by Ellis, Kay
There were lights on in Tony’s, but he didn’t come out to tell me I was fired, so I decided that was one thing that could wait until morning to be worried about. We trudged up the stairs and into our tiny apartment over the garage. The room was chilly, and regardless of the fact we were both hungry, there was nothing to eat. It seemed our only option was to go straight to bed, and hope we slept despite our rumbling bellies.
We took it in turns to use the bathroom, quickly stripped off our clothes and jumped beneath the covers, shivering. For once, Stef did not curl up in my arms, but lay stiffly on the other side of the bed.
I sighed. “What are you doing all the way over there?”
Stef turned his head. “I thought you were angry with me.”
“I am a bit,” I admitted. “Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, though.”
“When I said that to you, you didn’t believe me,” Stef retorted indignantly.
I smiled a little at that, because it sounded so normal. So like my Stef. He was the only one who got away with bringing attitude when he spoke to me. If anything, it proved he was not afraid of me. Tony and Killigan, and everyone else who said he was could go screw themselves.
“I believe you, Stef,” I said, reaching for him. He scuttled across the bed and into my arms. “But today was not a good day, so fresh start tomorrow, okay? No more secrets. You need to stop hiding stuff from me. Tomorrow, we’re going to sit down and you’re going to tell me exactly who this person is that’s giving you grief.” Stef buried his face in my chest and didn’t answer. “Promise?” I pressed, poking him in the ribs.
“Promise,” was the whispered reply.
I gasped in surprise as his small hand wrapped around my dick. He teased me with gentle but determined strokes, his lips ghosting over my chest with light, delicate kisses. I shuddered pleasurably at his touch, hardening almost instantly beneath his talented touch. It took all of my strength to grab hold of his slender shoulders and push him away.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, but… you don’t have to do this, Stef. Not after all the shit that happened today.”
“I want to,” Stef insisted. “I want you to make love to me.”
“Are you sure?”
My dick, fully on board with the idea, was probably screaming at my brain to stop over-thinking, shut the hell up, and just go with the flow. I couldn’t do that, though. Both of us had had an emotional day, and I wanted to know this was not a knee-jerk reaction to what we’d been through.
“You and me against the world, Boo,” Stef whispered, taking hold of me again.
I gave in, rolling him onto his back. My big body covered his small one, and my lips sought his in the dark. With one hand, I reached beneath the pillow, seeking out the bottle of lube we kept there. I took my time prepping him, wanting to be sure I didn’t hurt him, and also to give him the chance to change his mind if he wanted to. He responded eagerly, however, and made no effort to stop me. Slowly, I pushed inside of him, and he brought his legs up to wrap around my waist. Our bodies melded together with the ease and familiarity if long-term lovers. When we climaxed, it was at the same time, and maybe it wasn’t the most earth-shattering sex we’d ever had, but it was good. Right at that moment, it was what we both needed.
Afterward, we used my t-shirt to clean up before settling down to sleep, Stef tucked tightly into his usual spot against my side.
The next morning, for the second day running, I got up early and moved around our tiny apartment as quietly as possible so that Stef could sleep. I dressed for work, though I didn’t know if I even had a job left to go to. There was always a minuscule chance that Tony would let me explain. He’d give me another final, final warning, but he’d let me stay. I’d behave myself for a few days, and then something or someone would throw a spanner in the works, and off we’d go again. Of course, there was a much larger chance that he would chuck me out for good this time. There was only so far I could push him before even Marcie wouldn’t be able to save my sorry arse.
I opened the door and stopped short, almost coming face to fist with Killigan, poised as he was to knock. He looked as surprised to see me as I felt at finding him on my doorstep. Actually, that wasn’t true. I wasn’t surprised to see him at all. I’d been waiting for him – or rather the whole bloody lot of them – to come rushing to Stef’s defence. So far though, it looked like it was only Killigan and Marcie this trip.
“Alex,” Killigan said stiffly.
“Killigan,” I replied in the same tone.
“I… I mean, we… want to see Stefan.” He peered over my shoulder, trying to see into the apartment.
“He’s asleep.” Casually, I leaned against the door frame to block his view. “And I’m going to work, so you’ll have to come back later.”
Killigan narrowed his eyes in an obvious attempt to intimidate me. It probably worked on little dweebs like Rufus, but it had no effect on me. He was big, but I was bigger. He didn’t scare me. The woman standing on the stairs behind him frightened me more. At least, doing anything to disappoint her frightened me. Marcie was the first person to stand by me and believe I was worth something. I owed it to her to be a better man, and not let her down.
“Why don’t I give you a lift to work, love?” Marcie said lightly. “We can leave the boys to talk.”
“It’s a ten minute walk. I don’t need a lift. I can –”
“Alex, who is it?” Stef asked from behind me in a small shaky voice.
I turned and saw him standing by the wooden partition that separated our bed from the larger room. He was wearing my cum-stained T-shirt, skinny bare legs sticking out the bottom like matchsticks. His eyes were wide, frightened. He was afraid of whoever might be at the door, expecting trouble. Reluctantly, I stepped aside so that he could see Killigan.
Reassured, Stef came further into the room. Killigan pushed past me and rushed over to Stef.
“Are you okay, Stefan? Are you hurt?”
“He’s fine,” I snapped.
Marcie stopped me from going over to them by putting a hand on my arm.
“Come on, sweetheart. Leave them to it. Let’s get you to work, shall we? You really don’t want to be late.”
“Go, Alex,” Stef said. “Nothing is going to happen with Killigan here.”
“Are you sure?” He nodded, effectively dismissing me. His attention was already on Killigan. I threw my hands up in surrender. “Fine. Let’s go, Marcie. That’s assuming I’ve even got a job to go to after yesterday.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that,” Marcie chuckled as she headed down the metal staircase in front of me. “My brother won’t dare fire you if he knows what’s good for him.”
She drove down the hill at a snail’s pace. I’d have been there sooner if I’d walked, but I didn’t say anything. Marcie was stalling, that much was obvious. She had something on her mind and all I had to do was wait for her to spit it out.
“I was thinking,” she said, in a tone of voice that made me think Killigan or Rufus were likely to be behind whatever it was she was about to say. “If hurting Stefan was an accident, then maybe it would be for the best if you owned up to it.”
“It wasn’t an accident,” I snapped, and then realising how that sounded, I corrected myself. “I didn’t hurt him. I wouldn’t.”
“Rufus said you’re into BDSM,” Marcie continued. “I can’t say I really know what that involves, but doesn’t it mean you hurt each other for sexual gratification?”
“Oh my God, Marcie! Are you seriously trying to make my ears bleed?”
“What? Sex isn’t something you should be embarrassed about, Alex. All I’m saying is, if Stefan got his bruises because some sort of sex game went a little too far, then you should be open and honest about it. If he’s your… what do you call it?… submissive, then tell us and next time we won’t worry when he gets a bruise.”
Marcie, please… will you just stop?” I rolled my eyes and looked out of the window, praying for the journey to b
e over. “Stef isn’t my sub. I mean, can you imagine? The one and only time I gave him a love bite he went ballistic and sulked for a week.”
I could never understand why people didn’t see mine and Stef’s relationship for what it really was. Everybody assumed that because I was older and so much bigger than Stef, I had to be the one in control. They thought I ruled him with an iron rod, intimidating him into obeying my every whim. Nobody ever saw how he had me wrapped around his little finger. In our household, Stef was in charge. I’d do anything for him and he knew it. Hell, he wasn’t even shy about abusing that knowledge to get his own way on just about everything.
“Well, there was that time you tried to strangle him,” Marcie said bluntly.
I turned my head to stare at her. “Wow! Really?”
I wasn’t proud of what happened, but I’d been in a bad place at the time, not to mention three sheets to the wind. Drunkenness was no excuse for forcing my way into Stef’s home and putting my hands round his throat, but it had just kind of happened. It wasn’t something I’d planned. From what little I could remember of that night, I’d gone there to talk to him, not beat him up. He’d forgiven me though, long before I was able to forgive myself. I couldn’t believe Marcie was bringing it up now. Out of everybody, she was supposed to be the one who was on my side.
“Sorry, sweetheart, but it had to be said. You can’t deny you hurt him before, and you can’t blame us for worrying it might happen again.”
“Stop the car.”
“But we’re nearly there…”
“Just stop the fucking car, Marcie.”
She pulled over to the kerb. I jumped out and slammed the door before the car had fully come to a stop. Part of me wanted to march straight back home and get Stef away from Killigan, but if I did Tony would fire me for sure. That was if he hadn’t already. Then again, I might get there to find I still had a job, only for him to kick me out when he found out I’d shouted and sworn at his sister.
I squared my shoulders and took a few deep breaths. The last thing I needed was to show up in a bad mood. I had to calm myself down. Otherwise, I was only going to make the whole situation worse than it already was.
Tony was already in his office. He must have been watching out for me, because he came out to meet me as soon as I stomped onto the forecourt. He nodded toward his sister’s car parked on the other side of the road.
“What’s Marcie doing here?”
Like you don’t know. I was careful not to rise to the bait. It was what they wanted. All of them. They kept pushing buttons, hoping I’d bite back. Hoping I’d lose my cool and lash out, proving them right about me. That way, they could feel justified in persuading Stef to leave big, bad Alex.
“She showed up just now with Killigan,” I said, shrugging my shoulders like it was no big deal.
“Do you want to tell me what happened yesterday?”
“Went to see Stef. Got arrested for something I didn’t do. Got released again when the cops found out I didn’t do it. Had my car impounded. What else do you need to know?”
“Did you do it?”
“I just said I didn’t,” I snapped before I could stop myself. “Weren’t you listening?”
Tony pursed his lips, regarding me solemnly for a long moment. I waited, knowing the next words out of his mouth would either be to fire me, or to give me what had to be my billionth last chance. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but I’d honestly lost count of the number of final, final warnings I’d had.
“Go and do some work,” he said eventually with a shake of his head, as if even he couldn’t believe he was letting me stay. “Quick, before I change my mind. And for Christ’s sake, stay out of trouble.”
He lifted a hand and waved, not at me, but at someone stood behind me. It was no surprise to see Marcie standing beside her car watching her us. Tony had let me stay to please his sister, not because he really wanted me there. It didn’t matter either way so long as I kept my job.
I slogged my guts out all morning, trying to prove to Tony that he had made the right choice. Yeah, okay, I was only washing cars, but I made sure every single vehicle left that forecourt gleaming like new inside and out. Admittedly, the work was not exactly taxing on the old grey matter, even for a great lummox like me – and, no, I didn’t actually know what a lummox was. I’d heard Marcie say it a few times and for some reason I liked the sound of the word.
I had too much time to think, and Stef was never far from my thoughts. I couldn’t help wondering where he was and what he was doing. Unfortunately, I knew who he was with, which was why I was worried about the where and the what. Stef said he loved me, but it was hard to fight the feeling I would be going home to an empty apartment that night.
On my lunch break, I paced the forecourt indecisively. I wanted to go home and check, but I was afraid of what I would find. Or more to the point, what I wouldn’t find. I pulled my phone from the pocket of my overalls, thinking a phone call could do no harm. Then I hesitated again, the memory of what had happened as a result of calling him the day before still fresh in my mind.
“Alex, stop wearing a hole in the concrete and go and eat something.” Tony stood in the doorway to his office, a frown on his face. I had no idea how long he had stood there watching me run around like a headless chicken before he decided to say something.
“Can’t,” I said. “Got no money.”
Tony sighed. “It didn’t occur to you to bring a sandwich from home, I suppose?”
“Nope. We haven’t got any food there either. Did I mention the no money thing?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have subbed you.”
“Yeah, no offence, but it’s not easy asking for a handout from a guy who believes I’m beating up my boyfriend. Besides, you threaten to sack me nearly every day. Why would I think you’d lend me money?”
“Like I’d ever be allowed to do that,” Tony said with a snort of indignation. “My own business, and my sister tells me who I have to employ.”
“If it makes you feel any better,” I told him. “Marcie didn’t give me a choice about working here either. She kind of told me it was a done deal. No argument.”
“Figures.” Tony grunted. “Anyway, I’ve got sandwiches in the office if you’re hungry. Beef and horseradish. I’ll sort out with some cash too, to tide you over. Or…” he added, looking past me. “... you can go and make out with your boyfriend.”
I followed the direction of his gaze and saw Stef tiptoeing daintily across the forecourt, carefully avoiding the puddles in his suede ankle boots. He held a paper wrapped parcel in his hands, the heady aroma of fish and chips reaching me before he did.
“Don’t be mad,” he said, as he got closer. “But Killigan gave me some money.”
“We don’t need his money, Stef,” I grumbled.
My stomach complained loudly at that point, hunger outweighing stubbornness. Stef heard and raised an eyebrow. He held out the parcel.
“Fine,” I said, snatching it from him like I was doing him a favour. “I’ll eat his stupid food, but it had better be from Bennett’s.”
“Alex, I’m not going to make Killigan drive all the way down to the harbour and back just for fish and chips,” Stef said patiently.
I’d known he wouldn’t, of course, but Bennett’s was my favourite chip shop. They did a battered sausage that was to die for and… okay, I’d been around Stef too long if I was even thinking sentences like to die for.
“I guess I’ll have to make do,” I grumbled as I unwrapped the food. Honestly, I was so hungry I’d eat anything right at that moment. If I gave in too quickly though, Killigan would think he’d scored a point over me.
“Good.” Stef smiled, and it warmed my heart to see it. He hadn’t smiled much at all recently. “And, just so you know, Marcie went shopping, and she bought enough food to feed a small army.”
We walked over to the low, white-washed wall at the end of the forecourt and sat side by side, sharing the fish and
chips in companionable silence. When we’d finished, I balled the paper up and tossed it into a nearby bin.
“So,” I began, taking his hand. He beamed at me, knowing I was not one for making public displays of affection. Or PDAs as Stef called them. “I thought Killigan would have tried to get you to leave me.”
“He did,” Stef admitted. “I said no.”
I nodded, not surprised but still annoyed at Killigan. Mostly, I was relieved that Stef had told him no.
“You know they think we’re into BDSM. They think all of this is some sort of sex game gone wrong.”
“I wish.” There was no mistaking the bitterness in Stef’s voice. He got to his feet. “I’d better get back.”
“Are you ever going to tell me?”
He knew what I was talking about. “One day,” he answered. “But not yet. I can’t.”
And just like that, the closeness we’d shared as we sat on the wall eating chips was gone. Stef closed down. Distanced himself. Shut me out.
“I’ll see you later,” I called after him as he walked away, his head down and shoulders slumped.
He nodded, but didn’t answer.
9
The next few days were quiet and uneventful. Marcie and Killigan returned to London, Stef went back to work at the salon, and I managed to keep both my big mouth shut and my job.
Our evenings were spent curled up on our battered, old sofa while watching Stef’s stupid soap operas. We ate well, thanks to Marcie stocking our kitchen and the money Killigan had given Stef. And there was sex. A lot of sex. I’d like to say it was making love, but it wasn’t. It was fucking, pure and simple. We fucked like it was going out of fashion, and every down and dirty session was instigated by Stef.
Something still bothered him, but he didn’t tell me what and I didn’t ask. I was happy that life seemed to have gone back to normal. There was no need to go stirring shit up again so long as things were calm.
Sunday was, and had always been, our day for lazing around. We slept in late, and generally did as little as humanly possible. A lot of the time, we didn’t even bother getting dressed. But that Sunday, over a week after my arrest, we were woken by a furious hammering on the door. I grabbed my phone from underneath the pillow and blinked, bleary eyed, at the time. Half ten. At least two hours early for getting out of bed in my opinion.
