Always, his path, like his purpose, had been direct. Always, he had not hesitated to go where he was supposed to. In some ways, this moment was no different. If nothing else, this journey had shown him that he could not stop himself from being drawn to her any more than he could stop the moons from crossing the sky.
Perhaps there was a reason they'd become lost together.
“It's fine with me, you know.”
Kali's voice broke Stonewall out of his thoughts. Blinking, he realized that one of her palms rested on the rug next to his own. The sides of their hands barely made contact, though he could feel the heat of her skin.
“What is?” he asked, meeting her dark eyes.
“If you kiss me.”
His breath caught but he schooled himself to calm, hoping that she couldn't hear the sudden, furious race of his heart. “What makes you think I want to kiss you?”
Kali smiled at him again, and he was lost. “Your eyes told me.”
Later, he would not remember who closed the last of the distance between them, only that it vanished. At first the kiss was barely a brushing of lips and a moment of shared breath, but like a flame, it grew.
It grew when Kali shifted her body so that she could face him more fully, and he covered her smaller hand with his own. It grew when she lifted her fingertips to rest gently upon his neck and he ran his fingers through the damp strands of her hair. It grew when they pulled one another closer, closer, closer, and the heat of the crackling fire faded in the wake of the warmth spreading through his body.
Stonewall needn't have worried about Kali's magic causing any trouble. Magic was nothing when compared to the feel of her mouth beneath his.
When they parted to breathe, he was unable to pull himself away from her completely, so he reached one hand to the nape of her neck and held her close, pressing their foreheads together. She responded by cupping his cheek, her palm brushing against the stubble he'd accumulated during their travels.
“I knew it.” Her breath feathered his lips. “I knew you wanted to kiss me.”
He ran his thumb along her jaw. “I don't really want to stop.”
“Well, we have all night.” She leaned forward to kiss him again.
His desire kicked up another few notches. The only speech he could manage was her name, Kali, murmured against her mouth as he pulled her closer again. She said his name, too, and at once he was struck with a desire to hear his birth name in her voice.
That was a clarion call, a warning, and he tried to take heed. “Wait,” he managed, breaking the kiss. “Just...wait.”
Her breath was heavy – as was his – but she only regarded him with curiosity. “What is it?”
“I can't...” Gods above, her lips were soft; it was an effort to think with his arms around her. “I can't offer you anything,” he managed. “Only a little happiness and pleasure. Well,” he amended. “Hopefully a lot of pleasure.”
She laughed outright. “So I can assume you've not taken a vow of celibacy?”
“What? No.” He snorted. “Do people really think that of sentinels?”
“Aye. You've never heard the rumors?”
He shook his head. “Our loyalty must first be to the gods, then to those we protect. We can't marry or have children, but we're not required to be chaste.” Thank Tor.
“Well then,” she smiled, “good news for me.”
He skimmed his hands up her back to twine them in her hair. “And me. But I meant what I said. I can't offer you much.”
She nudged his nose with hers as if to kiss him again, but her voice was steady. “I only want what you're able to give.”
“I don't have much. Even time.”
Her face clouded and she looked away. “I know.” She seemed to consider something, then met his gaze again. “And I find I don't care as much as I probably should.”
Something leaped in his heart and he touched her cheek again. “Kali, if I remain in Whitewater City, I'd like to see you...again.”
“Me too, Stone,” she replied at once, though her expression changed to one that was slightly teasing as she tapped a finger to his chest, above his heart. “Excuse me, Stonewall.”
The touch of her hand sent another flare of desire through him; there was one thing he wanted to make very clear. “You can call me 'Stone,'” he said, pulling her close once more. “You can call me whatever you want, if you let me kiss you again.”
Happily, she obliged.
***
The heat that flooded Kali's body had nothing to do with the fire and everything to do with the way Stonewall's mouth had captured hers. His kisses were insistent but not overpowering; she sensed he was holding himself in check. Even so, strong arms pulled her into his lap and pressed her against the firm planes of his chest, where she could feel his heartbeat race beside her own. It was almost perfect. Right now, all she wanted was to be closer to this man, preferably skin-to-skin, so she really wanted to shed her chemise.
She wanted to tell him so, but the request only came out as a breathless “Stone,” when they came up for air.
In response, he murmured, “Kali,” in that deep, rich voice of his that made her forget her bruises and scrapes; made her forget hematite and magic and high bastion walls; made her forget everything that was not him. She took a gulp of air and watched him try to catch his breath too, before he uttered some quiet curse and kissed her like it was his last day alive.
The moment ended when she – admittedly with a little too much zeal – wrapped her arms around his neck to better kiss him. When he pulled away and let out a hiss of pain, she dropped her arms and leaned back to give him room. Though she blocked him from most of the firelight, the network of bruises and scars over his body was plain; evidence of a fighting life.
Still breathing hard, she cleared her throat. “Sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you.”
She couldn't resist adding a slight shift of her hips. His body responded beautifully, and his voice was a little hoarse when he replied. “You didn't. Don't worry about it.”
“Should I get up?”
He rested his hands on her waist. “Don't you dare.”
“In that case, maybe we should take this somewhere more comfortable.” Kali traced her fingertips down the curve of his ear to his jaw, and savored the scrape of stubble.
He leaned into her touch, his eyes closing briefly. When they opened again, his pupils were blown wide and dark, leaving only thin bands of near-gold in their wake. “I'd like that. Very much. If you're certain...”
Had she been less eager, she might have laughed, but all she could do was brush her lips against his as she replied. “Certain, and then some.”
Moments later, they lay next to one another on the small sleeping pallet, though it took her a few moments to find a position her aches and pains wouldn't protest. At last, Stonewall wrapped his arms he kissed her hard enough to steal her breath. All other concerns fell away. She savored the scent of him: sweat and leather and the metallic echo of hematite. Strong, agile fingers slipped beneath her chemise as his mouth moved between her throat, her collarbone, her lips...
Then he pulled back, wincing. Alarmed, Kali studied him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said, reaching for her, though he swore and twisted so that his weight came off of his shoulder.
“It doesn't seem like it.”
As he adjusted his position, he swore again, muttering beneath his breath. “Those sodding Canderi...”
Kali bit back a smile and waited until he was still. “Shall we try again in a moment?”
His renewed embrace was answer enough, and she sighed happily as she nuzzled his chest. At first they only lay beside one another for several minutes. It was so good to be in his arms and reclining on the pallet, which was so much softer than anything she'd slept on since leaving Starwatch. Her thighs and arse were still sore from riding, but the rest of her was languid and heavy.
“At least one of us needs to move if we're going to conti
nue,” she murmured against his skin.
He pressed his lips to her temple. “Where's all that energy you had at the river?”
“I think it got washed away.” She managed a lazy smile up at him. “What about you? Where's all that hematite-induced stamina?”
“Beaten out of me by demons, not to mention the rest of this little journey of ours,” he replied with a chuckle. “The spirit is willing, believe me. But I think the flesh needs to rest more than a few minutes before I... offer you anything.”
She chuckled as well, though it was short-lived. Despite the desire that filled her, she yawned. “That's not because of you. I think I need to–”
She yawned again, as did he. Stone blinked down at her and she noted the shadows under his eyes. “Maybe we should sleep for a while,” he said after another yawn. “Pick this up in a few hours...”
Though her body still hummed with desire, rest sounded wonderful. Kali nodded and they rearranged themselves on the pallet. It was really not made for two people, which meant they had to curl up close to both fit comfortably. She didn't protest, and sleep soon took them both.
TWENTY-FIVE
Kali's eyes snapped open and the remnants of the dream dissipated, leaving her momentarily disoriented. Her breath was short, her face was cold and streaked with tears. She was alone in the darkness.
The Jessamin, she remembered after a moment. She was not alone; Stonewall was pressed against her back, his breath feathering her ear. Layers of blankets covered them both.
As her eyes adjusted, she peered up and saw that the fire was no more than a few flickering embers. Perhaps she should have tried to bring it back to life, but she was not ready to move away from this man’s warmth. So she pushed herself closer to Stonewall and took several deep breaths in hopes of calming herself enough to force the dream away.
She rarely remembered her dreams, but that wasn't a bad thing when it came to this one in particular. Reliving the last moments of her father's life was not something she wanted to do, even in her sleep.
But all-too-well, the memories stuck in her mind.
“It's too soon.”
“Things happen when it's time for them to happen. You cannot change that, Kali.” His face was white and wan, and his eyes were shadows of themselves. But he was so calm as he smiled at her. “All that matters is that I have done my duty.”
Indeed, he had. Honor. Service. Sacrifice. Especially that last one.
“Da,” she whispered to the darkness. Her eyes burned. She ducked her head and swiped at them with her fingertips, which came away damp. Another deep breath. Despite her efforts, grief took hold of her heart and squeezed. What's done is done, she told herself. I have to move on. He would want me to be strong.
But she would never be strong enough to carry this weight. And it was so dark.
“Kali?” Stonewall's voice broke through her thoughts. His touch upon her cheek was gentle, almost hesitant. When she looked into his eyes, he frowned faintly. “You're crying. What's wrong?”
She twisted away from him and swiped at her face again. “It's nothing. I'm fine.”
“Fine?”
Even through her tears, she chuckled. “I sound like you, don't I?”
He didn't seem amused as he studied her. “Nightmare?”
“Aye.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “But only a little one.” When he did not reply, she offered him a coy smile. “Well, now that we're both awake and rested...”
“You said...'he would want me to be strong.' What did you mean by that?”
How in the void had he heard those words? Perhaps she'd spoken them aloud when she'd only meant to think them. “It's nothing,” she replied again. “Just silly dream-speak. Come on,” she sidled closer to him and smiled again. “We have other things to occupy our attention.”
But he only frowned at her. “Not while you're weeping. And who's 'he?'” When she did not reply, he sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Ah. I should have guessed...”
Indignation flared within her. “Guessed what?”
“That you have...someone else.”
Sweet stars, he sounded pained, and she did not think it was entirely due to his visible wounds. “I have no one,” she told him, fighting to keep her voice from breaking. She failed. “I'm...alone.”
Her sodding eyes burned again; she could feel the tears following familiar paths down her cheeks. She turned away from him, hoping to hide her face. He didn't say anything, only curved his body around hers, breathing softly against her back, one hand at her waist.
At last he said, softly, “Kali.”
There was a question in his voice, one she was not certain she could answer, but she forced herself to shape the words. “My father died about three months ago.”
The hand at her waist squeezed gently before he pulled her closer to his chest. “I'm sorry,” he said into the shell of her ear. “What happened? Was he a mage, too?”
“No.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to brace herself. “The hematite finally took him.”
Stonewall stilled. “Your father was...”
“Captain Jonas.”
“A sentinel?”
She nodded while her heart lashed against her ribcage. It was one thing for Stonewall to develop a tolerance for her magic, but what would he think of this? Slowly, she turned to face him, only to find confusion.
“How could he...? I mean...” Stonewall exhaled slowly. “With the hematite, most of us couldn't bear or sire children even if we wanted to.”
“Most,” she murmured. “Not all. I was a rare exception.”
“Stranger things have happened, I suppose.” He frowned thoughtfully. “But if your relationship had been discovered, he would've been cast out of the ranks and sent to the mines in Stonehaven. I don't want to think what would have become of you.”
“My father protected me his entire life. He was careful. No one ever learned the truth.”
“No one?” Stonewall said.
She swallowed thickly, trying to push away the memories. “Jonas kept the truth safe, though even he never could quell the rumors.” She winced. “Some were more unpleasant than others. Suffice it to say that I didn't have many friends at Starwatch. There was one girl, Eris, who came to the bastion when we were both about eleven. We were very close for a long time. But she was transferred to Whitewater Bastion several years ago.”
“What about your mother?”
“She worked in the garrison's kitchen, though she was killed when I was a babe. Da didn't speak of her much.”
Stonewall considered. “The entire situation must have been...difficult.”
Kali took a deep breath; this part was always strange to think of, and she'd never shared it before. “My father always said that I was sent to him and my mother by the One. Though, why that would be so, I never understood. Surely, I never caused them anything but grief.”
“I'm sure that's not true.”
“But it must be,” she replied, swiping her eyes again. “How could it have been otherwise? Jonas never told me the whole story. All he ever said was that the One had a plan for me, and it was his role to see that I grew up safely.”
And he'd done it, though now she was alone. The knowledge pressed upon her chest and stole her breath. The swell of grief she'd tried to ignore or keep at bay filled her heart, strong enough to shatter. “When they burned his body, I wasn't allowed to be there. No mages were. Why would we want to be? And though I would give anything – gold, money, even magic – to hear his voice again, I can't...”
She trailed off, unwilling to continue. This would be too much for a sentinel. Surely Stonewall would not understand.
But he spoke again, calmly. “You can't, what?”
“Forgive him,” she managed. “For the sacrifice he made in the name of his stupid, fucking oath.” She glanced at Stonewall to gauge his reaction, but his face revealed nothing. “He was a perfect sentinel, but as a father...he failed.” She gave a humorless lau
gh even as her tears fell in earnest. “There is balance in all things, I suppose.”
The wave of grief crested and broke within her. Stonewall held her close as she wept. The world shrank again, drawing tight around her and this man, shrinking to his embrace and the steady march of his heart. These things were lights in the darkness; they kept her from succumbing completely to her misery.
When she had calmed enough to take a hiccupping breath, he spoke. “Kali.”
She looked up. He held her gaze with his own as he brushed his thumb along the underside of her lashes. “You won't feel this way forever.”
She took a shuddering breath, trying to gather the right words, though they fell flat in her mind. “I loved him so much. But he's gone, as if he never even existed. It feels like nothing will ever be right again.”
“It will be.”
There was something familiar in his eyes and it was her turn to study him. “You've...?”
“Aye.” He nodded and his face fell. “Bahar. My brother.”
“I didn't know you had a brother.”
“I don't. He was killed on a mission.”
His flat voice didn't encourage further questioning and Kali was, for a moment, reluctant to pry. But they were curled together, skin-to-skin, and his breath fell warmly upon her lips. She said, carefully, “Will you tell me about him?”
He was silent for a moment; she got the sense he was gathering his thoughts. Finally, he turned on his back and faced the ceiling with a distant gaze. “He named himself 'Drake' when we survived our first Burn and became true sentinels.”
The new name was an odd practice that Kali had never much understood, but she nodded anyway. Stonewall sighed. “But to me, he was always his birth name: Bahar.”
“What's...” He tensed and she bit her tongue. Perhaps it was too personal a question.
If he knew what she was about to ask, he didn't show it. Instead, he held up his right wrist; even in the dim light, his sentinel mark was plain: two triangles, imitations of sentinel daggers, with points set against one another.
Catalyst Moon: Incursion (The Catalyst Moon Saga Book 1) Page 24
