I growled at the insinuation that my mate would crawl into bed with just anyone because she was drunk. Despite all her bravado, and Kyle’s assumptions, I knew for a fact Lily was as pure as the day she was born. It wasn’t exactly like there was some special smell to a virgin, though our wolves could often sense it, heightened by the bond, and I knew with certainty that Lily wasn’t as wild as she might act.
“Uh, Thomas?” Kyle asked with a hint of aggression in his voice. Shit, I had to tone it down.
“It wasn’t like that, Kyle. I don’t even know how to say this, but she freaked out and took off, because—because I’m her mate.” I held my breath and waited. Just like with telling Sydney, there was a weight lifted off my shoulders just speaking it aloud.
Nothing but silence on the end of the phone.
“Come again?” he finally said.
“Lily’s my true mate, Kyle. It wasn’t like I was her favorite person to begin with, but I had been in the process of settling down with a compatible mate, who, as my luck would have it, she befriended. I know she knows about it, but she left before I could talk to her about it. I’ve tried to put her out of my mind, but I can’t. I just can’t. And now she’s back in your territory, so I can’t just pack up and go after her, unless you give me permission to enter your territory.”
“And that’s why you’re calling?”
“Yes.”
“Because you mated my baby sister?”
I cringed. “Yes.”
I expected him to be angry. I was prepared for him to tell me no. What I wasn’t expecting was the loud, full belly laugh coming through the phone.
“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to give me a minute to catch my breath,” he finally said.
“Kyle, what’s wrong?” I heard a female ask through the phone, and guessed it was his mate, Kelsey.
“Lily has found her mate. That’s what she’s running from,” he told the woman.
“What? Who?” she asked.
“Thomas Collier.”
“Thomas? Maddie’s brother?”
“Yup,” Kyle said, as I sat there listening to their conversation.
“The douchebag?” she sort of whispered.
“That’s the one, Kels. The one and only,” Kyle confessed. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“Oh, this is rich! Is he coming for her?” Kelsey asked.
“Yes, he is,” Kyle confirmed. “Hey, Thomas?”
“Yeah,” I said, my heart lifting just a little.
“Let me know if you need a lift from the airport. I’ll happily pick you up myself. You’re more than welcome on Westin land.”
Lily
Chapter 9
I had been wallowing for days. The scary part was that with distance, I wondered what was really so bad about Thomas. No, no, no, I couldn’t think like that. I knew all the reasons I had left. They had been a mantra in my head, but it didn’t stop the physical pain or the emptiness in my heart. Why didn’t anyone warn me about this part of the bond?
Since my return to San Marco I’d mostly locked myself up in the room. I couldn’t help thinking, with disgust, how I had criticized Elise for doing the same thing. I’d called her a chicken for not facing her mate. I kept waiting for her to burst through the door to laugh in my face, but I hadn’t told her or anyone, aside from Cole, that I had found my true mate.
Today was the day I returned to the real world, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt. I didn’t understand how I could physically ache for someone I hated. It didn’t make sense to me how that douchebag had weaseled into my heart. No, no, no. This couldn’t be love. Hearts aren’t involved here, it’s the physical connection caused by the bond and nothing more. In time it would lessen.
I dragged myself from bed, cringing at my own funk. It was bad enough that I didn’t remember the last time I’d showered. I made quick work to rectify the situation, taking extra care in applying my makeup and picking out my outfit.
I was heading over to Cole’s tattoo shop for my first ink. It was exciting. In the days since leaving Collier, I had spent a lot of time with Cole. He’d opened up and told me about his past. He had also told me about the therapy in tattoos as he’d shown me each one and explained me the story behind it. All but one, at least. I was determined to get to the bottom of that one, but he could be a tough nut to crack when he dug his feet in. I already suspected it had something to do with his mate.
I grinned and shook my head. Cole Anderson had a true mate who had rejected him. Nothing could have been more shocking. I cringed at the realization that there must be plenty of eligible females that would think the same thing of Thomas Collier.
I sighed. The purpose of today was rejuvenation. A cleansing of sorts. Cole had made it painfully clear that I couldn’t just push Thomas out of my mind and ignore the situation. I knew from the misery I was experiencing that he was telling the truth. Eventually I’d have to deal with it, but today I would grieve the loss of a true mate. The tattoo I was getting represented that grief. With it permanently in place as a reminder, I would face Thomas and officially break the bond so he would be free to mate Sydney. I needed to be the one to break it, because I wasn’t one hundred percent certain he would, and because I worried it might destroy me entirely if he did.
I swung into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of toast that just popped up before Mom could get to it. She started to scold me, but took notice of my appearance and the fact I no longer stank, and smiled.
“Much better,” Mom said. “Now where is my beautiful girl off to today?”
“Cole’s. I’m getting a tattoo,” I confessed, even though I knew it caused her to snarl just a little.
Mom threw her hands up in the air and shook her head. “I don’t even want to know.”
I hugged her and headed out to my car. The drive to town was far too short, and nervous butterflies took flight in my stomach. I didn’t like needles or pain, but Cole had told me he’d gotten most of his tattoos after his mate’s rejection because he had been equal parts numb and miserable. The pain of the needles had shown him life again, made him feel something other than the pain and loss of the bond. He’d admitted he’d gotten a little addicted to it for a while.
I understood the pain and numbness he had described. Mine was also combined with anger. I was angry that of all the wolves in the world, heck of all the shifters in the world, even of all the men in the world, my true mate had to be him. Him! The one person I had vowed to hate forever.
The bell over the door of the shop jingled when I entered.
“Cole? You here?” I yelled.
Giggling came from down the hall and my senses went on high alert. The whole place smelled like sex. I shook my head in disgust. A perky blonde with just-got-laid hair appeared in the doorway. She turned and wiggled her fingers. “Call me later,” she said before noticing me for the first time with a look of pure hatred, and then left.
“Human? Really?” I said as the door closed behind her.
“Much less complicated,” Cole said in a deep voice from behind me.
I shook my head. “You’re a manwhore.”
He shrugged and gave me a lazy smile that should have had me wet between my legs. I frowned and sighed. Nothing.
“How long do you think I’m going to remain entirely unaffected by you?” I asked him.
He gave me a sad smile. “Probably for a really long time, Lil, especially if you don’t go back and deal with it.”
“But I don’t want to deal with it. I just want it to go away,” I whined, even knowing I sounded like a bratty child.
“I know, gorgeous, but it just doesn’t work that way. Now come on, are we still doing this or what?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Great.” He gave me a sultry look. “Shirt off, bra off.”
I laughed. “So you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear the Cole Anderson tell me that?” I turned away from him before I caught myself. Ugh, the bond worked
in crazy ways. I wasn’t shy about my body. I didn’t ever turn around and cover myself, yet I had, and I knew it was because Thomas wouldn’t like another man seeing me naked, not with the bond so new and fresh.
“Argh, why do I even care?” I said, more to myself than Cole.
“You can’t help it. Best advice you ever gave anyone was don’t fight it. So why are you?” he asked as he directed me to a chair to lie down. I did, with my back to him, laying on my side. He reached down and pulled my right arm up and over my head. I braced for the spark that had always shot through me from his touch, even knowing it wasn’t coming.
“Well, come on, spill it. Why are you fighting your bond so hard? Is it just because of who he is? Are you worried about being a Pack Mother?”
“What? No. Why would that bother me?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I get he’s been a bit of a douchebag in the past, but did you even stop to give him a chance to explain why?”
“And why would I do that? Actions speak louder than words, and his spoke volumes.”
“You don’t really know what he’s been through, Lily. Aren’t you even the slightest bit curious?”
“No,” I said stubbornly.
He started rubbing my skin down with alcohol as he continued to talk.
“So that’s it then?”
“What do you want me to say Cole? He didn’t stop me from leaving. He hasn’t bothered to track me down. Clearly this is what he wants, too.” The pain of that realization was overwhelming, and I hoped Cole would get a move on it so I could get lost in the physical pain of the needle like he’d described to me.
“You didn’t exactly give him a chance to stop you, and you ran home to Westin territory so he couldn’t follow you without telling your brother about the bond,” Cole pointed out.
I rolled back to look up at him. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”
“I’m not on anyone’s side here, Lily. Just a minute,” Cole yelled as the front door bell chimed. “Now lie back down and be a good girl. You have to stay still or I will hurt you,” he said before turning to see to his customer out front.
An aggressive, low guttural growl had Cole frozen in place. I couldn’t see around him.
“Lily, just stay calm,” Cole said in what I thought was meant to be a calming voice.
“What the hell is going on?” Kyle’s voice boomed down the hallway.
I turned and pushed Cole aside, just in time to see Thomas standing in the doorway. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. His face was contorted in anger and his wolf was very close to the surface, enough that he was already sprouting fur on his hands and neck.
“Shit. Thomas, calm down,” Kyle said, and I felt his Alpha power thick in the air.
All it appeared to do was make Thomas even angrier. His eyes were glued on Cole with a look of death gleaming behind them. I had no doubt Thomas was seeing red, and while it infuriated me, it excited my inner wolf.
“Lily, I can’t control him. You have to calm him down,” Kyle ordered. “His wolf’s too strong, it won’t surrender to mine.”
I jumped from the table, forgetting I wasn’t wearing a shirt until his wild eyes swept over my body and another growl erupted from him.
“Jesus. What are you doing?” Kyle muttered under his breath.
“Thomas, I’m right here. I’m fine. What the hell am I supposed to do, Kyle?”
“Go to him.”
“Kyle’s right. You have to touch him; his wolf needs to know you’re okay. I really don’t want to fight a mating Alpha male, Lily. Please. Just do it,” Cole said, his eyes never leaving Thomas’s as the smell of testosterone cranked up another notch in the room.
I walked up to him and ran my hands down his arms. “Thomas, look at me. Look at me,” I said, a little gentler, and when my hand touched his cheek he finally turned. When our eyes met, he relaxed a little and leaned into my hand. I was mesmerized by his power, and my own to control him.
“I’m okay,” I told him.
Strong arms wrapped around me and crushed me to him. With our bodies intimately touching all over, he finally relaxed. As he did, Kyle’s and Cole’s wolves backed down too, significantly lowering the aggression in the room.
Thomas shook beneath my arms as I wrapped them around him and squeezed him tightly. My body relaxed for the first time since I’d woken up next to him the morning after our bond had showed. I didn’t want to think about what it meant.
When his heart rate started slowly returning to normal, he released me, but only long enough to remove his jacket and wrap it around me. We were still standing in the doorway so Cole was trapped in the room and Kyle just behind in the hallway. Kyle’s worried eyes sought out mine. I felt his disappointment and hated it.
I couldn’t let myself think about what could have happened, all because I was too chicken to face my mate.
“I’m sorry,” Thomas finally said in a soft but gruff voice. I could tell he was back in control, though. “I’ve never lost control like that before.”
Kyle clapped a hand on his back. “Welcome to the wonderful world of mating.”
I choked on my own spit and started coughing. When I finally caught my breath, I stared into Thomas’s eyes. “You told him?” I shrieked.
Cole started laughing from behind me.
“How else was I going to get permission to come after you?” Thomas admitted with a grin. Still staring at him, I noticed it was just a little crooked. How had I never seen that before?
Before the realization of what he said fully sank in, Kyle was talking again.
“What are you even doing here, Lil? The whole place smells like sex, and you’re sprawled out half naked with Cole Anderson. I know you’ve always had a thing for him, but seriously, you choose now to act on it?”
I knew Kyle was frustrated and not thinking clearly, and when Thomas started growling again he knew he needed to rein it in, too. Talking candidly to me was one thing, but he was only agitating Thomas further.
I snorted and rubbed his back. “Simmer down. Nothing happened. I was getting a tattoo, if you guys must know, hence the lack of shirt. And the sex smell, well you’ll have to discuss that with your human-loving manwhore of a Beta over there.”
I chanced a look back at Cole, but he just grinned and shrugged as he turned to start putting the stuff away.
I pouted. “No tattoo?”
“Not today, gorgeous. I think this place has seen enough action for one day. Kyle, how about a beer?”
“You’re ditching me?” I asked, suddenly panicking at the thought of being alone with Thomas.
“Take your own advice on this one,” Cole recommended as Thomas moved out of the way and let him pass.
“Good luck,” Kyle called out as they left.
“Thanks,” I hollered back.
“Oh, he wasn’t talking to you,” Cole said, laughing.
“Traitors!” I yelled behind them, nervous when the door chimed shut behind them, leaving me all alone with Thomas.
The last time I’d been alone with him I was severely hung over, maybe still a little drunk, which meant this was the first time I was thinking clearly and truly alone with Thomas since we were kids. And I was standing way too close. The heat from his body radiated off him, and I was fully aware of every part still pressed against me. It made my body warm. I took a step back, putting space between us.
“You ran away,” he challenged. I had expected we’d need to have the talk, but I didn’t think it would be quite so soon.
“I did,” I said. Why deny it?
“Why?”
“Seriously? You’re going to ask me that? You have a mate already, Thomas, or have you forgotten?” I said sarcastically, even knowing that was the least of my concerns regarding this man before me.
“That’s not fair, Lily. What? You want me to apologize. Okay, I’m sorry,” he said.
“Wait, what? What are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry that I went through th
e compatibility testing with Syd. I’m sorry I didn’t have enough faith to wait for you. I’m sorry I tormented you as a kid, and for whatever else I’ve done to give me the title of biggest douchebag on the planet.”
I grimaced. “You know about that?”
“Yeah, well, your family seems to take great humor in letting me know it. Look, I get you aren’t happy with this situation, but the truth is, you don’t even know me. We haven’t seen each other since we were kids, and you can hardly fault me for tagging along with you and Maddie. You were the hottest girl at camp and I was the lucky kid with the connections to be close to you. Of course I took advantage of that.”
“What are you talking about? You really think you earned biggest douchebag title just because you and all your friends had a crush on me and your sister at camp for a few summers?”
“I don’t know, Lily. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure that out, because you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. And I don’t know how to do this mating stuff. If I did, I probably would have already been mated to Syd, but I’m not, and since the moment I saw you standing there staring at me, I knew I never could. She’s one of my best friends. She’s happy for me. She’s happy for us.”
“You told her?” I asked, wondering if there was anyone he hadn’t told already.
“I had to. I’m sorry if that bothers you, but I had to do the right thing. You were busy leaving town while I did it.”
Guilt punched me in the gut. I had been a chicken while he was clearing up his past to make room for me. And he had come. He was here, for me.
“What do you want, Thomas?”
“I want you to come home.”
“I am home,” I said, cutting him off in a knee-jerk reaction. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry. Continue.”
“I want you to come back to Collier with me. I’ve seen what happens with unresolved true mates, so unless you’re telling me right now that you’re breaking the bond without even giving us a chance, then I’m asking you to come back with me. Maddie and Liam leave in one week. Give us that time to get to know each other, before you make your final decision, because make no mistake, Lily, it is your decision.”
Can't Be Love Page 6
