Out of all the things I forget on a daily basis—where I put my keys, where the laptop charger is, if I did my homework, or have I called home to my brother yet this week—it’s the one thing that stays lodged in my head.
The first person I told about the scandal was my big brother, who urged me to keep my mouth shut. He was six years older than me and for a while, I thought he was right, so I took his advice. Then my mother kept coming home later, making excuses to go to campus at random hours and had even invited her lover to the house for dinner. That was my last straw. I had to do something. I wanted to keep everyone happy, but even at twelve, I knew it was wrong for her to let my father look stupid in his own home.
So I told him.
Three months later, their divorce was final. My mother looked at me like I was the one who ruined her perfect little family, and that’s when I decided to go back to the States with my dad when he accepted a teaching position at the high school level. It was definitely a step down career wise, but he used to say that’s what he was passionate about—teaching children while they’re still young enough to care.
“Of course it’s me, who else would it be?” I finally choke out. “What’s going on? It’s three in the morning. Why are you calling me?” And why do you sound so damn happy to be speaking to me? The last time we spoke, she was screaming at me, telling me what a selfish child I was. All for ruining her perfect little affair.
“I need to talk to you about something very important, sweetie.”
I cringe. Has she had a stroke? That’s really the only explanation for her behaviour.
“Just spit it out, Mother,” I huff, turning on the overhead light. There’s no way I’m going back to bed after this. If I wasn’t awake before, I certainly am now. “What’s the big emergency? Is it Max? Has something happened?”
I had never really made the trip back to Australia to visit my mother since we didn’t have much to say to her, but Max came here to visit as often as he could. Once he got past his first year of college, the visits became shorter and longer apart. I knew he was growing up and he had more important things to do than visit with his kid sister. I never held it against him, and I still don’t.
When I turned sixteen, the courts said if I didn’t want to communicate with my mom, I didn’t have to, and I didn’t. The phone calls and letters about how I was doing—the fake shit—stopped, and I never thought twice about it. My life was easier without having to worry about her shit. But she’s still my mother, and I still feel a twinge of hurt when I think about how easy it was for her to forget me. I know our lack of contact is as much my fault, but she’s the parent, not me.
“Watch your tone, Aubrey,” she snaps harshly. Ah, there’s the mother I remember. I hear the voices of other people in the background and her being extra nice to me begins to make sense. She has to let everyone know her daughter is an important part of her life by being the perfect mum. And now I’m gagging again.
“This is important,” she adds, her voice quieter. “Are you sitting down?”
“Yes, I’m sitting,” I lie as I pace around the room. I know my mum likes to be a drama queen, but something tells me this is serious, so I stop the attitude and just listen.
“It’s Max, honey. He’s sick.”
My world stops in that very moment. Max is never sick. Since his cancer went into remission when he was eighteen, it’s like he was bitten by some super-power-giving outback spider that makes it so you don’t even get a cold. He’s so healthy—like all the time. He watches what he eats, works out regularly and even takes vitamins. Max and sick are words I never thought I’d hear again in the same sentence. No wonder it’s an emergency.
“What’s wrong with him?” I ask, hoping it’s going to be something silly like a cold, but something in my gut tells me it’s going to be much worse.
“I think it’s time you come home, Aubrey. Max is going to need you, honey.”
“Need me for what? Please just tell me, Mother,” I sigh, getting sick of her spinning me in circles.
“It’s cancer. It’s back.”
“Shit,” I say, my worst fears confirmed. “What did the doctor say? How bad is it? I need more than just ‘the cancer is back,’ Mum.”
“We’ve known for a while. He’s been getting treatments, but they don’t seem to be working. We’re out of options, and he’s going to be in rough shape. It’s time you come home and spend some time with him before …” Her voice cuts out as if she can’t finish the statement, but she doesn’t have to. I know exactly what she means.
Before he dies.
But Max can’t die. He’s Max. He’s my person. My lifeline. My piece of home when I start to miss Melbourne, my old friends, and my childhood bedroom. He’s the one person I know will always be there for me. No matter what. He’s mine.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t Max tell me?”
“He didn’t want to, honey. We were certain these treatments would work, and he’d be all fine, and you’d be none the wiser. Your father didn’t want to get you all upset about something that wasn’t going to be a tragedy.”
“Wait. Dad knew?” I ask, hurt.
“Of course he did. He’s Max’s father, Aubrey.”
“And I’m his sister!” I yell, tears stinging my eyes.
“Aubrey, I need you to take a breath and lower your voice. You’re in your last year of Uni and preparing to graduate. You needed to focus on you. Max isn’t going to be happy I’ve told you. It was the one thing he wanted—for you to not worry about him while living your life.”
I take a long breath and bite back a reply. I hate the way she talks to me, but this isn’t about her and me. It’s about Max.
“I’ve already spoken to your dad, and he’s arranged a flight for you in a couple of days. He’ll be coming at the end of the school year. He’s talked to your professors about you finishing the semester online, so you don’t have to take an incomplete for your classes. He also said something about doing your ballet routine via Skype. But you need to be here now.”
“Okay,” I mutter, feeling useless. I reach up and rub the back of my neck, feeling sick to my stomach. This isn’t fair. Max doesn’t deserve to go through all this again.
“I’ll get everything settled around here and see you in a few days. I’ll set up your old bedroom for you. It will be like you never left.”
God, I hope not.
How am I going to deal with seeing my mother? I prayed I would never have to see her again after she ripped apart our family. I hate myself for even thinking about her when all my energy should be on Max right now.
I’ll deal with it, just like I always did in the past. No matter what it takes, I’ll be there for him, even if it means calling some kind of truce with my mother. Sighing, I get up to stake my claim on the dorm showers. It’s barely four a.m. Saturday morning, so the bathroom is empty. I treat myself to an extra-long hot shower as I think about what just happened.
I’m still having trouble believing it’s true. Maybe I should call Max; I wouldn’t put it past my mother to be exaggerating the truth. She’s done it before. Wrapping my towel around me, I open the bathroom door and check the coast is clear. When I see it is, I tiptoe my way back to my room.
Sitting down on my bed, I reach for my phone. My heart thumps as I scroll to my brother’s name in my contacts and press call. For the few seconds I spend waiting for him to answer, I find myself praying it isn’t as bad as I think it is. I’m not religious at all, but right now I’m willing to try anything.
“Aubs, hey.”
Max’s voice travels down the line and warms my heart. Fresh tears well in my eyes as a new surge of anger races through me.
“How could you not tell me?” I ask. I’m hurt he could keep this from me. I thought we shared everything.
“Because I needed you to stay focused on your exams. They’re important.”
“You’re important,” I retort.
He sighs. “I’m sorry, Au
bs. I thought I was doing the right thing. If it’s any consolation, I’m looking forward to seeing you.” I can tell by his voice he’s conflicted. He never wants to worry me, blaming his cancer the first go ‘round for making me somewhat jaded. I’ve tried to tell him he isn’t the reason for the hostility I hold in my heart, but he’s one of those people who takes everything on themselves. He’s exactly like me. Or I’m like him. We’re the same.
“Me, too,” I admit, smiling. “Promise you won’t keep anything else from me?”
“I promise. See you soon, sis.”
*****
“What do you mean you’re going to Australia?” Nate asks. I wish I could just tell him it’s none of his business and to let it be, but I know he’s way more into me than I’m into him. Just last week, I overheard him tell his mom that I’m his girlfriend. I know we need to talk, but it’s a conversation I’m not looking forward to having. I owe Nate a lot, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
“My brother. He’s sick again, and he needs me.”
“Finals are in a few weeks,” Nate argues. “You’re literally a few tests away from graduating, and you’re going to throw it away.”
“Throw it away?” I stare at him, shocked at his attitude. “Are you fucking kidding me, Nate? My brother trumps exams. My brother trumps a degree. My brother trumps everything.”
“I didn’t mean it that way, and you know it, Aubrey.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just scared.” I sit forward and cradle my head in my hands, flinching when Nate puts his arms around me. “I told you about Max being sick when he was younger. Well, the cancer’s back, and he’s not doing too well. He’d fly around the world for me, so I’m doing the same for him. My dad talked to the dean, and they’re letting me finish online. So it’s not that different. I just won’t walk with you guys.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Nate,” I softly sigh. I can’t do this anymore.
He should be everything I want, but he’s not. He’s a wonderful guy who helped me through some hard times. He was there for me when nobody else was. Captain of the lacrosse team and Honor’s Society, he’s pretty much everything any girl could want. And he wants me. Sometimes I wish I felt the same way, but I don’t. Max’s recent diagnosis is enough to remind me life is too short, and I have too much value to settle for like instead of love.
“I don’t want you to come,” I whisper.
“Okay,” he mutters. He looks away, and it’s obvious I’ve hurt his feelings. Although I feel bad, it spurs me on to just get this over with.
“Listen,” I begin. I take a deep breath and gather the strength to finish what I need to say. “I’ll be in Australia; you’ll be here. I have no idea how long I’ll be gone or what life’s going to look like for me when I come back. We had a really good time this year, but I think it’s time to walk away from whatever we have before it gets messy.” There. That wasn’t so hard. I’m already feeling better, but then I see his bewildered expression.
“Whatever we have?” he sputters. “Aubrey, you’re joking, right? I love you.”
A part of me wants to tell him I love him back because it would be so much easier if I did. But I’ve been on the other side of a one-sided love affair, where one person ends up destroyed because the other half doesn’t share the same feelings.
“I like you, Nate. You’re a great guy, but I don’t feel the same way about you. You were there for me after Jason, and I’ll never regret getting close to you. You made me feel safe again.” The truth is, without Nate, I’m not sure if I would have been able to get over what Jason did to me. I’d dealt with assholes my whole life, but never abusive ones. I take his hand, wishing I felt everything he wanted me to. I’m leaving the country, and he’s the last person I’m worried about missing. Hell, I’m more upset about leaving Jacey behind. “Right now, I need to focus on my brother. You’re going to find a wonderful girl who will love you the way you deserve. I’m just not her.” I shrug, wishing there was more I could do. “I’m sorry.”
“Damn, Aubrey; you really know how to kill a guy’s ego.” He laughs nervously, trying to joke away the pain I’ve just caused. “I’ll give you a few weeks in Australia to change your mind. And you will. You’ll see. When you start missing me, you’ll realize we’re meant for each other. I’ll wait for you.”
“You really shouldn’t.” I’m not sure how I could have been clearer about wanting to break up with him. “Honestly, you’re a great guy, but I just don’t feel the way you do.”
“I’ll leave you to pack then. Call me if you need me. I’m always here for you, Aubs.”
Nate kisses me on the forehead and walks out of my dorm room, and I go back to neatly putting all my clothes in my suitcase. He’s such a nice guy, but I still don’t know if he’s gotten the message. He was way too relaxed for someone who had just been dumped.
I don’t have time to worry about this.
My flight leaves in the morning, and I still have so much to sort out. Jacey, my roommate and best friend, is going to keep my goldfish Louie and what little bit of furniture we’re allowed to keep in the dorms. My dad is going to pick up everything else and store it in his basement, where I’ll probably live when I return as a college graduate and unemployed dancer. Sighing, I push my suitcase closed and sit on the floor. I look around, an empty feeling creeping into my stomach.
I never thought I’d be going back to Australia, especially under these circumstances.
As I finish packing an overnight bag to take on board the plane with me, Jacey comes strolling into the room with a gloomy look on her face. She dives on my bed, her blue eyes sad.
“Can you pack me and take me with you?”
“I wish,” I sigh. I never really made any lasting friends in junior high or high school. For the longest time, I was just the new girl with the funny Australian accent. By the time I got to college, my accent only came out when I was upset, and I got the fresh start I’d been looking for. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.
The college paired me with Jacey our freshman year and we both happened to be dance majors, which helped tremendously when it came to practicing choreography and studying for the same general ed credits we had to complete. She was no Emma, but she was as close as it got. Within only a few weeks, we were inseparable. She and Nate are the only two people who know what happened and how Jason scarred me.
“You’re coming back, though, right?” she asks, her wide eyes sparkling. “Don’t forget we have plans. Find a company who wants two extraordinary dancers, get a loft in Manhattan and find sexy businessmen who want to throw away all their extra money on said dancers.”
“I won’t forget,” I laugh, remembering the drunken night we came up with that ridiculous plan. Trust Jacey to hold me to it. “But if you meet a sexy businessman while I’m away, I won’t yell at you for pouncing on him.”
“You’ll call me every day?”
“I’ll message you every day,” I correct her. “Those phone calls cost an arm and a leg. More than tuition, probably.”
“Have you never heard of Skype?” she scoffs. She stares at me, her bottom lip trembling. “I’m gonna miss you, Aubs.”
“Don’t start crying on me, Jacey.” I throw my arms around her. “You cry, I cry, then we’re just a shit show in a dorm room. Toughen up. You can always come and visit, you know. My brother has his own place. It’ll be fun.”
“I just might do that over summer break,” she says, brightening up. “I need a little vacation before I have to join the real world and be a productive, tax-paying member of society.”
“Door’s always open for you, buttercup.”
*****
At four o’clock Sunday morning, my dad sends me a text that he’s downstairs waiting for me. Grabbing the handle of my suitcase, I push it out the door, leaving my key on the table. I turn the lock on the handle, and after taking one last look around, I push back the tears as I walk down the empty hallway. I
thought there’d be more time here. A few weeks doesn’t seem like a lot, but when it’s taken from you without notice, it’s scary. I’m leaving an undergrad and coming back to nothing. No dorm with my best friend, no shared showers, no classes to rush to when you wake up late. When I get back, I will have to adult, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Grow up, Aubrey. My stupid life should be the last thing on my mind right now.
Max needs me, and that’s all that matters.
Chapter Three
Drew
“Drew, you’ve been on that thing for the last hour. It’s a five-minute job. You’re welding two bits of metal together, not performing lifesaving surgery. You doing all right?”
I lift up my shield and wince. My boss, Wayne, hovers over me, a concerned expression on his face. I struggle to my feet and switch off the welding machine.
“Yeah, sorry, man,” I say, wiping the thick film of sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand and drying my hand on my coveralls. I step back to examine my job. It might’ve taken me half the fucking day, but you can barely see the joint because it’s soldered together so tight.
“You sick or something?” he asks. His eyes dart around awkwardly, looking anywhere but at me. I swallow a laugh. Wayne is a great boss, but he’s a real man’s man. He doesn’t handle emotion or feelings or anything like that. Footy and beer is as far as our conversations travel, and I’m fine with that. I’m not a real open guy myself, and I have my friends to give me shit and listen to me complain about the merits of the privileged life we had before we grew up and had to make a living of our own.
“I’m fine. Just got some bad news about a friend.”
“Anyone I know?” he asks with interest. I hesitate, not sure how open Max is being about his illness.
Being from a small town, Wayne knows many of the same people I do. While they can be a great support, they can also be the nosiest shits in the world. Though I live close to the city, the workshop where I work as a welder is in Mornington, where I grew up. It’s a fifty-minute commute each way, but honestly, I love it. The drive down the coast every day to get to work gives me time to think. And if I ever can’t be bothered with the drive home, I’ve got Mum’s place just around the corner.
Slow Grind (Men of Mornington Book 1) Page 3
