by Bonnie Vanak
Thick penis erect, Shay held on to his control by a bare thread.
With a soft sigh many a silly man would take as surrender, she slipped off her panties and bra.
Not surrender, but a fracturing of barely leashed desire. With a rough growl, he lunged, pushing her naked body back onto the bed.
Her lips were warm and soft, as delicious as he’d remembered. He could kiss her all night, if it meant holding her this close. Shay cupped the back of her head as he devoured her mouth, licking and teasing.
He reached for her, but this time Kelly was the one touching him, her eager hands pulling the sheet off, her palms flattened against his chest. Her mouth against his skin, trailing tiny kisses over the hard line of his jaw, his throat.
A sharp intake of breath as she saw the silvery stretch of old scar tissue on his thigh. “What happened?”
Speechless, he went still. Words evaded him after the freshness of the nightmare still lingered, the piercing cries of Kelly’s screams.
Her soft palm rested on his thigh. “The fire?”
A quiet statement. He nodded.
Moisture gathered in her eyes. Shay reached up and wiped a tear threatening to spill from her eyes. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.”
“It hurts me to see you like this,” she whispered. “I wish I could have helped.”
Shay held her gaze, willing her to see the truth. “You did help. My memories of you carried me through. You sustained me when I found it impossible to take the next step. You gave me a strength I never knew I possessed.”
Kelly bent her head and kissed the scar tissue, her soft, warm mouth sliding over a wound that had never fully healed.
Those tender kisses chased away past pain and banished the horror of what happened. She kissed the inside of his thigh, the hunger inside him growing to the point of pain.
Kelly stopped and stroked a finger along the underside of his rigid cock.
Shay dragged in a deep breath as she encased his erection in her hand and took him into her mouth.
Closing his eyes, he let his head drop back as her sweet mouth caressed him.
Oh, gods, the exquisite pleasure of Kelly, her scent swimming in his nostrils, the softness of her lips against his aching flesh, the little humming sound she made. Like a cat with a bowl of cream, her little pink tongue delicately flicked the rounded knob of his weeping cock.
Desperate to get inside her, he pulled her away. Kelly sat back, red hair tumbling around her shoulders, pink suffusing her cheeks. His gaze dropped to the lush swell of her breasts, her dusky nipples standing to points. She looked so pretty. So sexy. Shay felt the last of his control fracture. Fisting his hands, he fought to control their shaking.
And then he reached for her again. His Kelly, his intoxicating drug he thought he’d gotten out of his system for good.
When all the time, she’d never truly left.
* * *
Oh, gods, Kelly wanted this man all over again, skin to skin, their bodies sweat-slicked and rubbing against each other.
They rolled on the bed, tangling together.
Sam touched her, big, calloused palms skimming up the small of her back, stroking the curve of her spine. “I love it when I get you all wet and ready for me,” he muttered against her mouth. “It drives me crazy to hear those little sounds you make.”
Then he fisted a hand in her hair, bent her head back and kissed her with such passion she could barely breathe. Kelly could think of nothing but Sam, his spicy taste in her mouth as he kissed her hard and deep, his skin slick and firm against hers, the silky hairs on his naked thighs rubbing against hers.
Kelly opened her thighs, exposing herself to him, the first man she’d ever given her body to. Sam slipped a hand between her legs and caressed her, drawing a finger through her swollen folds. Little gasps came from her mouth as she clutched him, her mouth tasting the salty slickness of the hard curve of his shoulder. Kelly nipped him lightly, earning a hiss of breath. With a thumb, he teased her clit and then sank a finger deep inside her. Every delicious stroke worked incredible magick on her, cranking the sweet tension higher until she was panting. She was so close, close...
Sam’s mouth encased one hard nipple. He bit lightly.
Screaming, she shattered, her nails digging into the hard muscles of his back.
Pride and masculine possession shone in his gaze as he sat back, watching her. Sam reached into his wallet and withdrew a foil packet.
Trembling, she lay back, watching him slip on the condom.
His limbs were long and sturdy and roped with muscle. Wide shoulders gave way to the classic V of narrow waist and hips. A few scars nicked the planes of muscle dividing his back.
Then he was nudging her thighs open, settling between them. Desire ignited the green in his eyes. Sam laced his fingers between hers, his muscled weight pinning her down.
The position was sweetly intimate. Sam’s body atop hers, his hard chest pressed against her soft breasts, his sleekly muscled flanks entwined with her slender legs, his heated gaze fused to hers. She was the only person in the world who mattered to him now.
Sam lowered his mouth and dropped a singularly sweet kiss on her lips.
The hard knob of his cock slid against her soaked folds. The slow, teasing move made her grit her teeth. An impish grin, so typically Sam, warned he knew exactly how the motion drove her crazy. Kelly rolled her hips upward.
He thrust hard into her, pushing past the resistance of her tiny internal muscles, sealing them hip and hip. Kelly flinched a little. It had been a long time since she’d had sex.
A long time since she’d opened herself up to a man, let him into the most private part of her body...her heart.
“Ah, gods, you feel so damn good,” he muttered. Concern flared in his gaze. “You okay, Kel?”
She drew a long, trembling sigh. “Now I am.”
Pleasure rippled through her as he began to move. Slowly out and then back inside her, building the heat between them. All the while his gaze was warm and soft on her, the look on his face telling her this was more than sex.
More than making love.
It was reigniting the flame they both thought had died, had wanted to die.
It consumed them, sending them spiraling together into erotic bliss as his hips drove harder and faster. She pushed upward, meeting his frantic moves. Kelly tightened her hands around his as the crisp hair on his chest rubbed against her sensitive nipples. She squeezed hard around him, feeling the incredible pressure build until she cried out and climaxed again, gasping for air, feeling as if she were flying.
And would never descend.
Sam closed his eyes and threw his head back, the corded muscles on his neck straining as he gave one last thrust. His cock twitched inside her as Sam shouted her name. He bucked and shuddered against her.
Wrapping her arms around him, she held him close as he collapsed atop her, his muscled weight pressing her against the soft mattress. Sam’s ragged breathing bellowed into her ear as he pillowed his head next to hers.
Finally he pushed himself off, sat on the bed’s side and disposed of the condom. Kelly felt a sudden chill at his businesslike actions. Was this only sex? Or something more?
But then he joined her again, pulling her into his arms and sweetly kissing her forehead. For a long few minutes, they lay together, Kelly stroking the sweat-dampened hairs on his muscled chest.
“Incredible.”
He playfully touched her nose. “Yes, you are.”
Sex lowered the barriers between them. She kissed the curve of his shoulder. “I wish we had never known each other before. Then everything would have been fresh and new to us, instead of these dark secrets between us.”
Sam lifted his head, his brows knitting. “What?”
“Real lovers don’t share the past we have. They don’t hide their hurts from each other.”
“I don’t want secrets between us,” he stated quietly.
“Then tell me. Why did your d
uplicate push your buttons like that? What was he talking about?”
Jaw tensing, he looked away.
“Please, tell me, Sam. I must know. If it’s my fault...” she whispered.
Expelling a breath, he shook his head. “It’s not you. Not your fault. It’s Christmas. I haven’t spent a single Christmas with anyone, except my family.”
Sickening realization hit her. “You visit them...”
“At their graves.” A husky whisper, pain haunting those dreamy hazel eyes. “It’s all I have left, so I go there every year instead of friends’ homes.”
Pressure built behind Kelly’s eyes as she saw the real Sam. The cocky, charming Sam. The cool, efficient SEAL. What a falsehood, when the real man was alone, hiding behind barricades of duty, honor and obligation.
“Go on.”
“That bastard Arcane was right. I’m a sentimental fool. I couldn’t save him, so I try to make up for it. Petie loved Christmas, loved seeing the gifts under the tree. Most of all, he adored hanging the tinsel on the trees. Silver. He said it looked like stars sparkling beneath the lights. He always asked me to sing carols....”
His voice cracked. “Every year, I buy silver tinsel and a little tree and place it by his gravestone. Keep thinking he’d see it from wherever he was and it’d make him smile. And then I sing his favorite carols. Stupid. As if he’d know.”
Stupid? It was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. A horrid ache settled in her chest as she envisioned him sitting on the ground by his little brother’s grave, cold wind whispering through the cheerful silver tinsel as Sam sang Christmas carols.
So alone, haunted by sorrow...
“Why do you put yourself through it every year?”
He stared at the ceiling. “I don’t want grief and anger to turn into blind hatred. The ritual keeps me normal when I feel like I’m turning cold and empty inside. It connects me to Pete and his ability to love everyone unconditionally.”
Kelly had the odd feeling she finally had seen straight through to his heart. He wasn’t a cold, efficient warrior, but a grieving man determined to keep hatred and bitterness at bay. The navy had molded him into a disciplined, purposeful soldier, someone she thought she’d never connect with again. Truth was, they had plenty in common. Just like her, Sam was lost and alone, but not broken.
Never broken, she thought vehemently.
Raising herself up on her elbows, she dropped a tender kiss on his jaw. “Pete knows. I’m certain of it. You have a generous, loving heart.”
Emotions shadowed his gaze. And then he rolled her beneath him and loved her once more, this time longer, sweeter, slower, until she wanted to never leave.
Recapturing what she’d once thought was lost forever.
* * *
Kelly lay asleep on the pillow, long, inky lashes feathered against her pink cheeks. Guarding her rest, Shay studied his lover.
Hell would come with the morning light, and the consequences, but for now, he wanted to banish the future. Banish the past. Live in the present moment.
A smile touched his mouth as he protectively tucked her closer. For a wild moment, he imagined it could be like this always.
He could make love to her through the years and never grow tired. Sam felt plugged into her, electrified when he took her, as alive as he’d never felt before.
The smile faded. In the rosy afterglow of hot sex, he’d made a huge mistake by lowering his defenses and baring his most shameful secret. With others, he’d kept his private life private, too proud to admit he still deeply grieved. Strict boundaries were enforced to keep everyone, especially women, at a distance. Men were tough. SEALs were tougher. And he was impenetrable.
Except to Kelly.
Now Kelly had penetrated the wall, leaving him exposed and vulnerable, just as his father had once predicted. Shay couldn’t afford vulnerability, or losing his heart to her again.
You’re going to have to let her go.
The disturbing thought chased away sleep long into the night.
Chapter 17
A shaft of leaden daylight spilled through the partly opened drapes. Shay woke up to the sight of Kelly draped over his body. Long, dark lashes feathered over her cheeks as she slept as innocently as a child, red hair spilling over the white pillow. Just as he’d dreamed about all these years. He eased out of bed.
Stalking over to the balcony, he lifted the blue drapes with the back of one hand. He saw a hard pewter sky streaked with a rose-gold sun that was breaking the horizon. The street was deserted except for one elderly couple sitting across the street on their front stoop.
That could be you and Kel, years from now. Rocking on the porch, watching the grandkids play in the yard. Holding hands...
A family of his own. The dream shimmered within reach.
Hearing a rustling of sheets behind him, Shay turned.
“I feel so alive this morning. Free.” She gave a languid stretch, which did amazing things to her breasts. Shay steeled against the driving urge to tumble her backward and love her until he’d coaxed another sweet cry of pleasure from her mouth.
He turned back to the window as she climbed out of bed.
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she snuggled against him. He closed his eyes, desperately wanting to never let go of her but knowing he must.
Shay pulled away and picked up her jeans. “We need to move out, get on the road. Go shower. I’ll go downstairs and get us breakfast.”
No censure in those eggshell-blue eyes, only confusion.
He softened his tone. “I have to secure a vehicle before we get to Tegus, and it’ll take time.”
“Sam, we have time. The flight doesn’t leave until this afternoon. What’s going on?”
Uncomfortable with the scrutiny, he gestured to the bathroom. “I’ll shower after you.”
Best to keep her at arm’s length. But deep inside, he yearned for the connection shared last night, a bond he must shatter like a hammer before it was too late.
* * *
The red car looked held together with string and wire clothes hangers. Kelly rubbed a rust spot as Sam checked under the hood.
He’d paid an overjoyed villager cash for this clunker. It was hideous, with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror. Sam told her they were headed back to the States, to a safe house where she’d go unnoticed.
Not that he noticed her now.
Kelly hit a tire with the toe of her sandal. “El Milagro. This thing looks like it’ll take a miracle to run.”
No answer.
“Maybe I should throw some magick on it. There’s an ancient Arcane spell to go faster, but it’s for a donkey. The ‘move your ass’ spell.”
Still no answer from under the hood.
Sam, talk to me, she thought, clenching her fists. Stop being so damn distant.
Finishing, he slammed the hood down and wiped his hands with a clean rag. “Engine’s in good shape. Let’s roll.”
Efficient as ever. Transportation secured? Check. Engine operational? Check. Hotel bill paid? Check.
Last night’s lover hustled out the door? Check.
The tender Sam who’d made love had vanished, leaving behind a stranger. He’d barely spoken at breakfast. Every bite of the delicious huevos with queso stuck in her throat as he sipped coffee and scrolled through email on his cell.
Would the real Sam ever return, the chivalrous man who’d defend her to the death? The Mage who whispered passionate words and tenderly loved her as if she were his entire world?
On impulse, she caught his hand, feeling the rough calluses and tensile strength. Those hands had roved over her naked body, culling an exquisite pleasure.
Sam closed his fingers around her wrist and gently removed her hand. The physical act hurt worse than a verbal rejection. But she refused to ignore what happened between them. “Last night was pretty special. Like old times, and I’m not talking about the sex.”
Tension knotted his broad shoulders. “What do you mean?�
��
“I feel like I’ve found the real Sam, the one I lost, the man who set aside carousing for an honest, real relationship.”
“I don’t have time for relationships. I’m a SEAL, always gone on a mission.”
“Other SEALs have relationships.”
“Not me.”
Kelly’s heart dropped. “Talk to me, Sam.”
A questionable look, the guarded expression hiding his thoughts.
Taking a leap of faith, she plunged ahead. “I can’t tell what you’re thinking, how you feel. You’re a phantom, a ghost who isn’t really here with me. I want Sam back in my life, the solid flesh-and-blood man who kissed me last night as if he meant it.”
Sam tossed down the rag. “We can’t all have what we want, can we?”
“Don’t do this to me.” He wanted to fight, use anger as a defense. She refused to be baited.
Kelly drew in a calming breath and slowly released it. “It was fine at the café, when you were the big, bad navy SEAL protecting the poor, threatened Arcane. You know how to play that role. But the minute you opened up and shared yourself last night, you regretted it and shut down.”
Sam’s jaw turned rigid as stone. Honesty was needed, but it was so difficult to confess how she felt. Never had she felt more vulnerable.
“I know what it’s like to feel alone and grieving, surrounded by people oblivious to how badly you’re bleeding inside. So you hide behind your work. You can trust me. It’s okay to share your feelings. You’ve kept me safe and protected, and I’ll do the same.”
She touched his cheek, feeling the muscle twitch violently as if he were a machine gun ready to fire. “Please. I feel like we reconnected with each other. I don’t want to lose that.”
A glacial remoteness entered his eyes, as if all warmth and life inside him turned to ice.
“It was just sex, Kelly. A good fuck. We fucked each other and got what we wanted.”
The words stung. Crushed, she stared at him, her rising hopes shattered as if he’d shot a bullet into them.
She dared voice her worst fear. “You wouldn’t say that to an Elemental woman, even if it were true. Remember? Back at the mansion, before we became lovers? When they shared your bed, you walked them to their Porches and Jaguars the next morning, politely opened the door. And afterward, sent flowers and chocolates. The ones like me were snuck out of the house like a shameful secret.”
