She likes him.
It’s as clear as day, and we all know it.
My stomach knots, thinking about how this is all going to end.
“Just on the bench where he gave them to you,” Jess continues, which earns another round of laughter and a playful shove from Skyler.
Jess escapes into one of the stalls to pee as Ashlei leans up agains the wall, taking pressure off her feet in the sky-high heels she’s wearing. “Speaking of Kip, how’s it going?”
Erin has been surprisingly quiet, just laughing along with everything until that exact moment. She watches Skyler carefully, as if she’s ready to catch her should she try to run away — like a lioness hunting a gazelle.
“It’s fine. We’re having fun, everything is going according to plan.”
The words roll off Skyler’s tongue easy enough, but we all know it’s a lie.
Even Erin.
Which is why I can’t contain my reaction to what she says next.
“The dance is almost over. I think you should do it soon. Use Adam.”
The room tilts, the laughter of other girls around us suddenly too loud, the lights too bright. I’m sure my knees will buckle at any moment, and I grab the counter to hold myself up.
“What?!”
That’s the word out of my mouth — and it’s the same one out of Skyler’s. She turns to look at me, as if it’s strange for me to react in that way, and with her now knowing about me and Adam, I guess it kind of is.
But I can’t look at her.
All I can do is gape at Erin, silently begging her with my gaze to reconsider what she’s asking, to come up with a new plan.
“Why would I use Adam?” Skyler asks Erin, though she’s still watching me.
“It’s believable,” Erin answers easily. “It’s obvious Adam still has a thing for you, so tell Kip you have feelings for him, too. Tell him you were using him to make Adam jealous and it worked.”
That tilt turns into a full spin, warping my reality like a washing machine set to high speed. I grip the counter more firmly, my only assurance that I’m not actually tumbling to the floor of the bathroom. Every breath comes shallower, every blink invades my vision with more blackness that doesn’t recede when my eyes are open again. I tell myself to calm down, to breathe, but I can’t do either.
This cannot be happening.
I think I tell the girls I need air. I think I tell Skyler good luck. I think I tell Erin to go fuck herself. Maybe I say nothing at all. I don’t know anything for sure, not until I’m outside, in the garden, away from the noise and the reality of what’s about to happen.
It’ll be fine. Adam cares about you, he wants to be with you. He’s not going to be with Skyler just because she says she wants him back.
I say the words in my head, even risking it and speaking a few of them out loud. But they do nothing to soothe my racing heart, because the truth of the matter is I don’t know any of those things for sure.
Do I trust him? Yes. Do I believe that he feels what he says he does for me? Without a doubt.
But things between us have been muddled enough without any interference. What will happen when Adam hears Skyler say she wants him again? Will it stir something inside him, wake him up to a feeling he thought was gone that has always existed?
Will he want her, too?
My mouth waters, almost as if its sweating, and heat rushes away from my face, leaving it clammy and cool. I’m sick. I’m absolutely sick at the thought, at the possibility of losing Adam again — losing him before I’ve even had him at all. I force a breath, closing my eyes for five long seconds to try to find calmness, to find assurance, to find peace.
But what I actually find is the nearest bush, just in time to pull my hair back and forfeit my dinner.
I SIGH AS THE first drink I’ve had all evening is handed to me over the bar, and when I take that first sip, I close my eyes and savor the taste. It’s just a Bud Light, but after a long night of running around making sure everything was going according to plan, it tastes like heaven.
I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea to have our Valentine’s Day dance the day after our New Member bonfire, but I feel the ramifications of that choice as I take another, longer pull of my beer. It feels like I haven’t caught a breath since I sat on the bench with Cassie last night. Between the catering for dinner being all wrong, the bars only being half stocked and us having to figure out how to get them fully stocked, and watching the under-age new members to make sure they weren’t doing anything stupid — like trying to give a fake ID to one of these bartenders — and you could say I’m more than a little stressed.
But, Jeremy has stepped in, taking over the last of our night’s worries, and I’m on strict orders to enjoy myself — even if it is just for the last couple of hours.
So, beer in hand, I make my way through the room on a hunt for the one girl I’ve been thinking about all night.
When the limo pulled up in front of the KKB house earlier, there were way too many pretty girls on the lawn waiting for us. I mean, between Skyler in her killer red sequin number and Ashlei in her jet black, slinky thing, it was all I could do to get my brothers to stop drooling and howling like a bunch of animals when we piled out of the limo to let them get in.
Part of me was glad Skyler was dressed to kill, because while most of my brothers’ eyes were on her, mine were stuck like lasers on Cassie.
I had to laugh a little when I first saw her, because just like the first dance I’d seen her at, the one where Skyler had been my date, she was wearing white while Skyler wore red. Only this time, her dress wasn’t quite so conservative. The front neckline dipped dramatically between her small breasts, showing freckles I didn’t yet know existed, ones I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone else to know about, either. The white fabric hugged her slim waist, rouching around her hips before it flowed down to her slender ankles strapped into nude heels.
She was an angel, just like she had been at that first dance.
I’d kept my promise to her, giving her space to enjoy the dance with her sisters and not worry about me. Honestly, I had my hands full anyway, so it was a little easier to do than I had thought it would be once I saw her in that dress. But now that I finally have a second to breathe, she’s the only thing I can think about.
I don’t care if I promised I’d give her the night with her sisters, with herself. I have to get her in my arms.
I have to get her on that dance floor.
A slow song comes on as I search for her, trying to spot her bright red hair in the sea of blondes and brunettes. I seek that white dress, hands aching to hold her, but the entire song plays through and I still don’t see her. I look outside in the garden, check the bars, even ask a girl to yell out her name in the bathroom.
Nothing.
I’m just about to double check the garden when I notice a small crowd gathering around the bar across the dance floor. Curious, I make my way toward the commotion, and when I notice Skyler and Kip in the center of it, my throat tightens.
Skyler’s face is cold as she says something to Kip, something that makes everyone around them start whispering to each other, trying to appear like they’re not eavesdropping. He reaches for her, but she steps back, and my stomach sinks again.
What did this motherfucker do?
My jaw is set, lips pressed together as I get close enough to hear what’s going on. But it’s a blessing and a curse when I reach my destination. My curiosity is cured, and I finally know what’s going on, but at her next words, everything I thought I knew goes up in flames.
“It’s done, Kip,” Skyler says, her voice shaky, emotion threatening to overtake her. “I don’t need you anymore. I just wanted to get back at Adam. I wanted to make him jealous. And it worked. And now I don’t need you.”
My beer slips in my hands, and I grip it just in time to save it from crashing to the floor.
What the actual fuck did she just say?
My knee-jerk reac
tion is to laugh, because she clearly has to be joking. Skyler and I haven’t had more than a late night, drunken hookup since we broke up last year. We’re friends, sure, but I know without a doubt that she doesn’t have feelings for me.
“Is this a joke?” Kip asks, his thoughts mirroring mine.
“No, it’s not a fucking joke, Kip,” Skyler says, her voice louder.
The crowd thickens, and the president side of me says I need to shut this down. Now. But I’m rooted to where I stand, only capable of hanging on to her next words, waiting for an explanation as much as Kip is.
“I don’t feel anything for you. I never have, okay?” She says, and though her words are convincing to the entire room, I note the way her voice shakes, the way her hands tremble.
What’s going on?
She looks on the verge of tears, and I watch for more signs as she continues.
“I’ve been in love with Adam since last year and that hasn’t changed. Now that I have his attention again, I don’t need you. It was fun, but it’s over.”
A slew of heads turn in my direction then, and I swallow, heat rising up my neck like a bug.
First, she says she’s made me jealous — which is entirely false. Now, she says she has my attention, that she’s been in love with me since last year?
Something is up.
In the back of my mind, I wonder if maybe she’s telling the truth. Have I been so blind to not see that she still likes me? Sure, we’ve hooked up, and yes, we still flirt with each other. But that’s just who we are. That’s just how our relationship is.
Right?
Dread seeps through me at the possibility that I may have been reading it all wrong, that I may have been leading Skyler on without even knowing it. She thrusts a box into Kip’s hand, telling him to take whatever it is back, that she doesn’t want it anymore. And then, as Kip stares down at that box, Skyler pushes through the crowd and out the front doors.
Fuck.
My wheels turn faster than I can keep up with, turning over words and thoughts that can’t find traction before another one knocks them out of the way. I’m still watching those doors when Kip lets out a frustrated growl, and he goes barreling toward them, too. I follow without thinking, without having a plan, the only driving motivator being my need to know what the hell is going on.
By the time I make it outside, Kip and Skyler are standing at the far end of the car loop, Kip’s hand cradling Skyler’s face. She’s crying, yet leaning into his touch, as if he’s the source of the pain and yet the only way to heal it all at once.
I swallow, watching them from a distance, but when she pulls back again, when more tears slip from her blue eyes, I can’t watch any longer.
“Hey, man,” I say, grabbing Kip by the shoulders to guide him toward the venue. “I think you need to go back inside.”
I’m just trying to dissolve the tension, but I realize my mistake as soon as its made when Kip shrugs me off forcefully, turning on me like I’m the dog that shit in his yard.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
My defenses kick in automatically, chest broadening as I set my jaw. “You don’t want to do this, Kip. Don’t lose your head right now.”
I try that gentle reminder of whom he’s talking to, of where he is, but it only adds fuel to the fire.
“Fuck you.”
The words barely meet my ears before I’m shoved back hard. Skyler screams out for Kip to stop, and I’m not in control of my body anymore as I spring back toward him, shoving just as hard.
His eyes are menacing as some of our brothers step between us, Kade holding Kip back as Jeremy does the same with me.
“Calm down,” he whispers.
I thrust a hand toward Kip. “I’m calm! It’s this motherfucker raging out, not me.”
Jeremy gives me a warning look, and I concede, throwing my hands up to let them all know I’m fine as they work on cooling Kip off. The only person I care about right now is the girl crying behind me, anyway.
Turning, I find her with her hands over her mouth, tears streaking her black mascara over her cheeks. I have no idea what’s going on, why she’s so upset, why she’s calling things off with Kip when it’s clear she still cares about him. And I definitely have no idea how I got pulled into this mess.
But what I do know is that Skyler needs to go home, to get away from Kip and this dance, and I make it my mission to do just that.
“Come on,” I tell her softly, offering her my arm. “Let’s get out of here.”
She takes it as Kip surges toward me again, our brothers holding him back, and she casts one last glance over her shoulder before I open the door to one of the waiting cabs, ushering her inside. She slides across the seat, making room for me to dip in with her, and as soon as the door shuts behind us, she breaks.
I grit my teeth against the sound of her tears, pulling her into me immediately and rocking her as one hand smooths over her back. She’s practically sweating, her skin hot to the touch, and she fists my dress shirt as her tears stain my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
She says it over and over, and I’m almost positive it’s not me she’s apologizing to.
So, I just hold her, rocking her, letting her know that whatever it is, it’s going to be okay. I don’t pry, don’t question what happened, or why my name was brought up as an excuse to break up with Kip. Who knows, maybe she just didn’t want to be with him anymore and didn’t have an excuse to break up.
But even as I think it, I know it’s a lie. If that were the case, Skyler would be partying still, not crying on my shoulder.
Sighing, I tuck her a little closer, knowing I won’t get answers for a while.
But one thing I know for sure is that Skyler is my friend — nothing more — and she needs me right now. So, if she needs me, I’ll be here. Just like I told Cassie, I want to be a man of my word, I want my actions to speak louder than any promise I’ve ever made.
When Skyler is back at the sorority house and safely tucked away in her bed, I pull out my phone to call Cassie. There’s no answer, so I leave a voicemail.
“Hey, it’s me,” I say on a sigh, tucking my free hand in my pocket as I make my way down Greek Row toward the A Sig house. I open my mouth to say something else, but for some reason, no words come.
Where were you tonight?
Are you okay?
Are we okay?
I consider telling her that I got Skyler home safely, but for some reason, it almost feels as if that would make things worse.
But I can’t figure out why.
After too many seconds pass, I settle on asking her to call me back, and then I hang up.
And I wait.
“SHIT,” I MURMUR UNDER my breath the morning after the Alpha Sigma dance, clenching the pole as hard as I can with my thighs. But it’s too late. I’m already slipping out of the spin I attempted, and I throw my hand out in time to catch myself before I face plant on the mat.
When my entire body reaches the floor, I flop out on my back, letting hot air through my flat lips like a balloon deflating after a birthday party. Pretty much sums up how I feel about everything right now.
Karen chuckles, bending down to pat my stomach twice before standing tall and hanging her hands on her hips. “You’re not going to be able to just jump back up on here and do everything you were doing a year ago,” she says, the ring on her left eyebrow lifting.
“I know, but I didn’t think I’d be this out of shape.”
“You’re not out of shape. You’re in fantastic shape, honestly,” she says, eyes scanning my exposed body. In pole, I never wear more than tiny dance shorts and a strappy sports bra. “But you haven’t had to lift all of your body weight and then invert and spin and make it look pretty in over a year. It’s going to take some time. And some practice.”
I sigh again, scrubbing my hands down my face before reaching one hand up. Karen takes it, tugging me up to stand again.
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“Twenty more minutes and then call it quits for today. You can come back tomorrow, okay?”
I nod, thanking her again for letting me come to her studio for an open pole session on such late notice. I was thankful to find another pole studio near school — one not connected to the awful memories of what happened at my last one — and the fact that she could get me in this morning was everything I needed after the Valentine’s dance.
Last year, I spent Valentine’s Day with Bo.
And last night, she called me.
The same feeling moves through me when I think about the call as did when it came through — like a little bug crawling down my neck and venturing all the way down my spine. I rub down the pole with a rag and alcohol, then I climb up again, this time working on tucks and other strength-building poses as I try to process.
Just seeing her name light up my phone screen was panic-inducing enough, but when I connected the call and the video came in clear, showing a face that seemed almost like a ghost to me after a year, I couldn’t breathe. Literally, I stood there with my mouth hanging open and didn’t take a single breath for a full minute.
Bo had smiled, reminding me with just that simple notion how much I’d loved her, and then I had to try not to throw up as she told me how happy she was. She told me she’s up in New York City now, enrolled in a fashion school, and I marveled at how she looked almost nothing like the Bo I knew before. Her hair was a bright, almost neon pink, cut short and shaved on one side, and she had a piercing in the little dip at the bottom of her lip.
Just about the time I figured out how to breathe normally again, she told me she has a girlfriend.
My hands slip a little as that same feeling rolls through me, but I grip the pole tighter, using my shoulders and lower abs to swing myself up and around the pole until my feet land gracefully on the mat. I walk slowly around it, feeling out my new grip before launching myself back up.
Legacy_A New Adult College Romance Page 18
