What If

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What If Page 13

by Shirley Anne Edwards


  “Even that. I think your nose gives you an exotic air. At least you can thank Anthony for that.”

  He snorted. “Heh. I’ll never forget that day he pushed me out of my tree house.”

  Every time he brought up that day, eight years ago, about the event at his tree house, it gave me the chills. He came so close to breaking more than just his nose. All because of one stupid action by a stupid, mean boy who had once been his friend.

  “Let’s not talk about that right now. Can you tell me who told you about me and Dylan?”

  Pete moved to his side, and I did the same. His arms went slack, and I grew cold again. At least I’d stopped crying.

  “It’s not important. Don’t worry, it’s not like the whole school knows. One thing I know is Dylan doesn’t prowl around with other girls.”

  “Like with me seeing two boys at the same time?”

  He nodded. Strain lines appeared around his mouth and the corners of his eyes.

  “I’m not the only one sneaking around.” I longed to tell him about Pam and knew I’d promised to keep quiet, but I wanted to do or say anything to make me better in his eyes.

  “Wendy, you’ve never been a gossip before, so don’t start now.”

  That put me in my place.

  I picked at one of my nails. “Where do we go from here?”

  He played with a few strands of my hair. “I’m not happy with the way things are. But if I force you to choose, you might hate me—”

  “I would never hate you.”

  “Never say never. What if you did? I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

  “There’s always going to be what ifs in life, Pete.” I was annoyed by the whole conversation. Annoyed he found out and I’d been caught. I wanted him to fight for us even though I was the guilty party in all of this. I was selfish and didn’t care. I wanted him to fight for our love.

  “I know that. That’s why I’m trying to understand this whole thing and not freak out about it. What I should do, at least for a while, is stop sleeping over here.”

  I lifted up on my elbows and stared at him in shock. “For how long?”

  “I don’t know. We both need to step back and think about things.”

  “Now you’re being mean, knowing it will be so unbearable that I’ll only want you and no one else.” Pete could be a schemer when it suited him. This was one of those times.

  “Yup, but you’ll survive. But really with the way things are, it’s not right. What if Dylan found out I climbed into your bedroom window almost every night and slept with you in your bed?” He raised an eyebrow at me—a first. “If I were him, I’d go ballistic.”

  He had a point there.

  I lay down again and draped an arm over my eyes. “You’re not staying tonight, then?”

  He bumped his foot with mine. He still wore his socks. “I’m staying. You can’t expect me to go cold turkey.”

  I let out a combination of a sob and a laugh and tried to ignore the annoying prickly sensation running up and down my back and in my hands.

  “Are you still going to the New Year’s Eve ball?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  “Dylan and his mom will be there.”

  “Should be an interesting night.”

  Sighing loudly, I turned onto my side again. Pete still lay on his side but didn’t move in any closer. He didn’t hold me or my hand. The wind shrieked, and I pulled the covers over us. There was a lot I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the words. I kept my eyes open for as long as I could, watching Pete until I fell asleep.

  I woke up the next morning alone. A blanket of snow covered the ground outside my window and continued falling from the sky. The side where Pete had slept felt cool to the touch, as if he had left many hours ago. All that had been left behind was a piece of paper on the pillow with words written in his big sloppy handwriting:

  Dear Wonder Woman,

  It’s not a good day for a ride in the park.

  Pete

  I held the paper close to my chest. I expected at least, “I miss you”, “I love you”, or “I’m wrong”.

  I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep because there was no reason for me to leave my bed. Tears leaked out from under my closed eyelids, and they didn’t stop as they wet my pillow.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Are you going to get out of bed anytime today?” Mom stood in the doorway. I didn’t hear her open my door. I was depressed, miserable because of my own selfishness.

  I watched the snow falling outside. “I think I’ll just lie here all day long.”

  She sat on the edge of the bed and placed the back of her hand on my forehead. “Your eyes are red, and your lips are chapped. Not feeling well?”

  I shook my head in the negative. “Just tired. Don’t you have to go to work?”

  “Remember, I took the day off? I wanted to do some Christmas shopping, but this storm is keeping me homebound. Your head doesn’t feel warm. Do you have your period?”

  For once I wish I did. It would make perfect sense why I felt so emotional. “Not for another week or so. Mom, I’m a horrible person.”

  “Not my daughter.” She patted my arm.

  “Yes, your daughter. I did something really wrong, and I don’t think Pete is going to forgive me.”

  “What could you have possible done to make him upset?”

  I liked talking to her and telling her things going on in my life, but we never really had the sex talk. I pulled the sheet over my face.

  “Wendy?” She pulled it down.

  “Pete and I’ve been dating, I guess. While we’ve been together, I kind of have been seeing another guy and I didn’t tell him about it.”

  “When you say date, do you mean actually go out to places or…do you mean other types of things? And, why haven’t I met this other boy?”

  “I’m not having sex if that’s what you want to know.” I was three weeks away from turning sixteen and still a virgin in the technical sense, but I wasn’t going there with my mother.

  She released a breath. “I don’t see what the problem is, then. Your father and I dated other people while we were in high school and even took a break from each other in college. He was the man I wanted to marry, but we both decided we needed to see what else was out there. Sixteen is too young to be with one person.”

  “Even if kissing’s involved? My mouth’s touched two different boys’ mouths.”

  “You have to kiss a few frogs—”

  “I know, Mom. The other boy said the same thing. You’d probably like him,” I grumbled.

  “I would love to meet him, just like I would like to meet any of your friends. It’s healthy to want to make new friends and date boys. You’re a typical teenager. As long as you’re being responsible, why would I be angry or upset?”

  “You see it that way, but Pete doesn’t. He thinks we need space.”

  “If he started dating girls, how would you feel?”

  “He wouldn’t. No girl wants to go out with him.”

  “Wendy Angela.” She gave me a warning. I wasn’t trying to be funny, just stating a fact.

  “Let’s pretend Pete is a woman’s dream come true, and the girls your age are falling over themselves to date him. How would you feel knowing he’s spending more time with one of them? Kissing her just like you’re kissing this other boy? I hope to God you’re only kissing.”

  I sat up. “That’s all we’re doing.” I crossed my fingers behind my back.

  “So?”

  “What?”

  “About Pete. What if he was seeing another girl on the side while he was with you?”

  “I guess I wouldn’t like it, but I shouldn’t judge because I’m doing it.”

  “That dear, is the question you need to ask yourself. Put yourself in Pete’s shoes.”

  “Thanks, Mom. It’s good I can count on you for advice.”

  “That’s what I’m here for.” She rubbed my back. “You can tell me
anything, no judgment. The same goes with your father.”

  “When he’s not obsessed with keeping the bushes around the house trimmed? He must be having a heart attack with all this snow.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I have a feeling he’ll be leaving work early if the snow doesn’t let up. He would be very happy if his only daughter shoveled the driveway and the front of the house.”

  I threw off my covers and stretched. “It’s the least I can do, seeing as I’m such a wonderful daughter and all.”

  She ruffled my messy bed hair. “We can decorate the Christmas tree.”

  For some reason, tears filled my eyes. I blinked them back before Mom noticed. “That would be great.”

  She nodded and left the room. I headed toward the bathroom but decided to take a quick detour into my parents’ bedroom. Their room faced the street, where I could see Pete’s house. The snow plows hadn’t driven down our street yet, and the Preiss’ driveway and front weren’t shoveled.

  I guess he had slept in.

  In the past, we would sled in the park. After last night, I thought it better not to bother him. He needed space, and I would respect that even though it killed me inside to do so. New Year’s Eve would change things even more. It all came down to who would kiss me at midnight. I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of having two boys to pick between. This decision would be all on my shoulders.

  Lucky me.

  No, not really.

  ***

  The snow and my mini school vacation lasted two days. My loneliness lasted much longer. With the holidays and my busy work schedule, I didn’t have much time for boys or friends. Dylan and I would see each other at school, but half the time I ran around crazy, studying for finals and trying not to stress out over my holiday work schedule. Pete didn’t sit with me at lunch and would only wave when we passed each other in the hall. Once, I waited outside his classroom as he left class. He gave me a short smile and went on his merry way.

  Many times I would stand in a stall in the bathroom, choking back tears.

  Christmas Day was a daze. I just wasn’t into it. Even when Dad offered to pay for half the price on a car I wanted to buy, if and when I passed my driving test, I could barely find the excitement.

  I was on pins and needles because of New Year’s Eve and the fact that other than a passing nod in school, Pete didn’t talk to me, call me on the phone, no e-mails or anything else. He gave me the silent treatment. It was killing me.

  December thirty-first arrived.

  “Feeling okay, Wen?” Dad asked in the open doorway as he fixed his tie, waiting for me to come out of the bathroom. I still wore my sweatpants and T-shirt and was in the middle of blow-drying my hair when my stomach cramped. Everything I ate during the day came back up.

  I held onto the door and took a deep breath. “Yeah. My stomach aches.”

  “What’s the matter?” Mom poked her head out the bedroom, clipping on one of her diamond earrings.

  “Wendy’s sick.” Dad pressed the back of his hand against my forehead.

  “I’m okay. It’s probably all the junk I’ve been eating over the past few weeks.”

  He didn’t seem convinced, but he let me go into my bedroom to finish getting dressed.

  I closed my door and sat on my bed, waiting for my stomach to settle. In about an hour, I would see Pete. Dylan would be lurking around, expecting me to dance with him. He would introduce me to his mother. He’d told me so yesterday when he gave me a Christmas gift after I left work. It was a set of funky barrettes to keep my hair from falling in my face.

  Pete finally got his hair cut that made him look older. He also had become very buff. Every time he wore a T-shirt showing off his arms and biceps, I had to stop from squeezing them. I didn’t think that would go over well, especially with everything going on between us.

  I missed him so much, even more so when I was with Dylan.

  Did this mean I wanted to only be with Pete?

  My stomach made a loud noise, and I swallowed down the acid traveling up my throat.

  I viewed my reflection in the mirror hanging behind my full-length dresser. I would be strong. Tonight was for romance, celebrating life, and the new year to come.

  I glanced at the present I would give to Pete tonight. He hadn’t given me one yet, but we’d always exchanged holiday gifts in the past. I hoped he liked mine.

  What if he didn’t give me something? Dylan had.…

  No! I would stop obsessing.

  This sucked. I was still undecided who I wanted to be with even though thoughts of Pete tormented me every waking moment.

  ***

  Dad held onto my arm and Mom’s as we made our way into Napoli’s, a fancy banquet-type place where many weddings and other parties were held. It was chilly, almost below freezing. I almost slipped twice making my way into the car and then out of it. The woes of wearing three-inch heels.

  “I have the two most beautiful women as dates tonight.” He kissed me on the cheek and then did the same with Mom.

  Dad didn’t look too shabby in his three-piece gray suit. Mom wore an off-the-shoulder, dark-blue silk dress he couldn’t stop staring at. I wore a black-colored strapless dress that flared out at the waist and matching heels.

  I almost wore one of the barrettes Dylan gave me, but decided not to. They didn’t match my dress. That’s the story I was sticking to if he asked.

  “Shall we?” Dad held out his arm after he put our coats in the coat-check room.

  Music played loudly, and strobe lights flared from the ceiling. The room was filled with balloons and people dressed in their very best. Dad and Mom saw some people they knew and went to talk to them. I smoothed my palms down my dress and moved my bangs away from my forehead. I had a strange feeling I was being watched.

  A few balloons floated in front of me, and as they floated away, I saw Pete in the middle of the dance floor. His one arm lay by his side and the other was hidden behind his back. My heart jumped. He was incredible in his black suit and red tie. I couldn’t believe he wore the same color as I did.

  I took a step toward him and was stunned again when he held out a yellow rose.

  Wow. No one had ever given me flowers before.

  He made his way over to me.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hi,” he responded.

  “You look amazing!”

  “You do too.” He gave me a small smile and handed me the rose. I sniffed it.

  “This is wonderful. I’ve never been given a rose before.”

  “I know.”

  “Did you know I’d be wearing black or is it a coincidence?”

  He may have been blushing, but with all the lights blazing, I couldn’t tell. “I asked your mom what you were going to wear.”

  “Ah.” I folded my hands in front of my stomach. “Before I forget, I have something for you.” I’d given Pete’s gift to my mother to put in her bag since I only had a small clutch.

  “I do, too. For Christmas.”

  “You mean this isn’t my gift?” I tapped the flower against his shoulder.

  “No, of course not.” He flicked his thumb over my cheek.

  My face grew warm. “Pete, I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Me, too.”

  We both smiled at each other. I started to give him a hug, but he grabbed my hand instead. He pulled me along, past the dancers and toward the tables. As we moved toward the back, I checked the bar. Dylan was there with an older woman in a long, silver dress. He stared right at me. He always could find me in a crowd. The flashing lights hid his expression.

  I tightened my grip around Pete’s hand. I really didn’t want to ruin my time with him. Dylan would have to understand.

  ***

  “Having fun?” Pete whispered into my ear.

  We sat next to one another while his parents and mine talked around us. The music blared, and we’d just finished dancing a fast song. My father had already done some interesting dance moves with my mother th
at made me want to crawl under the table.

  Pete kept his arm behind my chair where I could feel his fingers against my neck and shoulders. It sent wonderful shivers up and down my back and arms.

  Dylan didn’t come over or corner me when I was alone. Not that I had a moment like that. I made sure on purpose.

  “Want to dance?” Dad stood and held out his hand. A slow tune started playing.

  “Sure.” I took my napkin off my lap and laid it on the table next to my rose. Pete and I shared a smile.

  Dad escorted me onto the dance floor. He took me in his arms, and I placed my head near his shoulder. We swayed back and forth. I laughed when he swung me in a circle. Then the song finished and another one began.

  “You and Pete make a great couple.”

  I smiled and nodded. “We do, don’t we?”

  “Anything you want to tell your old man?”

  Dylan waited near the edge of the dance floor.

  “Um, Dad, I need to go to the girls’ room. Is it okay if we dance later?”

  He released me. “Now I have a good excuse to dance with your mom. Go ahead.”

  I made my way through the dancing couples and gave Dylan a look as I passed him. I didn’t wait to see if he followed and dashed down the hall and over to the staircase leading down to another level where the bathrooms were located.

  There was a huge sitting room outside with empty chairs and French doors leading out to a patio. The doors shook from the wind. Snowflakes swirled in the sky. Footsteps on the stairs came from behind me, and I turned.

  I opened my mouth to either explain or give Dylan a greeting, but he took me in his arms and kissed me. I held onto him while he sucked on my lips. I did the same. My mind went blank. That usually happened when we kissed. He was just too good at it.

  He broke off and tilted his lips, his dimples appearing. He was incredible in his dark-blue suit.

  “Wow. Nice suit.” I wiped away some drool under my bottom lip.

  “You’re not wearing the gift I gave you.”

  “It doesn’t match.”

  “Bad excuse. That doesn’t explain why you’ve been with Preiss the whole night and haven’t talked to me.”

 

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