Ashes and Ice

by Rochelle Maya Callen

  I pick up the phone, the school directory and dial.

  “Hey, I am either plotting world domination or finishing my homework. Leave me a message at the beep.”

  The wheezing isn’t as apparent on his voicemail. “Hey, man. I need your help…”

  ***

  Matt sits at my dad’s desk and breathes in noisy, sloppy wheezes. “Um, Matt, do you need allergy medicine or something?”

  “Ha! Nope. I’m allergic. You’ll just have to listen to my symphony of mucus humming.”

  Wow. That is disgusting. How did this guy get a date to the dance again? Surely, it wasn’t his sexy charm. “Okay.” I point to the pages. “So do you know what any of that says?”

  “Yeah, this is what your dad was working on.” He squints at the page. “Amazing, isn’t it?”

  I look at the nearly transparent, cream pages so thin they feel like vellum. “Yeah, yeah it is…” I say, growing more impatient. “So, what does it mean, Matt?”

  “Well, I can’t read it outright. I just know a bunch of words.” He points to different gatherings of strange glyphs. “You know, like fire, hell, secret, seraph, demons, man…”

  “What, so you can’t tell me what it says? Like what is written?”

  “Well, no, I mean it was a huge feat just to figure out what these weird symbols meant at all.”

  “Oh, I see…” I slump into the chair on the other side of the desk, feeling deflated.

  “Your dad could read it though.”

  I roll my eyes, but am glad Matt’s head is poised over the pages instead of looking at me. “That doesn’t really help me now, Matt.” I can’t keep the bitterness out of my voice.

  Matt doesn’t notice. “It’s incredible. It looks like your dad also came across letters or notes… a bunch of pages that weren’t in this text at all. But it’s the same language.”

  “How do you know it’s not a part of the same text?”

  “Look,” he lifts a few pages in his hands and shows me. I gasp, before he says. “These were loose pages not bound in this book and the paper…it’s different. And it’s in handwriting.”

  I stare at the book and the pages and realize he’s right. But that still doesn’t help me.

  Matt stands up and walks to my dad’s bookcase. “So, you haven’t seen your dad’s translated copy, huh?”

  “What?”

  “Your dad was writing the translation. He kept it in a chest just like this one.” He points at the bookcase. “You know in the hideaway compartment in the bookcase.”

  “What?” I jump to my feet.

  Matt pulls a stack of books off the bookcase and pushes on a space at the back of case. It pops open and reveals a square opening.

  And in it is a chest.

  I pull it out slowly, holding my breath, and set it on the desk. There is one big difference between the two chests. It takes me a moment to see it. This one doesn’t have a lock. I tip the top open and let out my breath.

  It’s empty.

  Chapter 57

  Jade

  “My parents are away.” Dominic ushers me into an immaculate, brick-faced house in a well-manicured subdivision. The houses are set far apart, the street weaving between them, the river winding behind them. Dominic’s breath is cold and sweet against my cheek. “No one to interrupt.” I hear the smile in his voice and my face flushes.

  I step away from him. “There won’t be much to interrupt.” The rooms are open, ceilings tower overhead with ornate trim. The house is huge, but with Dominic so close to me, it feels as small as a closet. This house doesn’t fit the pair of us.

  Why am I even here?

  “So, I know this isn’t a typical date, but I wanted to take you for a ride in my boat.”

  “What?” My insides twist. Boat? Water? No Connor to keep me safe? “I don’t like boats.”

  Dominic laughs. “Why not?”

  “I am not fond of the water.” I blurt out and immediately regret it. I don’t want him to know any of my weaknesses. I can’t be vulnerable. Not with him.

  “Well, that is interesting.”

  “It’s not a big deal.” I am not afraid of the water anymore, but it still evokes a sense of uneasiness.

  “Sounds like a weakness.” He says matter-of-factly. “A liability.”

  What is that supposed to mean? “It’s not a weakness.”

  “Then there isn’t any reason for you to not go.”

  I huff out a breath. “Maybe I just don’t want to be on a boat with you.”

  “What? Think the big bad wolf is going to eat you up?”

  “Don’t think me vulnerable. I may be small, but I’ll snap you in half if I need to,” I say, and the edge of my voice tips from playful to wicked. I swallow hard.

  He raises his eyebrows, “Oh, I bet you could.” He winks and in one swift motion, my hand is in his and he is pulling me towards a small white boat propped up on the bank behind the house.

  ***

  The spray of the water is cool on my cheeks. I sit very straight and still in the center of the boat. The narrow waterway opens up to a swamp and I feel vulnerable in the wide open space. Dominic moves from the back of the boat to the center and straddles the bench facing me. “Well, now I have you all to myself.”

  He touches my bare shoulder and leans in to kiss me there. I shrug him off.

  “You know, Jade. We aren’t so different. We are both misunderstood.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about…”

  “Oh, c’mon. That first day when you slammed Courtney into the table, I saw the look on your face. You enjoyed it.”

  “She was being intolerable. She deserved…” I cut myself off.

  Dominic smiles. “She deserved it?”

  “Well, I…”

  “Look.” Dominic points out something in the water. “Alligators.” He pauses. “I could toss you in. Should I?”

  My eyes widen.

  He laughs aloud. “No, no. I would never do that. Even if you insult me, hate me, and push me away. I will protect you.”

  He nuzzles my neck and the shock registers. I never imagined Dominic saying something like that.

  He moves quickly, but my body’s response is also instantaneous. I’m in a dizzying haze. His fingertips trace circles from my wrists to the inside of my elbows and it feels like my skin is alive and waiting, waiting for something more, something deeper, something that could set me off like a cannon, but I am not sure what. He leans in closer and I feel the smoothness of his cheek against my own. I don’t pull away even though I know I should. His fingers trail across my back and he pulls me close to him, so close we might as well share our skin, our bones. I feel him, too much of him, against me as he whispers in my ear. “I want to taste you.”

  “I—” A reprimand dies on my lips, because as I form the words with my mouth nothing comes out. A small, unknowable part of me wants to be tasted. I swallow hard, both terrified and giddy my resolve not to let him touch me is shattering so easily. I feel tingly, as if butterfly wings are dancing all around me, filling up all the space between us. I feel weak and strong, alive and thrumming.

  Dominic smiles against my ear and I hear him chuckle, low and steady. When he pulls away, creating space between us, I sigh—to my surprise and horror—aloud. I am desperate for negative space between us, for him to lean back in and a nervous anxiety quakes within me as he pulls our bodies further away.

  When he lets go, I feel colder, emptier than before and an ache deep inside me wants more, so much more.

  ***

  When we go out to dinner, I feel uneasy and restless. I stare at a menu, but the words blur together. Alarms blare in my ears, but I don’t know what they mean. I twitch as if something is slithering under my skin and I am desperate to release it.

  My eyes fall to the waitress’s leg. Such a fragile thing: bones surrounded by flesh. I stare at her leg and my fingers become restless. I wonder if I could break the bones in my hand, if they would crack li
ke splintered wood. What would it be like to be able to hold the pieces? Could I make broken something that once was whole? Just like that other waitress…

  I breathe in sharply and jerk my head away to stare at the paper napkins. I swallow hard. The thoughts, the vile, wretched thoughts are coming more often now. I close my eyes and imagine building a fortress of iron to block out the blackness, to keep the light inside.

  “Hey, Jade? What are you ordering?”

  As I start to open my eyes, the image pans out and I understand the fortress I built in my mind is not keeping out the dark and in the light, but keeping my darkness from blackening the day outside the iron gates. I shiver. I shiver for the first time in a long time.

  But just as the shivers stops, I sit taller. My fingers stop twitching and thoughts of gruesome lovely things bounce around my head and tickle my mind with possibilities.

  ***

  The days blur together. I don’t even know how many have passed since that day in the boat. Touches, caresses, sweet, cold, refreshing thoughts keep my days occupied. Every once in a while, another feeling rises to the surface in panic, an annoying, nagging voice whispers in my ear. But I shut it out. It ruins the deliciousness of dreams.

  I go to school because Nanan would ask too many questions otherwise. I have one more exam to take. Instead of answering the questions, I draw pictures in the corners, pictures of faces I don’t even recognize. In the hallways, I see the kids and they all make me squirm. I could teach them a lesson, teach them all to cower. I smirk whenever someone looks at me too long and their gaze skitters away.

  And then there is Dominic. He eases away any building anxiety with touches and kisses.

  Jade. Jade…Jade!

  Come back to me, child… Come back.

  Two distinct voices call out to me. When I hear them, I feel uneasy, weak. I feel like there is some ridiculous foreign element trying to control me and I don’t want to be controlled.

  But then… there is something so familiar about those voices. Something so necessary, urgent, and comforting… I squeeze my eyes shut. Fear is taking hold. What am I forgetting? The haze lifts for a moment, but then…

  A movement behind me wraps me up in two large, muscled arms.

  The rush unsettles me, it meanders through me, licking its way across my skin, my veins, my core. I avert my eyes, unsure of what he can see, unsure of what I want him to see. His fingers tease me like a feather—light and sweet as a breath. The tumble of feeling is not a breath at all, it’s a whirlwind of want, of desire, of something new and foreign to me and I both want to resist and give in and fly away in its turbulence.

  My eyes flutter close. I want this feeling to go away. Skin to skin. Lips to lips. Tongue to tongue. The images flash in my mind so I snap my eyes open because this boy looking at me seems a less dangerous sight. I am wrong though, and I know it. He leans in closer to me. I lean back—with considerable effort. His mouth quirks up on one side. Damn that mouth. That simple, subtle movement brings my eyes to them and I can’t help but wonder what they feel like.

  “You really shouldn’t resist so much.” His mouth moves. It takes me a moment to register his words in my brain and I look up at him. His amused eyes are penetrating.

  “Why not?” I say, the words thin as my resolve to resist.

  “I think you know why.” He holds my wrists and creeps his fingers, twirling in their little circles, up my arms.

  Desire. I desire him.

  And that shames me.

  I step away from him. “Haven’t you ever heard you shouldn’t touch a lady without her permission?”

  “Oh, I have.” He says, slanting his body toward me, his breath cool against my face. “Permission is written all over a girl’s face when I touch her. And you, Jade, are no exception.”

  I flush and turn away.

  He pulls me back and pins me against the locker. “And worse comes to worse, I take what I want.” His voice is a growl on my skin.

  His mouth comes down hard across my lips. I gasp against them, pulling back. His lips trail down my jaw and neck. My body wants to respond, wants to give back. But I don’t want to. My eyes open and a few lockers down I see a pair of amber eyes watching me. His face is open and honest and hurt. For a moment, I try pushing Dominic back. Connor. I need to go to Connor. But as Connor’s face becomes guarded, a flicker inside of me cools and I feel mischievous and cruel. I keep my eyes on Connor and nip on Dominic’s ear before pulling his face back to mine and I kiss him back, fiercely.

  When I flick my eyes back to Connor and see his glow fade to gray and wispy, I smile.

  Inside me, a little voice whispers, “It’s almost time.”

  Chapter 58

  Connor

  It shouldn’t hurt so much; it shouldn’t tear at my chest and make my skin taut with anger or jealousy. I shouldn’t want to be the one kissing her. But I am and I do, even though I try lying to myself. When I see Jade and Dominic kissing I feel like a knife is swiping a clean slice into me. This is what drives me forward on the track. I shouldn’t even be on this damn track. Jade had stuffed the Track Tryout flyer in my messenger bag weeks ago. But running is the only thing that feels right. I ignore the stragglers, the jabs from the jocks, everyone. I blot them out and run, run so fast until no one is anywhere close to me. They are all behind me, far behind me. When I cross the finish line, I keep running, I run off the school property, I run and run until I am panting up my steps and slamming my bedroom door behind me.

  I walk into my room and yell something indiscernible—I don’t even know if it was meant to be words or a growl. I bang my head against the wall two, three times before sliding to plop on the floor.

  Why do her eyes have to be so green and familiar? Why does Mom feel the loss too? Why do the nightmares come every night? Am I going crazy?

  I rub my temples. Yes, I must be going crazy.

  “Ahem.”

  I snap my head up to the sound of a strange voice. An old man with white hair sits quietly on my desk chair. Legs crossed, a fancy walking stick balanced on his lap.

  I scramble to my feet. “Who the hell are you?” I say, “Get out of my room.”

  “Babe? Everything ok in there?” Mom calls.

  The man puts his index finger to his mouth. I narrow my eyes at him.

  You have questions, young man. I have answers.

  I hear a low voice in my head and I stumble back against the wall. I stare at him. His mouth didn’t move at all. I swallow hard. I open my mouth to yell, but the man transforms, morphing into a huge pointy eared cat, lunges and blocks the doorway. The cat slowly shakes his gray head. I bite back a scream.

  “Hon?” I hear my mom taking a step onto the stairs.

  “Yeah, yeah Mom. Everything is fine. I just—stubbed my toe.”

  The cat’s head cocks to one side.

  I roll my eyes and shrug, hands up as if to express, What am I supposed to say?

  He nods.

  “Okay hon. Just let me know if you need anything.”

  “Sure thing, Mom.”

  In a flash, the cat is an old man again sitting in the chair. I stare at him and take a few steps back. What was happening to my normal, depressing life?

  “Your mother loves you very much.”

  “Don’t talk about my mother.” I say in an angry whisper. “Talk about why the hell you are in my room. And, and…” The words are a jumbled mess in my throat. What do you say to an old man who turns into an animal in your room?

  “Your concern is understandable. You see, we have a very similar interest and I am here to offer you answers and, in turn, ask you for a favor.”

  “I have no clue who you are. I am not making any deals with you.”

  “I am Lynx.” He says.

  I roll my eyes and slap my palm to my forehead. “Of course you are. How original.” An old man who turns into a big cat called Lynx.

  “And I knew your father.” Lynx says.

  Okay, now I’m paying att
ention. “You knew my father?”

  “Yes. And I know he left you a message. A very important message.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because, I’m the one who told him to write it.”

  “She’s coming for you? You told him to write that? You knew about Jade?”

  “He wasn’t speaking about Jade.” He says, “Jade is someone both you and I care about. He was warning you against an evil.”

  I snort. This is crazy. “What? Jade is evil or possessed or whatever. Have you not seen the whole black eyes, trying to kill people thing? How could you care about something that does terrible things? Evil things?”

  “ It is a very good question, Connor.” He leans his elbows on his knees, “How do you love someone like that?”

  “I have no idea.” I shrug, trying for nonchalance.

  The old man purses his lips. “You and I both know that isn’t true. She left her mark on you and, no matter how hard you try, you can’t erase it. There is a part of you that still loves Jade just as there is a part deep inside of her that loves you.”

  “That’s ridiculous. First off, I could never love a potential murderer. And secondly, she’s off with Dominic now. He can deal with her craziness.”

  “So, when you see Dominic kiss her, you don’t feel anything?”

  “No.” I snap.

  “No?” He raises his eyebrows and waits. The silence is heavy.

  “I—I—that is irrelevant.”

  “Is it?” He taps three fingers on his lips.

  “Yes it is. Now are you here to tell me anything important? Or should you be on your way?”

  “I have many important things to tell you.” He sits back in his chair.

  I wait, impatient. “Well?”

  “What are your questions?”

  “I don’t know… What did my Dad try to tell me? What the hell is happening? Why the hell did—” I stop myself, unable to say the words aloud. Why did I fall in love with a monster?

  “All very valid questions. Your father wanted to tell you something was coming. Dejanira is coming.”

  Huh? “Wait, who the hell is Dejanira?”