Louis Saha is the Fulham player nearest to me and my Liverpool team-mates Emile Heskey and Igor Biscan are looking to get on the end of any ricochets in and around the penalty area. You make a run into the penalty box and 9 times out of 10 you don’t get the rub of the green. But you have to keep on going and eventually it will turn for you.
Pass Percentage
* * *
I often take risks with my passing. That is just how I play. Nowadays you get statistical analysis of how many passes players attempt, how many are completed and a pass completion percentage. If I am being honest, I don’t take too much notice of them. The figures don’t properly differentiate between a pass that I’m trying to squeeze through the eye of a needle and the safe ball an opponent will play to a team-mate five yards away. I’d rather have a pass completion rate of 73%, but lay on two goals, than make 90% of passes to someone standing within touching distance.
Sheer Joy
* * *
My face says it all. There is no better feeling than scoring for your boyhood team and I have been lucky enough to do it quite a bit over the seasons. I think you can see the passion I have for Liverpool here and just what it means to me to score for them. Usually I find myself drawn instinctively towards where the fans are when I find the back of the net. Maybe it’s the noise that pulls me towards them, but also I am a fan myself. I would be in with the supporters if I wasn’t playing, so to get a result and share it with them is magical.
On the Angle and Goalbound
* * *
Another goal against Bolton and another past Jaaskelainen. I possess a decent range in my finishing now. Whether it is shooting from distance, more delicate efforts from close range or scoring with my head, I fancy myself in and around the penalty area. That confidence just comes over time. When you are a kid, you find it tough to stamp your personality on matches because you are worried about making a mistake. Now I am not afraid to miss. Obviously I’m gutted if a gilt-edged chance goes begging, but make no mistake I’ll be in there for the next one that comes my way, looking to make amends rather than hiding in the shadows.
Sharing the Moment With Someone Special
* * *
Gerard did so much for Liverpool in a short space of time that maintaining those high standards becomes more difficult. Nobody takes into account that other teams improve as well and that the competition to win trophies becomes fiercer. At times, Gerard found himself under pressure and there were the inevitable whispers that he had ‘lost the dressing room’. After a left-foot volley at Anfield, I ran over to embrace him by the dug-out. It was a show of support to him to put all the nonsense to bed, which was the least I could do given everything he did for me.
Trying to Clip the Wings of an All Time Legend
* * *
You have to appreciate what Ryan Giggs has done in his career. His longevity has apparently been helped by yoga, something I have taken up in recent seasons. Whatever the rivalry between Liverpool and Manchester United, I admire Ryan Giggs so much. To think there was a time in his career when his own supporters were booing him, thinking he had come to the end, is just unbelievable.
Putting on the After Burners
* * *
I have ‘history’ with George Boateng, none of which is his fault. He is playing for Middlesbrough here, but it was while he was at Aston Villa that I was guilty of probably the worst tackle I have ever made in a game. It was a horrible challenge, right by the dug-out. I don’t even like speaking about it now. Afterwards, I called him on his mobile to apologise. He was good to me because he could have just slammed the phone down and said he wasn’t interested in what I had to say. We had a chat and he just said that he had mistimed a few challenges in his career and added: ‘Make sure you learn from this.’ The sending-off that day was a turning point for me. I knew I wouldn’t make that sort of tackle again.
These Long Limbs Come in Handy
* * *
I had my growth spurt when I was 15 and 16. I absolutely shot up in size. Thank goodness I did because without adding a few inches to my frame I honestly don’t think I would have played at the top level. I would have had a decent career, but I don’t think I would have made it to the very top. Without a doubt my entire career has benefited from me having such long legs.
They mean I can make tackles and do things other players can’t, I can reach balls that evade opponents and, generally, they add to my dynamism and help me to get around the pitch effectively. Athleticism is a huge part of the modern-day game and it is becoming more and more important. Look at someone like Cristiano Ronaldo. He is so skilful, but athletic too.
In the Spotlight
* * *
My profile has increased over the years as I have achieved more in my career. It is not something that I am totally comfortable with. I’m quite a quiet person, but I understand that it comes with the territory. I know that as captain of Liverpool and now England, I have a responsibility to project myself as a role model and always say and do the right things. Of course that can be hard at times, but the career of a footballer is short and if you are prepared to try to do the right things and make sacrifices the rewards will come. When I was young, Gerard Houllier used to say to all the lads at Liverpool that if we stayed out of nightclubs during our careers, we could own one after we had finished playing. The financial rewards for a Premier League footballer are great, but it has never been about money for me.
A SUMMER OF CHANGE
Within weeks of Gerard leaving, at the end of the 2003–04 season, I found my own future being debated on the backs of newspapers and on Sky Sports News. The mobile phone of my agent, Struan Marshall, was on fire that summer with clubs calling him and asking would I be interested in what I always thought would be the unthinkable: leaving Liverpool.
Chelsea, backed by Abramovich’s millions and with a new manager in Jose Mourinho at the helm, declared the strongest interest, bidding big money for me, something in the region of £35m. But there was foreign interest as well from the likes of Real Madrid, who were also trying to tempt me away from Anfield.
When you receive those kind of phone calls out of the blue, they are flattering in many respects. It is confirmation that you are doing your job properly and that you are making the most of the talent that you have. It becomes a boost to your confidence when one of the biggest clubs in the world looks and thinks: ‘He’s a good player. He can make us better.’
If Liverpool had done well in the Premier League that season, I don’t think the calls would have come. Clubs knew my bond with Anfield and wouldn’t have tried to break that. But when you finish fourth and there is a sense of uncertainty, the vultures circle and look to feast on your insecurities and make the most of the opportunity that is before them.
No one had really called Struan before in my career, but now he had people telling him they’d give me huge pay rises and how great it would be for me to join them. The situation didn’t help my performances at Euro 2004 that summer with England. I like to be able to concentrate solely on playing football when I am away with England without any outside interference, but everywhere I went someone wanted to ask me about my future.
In my mind, it was simple. I wanted to stay at Liverpool, but questions needed to be asked. I wouldn’t say my head was turned by the interest from elsewhere, but I did want Struan to speak to Liverpool and see what their goals and ambitions were, especially in the aftermath of Gerard leaving. For example, would there be funds available for team strengthening? It was clear that we needed some new blood if we were going to get back to being competitive again.
As much as I love Liverpool, I want to win. I am a footballer and I want to do well in my career and savour as many highs as I can cram in. Of course, I want that to be at Liverpool, but if they could not offer me the reassurances that I was looking for then you naturally think about the future. Thankfully, the answers I wanted were forthcoming and in order to clarify my future I held a press conference at Anfield sayin
g that I would be staying and leading the quest for new trophies.
It was a weight off my mind. I was 24 at the time, my first daughter, Lilly-Ella, had been born in the February of that year and I had moved to the outskirts of Liverpool.
I was settled off the pitch and to uproot everyone, and everything, would have been a huge commitment. There was also the fact that I had only been the captain of Liverpool for one year to take into consideration. Why throw all that away?
Being honest, there have been times since when I thought harder about leaving. Chelsea renewed their interest in me a year later, while the prospect of playing abroad has crossed my mind on a few occasions, more so at the ages of 28–30.
If I ever did leave England, and I can’t see it happening now, then Spain would have been my destination. I watch the La Liga games on television when I can and there is something about the football there that appeals to me. Barcelona have made contact in the past. There have been a few phone calls to check what the situation is with me, whether I am happy or not at Liverpool, but there has never been any concrete interest from them.
When Malaga were taken over by backers from Qatar a couple of years ago, they also sounded me out. They wanted to know whether I would be willing to sign up for their project and offered me all sorts of riches.
More recently Bayern Munich and Paris St Germain have also made it known that they were interested in signing me.
Yet the strongest interest from Spain has always come from Real Madrid, who were keen to take me to the Bernabeu. When you see the stands in that stadium towering towards the heavens it is awe-inspiring and Real are one of the biggest, if not the biggest, clubs in the world.
Back in 2004, they did raid Liverpool. It was for Michael Owen rather than me. Losing Michael was a huge blow for the club and also on a personel level. He was someone I had played alongside since we were kids at the Vernon Sangster Sports Centre just setting out on our careers. I knew his runs, exactly where he wanted the ball and I knew he was a player we would find hard to replace. Michael had one year on his contract and was more impatient than me for change. He wanted to get on in his career and found the lure of Real too hard to turn down.
As it was, I was starting to see things from a Spanish perspective as well. But in order to do so I didn’t need to leave Liverpool. It was all about the man who had taken over at Anfield and who I hoped was going to take us to the next level. That man was Rafa Benitez.
* * *
“In my mind, it was simple. I wanted to stay at Liverpool, but questions needed to be asked.”
* * *
HOLA, SIGNOR BENITEZ
Within half an hour of meeting Rafa Benitez for the first time, it became apparent that Liverpool would be doing things differently from now on and that I would have to get used to some changes as well.
Gerard Houllier is a man-manager. Someone who loves his players, supports his players, embraces them and wants them to be close to him. Rafa was the opposite.
After being appointed by Liverpool, he requested a meeting with myself, Jamie Carragher and Michael Owen when we were out at Euro 2004 in Portugal. We met him one Friday night at the team hotel and straight away you could notice the difference. He was hands-off and there was going to be a bit of distance between the players and the manager. It didn’t matter who you were, a big player or just starting out, the team was all-important. Everyone had to pull in the same direction.
Perhaps that approach is exactly what I needed at that stage of my career, but when you are used to the love and a bit of TLC the change in emphasis was hard for me to accept at first. As it went on, I quite liked the fact that Rafa kept his cards close to his chest and didn’t involve me in things as much as Gerard had. I wondered what he thought of me and, as a result of that, it drove me on to impress in every training session and in every game. I wanted him to turn round and embrace me and I thought the breakthrough would come and we would grow close – that a close relationship between the manager and the captain would develop over time. It didn’t happen – though not in a bad way, and that’s fine.
I had a successful time under Rafa and as you get older you realise football isn’t about friends. It isn’t about being loved. It isn’t about everyone being nice to you. If the manager is distant and does things a different way from the manager before, but we are successful, then bring it on. I’m cool about that. If a manager doesn’t speak to me for four years but we win five or six trophies, I will happily take that over a manager who speaks to me every day but under whom we win nothing. It is about results. And I was sure we could get them under Rafa.
Liverpool had played his former club Valencia a couple of times in the Champions League and I liked their style. They were well organised, but played good football at the same time. I also liked the way Rafa looked on the sidelines. I like managers in suits and when they are out in the technical area trying to give instructions and influence the game. I just think it looks good and it offers a sense of reassurance to the players if a game isn’t going well.
Gerard had looked to France for a lot of his signings and despite leaving had put in place a deal for us to sign Djibril Cisse, who had scored lots of goals for Auxerre and who would now become even more important given Michael’s departure.
Understandably, Rafa turned to the Spanish market he knew well and signed Luis Garcia, Xabi Alonso and Josemi. Antonio Nunez came as part of the deal that took Michael to Real Madrid. Straight away I could see that Xabi had a touch of class about him. His passing range was great, but he was tough as well. He would have no problems settling into English football.
Luis was someone who could inspire one minute and frustrate the next, but he scored some important goals for us. Given the amount of changes that took a hold in the first months of the season – Cisse also broke his leg – it was perhaps no wonder that our form in the Premier League was inconsistent.
In a one-off game we were a match for anyone and that revealed itself in the cup competitions. We reached the Carling Cup Final against Chelsea in Cardiff and while it is an occasion I would rather forget it is one that will live with me forever. For all the wrong reasons.
Given that Chelsea had tried to sign me the previous summer, this was a game that had an extra edge to it even without the fact there was a trophy at stake as well. Then there was Jose Mourinho who had started to wind up the Liverpool supporters during the game by putting his finger to his lips and ‘sssh-ing’ them. It was a final that none of us wanted to lose. We had started well with Fernando Morientes scoring early on and were minutes from getting our hands on the Cup when I looked to clear a free-kick that had been pumped into our penalty area. Instead of heading the ball away, it skimmed the top of my head and flew into the back of our net.
Devastation. Total numbness. This. Cannot. Be. Happening. In that split-second the momentum of the match changed. Chelsea forged ahead in extra time and to compound my misery I was millimetres from getting an equaliser. The ball was played across the box and it just passed by in front of my toe. When the final whistle sounded and Chelsea’s players celebrated a 3–2 win, I have never had a worse moment in football.
I held my hand up in the dressing room straight away afterwards and my team-mates rallied round, but it was a long journey home and a long, long night.
You feel sorry for yourself, you sulk, you walk through the door at home and feel totally alone and that’s when you want everyone to fuss you.
The disappointment will never vanish and it still hurts talking about that moment all these years on. When I think of myself going up for that header and slightly mistiming my jump, a shiver goes down my spine. I was gutted for a long time after that game, but you cannot hide away. We lost on a Sunday, but by Monday night I knew I had to start fighting again.
There were a lot of fans at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium that day who went home realising that it was an accident. But there were also Liverpool fans in the ground who, given the link with Chelsea, saw my own goal
as some sort of grand conspiracy and gave me the height of abuse.
I know because members of my family were in the crowd and were forced to listen to the vitriol. Driving into our training ground at Melwood in the aftermath I knew I couldn’t change the past, but I also knew I could make amends in the future.
Redemption proved to be around the corner.
* * *
“It is about results. And I was sure we could get them under Rafa.”
* * *
Putting the Laces Through the Ball
* * *
The red boots I’m wearing are a rarity because I prefer standard black boots. I don’t like putting any undue pressure on myself by having all fancy colours. But they didn’t let me down with this free-kick which flew past Portsmouth’s David James in front of the Kop. I’ve always been willing to step forward and take a free-kick. The confidence to do so comes from having the captain’s armband on, the trust of my team-mates and also not being scared to take criticism if the ball flies 20 yards over the crossbar.
I’ll Eat My Shirt!
* * *
Although I’ve been guilty of kissing the badge before, I don’t like seeing players do it – especially when they have done it at other clubs, too. This is a variation I have tried once or twice. On this occasion it was after scoring a free-kick against Everton. I suppose I’m just trying to show how much playing for Liverpool means to me. John Arne Riise looks like he is about to smother me. He is a great friend and was a really good player for Liverpool. I think we found it difficult to replace him when he left in 2008. He’s a player with great energy, great athleticism and is excellent on the ball. It was John’s cross that led to my header against AC Milan in Istanbul.
Steven Gerrard: My Liverpool Story Page 7
