by Annie Boone
It was cold. So cold. And there was snow everywhere. Rowena glanced down at her worn out boots, scuffed and more gray than black now. They were not meant for the snow. And sometimes, she felt, nor was she.
Wrapping her cloak about her, she hurriedly crossed the street. The houses blurred into one as she went to each of them, searching for work. Lost and destitute in New York, she managed some sewing work and house work to keep from starving. But most nights, she still spent beneath the stars wondering how much longer she would last.
“I’m sorry,” the woman shook her head and closed the door in her face. It was the tenth one in a row. The eleventh one had been a man who’d sent her a nasty look, so Rowena had run off before he could say anything she didn’t want to hear.
Shivering, Rowena grabbed for the railing and made her way down the stairs. But the last step was covered in ice, and she slipped. Before she could catch herself, she’d fallen hard and sprawled in a stunned mess on the sidewalk.
Only when her shaking limbs forced her to start moving or give up, Rowena gathered herself up and start walking again. Having lost the courage to find more work for the day, she walked on and ended up in front of a church. She had been there a month ago, she was certain of it, and knew it was open to the poor during the day. With the last of her energy, Rowena pushed the door open.
“God bless you. How are you, my child? Come, close to the warmth,” the pastor waved a hand over where he was feeding a small table set up near a fireplace in the back corner. It was a cozy place, and she felt the cold fading away.
Shrugging off a shiver, Rowena managed a small smile and nodded, obediently coming forward. With the others, also tired and dirty, she managed to eat some real food. The meat was tough and the bread was dry, but it was the best meal she’d had in weeks.
“West, see?” One of the men was handing around the newspaper. “That’s where I’m going. West where all that land is, and I’m gonna own a whole lot of it. I’ll build me a house and have a bunch of chickens. I’ll never starve again! There’s so much land out there and just anyone can take it. That’s what I hear, anyway.”
The old woman next to him shook her head. “You crazy old fool. That’s just what you are. Crazy. Them angels are coming for us and they’ll take care of us real good. You wait and see.”
Rowena listened quietly and accepted the paper when it reached her. She glanced over the advertisement the man was speaking about, and noticed there were other mentions about the west.
“Young women from East who wish to come West are welcome at our Boarding House. Rocky Ridge, Colorado. Large house with small fee. Will teach to live and make a home. Jessups of Colorado. First stop after Colorado Springs. All women welcome.”
Rowena found her eyes drawn back to that one. Colorado, she hardly knew of that territory and would never find it on a map. But it was west, and it almost sounded like they were talking to her. They had a place for her to stay. She needed that in the worst way.
Biting her tongue, she tried to memorize the advert and handed over the newspaper to the one next to her. Rowena could hardly focus on anything after that, and left the building sooner than she had expected. Wrapping her blanket tightly around her, she walked and carefully counted her coins. She had to make them last, but what if she found something better than living like this?
Her courage grew, as it had since that night she had left he gambling house. The weariness faded away and she hastened to the train station. Breathless, she went up to the ticket booth and smiled at the disgruntled worker. “One ticket to Colorado, please.”
“Three dollars, then.”
Her smile slipped. For a minute she stared at her little coin purse. Those savings had slowly begun to disappear even though she had worked so hard to earn every penny. Swallowing hard, Rowena carefully counted out each coin. Her heart pounded and her fingers trembled, and she prayed harder than ever before that the last bit of money might last.
She couldn’t help herself. If she left, she wouldn’t have the money to return. There would be no choice but to go there and survive somehow. She considered changing her mind, but her tongue swelled and she couldn’t talk as the man handed over her ticket.
“To your left. It leaves at half past two. Next.”
Breathless, Rowena tried to compose herself. Standing back, she glanced around at everyone else preparing to take their own journey. Some of them looked excited, some looked sleepy, and some just looked cold. She shivered, and admired the thick coats. Trying to distract herself, the young woman watched the crowd grow until the train arrived.
It was so loud, and it shook the station as it drew closer. She held her bag tightly to her chest, and watched with wide eyes as it came to a halt.
“All aboard!” A man jangled a bell loudly, shouting at everyone on the platform.
Rowena jumped to attention and clutching her ticket tightly, hurried inside the car. Her eyes watched everyone pack their things away and take their seats, and she copied as she sat in the very back, keeping her head down.
The journey was long and tiring, so she hardly slept. That came from the nerves, the chill, and definitely the view outsider her window. How had she not known the world was so big? It just kept going on, the land disappearing behind the horizon and over the mountains and valleys. Rowena couldn’t imagine sleeping through something as exciting as this.
And before she knew it, she was there. The first stop after Colorado Springs. Rowena cautiously stepped out onto the small platform, tiny compared to the one in New York, and wondered if she had the wrong location. She walked around it in a circle, and turned to ask the conductor if she was on the wrong stop. But the whistle blew and the engine started up again, leaving her on her own.
Chapter Six
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1880
“Eleanor!”
“Susannah!” The two women hugged each other tightly before their husbands ushered them inside. It was a chilly evening and they turned in to where it was warm. Eleanor led them over to the cradle where little Susie was curled up in her bed.
“Oh, such a precious little one.” Susannah put a hand over her heart. “Oh, isn’t she an angel? Lucas, look.” She turned as her husband strolled over, wrapping an arm around her waist. She smiled and turned back to the child. The little girl was nearly two years old, and growing so quickly.
Her tall brunette friend could only give her a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid we tired her out today in the garden. I’m sorry she’s not awake for you.”
Shrugging it off, Susannah went with them to the table. The sight of the little girl had warmed her heart, and it was such a pleasure to be watching the little girl grow up. Only a few years ago the Susannah and Lucas had come to terms with the sad fact that they would never have their own children.
At least I can still have children in my life, Susannah thought gratefully. At least I can watch them grow. She couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she looked at her husband with love and respect. They’d weathered a difficult storm and she was thankful for God’s help through that time and today for her husband’s unyielding love and support.
“You’re looking as lovely as ever,” Eleanor was saying. “Please sit. Honestly, Lucas Jessup, you have yourself quite the woman there.”
Susannah didn’t need to look at him to know his eyes would crinkle up. Sitting beside her, he slipped his hand over hers and squeezed it. “Indeed.”
“Come sit down,” Matthew pulled Eleanor closer. She complied, bringing over the bread and taking her seat. “I’ve been wanting to eat ever since you started on the cake.”
Eleanor shot him a look. “No, I was saving that for later. For the news, remember? Goodness, you’re always getting carried away.”
Susannah glanced at Lucas with almost a smirk and then she looked back at Eleanor. “The news? What are you two talking about? Are you trying to hide something from us?”
Guilt spread across the woman’s face for a moment before a smile finally broke through. Ma
tthew’s hand was still wrapped around hers, and they made such a pretty picture. Seeing their smiles, Susannah realized that if there was news, then it was good news.
For the hundredth time, she prayed in gratitude for having been able to bring these two wonderful people together. It reminded her of her dreams about matchmaking and building a legacy of creating families to set out on their own adventures. For now, Lucas was still thinking about her idea.
And tonight wasn’t about her thoughts or ideas or plans. The smiles on her friends’ faces were only growing bigger and Susannah was impatient. Whatever secret they had, it was too obnoxious now to keep quiet. Deep inside she knew what the surprise was going to be, but she wanted to hear it said aloud, anyway.
To their amazement, it was Matthew who finally gave in and spoke up. “Oh, I can’t wait any longer. I don’t know what you were thinking, Eleanor, about waiting until afterwards. But she—I mean we—well, there’s going to be another baby.” He chuckled and kissed his wife’s hand tenderly. “We’re going to have another child in the house. Can you believe it?”
Even though she’d known deep down what they were going to tell them, Susannah was taken aback when the actual words were out. For a moment she was spellbound, staring at them with wonder and love. She didn’t even know how to respond at first. Ignoring the sudden pain in her stomach, she remembered she was glad for them. Grinning, she threw her arms up and hurried around the table. “Oh! Oh, I am so happy for you! The both of you! My, the three of you.” She kissed her friend on the cheek once, twice, and three times.
She laughed as Eleanor turned red and ducked her head in for a hug. Matthew’s arms wrapped around the two women as they giggled softly. Realizing her husband was missing out, Susannah pulled away and turned to Lucas.
She saw his smile, and knew it was kind. He was as happy for them as she was. But she couldn’t look to his eyes. She worried that maybe there would be something there just for her that she didn’t want to see. She should know by now he’d come to terms with their reality of childlessness. A tiny, unfounded fear still lingered. She longed for it to go away. Maybe one day it would.
Stepping away, she patted Eleanor’s arm. “That is absolutely lovely news,” Susannah sighed, and returned to her seat. “Little Susie will love being a big sister, I’m certain of it.”
Eleanor bit her lip. “We’re still trying to decide how to tell her. She’s still so young, I’m not sure she’s going to understand. But we’re very excited, so thank you. I hope it’s another girl. Matthew wants a boy.”
“Who wouldn’t?” He teased her, and passed around the ribs.
Susannah accepted the rolls from Lucas, and their hands touched for just a moment. She took a deep breath and focused now on putting food on her plate. The short celebration had tired her out, and a weariness grew in her bones as they started on supper. Though she filled her plate, her appetite disappeared and it was difficult to swallow.
As she forced food into her mouth, small bites at a time, the happy couple discussed their plans for building a larger house. Already Eleanor was planning all these games and activities for her children, and Matthew was saving up to purchase more land. It was a happy conversation for a happy future. Susannah was happy for them, but it took all of her energy to not focus on her own childlessness.
Fortunately, it was cut shorter than expected since Matthew wanted Eleanor to rest early. Her husband helped her onto the wagon and they started home. Alone, they said nothing.
She thought she was tired enough to last the entire night without getting up, but shortly before dusk Susannah climbed quietly out of bed. The room felt too small, and it was so hot that she couldn’t breathe. Her back protested the movement and she paused to stretch. As she did, the mattress tilted and she heard Lucas groan softly. Biting her tongue, she ducked her head and waited with a pounding heart, but he fell silent.
Wrapping herself up in a woolen cloak, Susannah staggered out to the front porch. Gasping for air, she could see her breath fog in a cloud before her as she slumped onto the bench. She wrapped her arms around herself as a dark fog of pent up emotions she’d been holding back finally escaped. Closing her eyes, Susannah could clearly see their faces again—her friends’ happy faces as they announced yet another baby to be born into their little family. Soon they would have two children. Most likely, there would be more along the way as well. She knew that’s what it was like, that was how families grew.
In the daylight, it was easy to recall how blessed and fortunate she was to have such a spacious home, a beautiful open land, and a good husband who cared for her. However, in the evenings, sometimes it felt like the darkness would swallow her up only to remind her of how silent their house was. No small pattering feet, no cries or innocent laughter, no children scrambling around either clean or mussed. The thought was enough to cut through her heart. For a minute she tried to take deep breaths, one after another, in and out. But on the third, she closed her eyes again and recalled how alone she was. Twenty-seven years old and after years of marriage, still childless.
She thought she had come to terms with it, knowing she would never have even one. With Lucas, the two of them had gone through a difficult time as she forced herself to accept this. Susannah tried to remind herself that she had already accepted it, but in that breath, it stuck in her throat and came out as a cry.
It was a crack that brought down her walls. The tears fled down her cheeks, and wracking sobs encased her entire body. Everything shook and she gripped herself tighter, trying to pull herself together. Sliding off the bench, she leaned against a post as her nightgown grew damp with the snow. No one was there, she told herself, and it didn’t matter anymore. The façade had disappeared, and Susannah’s strength had failed her.
The sun was rising before she gathered the courage to pull herself back up onto her feet. If she hadn’t had strength earlier, Susannah had less now as she tried to make it to her room. Her things were damp so she changed out of her chemise and hid it before stiffly slipping back beneath the covers next to Lucas.
Still sniffling, Susannah tried to stop the shivering and prayed that her husband hadn’t noticed. He would be getting up soon, and she knew he had a busy day. Closing her eyes, she tried not to touch him for fear he would notice she had been outside. Fortunately she didn’t, because she would have discovered his limbs were just as cold.
Chapter Seven
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1880
“That was very kind of you, Thank you so much, sir, I do appreciate this. Ma’am, thank you.” Rowena offered a slight curtsy as they prepared to leave her.
He tipped his hat. “Our pleasure. The Jessups are a good family. They’ll take good care of you in Rocky Ridge.” The kind man’s wife nodded, and they started down the lane. Rowena only realized then she had forgotten their names, but by then it was too late.
They had been generous to drive her the last league of her journey. It was comforting as well, to hear good things about the Jessups. Rowena turned and crossed over the hill to find the house they’d mentioned.
“Oh.” She stopped at the sight. Her heart pounded as she gaped, wondering if this was just a dream. This place was lovelier than any fairy tale she had ever dreamed of. The young woman gazed around in fascination, wondering if this was real or if she was imagining it. There was green everywhere, in the trees and the grass and reaching high into the mountains that touched the sky.
She saw a large barn nestled close where she saw pens for animals. In the middle of everything was the prettiest house that Rowena had ever seen. Beautiful oak with a stone chimney, porches wrapping all the way around with a sturdy roof and lovely flowers around the windows. Towards the back, she saw a clothesline, and a fenced area for the gardening.
Rowena finally jerked herself out of her daze and started her march to the door. Determined to succeed, she knocked on the door and was trying to gather her words when the door opened.
“Good afternoon,” the short blonde wo
man proclaimed, and tilted her head at Rowena. All of her resolve and strength melted away, however, looking at the woman. Though she had to be older, she had the bearing of a princess and suddenly Rowena didn’t know what to say. “Well, do come in,” the woman offered and stepped back.
“I, um, I’m sorry,” Rowena glanced at the mud she was tracking in. Stopping in the hallway, she clutched her bag. “I was, well, I was looking for the boarding house, and I don’t know if I’m… I saw an ad in New York…”
The woman had been following her words and immediately brightened. Her smile grew wider as she clasped her hands excitedly. “Oh, wonderful! Well then you are most welcome. You’re in the right place, dear. Please, take off your coat and put your things down.”
The blonde woman took Rowena’s hand and pulled her into the warmth of the home. She couldn’t believe how spacious and open the house was.
“Are you hungry? I’m making cookies. You definitely look like you could eat something right about now. Come along, come along.” Rowena was seated at a large table before she knew what was going on. “I’m Susannah Jessup,” the blonde woman explained. “I run this with my husband, Lucas. This is our house, and then we’re working on building the boarding house all around it right now. We’ve had a few others stay with us, but we wanted to make it official. Oh, it’s lovely having guests. You’re from New York, you say?”
Shyly accepting a big cookie, Rowena nodded. “Yes. And thank you, they smell delicious.”
Susannah chuckled. “Please, do eat. Goodness knows my husband and I can’t eat all of these. You’ve certainly come a long way. Well, I suppose I can talk while you eat.”
Rowena took a bite and felt her nerves calm slightly.
“Let’s see. Boarding is three dollars a week, payable at the end of the week. I think that’s fair and far less than what you’d pay in town at the hotel. That includes your own room and all your meals, but I do expect you to help around the house and the garden. I’m here to teach you any skills you might find necessary. My husband works in town most days, so we can take you there if you need to go. Now, do you know how long you’d like to stay?”
