How to Start Living (in the Zombie Apocalypse)

by T. L. Walker

  Despite the fact that we were both absolutely disgusting – I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had proper showers, or been able to really brush our teeth – he somehow still made me melt inside. What had begun as a mere physical attraction had progressed more than I wanted to admit, though I continued to insist that this was merely due to the fact that we were constantly in danger, constantly living on the edge – which, as I was so fond of reminding him, made me constantly horny.

  "Break it up, you two!" Joey called from the other room.

  "How does he always know?" Luke pulled away from me. I chuckled, allowing myself a moment of amusement despite how shitty things were for us just then.

  "Seriously, it’s like he’s got some sort of radar. I’m telling you, if we do ever leave here, we need to find somewhere that affords us a bit more privacy."

  Even as I said this, though, I knew that if we wanted to stay safe, we’d have to stay close...and staying close would never afford Luke and I the space we desired. In fact, if we somehow found our way to the city, to a shelter or to some other sort of group home, it was likely that we would lose what little privacy we had here at the farm.

  "Come on, guys. The longer you take, the less time we have to enjoy ourselves before we have to prepare for tonight!"

  Joey was right, of course. All new concerns had cropped up with these stronger, faster, and in a way smarter zeds. Because the farm was never truly clear of them, we kept the windows boarded nearly all the time – there were just a couple of hours in the afternoon, when the sun was brightest, when we could take the coverings down and enjoy some proper light. And on days when it was cloudy? Well, forget it.

  We’d then learned that once it was dark outside, even the tiniest flicker of light through a crack could pull the zeds toward the house like a damned beacon. Strange, how they could detest the light during the day, but be drawn to it at night. On the other end of the spectrum, they seemed to be more sensitive to sound during the daytime – though Joey’s theory was that they were all being so loud at night, moaning and groaning and making God knows what other noises, that they simply didn’t have the capacity to hear much else.

  The truth was, I personally didn’t much care about the ‘why’ of it all. All I knew was that our world became smaller and smaller as time passed. We slept, we woke, we tried to live...and more often than not failed miserably at it. We talked, we ate a bit here and there, and then we talked some more. Talked in circles, really. And then it was always time to sleep again, because there was really nothing else to do once the sun had set.

  I’ll tell you this much – I was tired of living like a rat in a cage.

  And yes, every time I had that thought I couldn’t help but recall the song.

  The thing was, I had long since realized that there was no coming back from this life. Shit, sometimes I wondered whether, if I woke up and realized that it was all a dream, I’d be able to go back to jogging and yoga and puppy play dates and watching Dave occupy himself with his phone nearly every moment of every day. I was useful now. I was strong. I was even independent – as much as I cared about Luke, as much as I enjoyed him, every day I reminded myself that at any moment he could be gone, and so I knew better than to rely on him or his presence.

  Mom was on us like a hound after a fox the moment we stepped into the kitchen from the basement stairs. "Were you able to get the water?"

  "Wow, no ‘glad to see you’re okay’, no ‘how was it out there’, nothing like that?" I asked, knowing that my sarcasm would frustrate her – and that this was not the best time for me to act like an idiot. We were all constantly on edge these days, and of course the discussion about leaving the farm was once again looming over our heads...whether Mom liked it or not.

  "I don’t have time for your attitude, Charlie. Michael’s fever is worse; he needs a cold compress."

  My stomach turned. "Worse?" Mike had come down with what should have been a mere cold, but without proper heat in the house it had progressed to what Luke thought was at the very least bronchitis. We had plenty of over-the-counter medications, but nothing to treat a real infection – and I was fairly certain that if he was still getting worse, he was likely now dealing with one hell of a case of walking pneumonia. "I want to see him."

  "You know that I can’t allow that. Just wet a washcloth for me, please." Mom had taken it upon herself to care for Mike alone. The rest of us weren’t allowed to see him at all, and she herself even kept us at arm’s length. I knew that she was right, that this was the only way to possibly keep anyone else from getting sick, but I felt bad for both her and Mike. Still, I did as she asked and let her go about her business, following her into the living room after handing her the wet cloth, only stopping at the bottom of the stairs when she turned and glared at me. Hands on my hips, tapping my foot in a combination of annoyance and concern, I watched her disappear up the stairs, heard the door to Mike’s room open and close.

  "So much for having that talk, huh?" Luke whispered in my ear.

  "I’m hoping that Mike’s being sick will help convince her to leave, but now wasn’t the time."

  He shrugged. "If you say so."

  "You disagree?"

  "I suppose I don’t disagree, per se…or maybe it’s that I understand where you’re coming from, but knowing that Mike is still suffering has made me impatient."

  "When were you ever not impatient?" I reached for his hand and gave it a quick squeeze, remembering all too well how he had needed me to tell him how I felt and what I wanted from him so soon after I’d first invited him to my bed.

  Luke snorted. "Trust me, once upon a time I was. Truthfully, I was far too patient about everyone and everything. But Cheryl needs to understand that Mike needs treatment, care that we can’t offer him here…and there’s not even anywhere nearby for us to go in search of antibiotics or anything else that would really help him. She cares about him…she’ll see the light."

  "I’m not sure if I find it heartening or disheartening, the fact that you’re suddenly on my side about this."

  "Come on, Charlie, don’t play that game. I told you that I agreed that we needed to find somewhere to go, but I honestly didn’t think we would be able to convince the others – especially your mother – that this was the case. Mike’s situation changes things. Now can we stop talking in circles and have something to eat?"

  Joey, Daniel, Lauren, and Mabel were already sitting around the kitchen table, spooning cold canned vegetables into their mouths with a resigned sort of disgust.

  "What do we have today?" I sighed, sliding into the seat next to my brother, doing my best to avoid looking at Mabel. The more time that passed, the more she seemed drawn to me like a damn magnet, and between my mother, Joey, Luke, and Holden, I had quite enough on my plate without having to babysit a child, thank you very much.

  "Your all-time favorite…green beans!" Joey said with forced enthusiasm.

  "I swear, you were put on this Earth to try me," I groaned, picking up a fork and pulling an open can toward me. I detested green beans – to me they’d always tasted like dirt – but food was food and these were better than some of the junk we’d picked up at the convenience store.

  "Likewise," Joey quipped.

  I ignored him and reminded myself that I wasn’t in any position to be picky, as I held my breath and forced down a couple mouthfuls.

  "Guess I’m glad we’ve got just the one to raise," Lauren said, kissing the top of Mabel’s head. "You two seem a bit old to be going at each other like cats and dogs, yet you do it just about every day." I knew that she was teasing us – it had taken weeks, but once Lauren and Daniel had come out of her their shells, they’d become just as much members of the family as Luke and Mike.

  Holden ambled into the kitchen just then. I called him over and held my fork out. He slurped the green beans off the end of it, wagging his tail and giving me such a hopeful look that I stood, picked up the can, and dumped the meager remains of it into his bowl.

>   "Charlie…" Joey shook his head.

  "What? He has to eat too, and I can’t stand the things anyway." I ran my fingers lightly across the top of Luke’s back. "I need to get into some different clothes. If Mom comes around, keep her down here and come get me. It’s time we had a…group discussion."

  Luke nodded solemnly, but Joey rolled his eyes. "Great." I chose to ignore him – this time, at least – and left them to stew over the impending debate.

  Know your zeds.

  *******

  I smoothed out the road atlas that I’d found in a bin of junk at the back of the garage. "God, I miss the internet."

  Luke smirked. "That makes one of us."

  "Yes, thank you, I don’t need to listen to your social media diatribe again." I almost laughed, remembering the time Joey had made a joke about Luke not having Facebook – it had turned into quite the rant. "I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so passionate. Well, outside of the bedroom, anyway." I elbowed him gently, and when he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close, nuzzling the back of my neck. I allowed myself that brief moment of enjoyment.

  But brief it was, because somehow I had to convince everyone in this house that returning to the city – or at least the outskirts of it – was our best course of action. I ran my finger along the highway that skirted downtown, leaning forward and peering at the roads, trying to place important landmarks – the hospital, the schools, anywhere we might find other people, or at the very least, more food, safer shelter, and above all, medicine for Mike.

  "What’s this?" Luke pointed to an area just southeast of where I’d marked the hospital.

  "Oh. There’s a park there…it was used for most of the city’s rec events. The zoo is next to it. " I rested my pointer finger beside his, suddenly wondering what in the world would have happened at – or to – the zoo, when everything went to hell.

  "Interesting." Luke pulled his hand away; I glanced at him, noting the thoughtful look on his face.

  "You think so?"

  "I do. I mean…fences. Cages. An area for them to care for sick animals…"

  "Exactly, Luke. Animals. Some of them dangerous. No way will we be able to make the others believe there’s a good reason to drop in and visit the zoo. This is going to be hard enough as it is."

  "Hey, I'm just saying that we should keep it in the back of our minds, in case we don't get anywhere with the hospital or any of the schools. I'm still concerned that those places will be overrun, and if Cheryl isn't exaggerating Mike's condition, any medicine will be better than no medicine."

  "Let's just make sure we can convince them to leave at all, first."

  "So that's why you wanted all of us to get together? Another 'discussion' about leaving the farm?" Mom had snuck up behind us. She'd been doing a lot of that lately. I'd gotten to the point where her doing so at least didn't make me practically jump out of my own skin, but this time it sure as hell gave me a bit of a jolt.

  I took a deep breath. "Deal with it, Mom."

  Joey sauntered into the room. "Uh-oh, at each others' throats again, are you? Let me tell you, Charlie, you're a lot less frustrating when it's not me you're picking fights with."

  "Who's picking fights?" I asked. "I'm simply trying to do what's best for the group as a whole. And the group includes Mike, who is sick and needs some sort of care, or at least proper medication, neither of which we can find here."

  "Maybe we should wait for Daniel and Lauren," Luke reminded me carefully. "They put Mabel down for a short nap, so just give them a few more minutes."

  A nap. Sometimes I wished that I could lie down for a nap – not because I was tired, but because every once in a while, I truly didn't want to get out of bed. Mostly on the days when we weren’t planning on leaving the house, which was why I generally kept my feelings about wanting to stay in bed to myself, not even mentioning them to Luke. But sometimes I would catch him looking at me with a strange expression, and in those moments I was fairly certain that, no matter what I didn't tell him, he knew it all anyway.

  Knew that he was dating a zed-killing maniac, I mean. Seriously, talk about enjoying the small things – every time I took one of them out, a thrill went through me like nothing I'd ever felt before. Most days, it was better than sex.

  But I digress. This certainly wasn't the time for me to be losing myself in memories of the many life-or-death moments I'd experienced throughout the past few months. Instead I asked Luke to check on Daniel and Lauren. "We need to get this over with.” He shrugged, as if he didn’t understand why I was in such a rush – despite his claims of being impatient, he was certainly more patient than me – but he did as I'd asked, anyway.

  Finally we were all gathered around the kitchen table. I chanced lighting some candles, hoping that the sun, which hadn't quite yet dipped below the horizon, would hide any flickers of light from inside the house. I pressed the tip of my pointer finger to the small area that represented my city. "We're exposed out here on the farm. In the city there are more options to find supplies, buildings where we could live several stories above ground and have more than one escape route, and maybe even other people to trade with."

  Joey exchanged glances with Daniel and Lauren. "We've been safe here so far, Charlie. And you've got to remember, we have a child with us now. This isn't just you and Mike fleeing to the countryside – if we leave, it's a huge undertaking. Packing, deciding how many cars to bring and which ones, planning for everything from breakdowns to accidents to...well, who knows what else."

  "She's right, though." I was surprised to hear Mom speak up, and downright shocked at what she said. "Mike needs better medical care than we can offer him here, and at least a couple of us would need to be with him. Of course, I won't make anyone leave this place if they don't want to." She turned and gave me a hard look. "And neither will you. Even if that means that some of us go our separate ways."

  Luke's eyes met mine; he clearly hadn't been expecting this, either. "I don't know, Cheryl. That may be jumping the gun just a bit. Charlie and I will have to go - "

  Mom raised her hands, palms out. "Of course you will. And you've both done a very good job of protecting and taking care of us. But I'm not leaving this place. It's my home. I'd prefer to remain by myself, of course, as doing so would mean that I wasn't putting anyone else in danger...but unless you're running some sort of dictatorship here, you need to give everyone the choice to go, or to stay."

  I rolled my eyes. "How lovely that in your old age you've become such a revolutionary. Christ, Mom, you know that Luke and I would never feel right about taking Mike and leaving the rest of you here to fend for yourselves. I'm not saying you couldn't, because sure, for a while you probably could. But if these zeds continue to become more dangerous...no one is going to last much longer. Might as well make the most of the days or weeks or whatever we have left, and not spend them hiding away in this house and waiting for the food to run out, or waiting for the day when we have no way to get water from the spring, or for the house to get overrun."

  "Cheryl is allowed to have her opinion, Charlie," Luke said carefully. "Just like no one can force you and I to stay here.” He turned toward my mom. "I'm guessing you've talked to Mike about this."

  She nodded. "He's miserable, and in pain, and he wants to go."

  "We'll go as well," Lauren piped up. She reached for my mother's hand, clearly wanting to apologize for deciding to leave. "We don't want to, not really, but we just...we have to think about Mabel. If she got sick, or injured, and everyone else was already gone..."

  Mom waved her off. "Of course, dear. I know you've said you wanted to stay, but I always knew you'd leave. And Joey, I don't even want to hear your protests or arguments. You know you want to go, and I'll not have you staying here just for my sake."

  "We can't leave you completely alone, Mom," I sighed.

  "I've been on my own for quite some time, Charlie. I can do it again."

  "We'll leave first thing in the morning," Luke interru
pted. "Anyone who is coming with us needs to pack up while there’s still some light in the house. Cheryl, I really do hope you change your mind about this, but none of us will argue with you." His tone was firm, and this time it was Joey and I who exchanged a look. I wondered if my brother really meant to leave with us, especially after all of his protesting about the very idea of leaving at all – and I also wondered if he and I would actually be able to leave Mom behind.

  Nonetheless, I nodded my reluctant agreement to Luke's suggestion, then called for Holden and made my way up to my room. I'd been sharing it with Luke for months now, of course, but something deep inside of me persisted in calling it 'mine'.

  And now I had to decide what I would be bringing with me. So much would have to be left behind – traveling light is the way to go during the zombie apocalypse, remember? – but the weather being what it was, clothing that could be layered and blankets were a must. Then there was food, and water – we'd have to make a trip out to the spring in the morning before we could leave, that was for sure. I dug out my bags and began poking through drawers, carefully choosing the best clothing items I could find and packing everything in the expert manner I’d learned from years of regular travel. I'd learned a tough lesson when I left my condo in the city, throwing things into bags like it didn't matter what I brought with me.

  My condo... I couldn't not wonder whether I'd be able to get back there at some point. And why not? If it wasn't any more dangerous in the city than in the country, tacking on a trip to my condo as part of a supply run – once we were up there and settled, anyway – wouldn't be too much of a hassle, right?

  Don't think about that right now. You've got other things to worry about. My mother, for one. I wanted to believe that she would change her mind, though of course I knew that wouldn't happen. I recalled Luke's comment about how she and I were the same kind of stubborn – he'd said something along those lines, anyway – and realized that there was no point in hoping something would change. We would go, she would stay, and I would very likely never see her again. These past few months had been trying, but I supposed that they'd also been good for us, for our relationship. I hadn't spent this much time with my family in over a decade, after all, and what had once been grudging affection and respect had grown into a cooperative living situation that had allowed us – and our new-found family members – to survive.