber to enclose the main campus in the event of an attack. It seems they half expect it to hold back an entire army one day, though I doubt it will do much against tanks or drones. The good news is they really took the time to utilize every natural barrier they have at their disposal. For example, there is an old creek that circles south of the main campus. They widened it, deepened it, and filled it with water to create a legitimate moat.”
“It sounds like they thought of everything,” she replied, now standing a couple feet away as he unfastened his Kevlar vest.
“Oh, it gets better,” he said, tossing his heavy vest to the floor. “They’ve also erected a grid of fifteen defense locations inside the walls to overlook the open areas. There’s a Lieutenant Hicks overseeing all base defenses, but he’s been up north of here analyzing the defenses at a quarry and won’t be back until sometime tomorrow.” Eric paused and grinned, shaking his head as he chuckled lightly.
“What’s so funny?” Sarah asked, her eyes soaking up his smile.
“He was the highest ranking officer here with the Guard and I apparently outrank him,” Eric replied with a grin. “A fact of which Tyler assures me will irk the man to no end. I hear he’s quite eccentric and likes to let everyone know who’s in charge. I’m sure it will make for an interesting sit down, but I’m not here to throw around rank like a trump card. He’s already doing a few things I’d be doing differently. I’m just glad they have a veteran who apparently knows what he’s doing. They’re lucky to have so many non-Chambers firearms, though the local militia still relies on older hunting rifles. Still, Hicks has maintained a standing force of two hundred trained snipers, machine gunners, Guardsmen armed with makeshift rocket launchers, and—”
Sarah reached up and kissed Eric, cutting him off midsentence. She could feel him almost recoil with shock, but his hesitation passed and he quickly kissed her back. It wasn’t a long embrace—the two of them standing silently in the entryway, holding each other as the rain fell gently outside. When she finally pulled away, she smiled.
“Thank you,” she said.
“For what?” Eric asked, looking down at her.
“For saving us,” she replied. “You didn’t have to help. You could have easily fled on foot without us when this all started. But you were always there, fighting for my family every step of the way. Adam would have been grateful for everything you’ve given us.” Sarah paused, looking up at him with inviting eyes as she pulled him slowly toward the stairs. “I’m grateful.”
Adam…I miss you, she thought as she quietly led Eric up the stairs. I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I wish you were him. For the past few months, all I have wanted was to be next to you. She glanced back at Eric and smiled as he followed her down the hall to her room. She knew she should stop—the urge to halt almost overshadowing the urge to continue—but she kept walking. I’ve changed, Adam. This land that was once so full of life is now desolate of almost anything but sorrow. But now…now I’ve found refuge. I’ve found hope. You’re the only thing holding me back and I…I need to move on.
Sarah loved Eric, though nothing like what she had felt for Adam. That had taken years to cultivate and she hoped she would have years with Eric. She hoped they could find a home—be it Fort Harding or elsewhere—and survive this world together.
Goodbye, Adam, she thought as she walked into her bedroom door, Eric closing it behind them. I won’t ever forget you.
Chapter Twenty
The Dragons of Men
The smell of sweat and taste of fear were heavy on the air as Adam Reinhart gradually opened his eyes. He glanced over at the far end of the room. Jack rested on the floor, eyes open and staring absently at the ceiling above. Adam’s eyes quickly shifted to the middle of the room, finding the steel pliers.
The tool hadn’t moved since it were placed there so many painful days ago.
Pliers, Adam thought as he attempted to rub a headache out of his temples. He tried to envision murdering a man with a tool intended to pry nails free of lumber or tighten a loose pipefitting. As he did so, his frown slowly rose to an insanity-induced smile. His grin quickly changed into a chuckle that drew Jack’s attention.
“What in the world could possibly be funny?” Jack asked.
“Pliers,” Adam said, fighting to contain his laughter. “How the hell do you kill a man with a pair of pliers?”
“You of little imagination.” Jack rose from his back, leaning up against the wall. “Those aren’t just any pliers. That bad boy is ten inches of hardened American-forged steel. It can open its jaws to two inches and lock into place, unyielding like the chops of a pit bull.”
“I doubt they have as vicious of a bite.”
“Doesn’t mean they can’t kill,” Jack replied. “For starters, you could latch onto my throat while I s
lept and rip out my esophagus before I had time to realize it wasn’t merely another bad dream. You could also remove those rubber grips on those handles and force those steel points into my eye sockets. Even if I did see it coming, it’d be the last thing I see. If we really want to get morbid, you could knock me out and pull my teeth with them so I couldn’t eat, starving me to death. All that, or you could simply go old school and beat me to death with the business end. So no, it’s not impossible. You just have to be creative.”
“Sounds like you’ve thought everything through,” Adam replied with a grin.
Jack stared back at Adam before glancing down at the pliers, his hollow eyes flickering before he shuddered and lowered himself back to the floor.
“And you haven’t?” Jack muttered.
Adam’s smile slowly disappeared. Despite the days of electrical torture, neither he nor Jack had shown any signs of giving in to temptation. They had endured the sinister lure by dreaming about the future and discussing their pasts. Jack told one police story after another while Adam shared every detail he could remember about life before the fall. They had grown close over those days of cruelty and Adam had thought they had passed the stage of being able to kill one another.
Now, he wondered how long Jack had been dreaming up ways to end the pain and leave the room alive. As though he could read Adam’s mind, Jack cleared his throat and spoke.
“If you’re thinking I’m going to kill you, think again.” Jack rose to his feet, shuffling over to the middle of the room. He grabbed the pliers, pausing as he took a deep breath and tossed them over to Adam. “There’s only one of us leaving this room and it shouldn’t be me.”
“Don’t say that,” Adam replied. “We’ll figure out—”
“Figure out what?” Jack cut in. “You see the irony in pliers, don’t you?” Adam shook his head. “Why give us pliers? Why not give us a knife or a gun?”
“Cause we could use those to fight back when they bring our food.”
