Feel Like
Makin’ Love
A New Journey for Andy
Book Three of the
Rock and Roll Trilogy
Barbara S Stewart
Copyright © 2013 Barbara S Stewart
All rights reserved
ISBN-13: 978-1490568546 (CreateSpace-Assigned)
ISBN-10: 1490568549
Dedication
“Memories are our keys to the past; dreams are our keys to the future.”
Jackie Davis Diatikar Hardeman
To my family and friends ~
I feel your love in every word on every page. How blessed I am over the things we’ve shared. I love you…
Just so you know…
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means, without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations represented in articles of review.
Feel Like Makin’ Love is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, places, and occurrences are purely a product of my creativity, or they’re used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, locales, companies, businesses, or events are coincidental.
Unless otherwise noted, the song lyrics contained in the story are my words, poetry that ‘sings’ to me.
Previous Publications
When I Look to the Sky – April 2013
(Book 2 of the Rock and Roll Trilogy)
Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under - December 2012
Rock and Roll Never Forgets - August 2012
(Book 1 of the Rock and Roll Trilogy)
Sweet Surrender – February 2012 (Not available at this time)
Cover design by Jeff Robin Manalo
Author photo by Tom Johannes
Back cover concert photo by Sara Seaman
Directional Change
He couldn’t sleep. His mind was running in too many directions… So many moments… so many memories… some good, some not so good… But in the end it’s all part of life, isn’t it? he thought. His thoughts, such vivid pictures that he could feel them… his life flashed like the frames on a jittery old-reel movie.
He saw his dad as they played ball in the yard when he was a boy, and then again when he was sick with cancer. And then he was angry for the infidelity his mom lived with. Suddenly, like a soft breeze, he smelled the perfume she wore, and he could feel the keys on the piano as Phyllis’ soft delicate fingers lay over his own, showing how to touch them softly. He saw Nathan as they developed a high school friendship, and Dina, and all that he had shared with them over the years, blessed that they were such good friends, still.
He felt the microphone in his hand the first time he took the ‘stage’ that Nathan’s dad had built in their family’s garage. He smelled the smoke and stale beer that the clubs they played in reeked of back in the day. He felt the music in his chest thinking about all those years on stage, how they went from small venues to larger ones with sold-out shows. The music bug bit him hard, and he thought about the name they’d chosen for the band, Traveler, and all the days on the road that went with it. It became an undoing of sorts at times.
He saw Nathan back away to give more of himself to his family. He saw the other guys do the same as time passed. He lived life on the road for too many years, and as much as he loved it, he realized that he’d allowed it to cheat him of far too many things.
~ ~ ~
And he saw his ‘Bethy.’
He remembered the sound of her laugh when he walked in the room the night he met her. So many years ago, he thought. He inhaled and smelled the scent of her. And then, he felt the whoosh of air that you feel on a scary ride, thinking of Matthew’s words, “That was some kinda ride you took her mama on.” And he felt sad.
He felt exhilaration remembering the feel of her as he held her in his arms when they went to the GRAMMYs that last time in 2002 – the moment his life was forever changed. He saw the words on the page of the book, “Rock and Roll Never Forgets” that he had written – “I think about what life brings, and gives, then takes away.”
~ ~ ~
And he thought about the last and best gift Beth had shared with him - Carlee. He went from being a superstar - a selfish lifestyle at times - to being a part-time dad, ‘Papa,’ to the new love of his life. His world revolved around someone else, full-time, for the first time in his life. He went from concerts and recording studios, to bedtime stories and tea parties. He went from being alone, to planning and praying for every moment he was allowed to have with her. He went from a ‘me’ lifestyle, to a life that was all about someone else, and he loved it. Every second with her was a gift, a treasure.
And later, when circumstances changed and brought them together on a full-time basis, he was glad to be right there. It was bittersweet, but he couldn’t have been happier for her to be with him all the time. Getting older, he scaled back on his career and travel. If he did shows, she was with him. When he recorded, she was in the studio.
What a precious gift he received when she came into his life. The gifts he’d received just by her being in his life gave his heart a jolt, and he felt happy. He loved her like he never dreamed possible. He saw the little red-haired girl grow up before his eyes. He thought about all they shared, what they learned together, and he remembered every milestone in their lives together.
After she graduated high school, the two of them took a European vacation before she went off to college. He could see each stop on their trip through Europe. He remembered the excitement she brought to him, by sharing the world through her eyes. He saw the beautiful, young, passionate woman she’d become… and the young man she met who would change Carlee’s life. He thought about Matthew, thought about the love they learned through conversation – long-distance love, but he couldn’t imagine anyone who loved stronger. He knew Carlee’s passion for life was a result of the loss she’d experienced. He could see that love-look in their eyes from very early on, and thought about love-at-first-sight. She was married now, building a life with him in London.
~ ~ ~
And he thought about his life without her. He’d just turned sixty-eight; he knew that life held no promises. He learned long ago that you had to take chances, but after Beth, he’d kept his heart for Carlee. Now, he was ready to move on.
He didn’t want the type of relationship he’d shared with Adaleigh. He was ready for a woman who could be a friend, a companion, and a lover. He thought about Geni, sleeping just across the suite, in another room, and for the first time in many years, he was lonely. As he lay there, he heard her laugh and that rich southern drawl in his mind; he found that he heard it often. He heard the conversation they’d shared that evening, rehashed her words in his mind. “Confused, but curious,” she’d said.
He knew he was ready to explore something more. He thought about the first kiss and her comment that she wanted another one, and the kiss they’d shared after that. He knew they both hesitated, and he knew why, but he felt the desire to ‘see what happens’ from them both. He knew he had to take it slowly; there was so much to consider, but he knew he wanted to take another step.
He’d sure had a journey to look back on.
~ ~ ~
His phone rang; he turned to look at the display, but he knew it was Geni. The clock read 4:10.
“Andy, I just wanted to make sure you were awake. What time is the driver taking us to the airport?” she asked.
“Mmm hmm...” He wasn’t going to tell her that he hadn’t slept. “They’ll come up to help with our bags at five. I’ll call for coffee.”
They boarded the plane for Jacksonv
ille at seven…
Chapter One
The flight home was pleasant. They snoozed and talked, but not about the kisses they’d shared. They arrived in Jacksonville at two in the afternoon. Andy took Geni home and prepared to head south to his home, three hours away.
When he got ready to leave, he wrapped Geni in his arms. “I’ll call you when I get home. Thanks for a great time, I enjoyed it, enjoyed you,” he told her.
Driving home, his thoughts about Geni continued… The company of a woman was more appealing than it had been for a long time. He’d dated casually over the years, but never found anyone he really wanted to explore a relationship with - until now. His thoughts drifted to Beth and all that they had shared through their years together.
I looked up that night in Orlando, and I knew that life as I knew it had changed. I saw you standing there, heard that infectious laugh that still blankets me like a soft summer breeze. I loved everything about you, and as time passed, I wanted everything with you. But somehow, I could never find the man you needed me to be, I wasn’t the right kind of man at that time. I wanted to be, but somehow I couldn’t make that leap.
He remembered the feel of her, and suddenly he felt that warm, soft breeze and knew she was with him.
I always know when you’re with me - I can feel you. Sometimes, I see you when I look at Carlee, but I know it’s not her I feel – it’s you, and I want to reach out and touch you one more time. I remember L.A. so many years ago when God brought you back to me. And I can still feel you in my arms each time I held you after that.
He felt a lump in his throat thinking of their time together, thinking of them.
I never knew what I was missing until you were gone… I dream of holding you in my arms, loving you every way we did and every way I should have, but I know I dream dreams that can never again happen. I know you aren’t coming back, and I’ve tried to move on…
He thought of Geni again…
I know this for certain - moving on doesn’t mean you’ll ever leave me. In your letter to me for the book you wrote, ‘the holder of my heart’… but Bethy, I believe it’s the other way around - you have mine and I know you always will.
As he drove, he’d been listening to music on a classic-rock station. He heard “Timeless,” one of Traveler’s biggest hits, and he smiled.
Classic - good because it means people still like to listen to it, but ‘classic’ feels old. He heard the words to the song he’d sung thousands of times, but the times he sang it for Beth were the ones that stuck in his mind.
We’re timeless, we’re unaffected by change…
And just as suddenly as he’d felt her, the feeling of the warm breeze was gone, but what she left behind this time had him thinking. As he drove, he looked at his watch. It was five, that would be eleven in the U.K., but he told Carlee he’d call. He put his phone on speaker and dialed.
“Hello Papa!”
“Did I wake you?” he asked.
“No, I’ve been waiting for you to call,” she told him. “Matthew’s asleep. I’ve been looking on-line at class schedules, trying to get everything settled to go back in January.”
“Have you got a minute?” he asked, “Got something on my mind.”
“Sure,” she said cautiously. “Everything OK?”
“I hope so,” he said, and hesitated. “So here’s the thing… I kissed Geni, not once, twice.”
“And? Did she kiss you back or run away screaming?” Carlee laughed.
“You joke,” he said. “I’m concerned.”
“So answer my question,” she said. “Did she kiss you back or not?”
“She did.”
“And the problem here is… what?” she laughed.
“Carlee…”
“Papa,” she interrupted, “I don’t know what the problem is. Tell me, will ya?”
“She’s Matthew’s mom,” he said.
“I know who she is. She’s not married, she’s a fun, beautiful woman, and…?” Carlee said.
“And she’s Matthew’s mom,” he said again.
“No, I know what this is - you’re afraid of screwing up… Papa, this may be your once-in-a-lifetime–opportunity, and you’re going to pass on it because you’re afraid you’ll screw up? Step out of your comfort zone, take a chance…”
They talked a while longer, and after he hung up, he turned back to the music he’d been listening to. The next song was one he hadn’t heard in a while, Bad Company, and he cranked the volume up - loud.
Baby, when I think about you
I think about love…
His thoughts drifted again to Geni.
Feel like makin’ love to you
~ ~ ~
Geni sat on the back porch enjoying the evening. She was thinking, too. She thought about the weekend they’d shared. She remembered the feel of their first kiss and ran her fingers across her lips as she did. She kept hearing him say the words, I think I’ve wanted it to happen for a while, but I don’t want it to change anything.
She was afraid it would change things, but their time together was fine, fun actually. And then there was that next kiss, and she wondered, what now?
She missed her husband, Tom, but she found that she’d enjoyed every moment she shared with Andy. She didn’t know what was in store, but one never does, she said to herself. She thought about Carlee and Matthew - ‘Matt,’ Andy called him - she liked that. She liked that her son and Andy had developed a kinship. Carlee was a precious gem, and she couldn’t have hand-picked a better partner for her youngest son.
Her phone rang, bringing her thoughts back to now. She looked, and it was Andy.
“Well, hello,” she said and smiled.
“Hey, I’m at the house,” he told her.
“Glad you got there safely,” she said. “Thanks again for a nice time.”
He was quiet a minute, trying to gather his thoughts. “Listen,” he started and Geni took a big breath.
“No, you listen. Please,” she added. “It was a kiss, Andy. Two kisses… and I enjoyed them both. Don’t say you’re sorry, don’t say you regret anything, and Lord, please don’t say it won’t happen again.”
“OK,” he said. There was an air of fun in his voice as he added, “What I was gonna say is, I wish I’d have stayed in Jacksonville tonight,” and they both laughed.
Lying in bed later, Geni thought about Andy. They’d shared a lot of time together in the two-and-a-half years they’d known each other. During the time Carlee and Matthew’s relationship evolved, a friendship grew with Andy. When Tom passed away a year ago, the friendship between her and Andy grew stronger.
Their trip to London for Andy’s birthday made her think. They’d been together on many occasions, but all of a sudden, Geni saw it all differently. The first night they were there, Andy hugged her. His arms around her felt good. She turned to kiss his cheek, but he turned too, and they shared an unexpected kiss. She quickly said ‘good night’ and retreated to her room, because she was unsure what it meant. Now, she wanted to know.
~ ~ ~
As Carlee crawled in beside Matthew, she found him fast asleep, but she wanted him awake, so she kissed his back. He rolled over and looked at the clock as he pulled her into his arms.
“Really? 1:00?” he said, kissing her. “Why are you just now coming to bed? Is everything OK?”
She snuggled against him, and told him about the conversation she’d shared with Andy.
“I thought something was going on there the other day. What about that…?” he said. “Besides all that, what else is on your mind? I can tell there’s more in there than Andy and Mom.”
“Headache. I was surfing school schedules, trying to line everything up. I guess it’s just more than my brain wants to think about right now,” she said.
Matthew pushed that wild mess of curls away and framed her face to kiss her. “No dizziness or nausea?”
“No,” she smiled, knowing he was still worried over the vertigo she’d experience
d. “I’m torn; I want to get back to school, but…”
“You wanna wait another semester?” he asked, his voice sleepy, gravely and sexy, Carlee thought.
“Part of me wants to just get right back,” she said, “so I can get it behind me. I just can’t seem to concentrate on getting it all together.”
“The other part?” he asked.
“Loves being here when you get home, loves cooking dinner, loves having a clear head to take in everything you have to share about your day, loves going to bed with you and not worrying about a paper I need to do…” she laughed.
“Wow, that’s a lot of love Carlee,” he said and snuggled closer.
“Oh, you just don’t know,” she said, kissing him. Moving closer, her fingers left a delicate touch wherever they brushed.
Matthew pulled her closer and slipped the pajama top she wore over her head; she never wore the bottoms to bed. She squirmed against him and the next-to-nothing panties she wore were gone in a flash.
~ ~ ~
For the next week, Andy took care of some things at home and kept busy with things to distract him. He thought about Geni, but he knew he could never push the memories of his Bethy aside. What they shared was a love without end. He hadn’t had a serious relationship with anyone else since he’d met her; but now he found that something was missing in his life. He thought about sharing some of himself with someone else.
Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3) Page 1
