by Candy Ayala
Life Wasn’t Meant To Be Perfect
By Candy M Ayala
Copyright 2014 Candy M Ayala
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Table of Contents
Free Without You……………………………………………………………1
Hiding Behind The Truth……………………………………………………2
Someday……………………………………………………………………..3
Trying To Forget…………………………………………………………….4
One Of The Two…………………………………………………………….5
The Way It Used To Be……………………………………………………..6
Winning The Fight…………………………………………………………..7
Love………………………………………………………………………….8
Thinking……………………………………………………………………..9
Till The End Of Time………………………………………………………10
Move On……………………………………………………………………11
Alone Thinking…………………………………………………………….12
What I Would Do For You…………………………………………………13
Waiting……………………………………………………………………..14
With You…………………………………………………………………...15
The Wrong…………………………………………………………………16
Darkness……………………………………………………………………17
What I Want With You…………………………………………………….18
Free Without You
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Being with you is like being in a cage
No life, no freedom, and no breaths to take.
Every day that goes by is like a different stage.
New obstacles and new things you say I need to change.
I can't be me, I can't be free
The life I really want is just a dream.
Life isn't what I thought it would be,
But now it's to late, I can't turn back now and decide to be me.
Life is hard and cruel with you,
I just wish you would let me pass through.
Through that door that will set me free
Like a bird, that's exactly how I want to be.
Hiding Behind The Truth
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Everyday thinking of what I could be without you.
Life seems so complicated right now when I surround you.
Wanting to be free,
Being held back,
Wanting to be with someone new,
Never looking back,
Never looking back at the day I first saw you.
The day we met,
The day we started being one,
The day that I always in the back of my mind will always regret,
Never telling you my thoughts
Always keeping them bottled inside not wanting to hurt you,
I guess I lied to myself this whole time
Telling you how much I loved you when truly it was all a lie.
I guess I never recognized it
And neither did you.
I think we both knew we were never meant for each other
We just didn’t accept it and that is the truth.
Someday in life we will both recognize this was all fake
The way we pretended to love each other so deeply,
Hurting each other
Never stopping,
Never trusting each other always looking at the past,
Never thinking of one another
Always cheating never ending
And never regretting.
Someday
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Loving the way you are with me,
The way you talk to me.
When I'm with you I feel like we are in our own world.
Lost forgetting about everything surrounding us,
Forgetting about who we really are and truly with
We live for each other
Every second, thinking of someday being together.
When I'm with you I feel in love.
Your touch makes me feel protected,
Never rejected
Your smell of cocoa butter drifting around me
Surrounding us so strong
Making me smile when you hold me in your arms
That smile that I haven't had in the longest time,
That smile that I will love to have till the end of time.
We are meant for each other and always will be
And I'm sure someday we will meet.
Trying To Forget
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I think about how much you have hurt me, how much hatred you have brought into my life.
You used to be someone I used to look up to everyday, waking up and seeing that beautiful smile on your face.
I used to love you and never thought that someday I would want you to go away.
The way you fooled me throughout the years thinking you were someone you weren't,
You said you loved me but I guess that love was just like a current moving far away and never looking back.
I thought I meant something to you, I thought I was part of you.
I guess I thought wrong; your love was never that strong.
Till this day I try to forgive you for all this you have done to me.
Just trying to push it away, but it's not possible I should say.
You still stay there in my memories,
But maybe someday you will fly away just like your love did back in the day.
One Of The Two
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Thinking about the past and the things that I have been through,
Trying to forget everything but can't seem to.
Never being able to forget about the pain and hurt,
That yes you brought me into.
I think about it every day trying to turn away,
But still today finding no escape,
No escape from the past, the hurt, the pain, the hate that you left in me,
From all that that will never go away and just stay in me,
In my memories, in my heart it will never go away.
I will never escape this darkness, this strong feeling of hate that i have in me
Towards you, one of the two people that was truly part of me,
Who failed to be good to me but that feeling of hate will never escape, it will always stay in my heart and shall never go away.
The Way It Used To Be
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Hatred crosses through my mind when I see you.
The life we once had now seems so unreal.
We grew apart not caring about each other's hearts.
You tore mine apart and till this day I don't know why.
We used to be so happy together, so deeply in love
But you went with someone else? I guess I never was enough.
I tried so hard every day to make you happy, to see that smile upon
your face.
As time passed by it just kept fading away,
I kept not knowing what to say
Kept wondering how I get rid of all this pain.
This pain that's just pushing us both away,
Deep in my heart I still have feelings for you I know I should say,
I'm just afraid to show them to you till this day.
I don't know how you feel any more you have moved on to something new,
But if I ever get to speak to you again I just wish I could say that...I love you.
Wining The Fight
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
We are so close, yet so far away.
We are growing apart each day.
I don't know what to say anymore to try and make you stay.
Stay by my side
Till one of us leaves this world behind,
This world that doesn't let us be together,
This world that tares us apart,
That doesn't let us be and we just keep falling behind.
Letting it win the fight, giving it what it wants.
We think we are not strong,
For that we are wrong.
We need to stand by each other's side,
And act like we are one.
Love
~.~.~.~.~
The love I have for you is stronger than anything in this world.
I love you with all my heart, I know you can tell.
When I hear your voice it's like your singing to me.
You relax me and get me lost in another world making me not know where I am.
I fall so deep in your words when I hear you speak so very softly to me.
Your touch is electrifying; it makes me come to life
And when I look in your eyes it's like the world just stops and it's just you and me in the center of the world.
Nobody else with us, it's just you and me happy and smiling looking into each others eyes so deeply, never ending like the sky.
Making each other warm inside we live our life's together getting by.
Thinking
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I think about you every day,
I always wonder if you feel the same way.
If you still have the same feelings for me like you used to say.
Maybe all that went away as the days went by,
Well for you at least.
I still have the same feelings as I did the first day I saw you,
With your black hair and pale skin,
I don't know why I quickly started to adore you,
I knew that was a big mistake.
I should've known I was going to just throw my life away,
Thinking now not knowing why I always asked you to stay.
I know I loved you and I still do today,
But I don't get how I used to stick around
When you didn't want me there with you,
It was all a waste of time I see,
But what can I say; I always thought you were the other half of me.
Till The End Of Time
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Every second of my life I think of you,
Wondering where you are and how you been,
Always wanting to be next to you every second of
Every day,
Thinking of what I'm going to say to you today when I see that beautiful face,
Hoping that you are not yet tired of me
Seeing each other every day,
You take my breath away.
Every time I see your beautiful face,
All my thoughts fly far away from my mind,
Everything is left behind.
Thinking of only this moment in time,
Knowing you're worth more than a billion dimes,
I know that someday I will be together with you
Sharing every moment in our life's,
Being happy smiling together,
Till the day we have to go and leave everything behind.
Move On
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
The feeling of emptiness that I have in me,
I can't put aside.
Every time I think about it all,
I start to cry.
My heart hurts, it's filled with pain
I feel like it's all drained out, yet again.
I don't know what to do anymore with this feeling I have,
Just wish I could put it aside and keep living my life.
You’re always there every time I try to move on.
I don't know what to do anymore,
Just let me live my life.
Everything I say to you turns into something else,
I just feel like this is turning into hell,
You just need some help.
Forget about me and move on with your life,
I want to be happy I want to survive.
Alone Thinking
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
My life is so different now without you by my side.
I wake up in the morning and don't see you there, I still wonder why
Why was it that you left me without any explanation,
Why did you say you loved me when it all ended in seperation?
It all doesn't make sense to me anymore.
I'm lost stuck here all alone,
In this cold room wondering,
Still not knowing what to do,
Still thinking of the days when we were happy,
When you always had me smiling.
We were so happy together, I just don't understand.
I wish I could know what I did wrong.
So I could go back in time and fix my mistakes,
But it never will happen, because you’re too far away.
What I Would Do For You
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I love you so much I would do anything for you.
I would die for you,
Kill for you,
Travel the world just to see you.
You mean the world to me.
You take my breath away.
You’re always on my mind,
I can't seem to leave you behind.
You are the love of my life,
I don't want us to ever grow apart.
I want to spent the rest of my life with you,
Always by my side,
Happier everyday,
Never giving up on what we have worked on till this day.
Waiting
~.~.~.~.~.~
Sitting, wondering where you are in this world right now.
Hoping that you are ok,
Always thinking of you no matter where I am.
You can't seem to stay away.
You are always in my thoughts,
Even if you are 100 miles away,
I always keep you in my heart,
Each and every day,
Waiting till the day you come back and see me again.
That day seems like it's never going to come,
But all I can do is sit here and wait
Till the day when I see you again.
With You
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
When I look into your eyes
You make me come to life.
You make me feel all warm inside,
You make me feel a life.
You make me see that there is a reason to live,
Next to you is where I always want to be.
You are my other half,
You give me all the love that I need to have.
You truly make me complete,
You give me a reason to believe,
Looking forward to seeing that smile on your face,
Wanting to spend every second of my life with you
Even if I don't get to see anything else ever again.
You make all my dreams come true,
Of having some one there for me who will always love me,
That is definitely you.
I love you with all my hea
rt
And will never let us grow apart.
You are everything I want in my life,
And no matter what I will always keep you by my side.
The Wrong
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
All the things that I'm doing,
I know they are not right.
I know I keep hurting you,
I wished time would pass by.
I know I can do better than this,
I really don't know why,
I keep hurting you like this,
Telling you so many lies.
Days go by without me telling you the truth,
You never find out,
But now what can I possibly do?
I'm going crazy now,
The guilt is building up,
I want it to go away,
Now I just want to give up,
I don't know what more to say.
I'm now trapped in this web of lies,
Wanting everything to just pass by.
I know I'm never going to escape
And now that's why I'm going far away.
