by Unknown
This particular night he didn't take me into the bedroom after removing me from the torture device. He took me further into the house, far enough back that the trappings of home gave way to what we were actually living inside, a cave. Stone walls and floors were revealed, worn and smooth. He carried me deep into the mountain until we came to a torch-lit room where Toby was waiting.
There were two stone tables in the room. Naye laid me on one of them, the other already bore the body of a woman. A Native American woman with long black hair and soft brown skin. Her eyes were closed and her graceful hands were folded peacefully over her chest. I knew she was dead but there was no scent of death in the air, no hint of decay.
“She's under a spell of preservation, isn't she?” I asked as I moved my head painfully to the side so I could look at her.
“Yes,” Naye said as he touched me gently with his feather.
“I've seen one before,” the pain receded as I remembered the last body I'd seen preserved in this manner. My body. Well, Sabine's at least. Odin had put the same spell on Sabine's body after she died.
“So you know how fresh the body remains,” Naye smiled at me. “As if the death has just occurred.”
“Is that Atahensic?” I narrowed my eyes on him.
“It was.”
“If you could preserve her, why didn't you use your feather to heal her?” I tried to sit up but my limbs were heavy, I hadn't eaten much in days.
“I wasn't there when she gave birth,” Naye glanced at his brother. “By the time I was called back, it was too late. I tried to heal her but her soul had left already and although I was able to heal her body, she did not awaken.”
“I was with her,” Toby sighed. “And my magic only vanquishes, it doesn't heal.”
“It's not your fault, Brother,” Naye laid a hand on Toby's shoulder. “Let go of the guilt for she has returned to us.”
“Naye, Vervain is not-”
“She is Atahensic!” Naye yelled over his brother's attempt at reason. “She holds a piece of the heavens inside her. You saw how her star reached for me, how we touched each other's souls.”
“It's just a star thing,” I tried for my own voice of reason. “We were using our magic and our magics recognized that they're both stars. They were just saying hello. I'm sure the same thing would have happened if I'd been standing next to Blue as we both used our magic.”
“Blue?” Naye frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Blue,” I rolled my eyes. “Huitzilopochtli. He's a sun god too and he told me he's been feeling a pull to me as well. There's nothing special between us.”
“Lies!” Naye made a cutting motion with his hand. “You are Ata reborn, I know it.”
“Um, that's impossible,” I said softly. “Odin brought back my soul himself. I was once Sabine and then I was reborn as Vervain. In between, I only swam in the waters of Hvergelmir. I'm not your dead wife. I can't be.”
It occurred to me that this was the second time I'd made this argument to a god and I almost started to laugh hysterically. Though, that first time had been with Odin and it had actually been true, so maybe it wasn't all that funny after all. Really though, how many times was I going to be mistaken for some guy's dead wife? The chances of it happening even once had to be astronomical. Astronomical as in inconceivably large not relating to astronomy but I guess that definition would work too.
“You can't possibly know what happened while you were dead,” Naye insisted. “You are her. I knew you immediately.”
“Please tell me you're not going to try and pull and Imhotep?” I narrowed my eyes on him.
“A what?” Naye actually lost some of his bluster in his confusion.
“You know, from The Mummy?” I huffed when he just continued to stare at me blankly. “Really, what do you gods do with all your time? Why don't you watch some movies and catch up on the times?” I sighed before continuing. “This woman reminds Imhotep of his dead girlfriend so he tries to resurrect his girlfriend by putting her soul into the other woman's body.”
“That's actually pretty close,” Toby gaped at me.
“What?!” I screeched and sat up, panic overriding my weakened state.
“Atahensic's magic is preserved within her body,” Naye pushed me back down. “When you accept that you are she, we will reunite you with your magic. You will pull the magic from your old body and take it into your new one. It couldn't be more perfect.”
“You've suppressed my magic,” I said snidely. “I can't take magic from anyone or I would have drained both of you assholes already.”
“Toby can return pieces of your magic to you but that won't be necessary.” Naye withdrew my emerald necklace from his jeans pocket. “You will use this amulet to take the magic.”
“We've heard tales of how this device works,” Toby said earnestly. “We've tried to use it ourselves but it only lies dead in our hands.”
“It was made for me,” I whispered. At least now I knew it couldn't be used by another god.
“Then you shall use it,” Naye said triumphantly. “In time you will see that you are Atahensic returned and you will reclaim your power with this amulet.”
“Impossible,” I gaped. “You can't hold magic in a corpse.”
“Why not?” Naye lifted the emerald. “You contain it in an inanimate object.”
“But a corpse?” I tried to sit up and he pushed me down again.
“Her body has been preserved,” he leaned down into my face. “Her magic lives inside her still.”
“When a god dies,” Toby eased his brother back from me. “Their magic will often go into an item that was dear to them; a sword, a piece of armor, something like that. No one knows why but some believe it's simply a god's will to survive imposing itself on his magic. Our father's magic went into his breastplate. Ours will most likely be our feathers. Atahensic had no amulet, no item to hold her magic, and so it would have dispersed but Naye contained it within her by using the preservation spell.”
“I knew you would return to me, Atahensic,” Naye said gently.
“I'm not Atahensic, you freak,” I snapped.
“You are,” he said curtly, “and I know how to help you remember. Toby,” he looked to his brother.
Toby sighed and came forward, pulling his long braid from behind his back. He gripped the black feather at the end and touched my arm with it. A spark, a flutter of what I once was came forward. A glimmer of my feyness returned and I gasped in relief. But that was all, just a little taste, before Toby took the feather away.
“What are you playing at?” I snarled. “Give me back all of myself!”
“I will, my love,” Naye touched my cheek and I started to struggle up again. “Now, stop that,” he reached for something alongside the table and pulled up a chain.
“Damn it,” I growled, “every time.”
He attached the manacles to my wrists and then added some to my ankles for good measure. As I fell back in exhaustion, Toby went to the body beside me and pulled a knife from his belt. He cut into Atahensic's neck and placed a bowl beside the wound. Blood trickled out into it and he held it there patiently while it filled. Then Naye held his feather to her neck and the wound closed. Toby gave the bowl of blood to his brother with a reverent air. When Naye held it to my lips, I realized what they'd done.
Given me enough of my fey magic back to let me experience her memories through her blood.
“I won't drink it,” I turned my head away but he grabbed my jaw while Toby pinched my nose shut and I couldn't help but gasp for breath. I was only human after all.
He poured the blood into my mouth and massaged my throat until I swallowed. He didn't have to bother with that last bit. As soon as the blood hit my tongue, I was lost to the memories. I'd never drank so much blood. Usually it was just a taste but this was a drink, a huge amount by comparison, and the amount of memories increased as well.
I was completely overtaken by images, thoughts, and feelings. I saw Na
yenezgani and Tobadzistsini, both looking less grim and full of happiness. Naye's eyes blazed with love whenever he looked at me and my heart responded with aching alacrity. No! Not my heart, Atahensic's.
It wasn't love though. I knew enough about that to know that what Atahensic had felt for Naye had been extreme affection and gratitude. It was almost as if she were too cold, too distant to truly love someone. That cool detachment filled me, like moonlight inside my heart. Beautiful but so very alien. A thing of the heavens.
Goddess of the Moon. I was the moonlight. I was this untouchable glow that filtered down to earth. The light was inside her. Inside us. Inside me. No, her. I was confused. The blood. So much blood. So many memories washing over my own. I screamed as they tried to consume me, tried to stain my past crimson. Tried to drown me in blood and remake me into her.
I screamed and screamed and screamed and no one helped me. No one came. My world ran red and bright as the moon.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Vervain,” a whisper through the fire.
A cool hand at my brow. Ropes loosening. Limbs dropping. Falling forward. Am I falling into Hell? Which Hell? Had I been pushed from Heaven again? Where was I? Who was I? Images of men changing into beasts filled my head and I screamed, reaching up to cover my eyes. Oh but the pain, I pulled my hands away from my burned skin.
“Vervain, be calm, I have you,” a sweet voice to go with the arms that held me gently. Movement that brought pain but the hope of cessation.
Someone carried me into the shadows. Cool relief hit me as I was laid down on something soft. A cup of water held to my lips. I drank deeply and the water seemed to revive me. Not heal, my skin still stung, but it cleared my head. I was able to think again. I blinked open my eyes and saw him. Tobadzistsini. Toby. Brown rimmed blue eyes that always seemed sad now, even when he smiled.
“Where is he?” I looked around frantically but the living room was empty of anyone else but us.
“He's speaking with our people,” Toby said gently. “He won't be back for hours.”
“Oh,” I sighed and eased back down.
“I'm sorry, Vervain,” he whispered as he placed a wet cloth to my tortured skin. “Naye is convinced that the only way to make you remember the old you is to burn away these new memories.”
“I'm not her,” I croaked, “there is no old me. Well, at least not one who he wants to know.”
“Maybe not,” Toby continued laying the cloth over my burned skin as he continued. “But you are the woman we need. With you by our side, we can bolster Naye's power. The Sun and the Moon together. Power over day and night. Our people would finally be victorious.”
“And you'd kill my people in the process,” I countered. “Trevor will die if he doesn't reconnect with the piece of his soul inside me. In a month, he'll start to wither away and the Intare depend on me for their magic as well as control. All my lions will be lost to insanity without me.”
“Your magic still flows through you. It's just frozen. Muted,” he assured me. “Your lions will be fine. As far as your wolf, if you help us, maybe we can find a way to work out an arrangement.”
“Damn, that sounds familiar,” I thought of the time I'd almost married Anubis.
“How so?” He helped me sit up, leaning me gently against the cushions.
Then we talked. I told him about Anubis, about a lot of things. He kept asking questions, soft eyes widening with interest. I found myself telling him too much and then asking about him in return. He told me about growing up with Mr. T and Mrs E for parents. How much love he knew as a child and how destroyed he was when the family was torn apart by the God War.
Both parents and brothers had taken humanity's side, just in different ways. The twins had decided it was best to lead their people while their parents had declared that the Native Americans couldn't win against such odds, that the best way to save their people would be to fight against the gods who would manipulate them, not against other humans.
Toby had chosen to leave with his brother because really, for him, there was no choice. Naye was his other half and he couldn't imagine a life without him. He missed his parents though and his deepest regret was in not being beside his father when he died.
“I might have saved him,” Toby's eyes filled with tears. “I should have been there. I should have vanquished his enemies for him.”
“Might haves are a weak poison, they kill you slowly,” I took his hand. “I know from experience. Let go of your guilt, Tsohaonai wouldn't have wanted you to feel like this.”
“I miss him,” he whispered.
“I miss him too,” I whispered back, “but at least you know his spirit lives in the Void. We could still bring him back.”
“Truly?”
“It's his decision,” I nodded. “We can find a body for him and bring him back as we did with Odin but so far, Mr T has refused.”
“What does my mother say?”
“She respects his decision,” I shrugged and then hissed a little from the sting. “The journey back can have difficulties. He may return without his memory and although Odin eventually regained his, we can't be sure it will be the same for Tsohaonai. So she understands his reluctance and is simply happy to be able to visit him.”
“Maybe she could take me with her to visit him?”
“Maybe,” I agreed. “Talk to her. She misses you too, you know.”
“I'll try,” he sighed. “A war that separates mother from son is evil. I wish we could have stayed out of it.”
“You can still change your mind,” I offered. “We could leave right now and your mother would be thrilled to have you back.”
“I can't, Vervain,” he smiled sadly. “I can't leave him. Naye is already on the verge of madness. He hasn't been truly sane since Ata died. If I abandon him, he'll lose what little sanity he has left.”
“I understand,” I took another sip of the water he offered me. “This isn't normal water, is it?”
“I'm a god of water,” Toby smiled. “I can improve it, make it more refreshing or cooling.”
“Well, good work.”
“Thank-” he stood abruptly, jerking his head toward the door. “Naye's back. Hurry.”
He helped me up and then picked me up. He ran me back outside and hastily retied the ropes. Before I could say another word to him, he was gone. A few minutes later, I heard Naye's voice and Toby's low response. Then nothing more for hours.
Naye came out with the setting of the sun. He took me down and carried me back into the stone room with Atahensic's corpse. After healing me, he made me drink her blood again and I realized with horror that this would be the new routine. That I'd be drowned in her blood and memories daily until I became her.
I started to scream again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Are you asleep?” Soft words, made even more gentle by the night. I turned towards the door and saw the outline of a man.
“No,” I sat up and Toby came into the room.
Low light filled the room and I saw he was carrying a tray with a thermos and two mugs on it. He set it on the bedside table and closed the door behind him. I eyed the steam that came from the thermos when Toby opened it and poured a dark liquid into each mug.
“Hot chocolate?” He offered me one.
“Thank you,” I sighed and took it.
I'd been mentally battling Atahensic's memories before he'd walked in. Sleep was something I wasn't getting much of lately so his interruption had come at a perfect time. I wrapped my fingers around the mug, letting the warmth seep into me as I blew over the steaming liquid and then took a sip. I sighed in delight and when I looked up, I found Toby staring at me from a chair he'd placed directly in front of the bed.
“I hate seeing you hurt,” he whispered. “It tears at me. I see you in my sleep, hear you screaming.”
“There's an easy remedy for that; don't let him hurt me,” I said simply. He wasn't going to get any sympathy out of me for feeling bad because he le
t his brother abuse me. How ridiculous is that?
“You know it's more complicated than that,” he lifted his mug and took a little sip.
“There is no feast without cruelty,” I narrowed my eyes on him.
“Nietzsche?” He looked up at me, surprised.
“Yes,” I was just as surprised that he knew the reference. “You've read Nietzsche?”
“I read a lot,” he shrugged, “when I'm not planning a revolution. Nietzsche was a smart man.”
“Very,” I huffed. “That's kind of like saying the Statue of Liberty is a big piece of rock.”
Toby laughed, pulling his face away from his mug. “I guess maybe it is.”
“So you intend on having your feast, no matter how cruel you need to be to get it?” I watched as his smile fled.
“It's not my feast,” Toby put his mug aside and then took mine and put it down beside his. He took my hands before he continued. “I do this for my people, Vervain and you're right, it's cruel what we're doing to you. I know I'm as much responsible for it as Naye is and that no amount of regret or guilt or hot chocolate can make up for that. I've done you a great wrong and I'm choosing to continue it. That's my burden and it's even more wrong for me to sit here and speak with you as if there may be any chance that you'd forgive me for it but I find that I can't stay away from you. I need you to at least understand why I do this, even though you'll never be able to forgive me for it.”
I looked down at our joined hands and then up at his earnest face. I wouldn't justify his sin for him, that was his job, but I would do him the courtesy of looking at the whole picture as fairly and unbiased as possible.
I'd done horrible things myself, under the premise of what was good for humanity. How different was this from what I'd done? Perhaps my sin was even worse. I'd killed gods without knowing the whole story. I'd murdered them in their sleep, thinking that they were all evil, but then I'd met Thor and discovered that they weren't. It still haunted me, those first gods I'd assassinated without knowing if they were truly my enemies. I could have murdered innocents but that was the gnawing guilt that battle brought because truly, aren't we all innocent?
