by Saundra
Secret yelled my name, getting my attention as Rico released me. I turned in the direction I had heard her voice. The light in her eyes and the smile on her face had me anxious. “She opened her eyes . . . Penny is awake.”
“Really?” I rushed over to her, and we both ran down the hall back toward Penny’s room. I stopped for a moment, almost forgetting Rico. “I’ll call you, okay.” Without waiting on his response, I continued down the hall, making huge strides.
Chapter 37
Secret
My prayers had finally been answered; Penny was wide awake; she had been for a full day. The only thing she had said was she wanted some ice. Other than that, she just kept looking around the room at us or stared at the television. Erica had tried everything she could to get her to talk, but still she had said nothing. The doctor had assured us the day before that it was normal for her to be quiet and a bit withdrawn from the pure shock of the trauma she had experienced. I tried to understand that, but I couldn’t help but wish that she would say something. But even if she wasn’t ready to talk, I made sure I talked to her. I told her that we had been there with her the whole time and never left her alone.
The doctor was back today to give a status report on her progress. But I wasn’t even sure what that could be. To my frustration, nothing had changed. I asked him if we could speak outside the room. Isis accompanied me.
“Listen, I understand what you said the other day. But I don’t get it, she’s been woke for two days now. And I have talked to her, her best friend tried, and Isis here. And still she doesn’t mumble spit, besides ask the nurse for some fucking ice,” I screeched.
“Secret, calm down,” Isis said in a gentle tone. I wanted to keep it together, but it was becoming more difficult to control my frustration.
“I get it all right. I do. But it’s like I told you yesterday and in the beginning. She has been through a lot. We can only see her wounds; we can’t see her pain. However, as a doctor I have seen these types of things time and time again. Now with that being said physically she will heal. Mentally it might take time. Again, she’ll talk when she’s ready.”
I bit my lip bottom lip so hard I could taste the salty makings of blood. I wanted to scream at him and punch him in his damn mouth for repeating the same thing to me. But I knew he was telling me the truth. I wiped the tears that I hadn’t even noticed had once again taken over my face until the cool breeze from the hallway frosted them. I gathered my composure and went back in the room to Penny. The last thing I wanted her to do was to see me a mess. I needed her to know that she was safe. And I if was crying, she might think I was afraid and wouldn’t be able to protect her.
I walked back over to the bed with the plan to adjust her pillows for more comfort. With her eyes glued to mine, I was hopeful she was ready to talk. “Who’s Rupp?” slid out of her mouth, which stopped me dead in my tracks. I’m even sure my heart stopped beating. I knew exactly who she was speaking of, but what I didn’t know was how she knew his name. Tears, thick tears cascaded down Penny’s face in such a manner my eyelids began to burn as my tears ran like water. I instantly wiped my face again. I had to be strong.
My teeth clenched tight. I asked. “Did he do this to you?”
“Who is he?” she screamed at me with so much force she pounded the bed with her hands. Isis rushed over to Penny and tried to calm her down.
I didn’t know what to say to her. I felt as if someone had just run me over with an eighteen-wheeler truck. Her eyes burned a hole through me. I had never seen her so angry in my entire life. “He is someone I used to know.” I glanced at Isis as if she could help me explain.
Penny sighed, “Hmmph.” Turning her eyes away from me, she focused them on the television overhead.
The feeling of hate that I had for Rupp at the moment was indescribable. “Isis, stay with Penny. I’ll be back.”
Chapter 38
Secret
I nearly crashed into two nurses as I rounded the corner trying to make it outside to use my cell phone to call Kirk. Once outside, it didn’t even dawn on me to find Kirk’s name in my contacts; instead I went to my keypad and dialed his number like a crazy person. Until that moment I had no idea that I even knew his number by heart.
He answered on the first ring. “What’s good?”
I could feel my emotions trying to take over even before I started talking, but I fought them back. This was no time for crying. I had done enough of that. I had to be strong. This shit was no punk matter. “It was Rupp . . . the motherfucker that did this shit to Penny was Rupp,” I repeated. And I prayed he heard me, because I did not want to repeat that again.
“You got to be fuckin’ bullshittin’ me. That motherfucker?” He was clearly floored.
“He did this to her to get back at me?” It was hard for me to control the tremble in my voice.
“Aye, keep yo’ cool, a’ight. Don’t you worry about nothin’. I got you.”
That’s all I needed to hear. I ended the call with the certainty that justice would prevail. But the thought of that asshole touching and beating Penny was enough to cut my breath off. And to know that it was all my fault would scar me for life. Rupp was a dude from Philly I was enlisted to set up to be robbed during our old gig. And now he was back to settle the score with an unthinkable plot of revenge. What we had done to him was wrong, but Penny had no part in that and didn’t deserve what he had done to her. Unable to control it, I buckled over and my stomach spilled all over onto the ground. What had I done to my own sister? I had done bad things, and she paid for them. My past had come back to haunt me but found my baby sister instead. Would Penny ever be able to forgive me for putting her in harm’s way?
A young black nurse with burgundy hair must have witnessed me spill my guts on the ground. She rushed over to me. “Ma’am, are you okay? Let me help you inside.” She gently touched my arm, but I snatched it away. I didn’t want her or anybody touching me.
“Thanks, but I’m fine.” I refused her help.
“Well, at least come inside and let me help you get cleaned up.”
“Bitch, I said I’m okay,” I barked with contempt, but it really wasn’t personal. People had to learn when to mind their own business. I needed to get back inside to Penny. Taking small steps, I walked away.
By the time I got back to the room, Penny was asleep. Isis was still standing at her bedside just as I had asked.
“The nurses came in and gave her something to help her rest. I think she was fightin’ it, but she finally closed her eyes.”
“We should talk.” I signaled her to step out in the hallway with me.
“What the fuck, Secret. Who the fuck is Rupp?”
“He’s one of the clients that Kirk booked and I set up to be robbed,” I admitted. Her eyes bulged.
“Damn, he figured it out. So this some revenge shit?” I nodded my head in agreement.
“Where is that nigga from? And how in the fuck did he track you here and find Penny?”
“He was from Philly, or least he has a crib there, because that’s where the hit was. I have no fuckin’ idea how he found us, but the fact of the matter is he did.” The look in Isis’s eyes told me exactly what she was thinking. If he could find me, it was possible for anybody we had set up to find either one of us. “This shit is my fault for real.” Again the tears started. I was so damn tired of crying that I could scream. Isis reached out and hugged me tight.
I couldn’t stop sniffing from all the crying I had been doing. Taking a step back, I looked at all the nurses and people passing through the hallways. I wondered how they handled the bad things that happened to them. I knew that everyone had problems, and even if these people didn’t seem as devastated as I was at that moment, the coping with shit was normal. Lucky for me, I knew that some bad things that happened to you could be handled with revenge. I turned to Isis. “Fuck that nigga, though; I just made that call to Kirk and he gon’ dead this shit. Period.” I wanted to be matter-of-fact. No mistakes
needed to be made about it. Ashes to ashes was what it meant for anybody who ever decided it was okay to fuck with my family.
“It’s on then,” Isis agreed. I had to give it to her: for the most part she was a nonviolent person, but when it came to family she didn’t cut the deck. I remembered when we were sixteen years old two girls tried to jump me. Isis jumped in and beat one of the chicks up, busting her eye, then a third chick came out of nowhere trying to hit me with a bat. Isis picked up a bottle, broke the end off, ran up on her, and sliced her face. And that shit was a wrap: to this day them bitches won’t even look in my direction. Simply put, Isis was a motherfucking G when it came down to it. But I guess we both were.
“Aye, I’m tired, so I know you tired; you been here the entire time. So why don’t you go home, take a shower, get some rest, and come back tomorrow with a change of clothes for me.”
“You sure you gon’ be a’ight?”
“Yeah, I got this. I’m gon’ make sure Penny straight and don’t upset herself.”
“A’ight, well, call me if you need me. But I’ll be back first thing in the morning.”
“No doubt. I’ll keep you posted.”
Chapter 39
Secret
We were finally home from the hospital, and damn, was I happy to be away from the cold, depressing environment that the hospital carried. Plus, now that we were home Penny could begin her healing process. But we had been home for two days and still she wasn’t talking much. Erica had stayed over all night the first night she had come home. They didn’t talk much, but she had said a few things, so I was hopeful. Even if she wasn’t ready to talk to me, I was happy if she talked to someone. I worried that she was still upset with me, and if she was I couldn’t blame her, because it was well deserved. But I knew it wasn’t about me, it was about her, so I was willing to wait.
When I discovered earlier in the day one of our favorite movies, Bad Company with Chris Rock, was coming on, I convinced her that we should have a movie night, which was another one of our favorite things to do. She agreed but only if we watched it in her room. Her room had become her new safe haven; she hadn’t been out of it since she came home. She had a full bathroom in her bedroom, so other than getting out of bed to take a shower or pee, she was otherwise glued to her bed. Her eating habits were still not the best, either; the only thing she would eat was Snickers bars.
But since the movie had come on, she was eating the extra-butter popcorn that I had popped. I wasn’t sure if she was enjoying the movie or not, but when Chris Rock went into the DJ booth and put on that sad country song, I noticed a smile spread across her face. It was brief, but it did happen.
I couldn’t help but laugh at that part, too. It was always one of my favorite parts. “He knew better than to play that country shit in a club full of turnt-up-ass black folks.” I laughed.
“For real, though,” Penny said. She smiled at me, and my heart almost leaped out of my chest with joy. I practically teared up from pure delight. The ringing of my cell phone interrupted our moment. Kirk’s name was on the caller ID, so I answered. We hadn’t talked in a few days; he didn’t even know Penny was home. I had been too busy with Penny to call him.
“I’ma take this call real quick.” I got up and stepped out of the room. I wasn’t sure what the call was about, so I decided not to have the conversation in front of Penny. “Hey,” I said in a low tone.
“Wha’d up? What’s going on with Penny?” he asked.
“She at the crib. She been here for a few days now.”
“That’s what’s up. I been meaning to call you; shit just been a bit bananas over here. But I’m glad to hear that.”
“Yeah, now it’s time for the real work to begin. She still kinda quiet, and spends a lot of time in her room. And I’m pretty sure she’s not ready to leave this house anytime soon.”
“Li’l sis, everything gon’ work out.”
“I know it will. It’s just hard seeing her like this. But I’m trying to remain positive . . . Oh, I just got a smile out of her a few minutes ago while watching Bad Company.”
“See, I told you. And don’t trip, that situation is a motherfucking wrap,” he stressed. I didn’t need him to repeat it; I knew exactly what he was speaking of, and I was amped. Once again, he had come through for us, and I knew he always would.
“Thank you so much, Kirk, for fuckin’ with Penny and me the long way.”
“No doubt. You all are family. And you know I wouldn’t have it any other way. Believe that.”
“I know . . .” The ringing of the doorbell grabbed my attention. “Aye, but I got to go. Somebody at my door.”
“Cool. I’ma roll through in a day or so. I got a few things on my plate.”
“We’ll be here,” I said, then ended the call. The doorbell rang again. With one eye glued to the peephole, I saw Isis standing there
“I got food.” She held up a brown paper bag from one of our favorite stir-fry food restaurants.
“Why didn’t you use your key?”
“It’s at the house.” She stepped inside
“I thought you were helping Rico out today.” I shut the door behind her.
“Girl, Rico’s ass had me down there working like a slave. Too much paperwork. I told him he needs an assistant, then I broke free.”
“Well, I’m glad you did, ’cause I’m starved for some real food. I made some pancakes and sausage this mornin’, but I didn’t make lunch. I can’t be eating all this food by myself, because Penny has sworn off food.” I all but snatched the bag out of her hand and make a beeline for the kitchen. setting the bag on the kitchen table, I grabbed a few plates out of the cabinet.
“So has Penny been up out that bed yet?” Isis grabbed the silverware out of the drawer.
“Nah, not yet. She was still lounging around in that bed, but she did agree to have movie time today. We in her room watching Bad Company right now.” I reached in the refrigerator and grabbed two Cokes.
“At least she watching television then. But I guess she ain’t gon’ eat none of this stir-fry, huh?”
“Hell, naw, she ain’t, but don’t worry, I’ll eat her portion.” I chuckled. It felt good to be able to laugh. Things weren’t better, but I was starting to have hope that they actually would be.
“You are so greedy. Talkin’ about you can’t be eating all that food alone.” Isis grinned. “I’ma go back speak to Penny real quick. Leave me some food.” She headed toward Penny. I pulled the tab back on my can of Coke and took a huge swig and stood still for a second as the sweet, strong goodness gave me life. I swear it was so good. “That was quick.” I was surprised to see Isis return so quickly.
“She asleep. I’m talkin’ about knocked all the way out.”
“Guess she tired then. She did get up early this morning, and been up all day. Well . . .” I sighed. “Let’s take this food into the den; we can find a movie.”
Turning on the television, we were shocked to find Set It Off on. “Damn, we lucky our movie on again.” Isis was amped. “I bet Jada and them enjoying these checks comin’ in. ’Cause they been playin’ this movie a lot lately.”
“Umhmm,” I agreed, sliding my first forkful of food into my mouth.
“So what have you been able to get Penny to eat?”
“Shi’d, not much. She did eat a whole Snickers bar, though, and she was eatin’ some of that popcorn I popped for the movie.”
“Sounds like junk food ain’t the problem, then,” Isis summarized. “But we gotta get her to eat some real food, though.”
“For real. We also gotta figure out a way to get her up outta that damn room, and next, this house. She can’t stay cooped up in here forever.”
Isis looked deep in thought, then a smile appeared on her face. “I know what we can do, we can take her on vacation. I’m sure she would love getting out of Florida for a minute. I know I would.”
“Yeah, that’s dope A. I’m wit’ it.” I was glad she had come up with that idea. Thi
s would be so good for Penny, it could make all the difference. “Bet, I’m going to talk to Penny tonight.”
“Cool. You do that. Next we just need to plan.”
“A’ight. So guess who had the nerve to knock on my motherfuckin’ door today.” I hated to even talk about this; better yet, I wished I could forget, but I had to say something. Isis looked at me, clueless.
“You know I’m not good at guessing this type of stuff. Please just spit it out,” she begged.
“Jackie,” I spit her name out as if some disease was attached to it.
“Wait, she came here? How she get your address?’
“Bitch, now you know we talkin’ about Jackie here. She always got some damn information she shouldn’t have. Except for the shit that she should know. Penny was in the hospital for a damn week, and now she pop her ass up here. Fuck outta here with that.” I was pissed just thinking about it.
“What did Jackie have to say?” Isis was on the edge of her seat.
“She ain’t say shit that matters as usual. Nothin’ but lame-ass excuses as to why she didn’t come. Just some bullshit. I tuned that cramp out.”
“What did you say to Penny? I mean, did you even let Penny see her?” Isis spinned more questions at me.
“Fuck that. I don’t want her in my house. Ever!” I clenched my teeth. “For the life of me, I don’t even know why we went lookin’ for her in the first. She don’t mean us any good, and she has never cared.” Isis shook her head in agreement. “You were there when we were growing up so you know.”
“I know. I remember.” Isis looked in deep thought again. “Damn, our life was fucked . . . Jackie a drunk and Felicia a thief, both willin’ to sacrifice us for their greater good. Or so they thought it was.” To hear her break it down was welcome. It brought back actual memories of specifics.
I pulled out my box with my weed and cigarillo blunts. This trip down memory lane and Jackie fuckery was a legit cause for me to roll up a fat one. “Remember that time Jackie checked me outta school in the fourth grade so that I could go home and watch Penny . . . all so that she could go out and get wasted.” I licked the blunt closed as the memory played in my mind.
