12 Days of Christmas: A Christmas Collection

by Laura Greenwood

  “How’s L doing?”

  Ced groaned, lines of exhaustion painted over his handsome face. “Not great… The warts on her arm have spread to her chest and face. I think it’s best if nobody sees the captain until they clear up. They look… Well, they look nasty.”

  I wondered how he was able to tell the difference between new blisters and her ugly pimple riddled face. Maybe she had blisters on her blisters. Yikes. I shuddered at the thought, but a small part of me was almost happy that she was suffering. Catching an STD was her own fault. She should’ve been more careful. Actually, she shouldn’t have been doing the space nasty at all, having a husband and a child waiting for her at planet Earth. But then, she was a bitch, so why not a bitch in heat as well.

  “So, what are you saying?” I asked Cedar, even though I already knew what was coming.

  He sighed, cracking his neck. “We’ll have to pick a new Captain. Soon.”

  1

  A soft knock on my door made me jump. This had to be the news I’d been waiting for all day.

  “Come in,” I called weakly and Cedar entered, looking as beautiful as ever. His face could have done with a smile though. Instead, he was looking very serious, and my heart sank at the reason for it.

  “Is she...?” I asked and he nodded.

  “Stars rest her soul,” I said automatically and he repeated my words. We both knew it was only because tradition dictated it. We both were glad she was gone. She’d kept the ship in a permanent atmosphere of anxiety and anger - maybe that’s why CC was so crazy. All of us had become quiet, not talking much to each other, just doing our jobs, not more. There was no passion left for this job, no love for the ship. Any blossoming friendships were immediately destroyed by snide remarks. It was strange how L had managed to keep us all apart. How had she had that much power over us? Then I remembered how she’d kept me in check with her blackmailing and sighed. That manipulative bitch.

  “Are you alright?” he suddenly asked, taking me aback. What was I supposed to say to that? Now that L was dead, I was his superior. And yet... I really wanted to tell him the truth.

  “It’s daunting to suddenly be Captain,” I replied quietly, hoping that he’d read between the lines. I was scared shitless. At the same time, I was hopeful to finally be able to interact with the rest of the crew without L’s poisonous interference. Maybe friendships could be built now. Maybe more, dare I hope.

  “When shall we give her to the universe?” he asked and I thought for a moment. Not that I had much interest in doing a big ceremony for L, but it would give us all closure.

  “As soon as possible. We need to get this ship back on track,” I said, way more confident than I was feeling.

  He nodded, hesitating slightly before putting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently.

  “You got this, Captain. You’ll do great.”

  We stood together on the viewing deck, watching as L’s ashes were blown into the universe. She’d been our captain for all of three months. Now I was stepping into her shoes (not literally, I didn’t want to catch whatever had killed her).

  It wasn’t how I imagined my promotion. Yes, I didn’t like L, but her death had been rather gruesome. Which was why we put her in the incinerator as soon as possible to avoid the med station becoming even smellier. Cedar was already talking about us all pitching in to clean. Usually we’d have the cleanbots to do that, but ever since CC’s latest tantrum, all they did was spit out the dirt as soon as they had sucked it up. Which meant we had to resort to old-fashioned methods like using a vacuum and steam cleaner. And the nanobeads that cleaned the drains.

  “There she goes,” Cedar said. I couldn’t quite make out if there was any emotion in his voice. He had spent the most time with her - mainly, because he was the medic, and she became ill soon after she’d been assigned our captain.

  We were quite a random assortment of people. L had been the captain, and the one with the most experience. According to her file, she’d been forty-two when she died, but she’d behaved like a teenager most of the time. Then there were the four men: Birch, Cedar, Rowan and Hain. They’d been on a few missions together before, so they kept to themselves. But that didn’t matter, I liked to admire them from a distance.

  Hain was the youngest, only twenty-five, two years younger than me, but with his broad shoulders and three-day-beard, he looked older than his age. He was cuddly, in a sexy way. Don’t think of him like that.

  Rule #1: Don’t sleep with the crew. This was a two-year mission, which meant that you couldn’t just part ways after a breakup. So admiring from a distance it was. Nothing closer. Definitely not.

  But the universe was making it hard for me. Hain wasn’t the only sexy guy on the P.E.A.R. For some darned reason, Cedar looked like he just stepped out of a model catalogue. It both infuriated and intrigued me. People weren’t supposed to look like that. Not in real life, anyway. His space suits were always crisp, not a single hair out of place, his smile perfectly crooked. The fact that he was a doctor and had to give me medical check-ups didn’t help the fact. Just having his hands roam... No!

  Rule #2: Don’t fantasise about the crew. Space was a lonely place and it would only take one moment of weakness to fall down the rabbit hole. And that would be breaking rule #1.

  Fortunately, there were other things to take my mind off of him. Unfortunately, those “things” were Rowan and Birch, the rest of my crew and also both off limits. Which was a shame, really. Rowan’s right out of bed look made me want to get him back in bed and Birch’s broad chest always made me stutter a little.

  Heavens, help me. How was I supposed to stay on top of my newly imparted Captain duties while most of my thoughts were about getting underneath them?

  “So what now, Captain?” Birch asked, his bright green eyes gazing intensely at me. I felt a shiver run down my spine. Never before had he looked at me like that. We had always been on good terms, but maybe with me ranking up, his opinion of me changed? It almost felt like he was sizing me up. Perhaps he was looking to get an early promotion in his career and boot me out of my position.

  I straightened my back and threw my long hair over my shoulder. The only way one of them would become Captain, was getting it like I had. By going over a dead body.

  “We continue our mission as planned. Rowan, you’ll be my second in command and I need you to recheck the coordinates. Cedar, please disinfect the station. We don’t want to catch L’s STD. Hain, you’re with me. Birch, can you make sure the deck is properly sealed? I don’t want any of L’s… visitors…on board. Let’s get this ship back on course. Colony Twelve awaits,” I instructed, my voice far more confident than I felt. I knew how to steer a ship, I knew how to work goal orientated, and I was surprisingly skilled in locating stars. What I didn’t know, was how to direct four (incredibly hot, I should add) guys that might question my every move.

  The men exchanged a couple of doubtful glances, and then surprisingly enough, scrambled in line and saluted me. Baffled, I raised my own hand to my forehead, still not sure if they were messing with me or if they had just accepted me as their new leader. With a curt nod, Birch and Cedar hastily left the main cockpit, while Rowan sat down behind the navigator.

  Relieved that they seemed to obey, I turned to Hain. “We should try and reboot CC. Last night, she came too close to killing us all.”

  Hain nodded. “You’re right. Do you have the override code?”

  I bit my lip. “No...” I admitted. “L never told me hers.”

  “Maybe L has it written down somewhere. We should search her bunk before Cedar burns it all.”

  I nodded, feeling silly for not thinking about that. I should really start strategising and thinking two, five, ten steps ahead.

  “If I recall correctly, when we reboot CC, we should be able to change admin access. I’ll make you an administrator so if anything happens to me, you won’t be locked out like we are now,” I proposed, hoping this wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass.
r />   Hain nodded. “What else do you want me to do?”

  His questions took me aback. Yes, I was the captain now, but when I was second in command, they never asked what I wanted. Now I wondered if L told them to make my life difficult. She had always been the jealous type.

  I could think of a few things I’d like him to do for me, not all of them work-related, but I should really try and stay professional.

  “Run a full scan on all the computer systems to find any easter eggs CC might have left for us. I’ll search L’s rooms for any codes or instructions that could come in handy.”

  Trusting him to do as I asked, I entered the green elevator connecting the bridge with the crew quarters on the deck below. Whoever did the interior design of this spaceship was either colour blind or liked to torture people. My room was bright red, and I was one of the lucky ones.

  L’s suite was pink, the most garish pink you could imagine. Pink curtains framed the small portholes offering a view of the darkness of space. I didn’t like looking out of the windows, it made me feel lonely. And very, very lost.

  The suite consisted of a bedroom, a living area with a big holotable in the middle, and a munch-o-mat in the corner. I stared at it in jealousy. The rest of the crew had to share one, which meant a long queue at meal times. Deciding that it was essential to test if it was unaffected by CC’s madness, I pressed the touchscreen and ordered a cookie dough ice cream. Seconds later, deliciousness was served and I moaned at the explosion of flavours in my mouth. The normal munch-o-mat in the mess hall was programmed to only give out desserts at weekends. I was definitely going to move into the captain’s quarters now. Unlimited ice cream made up for the terrible colour of the walls.

  Slowly chewing on a piece of cookie dough, I looked around the apartment. The bedroom was nothing special, except for the worn teddy bear wearing an old-fashioned spacesuit. I imagined L cuddling with it and shuddered. That thing was definitely going in the incinerator.

  Back in the living room, I switched on the holotable and asked it to show me what L looked at last. It was a map of our current star system, nothing I hadn’t seen a hundred times before. Our captain left the navigation mostly to me. In fact, I had been more or less running this ship for weeks.

  I flicked through the table’s files. A folder called ‘diary’ made me stop. Should I? Yes, I definitely should.

  Inside, I found hundreds of video recordings. I opened a random one, about two months old. Just before L contracted her STD.

  Her ghostly figure appeared on the holotable. “Mission Spacemen is continuing to be successful. Cedar smiled at me today, and I’m sure there was a sultry look in his eyes. Rowan continues to evade my advances, but my progress with Hain is more promising. I asked him to my quarters last night for an update on the system overhaul he’s working on. Well, that was my excuse. Of course, I was only wearing my nightie. He didn’t comment on it, so I’m sure he found it just as exciting as I did.”

  I held back a gag, the image of L in a nightie burning my corneas. This was worse, so much worse than the pink walls. I glanced over the back of my shoulder, making sure the airlock seal was still on my new quarters, and clicked on the next video.

  L’s ghastly voice filled the room once more with a continuation of her log. “Mission Spacemen is proving harder than expected. Sadly, not in the “hard” kind of way I had hoped. Rowan seems even more apprehensive than before and Birch only has eyes for that little bitch. If I had known Partridge would get in my way, I would have kicked her into one of the propellers during launch.”

  A bitter taste filled my mouth. So that was where all the animosity had come from. I hadn’t imagined it after all. I clicked open another video, immediately regretting it as grunts echoed through the room and an untasteful scene played out in front of me. Apart from Hain’s bare chest, the whole picture was vomit-worthy. Especially L’s cellulitis riddled buttocks as she was giving him a…

  Yuck. I shuddered, trying to erase the scene from my mind. Not that it was working. This was the stuff nightmares were made out of. Well, served me right for snooping. Why I expected to find something valuable or noteworthy in her daily log, was beyond me. I should’ve realised that L liked the space hanky-panky, especially after catching that STD.

  I made a mental note to ask Hain to comb through the log later, on the off chance there was actually something important in it. If he was okay with L handling his….manhood, he’d have to be okay with handling this. I was glad I’d had everyone checked for the STD after L died. They were all clean, which meant that it had likely never gone beyond her molesting them.

  With their signature hiss, the doors behind me slid open. I quickly waved L’s diary away and turned to find the real Hain, not just a holographic version of him. He definitely looked much better in person, but the visual image of L servicing him definitely put a dent in my admiration for him.

  “Captain, I’ve done all the scans you asked for. What— oh....”

  I looked behind me and found L’s ghostly figure doing you-know-what to Hain’s translucent doppelganger. Damn, I thought I’d switched it off.

  Hain was turning a rather attractive shade of pink. “I... ehm... I don’t know what to say... what will you think of me... she...”

  He was wringing his hands and I decided to take pity on him. I needed him on my side, after all.

  “Did she make you?”

  He nodded, looking on the floor which I now noticed had a pink tint as well. “I sneaked into her quarters to use her vidcall line. You know how she didn’t let any of us use the main one for a while?”

  I nodded, remembering how annoyed I got at L when I couldn’t call my little sister.

  “My gran was sick and I needed to know if she was getting better. L caught me... and told me that if I wanted to keep my job, I’d have to let her ‘make me feel good’.” He laughed bitterly. “It was the opposite of that. I hated her so much. And she made us be nasty to you as well... I’m sorry, Captain, for anything I might have said in the past. She had stuff on all of us and played us against you.”

  The wheels inside my head were turning furiously, but I kept a calm exterior. This was my moment to show what a good and just Captain I was. “I understand. She was a manipulative person and you shouldn’t feel guilty for what she made you do. This is going to be a fresh start, right?”

  I could see the relief as the tension in his body lessened. His beautiful face became even more attractive without the creases on his forehead.

  “Hain, gather the others. I think we have some talking to do.”

  Both Hain and Rowan stood quietly and broodingly in front of me, waiting for their fellow crewmates. As expected, Cedar came scrambling from outside the corridor. His ruffled hair in stark contrast with his crisp and ironed suit.

  I checked the radial and wondered where Birch was. He was never late, unlike another blond guy. “Where is Birch?”

  The three men glanced at each other, confusion painted on their faces. Hain shrugged, pointing at the back of the ship.

  “Maybe still checking the ports?” he suggested, avoiding any eye contact. Guess he was still embarrassed about the earlier situation.

  “Still?” I asked, counting the ports in my head. There were only five. It shouldn’t have taken him this long. An ominous feeling wrapped itself around me. With the transmittal space mumbo jumbo from L, our ship might not have been as under the radar as we all hoped.

  “I better check on what’s taking so long.” I glanced at the three men in front of me, wondering if I should take one of them with me. Not that that thought made sense. This ship should be safe and CC would alarm us if there were any intruders. But then again… There was no knowing what L did to the board computer. Maybe CC turning homicidal wasn’t the programmer’s fault after all.

  “Cedar, we’re checking the ports. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Rowan and Hain, check CC’s log again. I want you to focus on access codes and L’s signature. I want to know who open
ed which door and when.”

  The men threw me a confused look, not sure why I seemed to be making pairs. But somehow, that felt like a good idea.

  Our footsteps echoed in the narrow corridors. Why were they so damn small? I felt Cedar’s breath tickle the back of my neck and briefly wondered why he was standing so close. He really was a strange one.

  “The navigator shows there’s no form of life detectable at Loading Dock 1,” he broke the silence, showing me the stats on his scanner.

  I pointed at another bay. “What about this dock?”

  Cedar shook his head. “Nothing there either. That leaves either the Central Port or the Back Door, but we’re not in reach yet.”

  I muffled a snort, still not sure who decided to name the loading dock at the base of the ship the Back Door. You just couldn’t use it in a serious conversation without breaking out into a giggle.

  “Wait.” The blonde held up a hand, halting me in my pace. “Am I seeing this right?”

  Confused, I glanced at the scanner in his hand. Had he found Birch?

  “I’m counting two shapes, but aren’t Rowan and Hain supposed to be in the cockpit?” Cedar inquired.

  The ominous feeling I had since I found L’s diary stirred up in my stomach. There was certainly something fishy going on here and I was determined to figure out what.

  “Blasters! Three more shapes just appeared!” Cedar cursed, flashing me the image on the screen.

  He was right. Five sources of heat were showing up on the navigator. That didn’t add up. There were only supposed to be five of us in total on the ship. And Cedar and I were standing right here. I needed to warn Rowan and Hain.