“Could you close the door, but open the curtains, please?”
“Sure.”
I watch her, the graceful way she carries herself, the small steps she always takes like she’s never in a hurry. Although with four-inch heels it’s hard to walk fast. Fuck. What was I thinking fucking her here at work? Fucking her at all. I knew she was off-limits. Knew I had to quit imagining the two of us together, but she makes me forget myself. I lose track of time when I’m with her. I lose my mind thinking about being with her. Inside her.
At this very moment, my cock is twitching for more, the greedy pecker not listening to a goddamn thing my mind is telling it.
When Madison’s eyes meet mine, though, it’s much more than a physical response. It’s visceral and that throws me even more off-balance.
“I’m sorry,” she says, sitting across the desk from me.
Suspicion confirmed.
“Auggie caught me off guard right after I sat down at my desk. She asked what was with our secret meeting and when I didn’t answer right away, she could tell by my face what kind of meeting it was. I was flustered and nervous and she’s my friend, so I spilled everything. I shouldn’t have, I know, but—”
“Slow down, Mads.”
She lets out a breath, her soft pink lips parting.
“You told her everything?” I ask, doing my best to stay calm when I feel anything but.
“Without going into detail, yes.” Her gaze moves over my shoulder and I wonder if it’s because she doesn’t want to look me in the eyes, or if she’s remembering what we did against the window twenty minutes ago.
I’m a moron. Every time I look outside I’m going to see Madison coming all over my cock, not the ocean in the distance.
“What were you thinking?” I ask, no longer even-tempered.
“Obviously I wasn’t.”
“Obviously.”
She flinches. “You don’t have to worry about Auggie. We can trust her.”
“We?” My anger is rising and I don’t like myself for it, but I’m pissed at her for sharing our secret. Rational or not, she had no right to compromise my status at ZipMeds like this. “There is no we in this case. I don’t know Auggie that well and she’s my boss’s assistant. What if she says something without thinking? James is smart as hell and can read between the lines. This could cost us our jobs.”
“She won’t.” It’s a delicate whisper, filled with regret.
“You don’t know that,” I say with less annoyance. She may have told Auggie about us, but I put her in the position of having something to tell. This is just as much my fault. The only difference is I know how to keep my mouth shut.
“I’m sorry,” she says again.
Elbow on my desk, I drop my head and rub two fingers across my forehead. This is my dream job and I can’t lose it. I can’t lose respect, either. “I know you are, but you’ve put me in a really bad position. I’m glad you think you can trust Auggie, but there’s more than trust involved. Do you think she’ll look at me the same way now? I don’t. And that fucking sucks.”
“I’m sure—”
“You can’t be sure about anything, Madison. You’ve worked for a high-level company for all of what? Seven, eight weeks? You know nothing about the cutthroat world of business. There are a hundred finance guys waiting to take my place if I get let go.”
Apology, remorse, innocence, all play across her face. “What do you want me to do?”
“You don’t need to do anything. Ultimately, this is on me, and I’ll think of a way to fix it. In the meantime, we should keep our distance.”
“Okay. Is that all?”
“Yes.”
She hurries out of my office without another word. Her feelings are hurt, and I feel like shit for it, but I’ve got two and a half years of experience over her. I’m sick to my stomach thinking about how to put this to rights—because at the top of that list is firing her.
Hear me out.
I think I’m in love with her.
And if it’s Madison in my personal life or Madison in my work life, I choose personal. I can find another assistant, albeit he or she will suck in comparison, but I won’t find anyone else I want to be my girlfriend.
There’s a catch, of course. She loves this job and I have no idea if she’ll forgive me if I fire her. She’s the one losing something, while I get to keep everything. I squeeze the back of my neck. Fuuuck.
Am I a total asshole for even thinking this way? Yes, which is why I have to give Madison the choice—the job or me. Because I can’t in good conscience continue to break office policy. The guilt is eating at me.
My phone dings with a text. It’s Michaela. She’s flying into town tonight for a friend’s wedding this weekend and do I want to meet up for a drink tomorrow night? Yes, I want to meet her. She’s a corporate HR wiz and maybe she can help me sort out my situation with Madison. Michaela won’t be happy I don’t want to fuck her ever again, but I’d like to think we’re friends despite the occasional hookup.
We text back and forth and set a time for seven o’clock at Donahue’s.
I set my phone down a moment before James walks into my office. “Got a minute?” he asks, closing the door behind him.
“Sure.” It’s not like I can say “I don’t.” But given what’s transpired this morning, his presence is a little nerve-racking.
He takes the chair Madison always sits in. “I just got off the phone with Alan Reitkerk and he’s thrilled with the new strategy we’re taking and happy to help us work on the big picture,” James says.
“That’s great.” Alan is one of our biggest investors.
“In light of that, let’s make sure we discuss product vision this afternoon with Drake.”
“Will do.”
“If I haven’t told you lately, I really appreciate your hard work and forward thinking. I’m not sure Drake or I would see the company’s metrics as comprehensively as you do. Which makes our humanitarian efforts that much more worthwhile.”
This is the kind of praise that feeds my soul and makes me beyond grateful to be in the position I’m in. “That’s nice to hear. Thank you.”
“I need to bring something else up.” He pauses but continues to meet my gaze head-on. “I’m not sure you’re aware that we videotaped a large percentage of the company retreat.”
“I wasn’t.” Fuck. I quickly run through my interactions with Madison, trying to think if there’s anything inappropriate besides the fact that I probably look at her inappropriately every ten seconds.
“I thought it would be fun to put together a recap and show it to the staff. I watched it yesterday.” Another pause. I don’t normally sweat through my shirt, but this morning might be a first. “I couldn’t help but notice you and Madison look very fond of each other.”
“We are.” There’s no sense in arguing what he’s seen with his own two eyes. “She’s a great assistant and we work well together.”
“I have to ask if I should be concerned?”
Shit. Shit. Shit. “What do you mean?” I know exactly what he means, but I’m not ready for this conversation.
“It means I know you’re both attractive, single twentysomethings who spend a lot of hours together, which leaves little time for outside relationships.”
“True.” It’s my turn to pause. I’m formulating how to continue when my phone chimes with another text. It sits closer to James than me and he glances down at it before I pick it up. It’s Michaela again and she’s texted in emoji only—eggplant, lips, and a wink.
A few months ago my dick would have stirred at the obvious innuendo, but not anymore. Only one girl has power over me below the belt now.
James grins. “Who’s Michaela?”
And just like that my immediate problem is solved. “She’s a girl I’ve seen a few times. She works in HR for Goldman and likes to get together whenever she’s in town.”
“I take it she’s visiting soon?”
“This weekend, actua
lly. Unrelated to work, though. She’s got a friend’s wedding to go to.”
“You’re her plus-one?” James has never inquired into my private life this much before, no doubt set off by the video from the retreat.
“No. We’re meeting for drinks tomorrow night.”
He rubs underneath his chin. “She’s based in New York?”
“Yes.”
“If it isn’t too big an imposition, think I could join you? My younger sister recently moved to Manhattan and is looking for a new job. Maybe I can put the two of them in touch.”
“Uh, yeah. That’s fine.”
“I won’t stay too long. You’ll have plenty of time to take her up on her offer.”
I frown in confusion. “Her offer?”
“The text?”
“Oh, right. Thanks.” I force a smile. I think I’ve just made my life even more difficult.
He stands. “I’ll see you in the conference room for lunch.”
“Okay. And about Madison…” I feel like I have to give him something, so I tell him we’ve known each other for years through mutual friends and that’s probably why we look at each other differently. I apologize for keeping that fact to myself, but I didn’t think it pertinent since it was a temp agency that sent Madison and we weren’t close friends.
“Got it,” he says and leaves my office.
I look through the glass wall toward Madison’s desk. She turns her head, makes quick eye contact, then scoots her chair closer to her desk and gets back to work. I follow suit, clicking on my email.
For the rest of the day it’s business as usual except for one stomach-aching fact. The tension between us is so thick, it’s like we’re strangers.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Madison
“It’s weird that he told me to take the day off, right?”
“What’s weird is you not enjoying a paid Freebie Friday,” Harper says. We’re walking down a tree-lined street not far from the office to check out an apartment I saw for rent. Harper makes her own work schedule, so she was on board with accompanying me today.
“I mean I know he said his schedule changed and he’d be in an all-day meeting, but I can’t shake the feeling he didn’t want to see me.”
Harper stops, her sunglasses meet mine. “Maddy, he didn’t. And that’s not a bad thing. After everything you told me, he needs time to process things and so do you.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I usually am.” She links her arm with mine. “Now come on, let’s find you a kick-ass place to live.”
The second-floor apartment smells like someone puked in it. Harper actually tells the building manager that. The woman apologizes and says she can have it taken care of, but I’m not convinced. Plus, we’ve got more apartments to look at.
I’m excited to live on my own for the first time in my life and I have this idea in my head of what I want it to look like: Light, airy, and simple, so I can add my own touches. Besides my bed—which I’m bringing from home, much to my mom’s chagrin because she’s afraid I’ll never come visit for the night, even though there are three other available beds in the house—I plan to buy a secondhand couch and dining chairs and reupholster them in this really pretty Prussian blue fabric. The chairs will go perfect with the small Pottery Barn dining table I’ve got my eye on as my one splurge. I’d also like to have a bathtub, but it’s not a requirement. A small space to sew in is, though. And lastly, I envision fresh flowers sitting in a vase on the kitchen counter all the time.
Apartment number two is a bust, too. But the third one is really close to what I’m looking for. It’s a newer building and there is more than one apartment available. I decide to think on it because it requires a one-year lease. It’s not like I have to move out of my parents’ house immediately, which is a nice luxury to have in this situation.
Finished apartment hunting for the day, we walk over to the nearby farmers market—another plus if I end up choosing this rental. There are three rows of sellers, each booth shaded by a giant blue or red umbrella or pop-up tent. The sun is high up in the sky. A light spring breeze carries the scent of fresh fruits and vegetables.
“Whoever decided to put sugar on popcorn is a genius,” I say. “Kettle corn is the best.” I pass the large clear bag to Harper.
She digs her hand in for a scoop. “Agreed, but I hate that it gets in your teeth.”
“The one downside. Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“Do you think I’m being naive about work?” We turn down the last aisle that I quickly dub Tomato Street.
“What do you mean?” Harp hands me back the kettle corn.
“Elliot pretty much called me out on being an amateur and not understanding how the business world works. It’s true this is my first real job, and I’m still learning the dynamics of the company, but I do trust Auggie not to say anything.”
“As long as you’re confident about that, then I don’t see how your inexperience matters. I think Elliot is just upset he doesn’t have total control over the situation anymore.”
“I get that.”
“And he needs to get that women have a code. Auggie might not have his back, but she’s got yours, and that means she won’t say anything.”
“I wish he’d at least made time to keep our lunch date today. I hate that things are weird between us.”
“It won’t last forever. And sometimes weird leads to really great things.”
We walk around the white roadblocks sectioning off the farmers market and step onto the sidewalk to get to our car. “I knew you were sad, but I didn’t know you felt weird about the time you and Levi were apart.”
“Very weird. It sucked. But look at us now.”
They’re totally in love. Both of Elliot’s roommates are, and it hits me how much I miss being a couple.
Harper taps the alarm to unlock her car. “Ready to go back to my house?”
“Yes. Thanks for helping me look at places.”
For the rest of the afternoon we sit by the pool, read Cosmo and People and talk about which celebrity couples we love the most. Teague gets home from work and we hang out for a bit before heading to Donahue’s for dinner.
We grab a booth and order food and drinks.
“We’re doing a wedding for the cutest couple,” Teague says. “Listen to how they got engaged. She’s a marine biologist and they were at an aquarium. He takes her to stand in front of a giant tank where they do feedings. There’s a tank keeper or whatever they’re called, standing there, too, and he tells the group waiting to watch the feeding that they’re going to play a trivia game. When he looks at our bride to ask her a question, he tells her instead of him asking the question the diver inside the tank is going to. She turns and sees the diver holding a sign that says, will you marry me, and our groom is on one knee.”
“That’s so special,” I say. Henry did the usual proposal. Fancy restaurant, champagne, diamond ring sitting on top of my crème brûlée, which was his favorite dessert. I’d much rather eat something chocolaty.
“If Levi proposes to me in public, he’s in big trouble,” Harper says.
“What did you just say?” Teague asks, her back going ramrod straight.
“Don’t get your panties in a snit. He’s maybe mentioned wanting to marry me one day. And I’ve told him one day is perfect.”
“I can’t wait for your one day,” Teague says with sisterly love.
“I have a feeling yours will be here before mine.”
“I have a feeling you’re right.”
Now my and Harper’s backs straighten. “Why do you say that?” Harper inquires.
“Mateo’s just been…he’s been so amazing lately, not that he isn’t always, but he’s also been kind of secretive, which is not like him at all, so I think he’s planning something.”
“Like a proposal?” I say, making a mental note to casually question him about it.
“I hope so.”
Teague stares off into the distance, all dreamy-eyed.
I follow her gaze out into the restaurant. All the tables and booths are occupied. The bar is full, too. As I pull my attention back, I’m stopped midway. Sitting at a table are Elliot, James, and what was her name? The HR girl who definitely wanted in Elliot’s pants the night he offered me a full-time position as his assistant. M-something. I blink repeatedly hoping to recall her name. Michaela.
Michaela wasn’t scheduled on Elliot’s calendar, and an uncomfortable lump takes shape in the back of my throat.
It does look like they’re having a business meeting, though, albeit a cozy one. James is talking, engaging Michaela in conversation. There’s smiling. Laughing. I need to chill. I have no claim on Elliot. He’s free to do and see whomever he wants, whether it’s work related or not.
But then James stands up and leaves, and it’s just Elliot and her and it bothers me. Even more so when she puts her hand on his arm and laughs at something he says.
“Maddy? Are you okay?” Teague asks.
I tear my gaze away from Elliot. “No.”
Harper’s eyes track to where mine just were. “What the hell? I’m going to strangle him.”
I’m not sure we need to go that far, so I quickly say, “She’s a colleague from his old firm. And our boss was sitting with them until a minute ago, so I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“But it doesn’t feel like nothing,” Teague says with compassion, noticing the reason for my unease and Harper’s anger.
“I’m surprised to see them together is all, and since I think they hooked up in the past, it doesn’t feel that great, no. Especially given the way he and I left things.” Is this his way of fixing our situation? By reconnecting with someone else? I sink down into the booth. I’m confused and want to disappear.
“Should we grab their attention?” Harper asks.
“No. I don’t want to bother them.”
“I’m sure they’re just talking work stuff.” Teague’s reassurance does nothing to ease my growing anxiety.
Michaela looks way more sophisticated than me. More experienced. She’s probably got tons more in common with Elliot than I do, work-wise and relationship-wise. I’m reminded of the strain between us in the office yesterday and how impossible it is for us to be together right now.
Too Hard to Resist Page 22
