by Bonnie Dee
“What are you thinking?” Neal brought her back to the present.
“I was wondering what our friend Adya is up to. We’ve all texted and left messages, but nobody’s heard from her in a while. We’re all a little worried.”
“Maybe she’ll show up at this wedding unannounced. Some people are just bad about returning messages.”
“Maybe.”
Since there was nothing she could do about Adya short of hiring a private investigator, Graci put her worries aside and refocused her attention on the romantic walk with a guy she was becoming increasingly attached to. The wake of a powerboat passing on the river left the reflected lights of the city in rippling pools of color like an Impressionist painting.
They stopped walking to watch. And then to kiss. Neal’s arms went around her, pulling her snugly to him. His cold lips met hers, and heat filled Graci. Other evening strollers passed them. A jogger pounded by, and someone walking a dog, but she and Neal were cocooned in a little bubble of their own.
After several moments, or maybe much longer, he pulled away, leaving her with a final kiss on the tip of her nose. “It’s freezing out here. Let’s go get something to eat. I have a spot in mind.”
“Sure,” she agreed, but she wasn’t even hungry. Her body felt loose and floating, yet tense with need at the same time. How could she even think of eating?
****
“Now don’t get mad at me, but I’ve got a little surprise for you,” Neal warned her, as they entered the wonderfully warm restaurant and bar.
“What kind of surprise? Surprises shouldn’t make a person mad.” She looked around the place for some clue, but only saw booths and tables and busy waitstaff.
“You’ll see.”
He led her into the bar and to an empty table. One look at the raised platform with a microphone, a couple of speakers and a screen warned her what was in store.
“Oh no, no, no. Is that a karaoke machine?”
“I’m helping you with your list.” He held out her chair while she sat.
Graci dropped into the seat with a thump. “You don’t understand how the list works. I’m in charge of it. I decide when I’m ready to do the things on it.”
“How did the cake decorating go, by the way?”
“We did cupcakes for the first class. Mine looked like someone vomited roses on them, big sloppy roses, not tiny cute buds like everyone else was doing. That’s all the failure I can handle for one week. I’m not ready to sing in public.”
His happy grin showed that he didn’t comprehend her fear one tiny bit. “No one ever feels ready. You just do it. And I’ll be up there right beside you, singing with you. It’ll be fun.”
“Fun is very subjective,” she grumbled.
While Neal ordered and consumed a large burger, Graci picked at a salad and watched singers take the stage. They ranged from the very talented to the cringeworthy, singles and duos and small groups of drunken friends bellowing loudly.
“You see? I told you everybody’s just here to have fun. There’s no one you have to impress,” Neal pointed out after a giggling pair of girls muddled their way through a rendition of No Scrubs.
“I see, but there are still grasshoppers in my stomach,” Graci whined. “I used to nearly have a panic attack when I had to deliver a speech in class back in the day. I’m not a get up in front of people sort of person.” She took another sip of beer, but the alcohol gave her no false courage.
“Our turn.” Neal rose and held out his hand.
“What? When did you sign us up? What song are we singing?” Terror rampaged through her like a knife-wielding killer in a slasher flick.
Neal pulled her to her feet and gazed into her eyes. “Trust me.”
She took a deep breath and blew it out. I’m New Graci tonight. This is no big deal. New Graci finds the fun in everything and embraces challenges.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
She stepped onto the tiny stage and Neal handed her a microphone. He whispered, “Don’t look at the people. Look at that exit sign in the back, or at me.”
“Tell me I at least know this song,” she murmured back.
“Trust me. You know it.”
As the cheerful melody began, Graci started smiling before the first words even came on the screen. True to his word, Neal sang right along with her. “It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears. It’s a world of hopes, it’s a world of fears…”
When they reached the refrain, everyone in the place joined in. “It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all.”
She glanced over at Neal, rocking out to Disney, and joy bubbled up inside her, driving away the last of her fears. This was like singing Happy Birthday with a group. There was nothing scary about it at all. Other voices supported hers and carried her along, and Neal held her hand as they sang together.
Graci started laughing, so Neal carried the second verse alone, but she rejoined him on the next chorus. As she gazed at the wonderful, amazing, funny, kind, sexy man beside her and sang the ridiculous yet oddly moving ditty, something happened. A feeling swelled inside her, something much more than attraction or liking or lust. It was the sort of feeling that could mean real trouble. Her heart expanded and reached out. As though feeling the tendrils touching him, Neal looked at her, and they clicked. Connection made.
But almost immediately, Graci began to tear it down. She couldn’t fall for him. She wasn’t ready to place that kind of trust and faith in a man again so soon. What had happened to her vow to keep things light? If every date with Neal was going to end up with her getting in deeper, she needed to completely put the brakes on.
Catching her negative vibe, Neal frowned. All the fizzy joy drained from Graci as if a plug had been pulled.
“It’s a small world after all, it’s a small, small world,” she sang without a smile.
Chapter Nine
Graci’s eyes glazed over, and her lips hurt from being stuck in an “I’m listening” half smile for the past twenty minutes. Her date’s mouth was moving and words continued to flow out, but he may as well have been speaking in tongues. Luckily, Martin Sonneville didn’t seem aware of her inattention as he continued to offer her very good tips on how to better manage her money. Was this a date or a financial seminar?
She’d met Martin through a mutual friend at a party last year. Joey hadn’t gone with her. Had he really been working late, or was he already involved with Tessa, even then? Flattered by Martin’s flirtatious attention that night, Graci looked up his number when she decided to seek someone other than Neal to date.
And here it came again, ready for instant replay, the conversation about nonexclusivity she’d had with Neal. How could she concentrate on anything Martin said with that scene playing on a repeating loop in her mind?
SCENE: End of karaoke date. Walking back to car. NEAL takes GRACI’s hand but she pulls away.
NEAL: What’s the matter? Are you upset because I pushed you into singing? I’m sorry. I was trying to be supportive.
GRACI: (shakes head) No. You were right. It was fun. That’s not the problem.
NEAL: You want to tell me what is?
GRACI: (gestures back and forth between them) This. This is what’s wrong. We’re getting too close. I told you I’m not ready for another relationship.
NEAL: (frowns) And I agreed. No commitment. Just dating.
GRACI: Except it doesn’t feel like just dating. I’m already too into you. Right now I should be going out on lots of dates. Experimenting a little.
NEAL: (coolly) So you’re saying you want to see other people. (pause) Well, we never said we’d be exclusive. If that’s what you want…
GRACI: (stops and faces him) It might not be what I want, but it’s what I need. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I just…like you too much.
NEAL: (smiles slightly) And that’s a bad thing?
GRACI: (serious) Right now, it is.
END SCENE
In the end, Neal had agreed w
ith her. He was always so agreeable. She almost wished he’d dug in his heels and told her he liked her too much to back off. In fact, it kind of hurt that he’d given her what she’d asked for—her freedom. Selfish Graci, wanting to have it both ways. But as unreasonable as it was, she couldn’t help how she felt.
Martin had stopped speaking at last. Graci jerked her attention back to the present.
“I’m boring you.” The very attractive man tilted his head and regarded her. His dark hair was slightly gray at the temples. In his well-tailored suit with salon-perfect hair, he oozed suave confidence.
“No. Not at all.” She smiled and shook her head. “I’m just…a little distracted.”
He smiled, flashing beautiful white teeth, not a crooked one in the lot. “By what?” Leaning across the table a little, he lowered his voice. “Maybe you’re not here to talk. Is there something else you had in mind?”
The innuendo was clear, as was his interest in moving on from lunch to something more intimate. Was this how nooners happened? Could she be the sort of woman who would take a sex break in the middle of the day?
“I have to admit, I was surprised to hear from you after all this time,” Martin said. “I’m glad you called.”
“I was involved with someone. Now I’m not,” Graci answered succinctly. And why was it that after only a few dates with Neal and despite the talk about nonexclusivity, she felt as if she wasn’t telling the entire truth?
Martin smiled. “That’s good.” He glanced down at his coffee cup, then back up at her. “How would you feel about stopping by my place? I can make you a much better cup of coffee than this.”
She noticed his hand holding the cup, nails manicured and buffed, a complete contrast to Neal’s broken-nailed fingers that could conjure magic out of a keyboard…or her body.
Frowning, she forced those thoughts away. Perhaps she could only remove Neal from her mind by being with someone else. She felt a little queasy as she finally answered Martin’s question. “Um, sure. Why not?”
Inside, a tiny voice that sounded far too much like her mother clamored are you crazy? Tell him no. This is not who you are, Graciela. Not who she had been, but New Graci did all sorts of unexpected things, including following a handsome older man out of a restaurant and back to his high-rent apartment.
She could control this. She didn’t have to go any further than she wanted to. That was what she promised herself as she commented on the décor of his living room and the panoramic view of the river.
Martin came up behind her and put a hand on her waist. “Still want that coffee?” he whispered near her ear. His breath tickled her cheek. It smelled like mint rather than the lunch they’d just eaten. He’d popped a breath freshener on the drive here. How thoughtful. How practiced. She wondered how many times he’d stood in this exact spot standing just behind a woman and gazing at the view while his hand slid slowly up and down her side, fingers barely grazing the underside of her breast with each stroke.
“I could fix you a drink instead.” His husky murmur made the hairs on her arms rise and her pulse trip along even faster. Never mind that it was only two o’clock. Maybe a drink was what she needed to relax, because her insides were beginning to snarl in knots.
“Sure.”
He squeezed her waist lightly before moving over to the bar. “What do you want?”
“Tanqueray with a twist,” she blurted, because it was the first thing that popped into her mind. She’d never ordered that drink in her life and hated gin. But it sounded cosmopolitan, the sort of drink a woman who did this sort of thing would request.
She was acting a part, something she’d never had to do with Neal.
And she was right back to reliving their last conversation, the final thing he’d said before they parted as he gently touched the side of her face. “I could easily fall for you, but if you’re not ready for it, then I don’t want it either. I want you to be happy, Graci. You deserve to be.”
“Where are you? You’re a million miles away.” A hand caressed her hair and lips pressed against her temple. Oh right. Martin Sonneville, the man she’d come here to possibly screw. It occurred to her she might be losing her mind just a little.
He handed her a drink. One tiny sip told her she hated the stuff. It was like drinking crushed pine needles. Why are you here? What are you trying to prove, Graci? And who are you really trying to prove it to?
“Okay?” he asked.
She smiled, or maybe grimaced. She wasn’t sure what it looked like. “Mm. Good.”
“I don’t mean the drink. I mean you.” He took the glass from her and set it aside, then leaned in and kissed her.
She held absolutely still, submitting to Martin’s expert technique. The man knew how to use his tongue, not too pushy, not too wet, she observed with clinical detachment.
And she felt nothing at all.
Martin’s hands wandered over her body, stroking, kneading, urging her toward response. His kisses were long and slow and enticing.
And she still felt nothing.
Except for one thing. Graci turned her face away and pushed against his chest. “I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to waste your time.”
If Martin was disappointed at her refusal, he barely showed it, just wiped the dampness of kisses from his lips and cleared his throat. “No, I’m sorry. Apparently I misread the situation.”
“You didn’t. I thought this was what I wanted, but it’s not. Thanks for lunch. And the financial tips.” She searched for some smooth way out. There wasn’t one. “It was nice seeing you again. Good-bye.”
He walked her to the door. “You have my number. Call sometime if you change your mind.”
Graci groaned in relief after the door closed behind her.
Another false start. Was she just a tease who got men worked up then left them hanging? Clearly she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be with anyone, not a random hookup, and certainly not Neal. That vow she’d made to lose her virginity before Bree’s wedding was utterly ridiculous. She’d wanted to prove to herself she was a fully sexual woman who wasn’t afraid to pursue her desires. But maybe time spent alone or with friends was what she needed right now.
If she could find pleasure in her own company and satisfaction in being alone, maybe someday, when the time was right, she could begin to date again, and maybe she’d even find someone as special as Neal. He was the right guy, but at totally the wrong time for her.
****
Several days later, while driving home from her quilting group, Graci finally got a response from Adya, a group text to all of them.
Sorry to be out of touch. I’m fine, but doubt I can make your wedding, Bree. Congrats. So happy for you. Love you all.
It seemed Adya had simply moved on and put the friends from her childhood behind her. Not everyone wanted to stay in touch with their past.
Graci certainly didn’t want to stay in touch with the parts that included Joey. He’d called her the other night, well after two in the morning, waking her from a sound sleep. Sloppy drunk and in tears, he’d begged for another chance. Apparently Tessa had proven less than reliable, and he wanted good old dependable Graci back. For a second, she’d felt a twinge at the sheer misery in Joey’s voice. Then she realized the feeling was disgust, not sympathy, and she’d hung up.
Triumph surged through her, energizing her too much to go back to sleep. After jumping out of bed, she went to her sewing area and began piecing together the quilt she planned to make for Bree’s wedding present. The following day, she’d set her phone to block Joey’s calls.
Now Graci checked her messages and found one from the number that made her heart beat faster. She pulled off the road before she listened to it.
“Hi. It’s me, walking that fine line between charmingly persistent and stalker. I hope I’m on the right side. This will be my last call or text, I swear. I’m trying to keep my distance like you asked, but it’s hard.”
Tears stung h
er eyes and she bit her quivering lip. Neal’s restrained sadness was a lot harder to listen to than Joey’s blubbering.
“I know we agreed to a no-strings, nonexclusive friendship. But I need you to know that I’m not interested in being with anyone else.” He swallowed audibly. “So, there it is. If you’re still interested, call me back. If not, I really do understand.”
Graci replayed the message twice more, tears running freely down her cheeks. Her finger hovered, ready to press Call Back with or without her permission. She quickly deleted the message and pushed the phone into her purse. If she returned his call, she’d break down and agree to get together.
Graci steeled her resolve, recently bolstered by reading a copy of The Newly Single Woman’s Guide to Life. Latching on to a new relationship too soon was number two on the list of things to avoid. Taking back your ex was number one. At least she’d mastered that lesson.
Alone and happy. That was her new motto. But sometimes it was hard to achieve it.
Chapter Ten
“Look what I have here,” Corinne set a box on the coffee table and plopped onto the cream leather couch beside Graci. The stark décor of Corinne’s living room reflected the chic style of its owner. Even in her off-work hours, Corinne always managed to appear impeccable. While Tara and Graci wore sweats and old T-shirts for nighttime lounging, Corinne had on a matched sweat suit, and her long black hair was pulled into a smooth ponytail.
Tara, who’d been sitting on the floor, knelt and pawed through the box. “Aw. Your Tiger Beats! I can’t believe you kept these.” She pulled out a few of the well-thumbed teen magazines featuring mouthwatering hotties and essential news for teenage girls from a dozen years ago.
“Oh. Is he still there? My future husband?” Graci grabbed one of the magazines. “Remember when we all picked out our perfect guy, and Bree and Corinne got into that huge fight over who had rights to Michael Knox from The HeartThrobs? Whatever happened to him?”
“Rehab, and then he did a complete one-eighty and became a preacher. Swear to God. I watched a video from him to his fans.” Corinne leafed through one of the magazines.
