by KB Winters
Hilda came over and ran her fingers through my hair, sending soothing pulses down my spine. “Remember what I told you about being a witness.”
I nodded slightly, rocking my forehead against the back of my hand as I continued to melt into Hilda’s soft touch. “I already gave Kirk your number. That’s the lawyer, Kirk Folger.”
Hilda’s hand stilled for a moment and I knew she’d been pulled away, distracted by her own thoughts. I rolled my head to the side and opened one eye to look up at her. Her dark brown eyes were focused on the cupboards above the stove, and her mouth was pulled tight, slightly quirked with an unspoken question. “What’s wrong, Hilda?” I asked, rising up to sit straight in my chair.
Her eyes snapped to mine and she looked startled. “Nothing dear, I was just lost for a moment.”
The tea kettle let out a shrill whistle and she hurried to make the two cups of tea, and although her back was to me, I could sense the thoughts rolling off of her. “Hilda…” I prompted.
She carried the two steaming cups to the table and sank into the chair opposite me. “There’s been a lot of strange talk in town lately,” she started, stirring her tea with a small silver spoon after adding a packet of sugar. “But, I’m sure it’s just small town gossip, you know how that is.” I was about to ask her to elaborate, but she waved a hand, as though brushing the thought away. “No, it’s not important dear. This is your evening. Jax will be home soon and I don’t want to burden you.”
“Oh my God, well now I have to know! Hilda, what on earth are you talking about?” I said, ignoring my own cup entirely.
She sipped her tea, eying me nervously over the top. “Well, it’s about your gentleman friend…”
“Jace?” My eyebrows shot up, thoroughly perplexed.
She nodded. “Maria says—”
“Oh, Hilda! Really? That’s your source? Aren’t you the one who always calls her a windbag with nothing better to do than drum up problems just to keep entertained?”
Hilda’s cheeks flushed. “Like I said, it’s nothing. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”
She wasn’t getting off the hook that easily. I shook my head. “No, no. Come on, tell me.”
Hilda sighed and set down her cup with a delicate clinking sound as it fit into the saucer. She’d gotten out the fancy tea set since there wasn’t a three-year-old and a giant dog running around, ready to destroy anything and everything that was even remotely breakable. “The crew, for his show, they all left town last week. His shop’s been boarded up, and no one has been seen going in or out for nearly a month now.” She sighed and looked at me, as though the words were struggling to come out. “Anyways, no one has heard what happened, where he went, but today, Maria showed me a magazine. Kat, dear, the article said he went on another drug binge, and then Clara, over at the deli, she said he checked himself into rehab. Dear, I know you care for that young man, and I feel responsible, pushing you to him like I did, but I’m afraid I misjudged him. I don’t know which story is true, but dear, I don’t think you should see him anymore, if and when he comes back.”
My mouth dropped open, and when the shock wore off over Hilda’s “big, breaking news” I burst out laughing and it felt so good, that I couldn’t stop for a good few minutes, only getting myself under control when my belly started aching.
Hilda’s expression shifted from solemn silence, to pure horror as I dissolved into uncontrollable giggles. Truthfully, it wasn’t a laughing matter. The fact that Jace’s name was once again being dragged through the mud was not entertaining, but it was like all the tension that had been stuffed into every inch of me, broke free, and I couldn’t help it.
“What on earth is funny?” Hilda said, once I got myself back under some semblance of control. “Are you all right?”
I wiped away a tear from the corner of my eye and my smile slipped away. “Yeah, I’m fine. Hilda, you have got to stop talking to those people, they have no idea what they’re talking about.”
“But dear, the magazine…?”
I rolled my eyes. Did anyone really still believe what the gossip rags published? “Jace is on a mission with the Navy. He’s not in rehab.” Hilda’s eyebrows shot higher than I’d ever seen them go. “He got called away about a month ago. He’s in the reserves and they needed to send his team out. I don’t know much more than that, and really shouldn’t be talking about the small amount of details I do know, but I can assure you, he’s not on drugs.”
Hilda released a sigh that sounded like a hollow laugh of her own. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Really, that’s kinda sick that the magazines are printing that filth when he’s out there risking his life to help others.…” I knew there was nothing I could do. Gossip magazines were going to print whatever they wanted, and I knew Jace wouldn’t appreciate it if I tried to fight that battle.
“How long will he be gone?” Hilda asked, returning to her cup of tea as though we were discussing the weather.
I shrugged. “I don’t really know. I haven’t even been able to talk to him…” my voice carried away and all traces of humor drained from me. I had been silently dealing with my emotions, which ran hot and cold, and speaking the truth out loud, forced it all back to the surface. My eyes watered again and this time it had nothing to do with uncontrollable laughter. “I hope not long.”
Hilda placed her warm hand on mine. “I’m sorry dear.” I nodded, not trusting my voice. “I’m sure he will be all right and come back soon.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, brushing away a stray tear. “It’s just with all the stuff with Mitch, and missing Jax, it was kind of the last thing I needed. But even saying that makes me feel like a selfish bitch, like it’s all about me. Meanwhile, there is an important life or death war going on and Jace is caught in the middle. Like, that’s what really matters, not my problems or how much I miss him.”
Hilda didn’t say anything but squeezed my hand and then pushed my tea towards me, silently telling me to drink the calming blend of herbs and spices she’d crafted.
After a few minutes, she suggested we play a hand of cards to pass the time, and I agreed. Grateful for the distraction and the gentle way that Hilda always knew how best to take care of me. It was sad to think that Hilda, a woman who’d been a virtual stranger to me nearly two years before, had more compassion and care for me than the woman who’d given birth to me. I hadn’t talked to my parents in nearly a year, and during our last conversation, all they’d wanted to talk about was Jax, nothing about my life or how I was feeling after being put through the fires of hell to battle with Mitch over our divorce and custody agreement. I sent them pictures of Jax in the mail every few months, with a small note on his milestones, but they never wrote back or made an effort to fly out and visit.
Hilda returned to the table with a pack of playing cards and I shook off the dark brooding over my lack of a relationship with my parents. I had what I needed, people who cared about me, and if they didn’t want to be a part of my life or my son’s life, it was their loss.
We played for an hour, and when I went to leave to go home and wait for Jax to be dropped off, Hilda stopped me and retrieved a casserole from her fridge, pressing it into my hands with baking instructions. I teared up all over again and wrapped my free arm around her, breathing in her comforting scent. “Thank you, Hilda,” I whispered into her ear.
Her eyes were glistening when we pulled apart, and she shooed me out the front door before either of us could have a full breakdown. I went back to my house, steps away, and put the casserole in the oven before going through the house one more time to make sure nothing was out of place. I didn’t need Mitch to have any further ammo to attack my mothering skills and pick apart my flaws in open court.
My heart simply wouldn’t be able to take it.
Chapter Four — Kat
Half an hour later, there was a knock at the door and my heart leapt in my chest as I raced to answer it, a huge smile on my face in anticipation of seeing my little boy standin
g there with his too big dog, and his little overnight backpack filled with his favorite toys and trinkets of the week. What I hadn’t been counting on, as the door swung open, was to find Hannah standing there, her emerging baby bump on display in a form fitting sweater.
“Hannah!” I forced a smile, but my heart sank in my chest as I found myself unable to stop staring at the way her hand rested on the subtle indication that she was growing a life inside her. “I—uh—wasn’t expecting you.” I peeked past her to see Jax coming up the steps behind her. “Jax!” I squealed as the light of my life raced up the final steps as fast as his little legs could take him, and laughed as he bounded into my arms and shouted, “Mama!”
As soon as I loosened my grip on him, he shot past me, barely waving to Hannah as he headed down the hallway to his room, likely in search of some toy he’d been missing. I turned my attention back to Hannah. “Thanks for bringing him,” I said, wondering why she was still standing there. Most of the time when Mitch dropped him off, it was like he had rockets strapped to his feet, flying off as soon as Jax crossed over the welcome mat. Unless he had something snarky to throw at me, then he made time.
Hannah’s hand rubbed her belly absently, her eyes unfocused on some spot behind me, before she dragged her eyes back to me. “Of course,” she replied softly. “Mitch is on a work trip. Lexington.”
I nodded, not at all interested in where Mitch was and what he was doing. “Okay. Well, have a good night.” I grabbed the edge of the door, not closing it, but hoping she’d take the hint.
“Would you…can I use your bathroom?” Hannah asked.
My eyebrow arched at her, immediately suspicious. What was she up to? An expose on my medicine cabinet? See if I was popping pills? My mind flew to what Hilda had told me was printed about Jace and my heart went wild, thrashing around my chest. If they thought Jace and I were together, did they also think that meant I was on some kind of drugs? Not that Jace actually was, but it certainly didn’t look good to be associated with a man who was in the press for being unstable and strung out.…
Hannah’s hand moved to cover her mouth, and I noted how flushed her cheeks were, and it clicked. “Of course!” I rushed, stepping back and sweeping my arm down the hall. “Straight ahead.”
She hurried down the hall and before the door was even closed, she was bent over the toilet throwing her guts up. I winced at the sound, immediately feeling like a bitch for being suspicious of her intentions, when it was clear in hindsight that she was trying to avoid asking for help from me at all costs. I was fidgeting in the hallway, debating if I should go see if she needed help. I remembered being pregnant and having to deal with nausea at random. I hadn’t had it to an extreme degree, and not past my first trimester, but obviously Hannah was still battling with it. I was about to go get her a glass of water, when Jax bounced from his room, a toy dragon hoisted above his head in victory, when he stopped cold at the sight of Hannah over the toilet.
“Hannah’s sick!” He screeched and ran the other way, back into his room. I rolled my eyes. That’s my sweet little angel…
I got the glass of water and went down the hall. By the time I knocked on the partially closed door, and pushed inside, Hannah was sitting, her back against the wall, taking deep breaths. “Here,” I offered, handing her the glass of cool water.
She nodded her thanks and took a deep sip. “God, this is the crap no one can prepare you for.”
I smiled. “Yeah, pretty much. Do you want any saltines? Those always helped me.”
Hannah looked up at me, her eyes wide and I could sense her silently question why I was being nice to her. I offered her a hand, and helped her from the floor. “Sure, thanks. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I closed the door and heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on as I went back down the hall towards the kitchen. I set out a plate of crackers on the dining room table. While I waited, I went to check the back door for Mickey, who would be waiting to come inside, but there was no sign of the dog anywhere. When Hannah came down the hall, her shoes shuffling on the wood floors, she said, “Mickey’s at home. I can’t stand the dog smell in the car. It didn’t used to bother me, but now—” she pulled a face, “—whew. It’s too much.”
I nodded, remembering the way my own sense of smell had gone into hyper drive. I hadn’t minded dog smell, but for whatever reason, eggs cooking were enough to push me over the edge—which was unfortunate as that was Mitch’s staple breakfast. “There’s some crackers on the table. Do you need more water?” I asked, turning away from the sliding glass door.
“Thanks, Katherine, that’s really sweet of you.” She took a cracker from the plate and nibbled the edges.
“So, Jax seems to be really helpful in all this,” I said lightly, smiling at her as she sat down at the table.
She laughed. “No kidding! He’s a sweet boy, but his bedside manner could use some work. Every time I get sick he runs for his life like that.”
Despite myself, I laughed along and sat down at the table, marveling that it was the first time we’d had anything bordering on a real conversation with each other. “Does he know about the baby?” I asked.
Hannah nodded, and took a gulp of water before answering, “We told him, but I don’t know if he really gets it yet. He’ll do great though. He’ll be amazing with his little sister,” Hannah said, smiling to herself in a dreamy, far away kind of way.
My heart twisted sharply and I felt my own wave of nausea. I’d known that Hannah was pregnant for a little over a month, but hadn’t seen her baby bump, and while that alone had almost been enough to push me over the edge, hearing her say that she was having a little girl was like a knife right into my chest. I took a slow, steady breath and did my best to plaster on a smile. “Congratulations.”
Hannah snapped to attention, her cheeks warming to a deep pink, as though realizing what she’d just said. “I’m sorry, Katherine. This is—wow—I’m sorry.” She stood from the chair and pushed it back in carefully. “I should go.”
“It’s okay,” I said softly. “I’m gonna have to get used to it. At least once a week, I guess.”
The emotions compounded, one hitting right after the other, leaving me breathless, my head spinning with a whole new set of terrors. If Mitch and Hannah won full custody, resigning me to once weekly visits…I stopped the thought, freezing it in my mind before it could unfold further.
Hannah looked down at me, her eyes glossy. “I truly am sorry, Katherine. I know I’ve never said that to you before, but this wasn’t—we didn’t—I never knew.”
I looked up at her. “Never knew what?”
She took a deep breath, glancing from side to side as though fearing an audience. “I probably shouldn’t say, but when Mitch and I first started…well, you know…um, I didn’t know you were together. He told me that you two were separated, ready to divorce. He never wore his ring, and…I never wanted to tear apart a family.” Hannah’s confession floored me. I couldn’t breathe as I looked up into her tear filled eyes, as she watched me. “Anyways, this whole custody thing, I know that it’s hard, but please believe me when I say I want what’s best for Jax and that I’m not going to try and replace you. I couldn’t.”
“I—I really don’t even know what to say…” I licked my lips, gathering my thoughts. “I appreciate you telling me that, but I don’t understand. I mean, why marry him, after he lied to you like that?”
Hannah looked down at her wedding ring, twisting the diamond covered band around her slightly swollen finger. “He loves me. And, I know it’s not perfect, but he takes care of me, and we’re happy together.”
Although she looked the same, and nothing had changed in the last few minutes, it felt like I was just meeting her for the first time. For the past two years, she’d been this cardboard cutout of a woman to me. She was just a shell, the mistress. The younger, bouncier model that Mitch had replaced me with. I’d never let myself think about who she really was as a person, and what the inner wor
kings of their marriage might look like.
“Hannah, you have the power to stop this madness,” I said, suddenly desperate for her to hear me. “Mitch won’t listen to me. He’s bent on vengeance for all the things he thinks I did to wrong him. He can’t—or won’t—see that it’s hurting our son. Please, I know you care about Jax, and now you have this new little one to think about too, help me fix this before it’s too late.”
Hannah gnawed on her lower lip, meeting my eyes again. “I’ve been trying, Katherine. But, you know how Mitch is…”
“Bullheaded?”
She smiled slightly and reached over to brush my shoulder. “I’m trying. Know that.”
I nodded at her, still in shock that we were even having the conversation. Before I could plead further, she turned away and started back towards my front door, grabbing her purse from where she’d dropped it on the entry way floor. “Thanks again, Katherine.”
“Sure.”
Hannah looked down the hall. “Tell you what—Mitch is out of town till Sunday night. Why don’t you keep Jax the extra day? I’ll pick him up Sunday on my way to the airport.”
My heart swelled in my chest, ready to burst with joy. I nodded frantically, tears forming in my eyes. “Thank you,” I whispered, a tear slipping past my lashes.
Hannah gave another small smile and then left, softly closing the door behind her.
I took a moment to myself, processing the events of the afternoon, before going down the hall to snuggle Jax as long as he’d let me.
Chapter Five — Kat
As promised, Hannah let me keep Jax until Sunday afternoon, and while the weekend was the best I’d had in a long time, watching them drive away, Jax in the backseat, waving frantically from his car seat, my heart was aching on a whole new level. Hannah had been sweet to me, and smiled more than I’d ever seen her, as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders since our last conversation. However, the relief of tension between us faded to the background as she bundled Jax into his coat and talked to him about going to pick up Daddy at the airport. He’d bounced around and squealed with glee, making it tricky for Hannah to get him zipped up, but she laughed and they both left with broad smiles. Naturally, it made me smile to see my son so happy, but there was a sting to the whole scene that left me feeling like an outsider looking in on a private, family moment.
