by Ines Vieira
“Great. Just great. I have to be at work in an hour. How the hell am I going to get there now?” she exhales. I grab my phone and see that it’s a quarter to five in the morning. We’ve had only three hours sleep if that. I get off the bed and walk on over to the door all the while Jess still looks like she is trying to figure out how to get through her day.
“Let me just grab something to eat, and I’ll take you. Do you want anything?” She shakes her head, and I can see those little wheels in her head moving, trying to see if there is any other option she could take instead of hitching a ride with me.
“Not even coffee?” This sparks her up. Thought it might. A girl with her hectic schedule needs to refuel on something. Caffeine was my best bet.
“Okay, follow me.” The house is silent, and not even our footsteps through the hall make a sound. Since there is some light coming through the windows, I don’t turn on the lights until we get to the main living room and then the open kitchen in the back.
“What is this place?” she asks.
“My grandparent's house,” I tell her. “Once I was able to get you in the car, you kind of passed out. I remembered the dorm where you lived, but you never actually told me your room number. Since you didn’t have your purse on you and I didn’t want to leave you alone in the car to get it, I thought this was the second best option.”
“Yeah, Quaid, I don’t think that anyone would mistake this apartment for a second best option of anything. This place is insane!” I look around trying to see what she is awestruck with, but I don’t see it. Yes, my grandparents’ penthouse is extravagant, spacious with a view unlike any other of the city. Yes, it is over the top with art and decor that probably doubles the value of the penthouse itself. The insurance alone would probably make a grown man weep Yes, it’s all that, but to me, I still see it as an empty vacant space. Empty of love, family or feeling. It holds nothing that would make me as awestruck as Jess is now. Her home, however, or my home in Plymouth, now that deserves my enthusiasm. Not this place. But I don’t say that. What I do instead is lead her to the kitchen with its slick black marbled island in the middle and stainless steel everywhere around it, and brew her a decent cup of coffee. I then go to the fridge and take out some eggs and bacon. I’d love to do something more nutritious, but if she has to be at work in an hour, eggs and bacon will do fine. She sits in one of the high chairs and sips her coffee black as she watches me finish putting everything on a plate. I grab two forks just in case and pour some orange juice.
“Pretty quiet. I know it’s early but still. Grandparents not around?” She asks eyeing me over her cup of coffee. I take a bite out of my scrambled eggs and shake my head in answer.
“I see. Wherever they are must be something else if they prefer that to all this.” She’s fishing, but I’m not biting. Instead, I want to say what I’ve been thinking all night. I put my fork down and place my hands on the edge of the island.
“I think you should report what happened to the Dean’s office.”
“Is that what you think I should do?” she says, rolling her eyes as she puts her mug down to look at me.
“Yes.”
“And tell them what exactly, Quaid? It’s his word against mine.”
“That’s not true. I was there too. I saw what he was trying, no, shit, what he did to you. There’s no excuse for it, and you need to report it.” I’m angry, and she doesn’t look to be at all. Where is that girl that broke down in my arms? Where is that girl that cried herself to sleep with her tears drenching my t-shirt as she held onto me tightly enough that I’m sure I still have the nail marks on me?
“What did you see exactly? You saw a girl wasted out of her mind and a guy pulling and grabbing her. That’s what you saw, or at least that’s what he’ll say you saw. The dean’s office is more likely to come after me for underage drinking then go after him.” Her voice is calm but there is still that edge to it that lets me now she isn’t okay, and she is pissed as hell, but she keeps it controlled the same way she is attempting to do with the expression in her face. Completely detached. Detached from the whole incident. Only the fire in her golden brown eyes give her away.
“I’m not going to report a thing. If I had concrete proof, then I would yell it from the Empire State building itself. But I don’t and I ask that you respect my decision.
“I think you’re making a mistake,” I say frustrated and pick the plate up from the counter. While Jess seems in control of her emotions, I’m anything but and her reluctance to do anything about last night is just pissing me off to no end.
“Duly noted,” she exhales, unfazed at my discontentment. I throw the plate in the sink annoyed at how blasé she’s acting this morning. I want to force her to march her cute behind down to the Dean’s office and report the asshole. I want her to scream. I want her to yell. I want anything but this indifference that she’s trying to pull off now. So I go for the jugular, just to get the Jess I know is in there somewhere to come out of her current robotic state.
“What if dear old Dave tries the same thing on another girl that isn’t lucky enough to have someone stop him from going any further?” Her back stiffens, and finally, I see that flare in her eyes that registers anger, overpower her facial features. Even if it is directed at me, I’ll take it.
“I doubt Dave will do anything of the sort. You did too good a job for him to try that shit again so soon.”
“Still, that doesn’t mean he won’t.”
“What do you want me to say, Quaid? Huh? That it sucks and I wish that scumbags like him were wiped off the face of the earth. Fine, yes! That’s exactly what I want. But I don’t live in a fairytale, so I know that pricks like him have existed way before me and will exist way after. If I go to the Dean, the most he’ll get is a slap on the wrist or something, while I’ll have to endure it all over again and still get too little justice for my troubles.” I grab the counter with both hands to hold me steady. I hate it that she’s right, but at the same time, I can’t accept her logic. Not even a little bit. I wanted to get a reaction from her, but somehow I’m the one whose blood is boiling. What if I had stayed out in the yard longer? What if I hadn’t even shown up at the party at all? What would have happened then? Jess walks over to me and places her own hands on the counter next to me, recovering her stoic and unfazed persona.
“Do you think I’m the first girl that has ever been mistreated at a college party? Are you that naïve Quaid? Because news flash, what happened to me last night is probably the tamest of things compared to what twenty percent of college women all over this country go through during their years in college. If you don’t like those numbers, here’s another one. One in every ten women has been assaulted in some fashion through-out their lives, no matter their age, race or social standing. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. All you have to do is open your eyes, Quaid, to see that being a girl has never been an easy thing to be.” This time her shoulders drop, and she leans into the counter, her arms stretch across it while she clasps her hands together looking out the window, avoiding my stare altogether.
“Yes, last night shouldn’t have happened. Yes, I hate that he thought I was fair game and could and will get away with it. But most of all I hate that I let it happen. I was distracted, and because of that, I did stupid stuff loke accepting drinks I didn’t pour myself and roaming an unfamiliar house unaccompanied by my friends. So you see even if I do want to crucify the dirtbag for even touching me, I hate myself a whole lot more for letting it happen. I know the statics by heart, yet I was the foolish one last night. I’m not at fault, but I sure as hell am not blameless. That’s what being a girl these days means. We should know better than to make it easy for these fuckers because as much as we should be able to feel safe anywhere, that is just not the world we currently live in. So don’t look at me like you’re disappointed in my decision to let last night go when you have no clue at all what it’s like to make that decision in the first place.” I look over at this small,
brave girl and my heart is crushed down my throat. I’m an ass through and through. She wasn’t indifferent to last night’s episode, just grew walls around her as a coping mechanism and I had to smash them to the ground to make sure that she was still in there. Of course she was. I’m a fool for thinking otherwise. I lean closer to her and whisper that I’m sorry. I can’t tell her for what since this whole situation is too messed up for not asking forgiveness for all of it. Her eyes turn my way, and the warm honey glow is still there even if only a smidge of it comes out. It’s still there. She nods and stands back up chin high.
“I’m late. I’ll probably even get fired for it, but I still have to go. Are you going to give me a ride or what?” Her brumal remark on any other day might have pissed me off, but today I see it for what it is. A hard shell is tougher to break than a soft one.
“I’ll get my keys.”
We make it to the DeStefano a quarter past 6. Instinctively, I drive to the back to the employee entrance which makes Jess give me a side-eyed look, but instead of dealing with that I tell her I’ll pick her up once her shift ends to take her back. I also ask that she give her friends a call since she didn’t spend the night in her dorm and I’m sure that they must be worried. Especially Drew. She just nods and leaves without even looking back once. I text Jason to know when he’s set up the meeting at the frat. It’s too early for him to reply, but I want my text to be the first thing he sees. Jess might be right about all she said this morning, even if I didn’t like to hear it, but I can’t let it lie. I need some sort of vindication, even if it only comes in the form of my frat brother’s sense of punishment.
I leave my car in the hotel parking lot and decide to just walk about to get my head on straight. I think about how disappointed Carlos would be of me if he knew I let this happen to his baby girl. Shit, I’m disappointed in me! I mean I was basically focused on her the whole night, and just because I couldn’t deal and left her to her own devices, I let both Carlos and myself down, as well as Jess. I know I won’t be able to be there every single minute of every day, but that’s what I want to do. I don’t know what switch turned on in me that I have the urgent need to protect this girl. What’s more ironic is that I’m the last person she wants protection from. Last night will leave a mark on her, but it’s also messed with my head. No way around that one. After a couple of hours roaming Central Park, I get it into my head at least some form of solution for my dilemma. It’s not ideal, but if I can’t be her shadow at least, it will let me breathe easier than with the alternative. I stop at a sporting goods store and grab some stuff that we’ll need. Once I make sure I’ve got everything, I text Jason again for any news. He texts back that he’ll let me know as soon as he’s able to set it up.
At eleven, I’m right back where I left her at work, and ten minutes later she’s out the door. She looks exhausted as she climbs in and I doubt that it has much to do with the five hours she spent cleaning other people’s shit.
“You hungry?” I ask with one eye on the road and another assessing her mood.
“Not really,” she replies, looking out the window.
“Tired?”
“I guess.” Okay so not much for small talk, making what I had in mind a little bit trickier to talk about.
“I can take you back to the dorm if you want, but I was actually hoping you’d come back with me to my grandparents’ place. But if you’re too tired, I understand.” This gets her attention and she positions herself to face me head-on.
“What for?” she asks with one brow up.
“I want to show you something.” I reply hoping her curiosity will win out in the end.
“Color me intrigued, Stevens. Unfortunately I need a shower and change of clothes.”
“I got that handled. You can take a shower there too if you like, but maybe after I show you what I want to talk to you about.”
“Why after?”
“Let’s just say you might need one if you go along with what I got planned.” I grin thinking about how I intend to make her sweat. Damn it all to hell, now I’m thinking of other ways I could do that with her, and my grin is quickly replaced by a scowl.
What the hell Quaid? You want to protect her, not jump her bones, you dick!
I see her bite her lower lip curious as to what I was either thinking just now or what I’ve got planned, either way, her teeth pulling on that red lip is not helping me in any way, and I shuffle around my seat to get comfortable because everything feels too fucking tight. Her scrutinizing stare at my sudden uneasiness is also not what I want her to focus on, so I turn on the radio as a way to buffer my awkwardness around her. Less than twenty minutes later we finally arrive at our destination, and I’m once again in control of myself, even though I’m starting to second guess that this is a good idea at all. I get the bags from the trunk and usher her into the garage elevator.
Once we reach the penthouse, I ask her to follow me up the stairs to the second floor. I haven’t been at my grandparents’ home for the last couple of years, but nothing’s changed much. I still know every dark corner by heart, all the places that you can make yourself invisible. You would think that in a house this big you could get easily lost in and unbothered by anyone at any given time so that hiding places would be redundant. A person could think that, but they would be wrong. In this house sometimes being invisible was the only way to make it through the day.
The room we’re heading towards has probably been unused since the last time I was here, but I doubt it looks much different. When we reach it, I’m thankful my assumptions were right. Jess steps in and looks around, slowly walking around the room. It holds everything that we’ll need and if she goes along with my plan, it will be perfect for what I have in mind. Her eyes travel from the punching bag to the weights lined up evenly on the wall. The floor mats are strategically placed in front of a wall to wall mirror, and the corner windows give out an abundance of light to the whole room. Any high-end machine that a normal gym would have can be found in these four walls. Of course, I’ve never seen my grandparents even use one of piece of equipment, but to them, it’s all about perception. A penthouse without your own personal gym is probably unheard of, so even though they never set foot in this place, it still needs to have the best of everything.
“A gym? Are you trying to tell me something, Quaid?” Jess smirks at me. I can tell that she’s teasing me, so at least her mood is lighter. I deflect her question and ask one of my own.
“Have you ever had any self-defense classes?” I ask placing the bags on the floor.
“Does scuffling with my sisters count?” she asks, as she continues to walk to one of the floor to ceiling windows. She looks at me over her shoulder, and I shake my head.
“You sure? Then you don’t know my sisters. Believe me when I tell you that I have defended plenty of bitch slaps from my sister Catherine over the years. That girl has a mean left hook.” I hear the love in her comment as well as the longing, which pulls at my own heartstrings. I bet she’s thinking how if anyone of her family members were with her last night, then none of what occurred would have happened in the first place. That realization only adds to my guilt. I walk up to her and stand beside her looking at the same formidable view. We can see miles and miles of The New York skyline, full of imposing buildings and spectacular architecture.
“I’m sure she does. Still I thought it wouldn’t hurt for you to learn how to defend yourself against a bigger opponent.” She turns her head slightly towards me, and I see understanding in her eyes.
“And when you say bigger, I assume you mean you,” she trails off, eyeing me from my feet all the way up to my steel blue eyes that are completely focused on her. I nod, my face frozen in place, so she understands how serious I am about my proposition.
“So you want me to fight you?”
“No, I want you to fight me off. There’s a difference.” She turns her head away from me and continues to look out the window. I see her body tense at my words, and I don’
t miss the reluctant look in her eyes.
“You think I’m weak,” she whispers, shame coloring her words. I shake my head and grab her arms to face me.
“No, Jess. That’s not what this is about. I don’t think you’re weak at all. I know how much of a hardass you are to even think that.” That gets me a small grin at least. “But I want you to know how to take care of yourself. Knowing how to defend yourself will only empower you to be even more of a bad ass.” I tease hoping that this works in my favor. Telling Jess to do something is a sure way of pushing her the other way, so I know my next words need to be delivered carefully.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I promised your father I’d look out for you. So I guess due to yesterday’s events, I only see two options that I can make good on my promise. Either I start to follow you everywhere you go, and I mean full on stalker mode, or I can teach you a view tricks on how to defend yourself, and you’ll be spared in seeing my face follow you around.” I drop my hands from her arms when I feel her body go rigid under my fingertips.
“Well, I can’t have that now can I?” she teases back, but her face is of pure resolve. “So what did you have in mind exactly?” I can’t help the small grin slip from me, elated that she’s up for this. “Well, I thought we could train your muscles to be a bit stronger. This will make you feel more confident in using the techniques I’ll show you. I’m not saying that I’m going to bulk you up to be the She-Hulk or anything, but more like Wonder Woman strong.”
“I never pegged you for a comic book junkie, Quaid. You really are full of surprises today aren’t you?” she says walking over to the bags that I had dropped on the floor.
“So, I guess there are clothes in here I can wear for this boot camp you’re going on about?” she is already looking into the bags and removing some of the gear I bought.
“Clothes, sneakers, boxing gloves, knee pads, stuff that you’ll need for us to get started.” She rummages through some of the clothes and starts to look distant suddenly.
