I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, letting everyone be mad, but finally, I snap.
“Are you ever going to talk to me?” I blurt out.
“What do you want to talk about?” His eyes never leave the computer.
“I don’t know, anything.”
“Not really in the mood to chat.”
“Will you at least look at me?”
His eyes slice to me, and I feel every bit of damage I’ve inflicted. He stares long enough for me to get the hint and goes back to his work. This is my fault, and instead of wallowing, I need to find a way to fix it. Having everyone in my life disappointed in me sucks.
The bell rings over the door, and I’m surprised to see James walk through. The instant his arms wrap around my shoulders, my throat clogs with emotion. His embrace is kind and caring, something I haven’t felt in the last week.
“Ember, can we talk?”
“Sure.” I step back and look at him.
“I’ll leave y’all alone.” Cruz starts to walk away.
“No, you can stay.”
His eyes meet mine again, and this time, there’s a slight glimmer.
“Dade Lewis’ lawyer got him out on bail. The charges are pretty solid, but there’s a chance one of his suppliers is going to take the fall for the drugs. As for the arson on the house, his hands are clean. He may have had someone start the fire, but it wasn’t him or Bart. So far, they’re claiming innocence.”
“Okay,” I answer wearily. “What about Natalie’s fight, or the package he sent with the bolts?”
“Natalie’s fight can’t be pinned on him, and the bolts were purely meant to scare you. We’ve all had our vehicles checked out. Robbie’s is the only one that had a missing piece, but it wasn’t the same as the one in your package.”
“He played me.”
“He played on your devotion to the ones you loved. He didn’t want you to forget who was in control.”
I hang my head in shame. If only I’d talked to someone.
“Please let me know if he contacts you.”
“Why would he contact me? We have nothing to discuss.”
“It’s only a precaution. He’s managed to keep himself clean, but ABI is still after him. Who knows what he’s up to now. He seemed to like you, though. The only thing he admitted to was the blackmail and extortion. He says Natalie owed him money for a loan and said you’d pay the debt. She’s backing up his story, not admitting to it being a drug debt. My guess is she’s petrified.
“In his interrogation, he showed concern for you.”
“Ugh, that’s not good. Another reason for Robbie to be upset.” I huff.
“This seems like a huge coincidence that Ember would be meeting with a known drug dealer the same day you guys decide to bust him. The same day he insisted she come to him. How’d that all come about?” Cruz asks.
“It was probably one of the largest coincidences in my career. There is no way Dade could have orchestrated it. We were solid, and our information was right. He knew who Robbie was, obviously, and where he worked. But he had no clue we were working on this. He admitted to thinking Robbie was a fraud investigator.”
“That’s some crazy shit.” Cruz blows out a whistle.
“I know this sounds outrageous, but I was surprised by him. He blackmailed me and forced me to lie to the people I love, but when we met, he was nice. In my mind, I expected a large, overpowering, scary guy. But that wasn’t at all what he turned out to be.”
“Ember, he took a liking to you. It’s almost impossible not to,” James tells me softly.
“Because of him, I made choices that I can never erase.”
Both James and Cruz’s expressions turn sympathetic.
“James, is Robbie still at the office?”
His face goes solid, and I know something’s wrong.
“No, Ember, he’s taking some time off.”
“He is?”
“Thought he told you.”
“No, he hasn’t spoken to me very much at all lately.”
“I’d like to say this again, and hopefully, you’ll listen this time. If you ever need to talk, or need anything for that matter, you can come to me.”
“I’m really sorry, James.”
“Don’t apologize, sweet girl. It took enormous courage to do what you did and protect not only my children, but those you love. I hate you were put in that position, but know there’s someone on your side.” His eyes slice to Cruz in disappointment. Then he gives me a supportive smile and squeezes my hand. At least one person seems to have forgiven me.
I wait nervously by the window, watching for Robbie to pull up. He and Finn drive in at the same time and stand outside talking intensely for a few minutes. Finn shakes his head and slaps Robbie on the back. Before he goes inside, he catches my eye and holds the stare. His gaze turns soft.
My stomach rolls and twists with anxiety while I try to think of what to say. When Robbie walks in, he looks at me blankly.
“Can we talk?” My voice is weak.
“About what?”
“Us.”
He flinches at the word.
“Robbie, obviously I screwed up royally. There aren’t enough apologies to tell you how sorry I am. But this tension between us is about to destroy me. Please forgive me.”
“You’re forgiven.”
He says the words with no warmth to his tone.
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes, you want forgiveness, you have it. But this doesn’t change how I feel inside.”
“How do you feel?”
“Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Like the darkness will never end. Like I’ll never know what it’s like to be happy again. That’s how I feel.” He sits on the couch, running his hands through his hair. “Ember, I think I understand why you did what you did. It’s been hard for me, but looking at it from your perspective makes sense. What I can’t get over is the violation of trust. All I ever wanted from you was for you to trust in me. Everything in my life was going great, but now, not so much.”
“What do you mean?”
“You, me, moving onto a life together. Building a future together.”
“We aren’t still going to do those things?”
Please, God, no! I knew he’d be upset, but please, don’t let him break up with me.
“I’m not sure.”
His words shatter my already fragile heart. I try to speak, but he pins me with his intense stare.
“I know my dad told you I’m taking some time off. Max, Finn, and me are taking a trip.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Week or two.”
I fall onto the chair and try to stop trembling.
“Do you want me gone when you get back?”
“I love you, Ember. That’s not the problem. Jesus Christ, I love you. But seeing you on the ground on that warehouse floor with that man on top of you sparked something deep inside. I’ve talked to my old counselor this week. We’ve come to the conclusion that I felt helpless. The nightmares are back.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah, but this time, it’s you I can’t get to. It’s driving me insane. The need to protect you is out of control. Your lack of trust is a trigger for me.”
“I do trust you. You have to understand.”
“That’s the thing. I think I do. This guy’s good, worked with a lot of PTSD military. He made me see the issues from your side. I truly believe you thought you had no options. A part of me is furious with myself because I couldn’t see what was going on around me. I’m trained to know when people are watching. It was his suggestion I take this trip. Try to clear my head and also bury the demons.”
“Will you tell me where you’re going?”
“Across country to say goodbye to the men that died that day. Maybe visit with their families.”
Now my heart breaks for him. It should be me by his side when he does this. My throat clogs with emotions, and I can only n
od.
“Come here, Ember.” He lifts an arm to me.
I scramble into his lap and cling tightly to him. He kisses my forehead, at my scar, and squeezes my waist. We don’t say anything, but I melt into his warmth. As much as I want to plead with him to stay and work through this, it’s useless. He’s leaving. I may have lost him forever.
Chapter 45
Time Stands Still
Ember
I zip my bag and look around his room one last time. Memories haunt me as I choke down a sob. Crying won’t help anything. It will only be another reminder of how badly I screwed up my life. This time, there’s no one to blame but myself.
Robbie left yesterday morning without another goodbye. His note said he’d call when he was ready to talk. But I know better. He’s already made up his mind, and I can’t blame him. I’m poison to him. My entire being mourns the loss.
I’ve picked up my phone to text or call him at least a hundred times since he left, but each time have stopped myself. This is his time. He deserves to make this journey without the constant reminder of me. Of us.
Yesterday, I went to work and tried to function. Because of all the drama, no one thought it was out of character for me to be quiet. For the first time in a week, Cruz acknowledged me on his own. Things weren’t completely back to normal, but it was something. When I got home last night, I made the decision to leave. Even though I want to be surrounded by memories of him, it would be too selfish for me to stay here. He needs to get back to his life before I ruined it.
I leave his house with no clear direction. Staying with any of my family is out of the question. Everyone’s anger is still too raw. Since all of my friends are tied to Robbie, they’re not options.
I pull into the Residence Inn and decide to stay here for a few days until I have a better plan. Lucky for me, they have a room available for the week so I won’t have to move each night. I don’t unpack anything, but instead, crawl into bed and stare at the wall. My mind goes into a state of nothingness. I’m not hungry, not thirsty. I don’t care about anything at all. The only thing that matters left me.
Day four of being without Robbie hurts the worst. Maybe because I’d convinced myself he was going to call at some point, but still no word. My heart breaks more and more with each passing minute, my depression spreading deeper.
When I’m not at work, I’m curled in a ball on the hotel bed, staring at the same wall. My sleep is scattered because, when I close my eyes, he invades my dreams. It’s as if my brain is a shrine to all things Robbie Hayes- his smile, his laugh, the way he felt against my body each night. Nothing can stop the memories.
The only thing I took from his place was my favorite shirt of his. I slip into it each night and feel him around me. At some point, it’s going to need washing and I dread the day. The smell of him will be washed away, and then I’ll have nothing else.
The store phone rings right as the bell over the door chimes. I freeze when Raven walks in with Declan behind her. They both look at me sadly as I answer the phone and confirm the customer’s order. Seeing them sets my nerves on edge.
Cruz greets them, and I do everything I can to keep busy on the phone. When I’m forced to hang up, they’re staring at me.
“Hi,” I say meekly.
“Hey,” Raven responds.
No one else speaks as we lapse into an uncomfortable silence.
“How are you?” Declan asks.
“I’m okay. How are you?”
Raven walks directly to me and takes me into her arms gently. “How are you holding up?”
“I’ve been better.” I don’t lie.
“Ember, talk to me. I’m your friend.”
At her words, I allow a tear to fall but quickly wipe it away. “I hurt like hell, but it’s my fault he’s gone.”
They look at me with sad, sympathetic eyes as I tell them about my last conversation with Robbie. The only thing I leave out is moving into a hotel.
Cruz’s jaw ticks, presumably because I kept this all from him.
“He’s hurting, Ember. It doesn’t make it right, but still, he’s hurting,” Raven says softly. “He’ll realize his mistake.”
“It was no mistake. He feels betrayed. The one thing he always asked me for was my trust. He understands my position, but can’t really forgive it. I don’t blame him.”
“Bullshit! He left you? Why didn’t you tell me, Little Star?” Cruz asks.
“Because it doesn’t matter. And it’s not like I’m everyone’s favorite person right now.”
At my words, his face falls…guilt tracing his features. He doesn’t get the chance to say anything before Declan pulls me into a hug. I try to hold back, but my hands grip his shirt tightly. I let out a quiet sob.
“I fucked up, big. I let the love of my life think she was inconsequential. It’s my biggest regret. Robbie’s an idiot if he lets you go through this much longer. You’re too special to him,” he murmurs in my hair.
“He is an idiot!” Raven’s arms wrap around us from behind.
“It’ll be okay,” I try to reassure them, mostly talking to myself.
“Ember, I’m serious. You can talk to me.” Raven’s beautiful blue eyes shine with unshed tears. “I adore my brother, and I’m not going to let him lose you. Please be patient.”
I watch Cruz’s face go through a myriad of emotions. He finally looks at me with the loving look I’ve missed so much.
Day five, I’m busted. As soon and I get to the hotel room and change into Robbie’s shirt, there’s a banging at the door. I hesitate to answer until I hear a keycard in the lock and start to panic. Cruz slams open the door and comes in, followed by my dad, Alex, and Aunt Chloe. She immediately starts packing my things as my dad stalks to me.
“You’re living in a hotel?”
“Yes,” I squeak.
“After all we’ve gone through, you still don’t talk to me?” he booms.
“I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. You’ve been so angry.”
His face fills with regret as he pulls me to him forcefully. “My baby doesn’t live in a hotel. She lives with family.”
“Jesus Christ! When’s the last time you ate?” Alex crosses his arms. “You’re skin and bones.”
“I’m fine,” I assure him, trying to wiggle out of my dad’s hold. “What are y’all doing here?”
“I knew something wasn’t right after Declan and Raven visited yesterday. It clicked in my head that you were hiding something… again. So I followed you here today and called the troops. How long have you been here?” Cruz glares at me.
“Five days.”
Aunt Chloe gasps in the bathroom, and dad’s arms tighten.
“Five fucking days???”
“I couldn’t stay at Robbie’s, and coming back home didn’t seem like an option,” I admit.
“Jesus Christ, Ember! What the hell has gotten into you? The old Ember would never do something like this.” Cruz’s tone is harsh and condescending.
Then it happens. I FUCKING BREAK! All the hurt, anger, confusion, and misery I’ve felt for weeks erupts to the surface and I combust. I push out of my dad’s arms and point to Cruz in fury.
“The old Ember? The same girl you begged to let go and live? The same one you encouraged to fall in love and give something a chance?” I scream as every head whips to me. “Well, this is her!”
All my self-pity for the last five days turns into pure rage. My dad opens his mouth, but I throw my hand out and glare, daring him to speak.
“For my whole life, I’ve been a doormat, but that stops now. You want to know why I didn’t come to you specifically, Dad? Because when I tried, you were singing Natalie’s praises and telling me how she blamed me.”
His hand goes to his chest, hurt filling his face. But I don’t quit.
“And you…” I point to Cruz. “I was scared for your fucking life. I didn’t want to take a chance of living a day without you— or Alex. This man THREATENED you! Can’t you see?
Do you know what it would do to me, to Aunt Chloe… to US if anything happened to you? Don’t even get me started on Robbie, Raven, Declan, hell everyone! I was cornered with nowhere to go.”
I take a deep breath and focus my eyes directly on Chloe, who is frozen in place. “You might as well unpack all that.” I motion to the bag she’s filling with my clothes. “There is no way I’m going to leave here with the way you’ve all treated me. I’ve begged, and I MEAN BEGGED, for you to talk to me, but no, you all give me looks of disappointment and disgust. I’d rather be alone to reflect on my bad judgment than to be reminded of it with each of your snide comments or nasty glances.”
My chest is tight and heaving, but there’s one last thing I want to say. “I lost the man I loved because Natalie manipulated me once again. It hurts. God, it hurts so much, but I’ll survive. Not once through any of my turmoil or confusion, did I ever think you’d all turn on me, too.”
At that last statement, all energy leaves my body and I slump onto the bed.
“I’d like you all to leave now.”
“You’re all fucking dicks! I told you giving her tough love wasn’t the right thing to do. Told you she needed family. But no, you let her suffer alone. I’m fucking taking charge now, and Ember is going home with me. She’s going to be loved, and if I have to beat any of your asses, it’ll be my pleasure. Is this what you wanted, for our girl to be alone and miserable?” Alex roars, yanking me into his arms. “We’re leaving. Get her shit and bring it back to the condo. And let me be clear- when you walk out this door, you leave your fucking egos behind. They’ve done enough damage.”
Alex ushers me out so quickly, I only have time to grab my purse. When we get to his truck, he’s trembling as much as I am.
“Little Star, you think you can eat?”
I shake my head.
“I’m going to stop somewhere and get food. You have to try.” He drives without another word as I lay my head on the window and close my eyes.
Salvation Page 30
