He pauses, debating his next words as I try to swallow the ones he just said.
Did he just say the rest of his life? As in, forever? As in…
“You’ve changed everything about my life,” he says, pulling me out of my head and back to the moment. “Every dream I thought I had means nothing to me now if you’re not a part of them, too. I’ve never opened myself up to love, I’ve never let anything get in the way of my career. But you came in and turned all that into nothing. You obliterated everything I thought was important. All that matters to me, Skyler, is you.”
My heart flutters to life, like a hot air balloon being fired up into the sky. But my biggest insecurities are still standing on top of it, digging their heels in, and I let them win as my eyes fall to the ground again.
“How do I know what was real and what wasn’t? How do I know when you were getting to know me because you wanted to, as opposed to when you were just playing a game?”
Kips moves closer but I step away, keeping the space between us. I know he wants to pull me into him, to wrap those perfect arms around me and make me melt into him. But I can’t. The moment he touches me, it’s all over.
And before I let him touch me again, I have to be sure.
“Everything was real, Skyler,” he breathes. “It was real when we kissed the night we met and the electricity shocked us both. It was real when I asked you about your past. It was real when I helped you figure out who you really are and told you not to be ashamed of her. It was real when you ripped my fucking heart out at the Valentine’s Day dance,” he chokes, as if just the memory of that night is enough to make him want to throw himself in front of a train. “When I touched you for the first time, when we fought because we cared too much about each other, when we made sacrifices and decisions we weren’t proud of — all of that was real. This,” he says, stepping toward me. I don’t back away this time. “We, are real.”
Listen to him, my heart screams. You love him, you idiot.
But my walls are still up, the wire on top buzzing with an electric charge as if to remind me how bad it hurt the last time I let them down, let him inside them.
My heart and my brain are at war, and I don’t know who I want to win.
“Let’s let Fate decide,” Kip says after a moment, and then his hand is in front of me, a shiny, black die balanced on his palm. “Roll the die. If it’s a four, we give this game another round. If it’s anything else, we walk away.”
I eye him, doing the easy math in my head as he stands there with his heart on his sleeve. “You know those odds are really terrible, right?”
But Kip just shrugs, his eyes calm. “I’m confident in our number.”
I study him for a long moment, eyes sweeping over the stubble on his jaw, the messy ends of his blond hair blowing in the wind before finding his eyes again. Then, slowly, I take the die from his hand.
This is crazy, I think, shaking my head as I roll the die around in my hand. But I let it go anyway, the black plastic sliding across the concrete at our feet.
Time warps again, as it always does with Kip, and we both watch that plastic bounce around from side to side until it knocks against a man’s shoe. When it finally falls, I close my eyes on a sigh, my heart squeezing hard in my chest.
Six.
When I open my eyes again, I will Kip to look at me, but he can’t look away from the die on the ground. He just stares at it, as if he can change what number is showing with his glare alone. The crowd continues to grow around us, laughter and conversation floating in as we exist in our own little bubble of silence.
And just like tonight in the tournament, I have a moment of clarity.
The devastation on his face, the bravery it took to ask me to meet him tonight, to say the words he has… it’s all the proof I need. What happened between us was real, and no matter how badly my walls want to protect me, the truth is that he’s worth the risk.
I’d feel the pain all over again, if it meant I got to be with him in the end.
So, I bend, retrieving the die from where it rests between us. I offer it to Kip at first, but he doesn’t move for it, and just when I see his hand twitch forward, I rear back, throwing it with all my might and sending it sailing over his head.
Whipping around, Kip watches the die splash into the fountain while I watch him, knowing this is the moment when it all changes. He turns to face me again, eyes wide, brows bent together in question.
“I’m done leaving my life to chance,” I say, smiling and shaking my head as the tears that threatened before blur my vision. “Black number four can suck it.”
I close the space between us in the next breath, Kip’s arms wrapping around me as I crash my mouth to his. His hands slide into my hair, pulling me closer, deepening the kiss as I fist my hands in his shirt. We’re completely lost in the moment, in each other, when suddenly music spills out from the fountain speakers and the show begins.
Neither of us look up to see it.
We lose ourselves in each other, touching and feeling and kissing as the water shoots up into the night sky until someone near us clears their throat, pulling us back to reality.
“I love you,” Kip breathes, the pad of his thumb skating over my bottom lip as his eyes flick between mine. “I’m so fucking sorry, Skyler.”
“Stop.” I shake my head. “We both played a stupid game.”
“I promise to never gamble with your heart again, Ella Mae.”
At that, I smile, remembering that night of our first date. We were both hiding so much, fighting our own demons, and yet we couldn’t help it even then.
We were destined to be together, to love each other.
It was always in the cards for us.
“Deal,” I say as Kip grabs my hand. He pulls me away from the fountain and toward the Strip, walking me back to our hotel without even asking. We both want to be alone, away from the crowds, away from anyone who isn’t us.
“I can’t believe you let me watch that die roll like that, when you knew it didn’t even matter.”
I laugh. “It was fun to watch you sweat.”
Kip squeezes my hand.
“That was super cheesy, by the way,” I add, glancing back at the fountains still going off.
“What? You’re not impressed with that impeccable timing?”
“How did you know I wouldn’t be dumping your ass when the fountains went off like that?”
Kip frowns, pulling me into him and knuckling my head. I laugh and push him off, smile fading a bit when his blue eyes lock on mine again.
“I knew you couldn’t resist this.”
I roll my eyes. “Please.”
But when he presses his lips to mine again, his fingertips skating down my arms to grip my waist and pull me into him, I know he’s right. He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth, biting it gently and eliciting a moan from deep within me.
“You couldn’t resist me if you tried.”
I smile, pulling back just enough to take in those stupid black frames surrounding his eyes. Looking back on the semester, on all the games, I can’t wrap my head around how far we’ve come. He was just supposed to be a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy to play with, a new toy to keep me occupied on the weekends. And somehow, he got under my skin. Somehow, he became so much more.
He became my everything.
And I can’t resist the urge to bring everything full circle.
So, I lean in, eyes mischievous and hands around his waist as I whisper against his lips.
“Wanna bet?”
“I’M SO OBSESSED WITH your new haircut, Little,” Skyler says, pulling on one of Cassie’s curls and letting it bounce back into place.
“Same. Makes me want to chop mine,” I chime in. “But, you know, that means less to pull on when I’m getting banged from the back. So… priorities.”
The girls all laugh at that, Ashlei tossing a handful of popcorn at me.
“I’m going to miss this,” Cassie says, leaning her head on Skyle
r’s shoulder. We’re all piled together on the sorority couch, enjoying one last movie day before we split up. Cassie and I are both sticking around for the rest of the summer, but the other girls are leaving, and it’ll be two months before we see them again.
“I love summer,” I say. “But, I wish I could spend more of it with you girls.”
“Me, too. It’s been an… interesting semester.” Erin’s cheeks flush. “Thank you for not completely disowning me after the major bitch I’ve been.”
Skyler shifts uncomfortably, not saying anything, so I lean over and pull Erin under one arm. “Ah, we’ve all had our period before. Rest assured, we’ll pay you back sometime in the future.”
She smiles, leaning her head on my shoulder.
“So, Cassie, you’re sticking around here for summer classes… and Adam is here, too?” I waggle my brows. “Bow chicka wow wow.”
She flushes a deep red, pulling her blanket up to her chin. “You just can’t go a day without trying to get me to divulge the details of my sex life, can you?”
“My lady blue balls need rubbing, Cass.” I flex my hips toward her and the girls all laugh while she swats me away.
“Thought Kade was rubbing those balls for you,” Ashlei points out.
“Oh, please,” I scoff. “More like I’m trying my best to teach him how to even get a girl to talk to him for more than three minutes. We’re so far away from bang town, it’s not even funny.”
“I still can’t believe you agreed to train him,” she says.
“Yeah, well, I can’t believe you’re officially dating the hottest, richest CEO this side of the Florida-Georgia line.”
“Seriously!” Erin chimes in, smacking Ashlei. “How the hell did you keep that a secret from us for almost a year?”
Ashlei just smiles, popping a kernel into her mouth. “Some things are too good to share, my friends.”
“Selfish whore,” I murmur, and the girls all burst into laughter again.
“Skyler, are you going up north with Kip?” Erin asks, and the weight of his father’s illness settles over us like a cloud.
“I am,” she says, eyes on her hands as she picks at a stray string on her blanket. “I’m a little nervous, a little scared, but mostly, I just want to be there for Kip. It’s going to be weird, meeting the man who sent him here to take me down, but at the same time, I understand him. And at the end of the day, being a support system for Kip is what matters most to me.”
“He’s lucky to have you, Little,” Erin says, sincerity in her eyes. And when she reaches over to grab Skyler’s hand, Ashlei and I exchange a worried glance.
For a moment, Skyler just stares at it, like she’s debating flicking Erin’s hand away and immediately flipping her off. But instead, she sighs, squeezing her Big’s hand with a soft, resigned smile. “Thank you.”
I let out a breath of relief.
“And what about you, G Big?” Cassie asks. “What are your plans for the summer?”
Erin swallows, her gaze finding the television screen. “Therapy.”
“What?” We all gasp in unison, eyes locked on Erin as we wait for her to explain.
“There’s a lot I’ve been through in the past year that I haven’t talked to anyone about…” she says, her voice soft. “Not even you girls. And, it’s time. I need to work through it if I’m ever going to move forward.”
“What happened?” I ask, leaning into her. “You can tell us.”
“I know, I know I can,” she says, finally returning our gazes with a slight smile. “But, it’s not the right time. When it is, when I’m ready, I’ll come to you. I promise.”
Ashlei leans over my lap, squeezing Erin’s knee as I try to search her eyes for some sort of answer.
“Well, when that time comes, we’ll be here.”
“Thank you.”
For a while, we’re just silent, staring at the television screen without even registering what’s on it. Finally, Skyler jumps up, clapping her hands together.
“Alright, enough of that shit.” She skips away and up the stairs, returning moments later with a half-empty bottle of whiskey. “We’re ending this semester on a high note. Time to belly up, bitches.”
“Oh, God. I can’t even think about alcohol right now,” Erin says with a wince.
“You don’t have to think about it,” Skyler says. “You just have to drink it.”
“I’ll grab glasses!” Cassie sprints off to the kitchen, and when she’s back, she lines up five shot glasses as Skyler tops them off with the amber liquid. We each grab one when they’re full, holding them together over the coffee table with a mixture of sadness and joy in our eyes.
“We only have one more semester together before you three bitches graduate,” Skyler says, eyes flashing over me, Ashlei, and Erin. “So, here’s to making the most of it — the Kappa Kappa Beta way.”
Ashlei thrusts her glass higher. “To parties.”
“To movie days,” Cassie chimes in.
Skyler pushes her glass in next. “To love — in all its forms.”
“And to sex, because… well, it’s us.”
They all laugh at my addition, and then our eyes are on Erin, hers on her glass, like her thoughts are far off in space. Finally, she blinks, swallowing a little as she joins our glasses with hers.
“To friends,” she says, her voice light. “Who are always there for us, no matter how bad we fuck up.”
Skyler’s eyes soften, and she clinks her shot glass to her Big’s. “Hear, hear.”
We toss the liquid back, me throwing my hands up in the air with a woo and Skyler joining in with a high five while the rest of the girls grimace. We all laugh, stacking the glasses and piling back on the couch just in time for a new chick flick to start.
And as another semester comes to an end, I glance around at my sisters, heart squeezing at the thought of living a life without them. I only have one more semester with them, and in less than a year, I’ll be graduated — thrust into the real world whether I like it or not.
But the truth is, I know I don’t have to worry, because I’ll never have to live without them.
My Kappa Kappa Beta sisters are my sisters for life — through college and beyond.
So, for now, I vow to make the most of the time we have left. I’ll have a kick-ass summer with Cassie, recruit some more bad-ass bitches in the fall, and when my time as officer is over and it’s time to walk across that stage, I’ll do so holding hands with the girls who matter most.
In the meantime, there are parties that need raging, kegs that need draining, and boys who need banging. Those are my duties as Jess “J-Love” Vonnegut, and I can’t wait to honor my university.
Buckle up, Palm South University.
You ain’t seen nothing yet.
To be continued...
Legacy takes place during the same semester as Black Number Four. Whether you’ve read it before now or not, you’ll get a wider view of what was happening at Palm South University (especially between Kip and Skyler) if you read Black Number Four as you read this season. I will help guide you, letting you know which chapters to read before moving on to the next episode.
FOR THE FULL READING EXPERIENCE FOR THIS EPISODE, READ CHAPTERS 19-24 IN BLACK NUMBER FOUR. (You’ll get to see how Skyler felt during Erin’s apology, get inside Kip’s head in the aftermath of the break up, hear what Erin says to Kip when they dance at formal, watch the tournament go down from Skyler and Kip’s point of view, and live the fountain scene in Kip’s head. Sigh!) Please note: if you read the epilogue, there are slight spoilers for the 5th installment of Palm South University.
Tweet as you read using #PalmSouth and join the Facebook discussion group here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/712042985606913/?ref=br_rs
Click here to receive an email when Ritual, Palm South University 5, is live/available for pre-order! (Coming Spring 2019)
www.kandisteiner.com/ritual
Keep reading after the acknowledgements for the first
two chapters of What He Doesn’t Know, book one in the angsty, emotional duet from Kandi Steiner.
Before I go into the people who helped bring this book (and series) to life, I want to start by thanking you — the reader. As you’ve probably gathered by now (if you’ve read the other acknowledgements in this series), PSU is my passion project. It’s my baby. And man, have y’all been taken on a ride! I want to thank you for always reading as soon as the new installment is live, for tweeting and posting on Instagram and Facebook, for spreading your love for this series at every possible opportunity. YOU are what makes this series what it is. I’m so thankful you love these characters as much as I do, and I can’t wait to continue their adventure with you.
As always, my beta readers were absolutely fantastic for this season. And man, talk about a BEAST of a book! Y’all had the job of reading a book that is the size of TWO full-length novels, and you provided amazing feedback that helped me more than I could ever say. So, thank you Kellee Fabre, Patricia Leibowitz (Queen Mintness!), Ashlei Davison, Danielle Lagasse, Jess Vogel, Haley Sue Brewer, and Sarah Green. I literally could NOT do this without you. Besos!
I also want to give a special shout out to the lovely ladies who the KKB girls are named after — Ashlei Davison, Jess Vogel, Erin Spencer, and Cassie Graham. Circle of Trust forever and ever!
My life would be a living, breathing disaster if not for my amazing PA – Christina Stokes. You have no idea how helpful you have been to me through the writing of this book (which took WAY longer than anticipated, given the surprising length!). Thank you for your continued support, your love and generosity, and for always knowing what I need to breathe a little easier. You’re the best!
Shout out to Staci Hart, Brittainy C. Cherry, Karla Sorensen and Kathryn Andrews, who have all been a part of this series for so long they’re practically honorary students at PSU. Thanks for letting me gab to you all about the characters, this world, and for bouncing ideas whenever I need to. More than anything, thank you for being the best friends a girl can ask for. Love y’all.
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