by Rosie Clarke
‘But you will tell me, won’t you?’
‘He’s in London. George had him transferred to a private clinic once we found him – at our expense. George says it’s partly my fault all this happened and he insists on paying Harry’s medical expenses.’
‘Then I shall go to him,’ Jessie said. ‘I’ll take Catherine and stay at the London house – if that’s all right?’
‘Of course it is,’ Sir Joshua said. ‘I’ll come with you, Jessie. That son of mine needs some straight talking to sort him out. Feeling sorry for himself by the sound of it.’
‘Would you mind waiting here until I bring him home?’ Jessie asked. ‘You are needed here. Besides, I would rather do this my own way. Harry is in shock. He has been through terrible experiences, more than any of us can imagine. What he suffered in the war, Catherine’s illness, and the loss of his son – the guilt he’s always felt because of the way his brother died. He has been hurt more than anyone can bear and this is a natural reaction. I’ve seen it before during the war. Men who had lost limbs or been badly burned were afraid of rejection so they put up a barrier. This is Harry’s way of protecting himself.’
‘I think Jessie is right,’ Priscilla said. ‘Why don’t you go and tell Mother the news? She will need you to comfort her, Daddy. I’ll help Jessie to pack and then Carter can take us to the station. I’ll come with you, Jessie – just to help you with Catherine. Don’t worry, I shan’t interfere. I’ve tried talking to him but he doesn’t listen.’
‘He may not want to listen to me,’ Jessie said. ‘But he can’t hide for the rest of his life. Sooner or later he has to face up to the truth, whatever that may be.’
*
Jessie found the long journey hard to bear, but she refused to let the doubts creep in. Harry was alive, that was all that mattered. He was alive and she believed he still loved her even though he would probably deny it because he did not want her to sacrifice her life for his sake.
She had no illusions about the future. Life wouldn’t be easy for them. It would take hard work and patience to get Harry on his feet again even if it could be done. While working in the field hospitals in Belgium and France Jessie had witnessed the pain and despair men in similar situations had faced. Only the very brave managed to get through, some finding it easier simply to turn their faces to the wall and die. But she wouldn’t give up on Harry. She would make him do whatever it took no matter how long or hard it might be for them both.
The first hurdle was to get him to see her. He had the right to refuse if he wished, but even if she had to lie and cheat she would manage it somehow.
*
‘This is my sister Jessie,’ Priscilla told the nurse on night duty. They had asked to see Harry earlier that day and been refused. ‘She has flown over from France specially to see him and she has to go home tomorrow.’
‘It’s very irregular,’ the nurse said looking doubtful. ‘But in the circumstances perhaps… I know he isn’t asleep because I looked in a few moments ago.’
‘Come on, Jessie,’ Priscilla said. ‘Harry will be so delighted to see you.’ She hurried her along the corridor before the nurse could change her mind. Outside Harry’s door she gave Jessie a little push. ‘You’d better go in alone. I’ll wait here unless he wants to see me, which I doubt. I’m not going to be his favourite person when he knows what I’ve done.’
Jessie smiled as she pulled a face and squeezed her hand. ‘Wish me luck,’ she whispered and then opened the door carefully and went in. The room was lit by a shaded lamp, which cast just enough light to see Harry lying on the bed with his eyes closed, a book abandoned on the coverlet next to his hand as though he had been reading earlier. His face looked thin and pale and she could see the new lines of suffering about his mouth. For a moment she was afraid to approach. Supposing she’d read it all wrong and he really didn’t want her?
‘So she told you in spite of my threat,’ Harry said, his eyes still closed. ‘You shouldn’t have come, Jessie.’
‘How did you know it was me?’ she asked as she went closer, her heart racing. She was filled with love for him, wanting to take him to her and hold him forever. He opened his eyes and looked at her as she stood beside him, a faint smile on his lips.
‘I can smell your perfume.’
‘I’m not wearing any.’
‘You smell of soap and fresh air and flowers,’ he told her. ‘It’s your own special scent. I could never forget.’
‘That’s a beautiful thing to say, like poetry.’
‘You’re beautiful, Jessie – but you shouldn’t be here. I don’t want you here. I’m no use to you. They’ve told me I could be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.’
‘You don’t know that,’ Jessie said. ‘It means hard work and the will to get better, but it isn’t necessarily the end of everything, Harry. Even if you can’t walk, and you may be able to – the spinal cord wasn’t cut – there is still plenty to enjoy in life.’
‘That’s the nurse talking.’
‘No, it isn’t – it’s the woman who loves you and wants you back in her bed.’
Harry laughed bitterly. ‘You always did know how to cut to the point, didn’t you, Jessie? How do you think I can make love to you in my condition?’
‘I can think of ways,’ Jessie said, her smile teasing him. ‘Your hands are not paralysed and neither is the rest of you, not the relevant bits anyway. I dare say we could manage to please each other if we tried. Besides, it would encourage you to do the exercises you will have to do to get fit again.’
‘That still leaves you stuck with an invalid for a husband,’ Harry told her with a frown. ‘That isn’t fair to you, Jessie. I may never be completely well again. I wanted to give you so many things and all I’ve done is take from you. No, it’s no good, I won’t let you sacrifice yourself.’
‘So you would rather I went back to London and was miserable?’ Jessie asked. ‘That’s a bit selfish, isn’t it? I love being at Kendlebury. We’re doing so much, Harry. Your father has had the barn renovated and the men are ready to start work on their orders. We have all the drawings we need, but the men could do with some encouragement from you – and we shall need new ideas.’
‘What are you talking about – what orders?’
‘Mr Hamilton has reordered everything and he will take delivery of each piece as it’s finished this time, and pay on delivery.’
‘And who arranged that little miracle?’ Harry’s eyes narrowed. ‘You, I suppose? My father wouldn’t have done it on his own.’
‘I only did what I thought you would have done if you’d been there,’ Jessie said. ‘But we couldn’t run that business without you for long. Even in a wheelchair you can make new designs, supervise the men, and tell us what we need to do next.’
‘You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you? Supposing I don’t feel able to face up to a future of pain, frustration and being tied to a chair? Supposing I don’t feel I can do all the things you and my family want me to do? Supposing I would rather take the easy way out?’
‘All I’m asking is that you live one day at a time,’ Jessie said. ‘Let me take you home, Harry. The doctors say you can leave here in a few days, providing you have someone to see you keep up the regime of exercise and medication they’ve set for you.’
‘So you’re going to be my nurse now?’ Harry was bitter. ‘No thank you, Jessie. I’ll stay here and rot before I’ll let you give up your life for that.’
‘I’ll be whatever you want,’ Jessie said and sat on the bed, taking his hand in hers. ‘Nurse, lover, personal dresser. Your father says I should be company secretary and Catherine calls me Mumma sometimes. All I’m asking is that you give me tomorrow.’
‘Give you tomorrow?’ Harry smiled wryly. ‘And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow – is that it, Jessie?’
‘Only one at a time,’ she replied and bent her head to kiss him. Harry gave a little moan and then his arms went around her, holding her to him as the
kiss deepened. ‘I love you, Harry,’ she said as he released her at last.
‘You know I love you, Jess – but it isn’t fair to you. I would be taking advantage.’
‘No, you already did that,’ she said teasing him. ‘And if you’re not prepared to make an honest woman of me, your son is going to have something to say.’
Pain flashed across Harry’s face. ‘My son is dead.’
‘Our darling Jack is dead,’ Jessie said. ‘You loved him, we all loved him, and he will never be forgotten. He lives on in our hearts, Harry – but I wasn’t talking about Jack this time.’ She took his hand and pressed it against her stomach. ‘You can’t feel him yet, Harry, but he’s there, growing inside me – our son. I know our child is a boy; I feel it in my heart. Besides, Nanny says so and you know she’s always right about these things. Surely you can’t refuse to give him a father?’
‘My child?’ Harry stared at her in silence, his eyes filling with tears. Suddenly, they were flooding out of him as he spoke of his grief for Jack, his sense of hopelessness and his despair when he learned Jessie had gone. ‘I thought at first that you had left me. Then Nanny gave me your letter and I knew what Mary had done. I wanted to kill her. I think I would have if Priscilla hadn’t come in at that moment and stopped me. God, I hate her!’
‘Mary doesn’t matter,’ Jessie said holding tightly to his hand as his grief poured out. ‘Apparently she wants to divorce you and she’s told Priscilla she’s going to name me.’
‘Over my dead body!’
‘Let her,’ Jessie said. ‘It doesn’t matter what people think. They will all know the truth soon enough anyway. If it pleases Mary to do it that way just let’s be satisfied that she is giving you your freedom.’
‘You really don’t care, do you?’ he asked and smiled when she shook her head. ‘You’re special, Jessie. It was the best day of my life when you came into it.’
‘Then you’ll let me take you home?’
‘I can only promise you one day at a time,’ Harry said. ‘I’m not as brave as you are, Jess. I’m not sure I can do all you want – but I’ll try. I’ll try for you and for my children.’
‘I’m only asking you to give me tomorrow,’ she said and her lips curved in a naughty smile. ‘We’ll just have to see if we can make each tomorrow better than the last.’
Harry looked rueful. ‘You’d made up your mind before you came, hadn’t you?’ She nodded and he smiled. ‘I never had a chance, did I? You and Priscilla were determined that I was coming home, whatever I said.’
‘That sounds about right,’ Jessie said and bent to kiss him, a long, lingering kiss that brought a moan from him. His terrible injuries hadn’t killed his desire for her and she saw a look in his eyes that told her he had realised there might be more to life than he had imagined, even in a wheelchair. ‘We’re two determined women, Harry, and you’re only a man. In this modern new world of ours, the world you told me is coming – what chance should you have?’
Harry reached up and touched her face. ‘I don’t deserve you,’ he said. ‘I know what this means, don’t think I’m under any illusions. I visited my men in the hospital in France and again in England, and I saw what some of those poor devils went through. We let them down out there, people like me, the upper class, their superiors. They trusted us blindly to lead them and we sent them to their deaths like so many sheep. They’ll never trust us again and they’ll change the world – who can blame them? They suffered for it.’ He smiled oddly as she held tight to his hand. ‘I shall probably be a terrible patient, Jess.’
‘Oh, I’ve no doubt of it,’ she said. ‘Strong men are always the worst, because they get so angry – but you are strong, Harry. Stronger than you think. You’ll get through it, my love.’
‘I won’t marry you until I’m on my feet, Jess.’
‘Then you’ll have to work hard,’ she said, ‘because our son won’t wait forever.’
Afterword
The bride was eight and a half months pregnant when she finally stood in front of the altar with Harry beside her. His divorce had been arranged quickly and discreetly, with Mary being given the London house as her settlement. Harry had resisted giving into her blackmail at first because he knew she was seeing her lover, but Sir Joshua told him it was a price worth paying for freedom. Harry’s marriage to Jessie had been arranged the moment it was possible.
Carter had wheeled him in at the side door, and the chair was pushed out of the way when the wedding march began. Harry stood straight if a little awkwardly as his bride walked down the aisle to take her place by his side and make her vows. She had asked her friend Archie Thistle to give her away. In the congregation Aunt Elizabeth sat and watched, weeping as she whispered how beautiful Jessie looked to the girl who sat beside her
‘Jessie is lovely,’ Alice whispered back. ‘I couldn’t believe it when she asked me to come for the wedding.’
‘Jessie doesn’t forget her friends,’ Elizabeth said. ‘You’ve left the baby with your mother I know. Jessie was so pleased you kept her after all and she’ll want to see your daughter tomorrow.’ They had to stop whispering then because the Vicar had begun the address.
Jessie had never looked lovelier but it was a bride’s beauty, the beauty of happiness as she gave her hand to the man she loved and saw that love reflected in his face. The battle for Harry’s health was still far from won, but they never asked or expected more than tomorrow.
Harry was wheeled out of church in the chair. He had stood up for his wedding as he’d promised he would, but he couldn’t manage to walk down the aisle with her just yet – though he had promised he would do it tomorrow.
The wedding reception was quite small, just a few of their closest friends. Neither of them wanted anything more and it would have tired Harry too much to have to greet and talk to a large gathering.
Even the effort of cutting the cake and talking to those they had invited was as much as he could manage, and he was looking pale by the time the family were at last alone in the drawing room enjoying a glass of sherry. Jessie was drinking lemonade, because Harry had told her he didn’t want his son getting into bad ways before he was born.
‘You look worn out,’ Anne Kendle said to her son. ‘Do you want to go and rest, Harry? I am sure what Jessie has to tell us could wait until another time.’
‘No, I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Jessie has been waiting for this. She wants to get Father in a good mood – and I doubt there will ever be a better time.’
Jessie had risen to her feet. She was showing a large bulge in her cream silk wedding gown and laid a hand fondly on it as she surveyed her family and closest friends.
‘I’ve waited until today to tell you my idea, because today I became a part of the family.’
‘You’ve been that for a long time, m’dear,’ Sir Joshua said. ‘Don’t know what we’d do without you.’
‘You might not be so pleased with me in a moment,’ Jessie said. ‘I’ve told Harry, of course, and he thinks it’s a good idea, but he thinks you might not, Father.’
‘Well, fire away,’ he said gruffly. ‘Nothing surprises me these days, Jessie.’
‘It’s a way of improving the family fortunes,’ Jessie said and looked nervously at Harry, who smiled at her encouragingly. ‘I know that a lot of people are interested in good craftsmanship, and they also like somewhere to go when they are on holiday. I learned that when I was working in Torquay at that guesthouse. I thought we could open the gardens at Kendlebury during the summer, invite people to look in the workshop and buy small gifts from our shop.’
‘What shop?’ Sir Joshua asked frowning.
‘Well, we have all the old stable block. We could open a part of that as a shop,’ Jessie said. ‘Those apprentice pieces the lads make for the workshop would attract customers and we could sell other things. Perhaps Cook’s jams and cakes for a start, and there are other things we might sell in future. I thought we might invite more craftsmen to come here, probably local men
who can’t afford their own premises – they could rent part of the stables at low cost and sell their goods in our shop, giving us a commission on sales, of course.’ Jessie took a deep breath. ‘I thought we might open a teashop in the annexe and we could have plants from the garden on sale in the orangery. Jed Wylie could work there and tell people about the plants. He knows a lot…’
As she stopped speaking there was complete silence. Lady Kendle was stunned and Sir Joshua was frowning. Jessie felt a little sick. They hated her idea.
Sir Joshua was the first to speak. ‘You are turning Kendlebury into a commercial venture, isn’t that the idea?’
‘Well, yes,’ Jessie said. ‘People love to take a trip out when they’re on holiday and this isn’t far from Torquay these days. They can get here by car or train and there’s a possibility of a bus being laid on as part of a tour if we want. We should be included in tour guides and various brochures.’
‘You’ve given this a lot of thought, haven’t you?’
‘Yes, I have. The workshop is doing well, but this could help us to manage until it is really established again. And it would only be for a few weeks of the year.’
‘More’s the pity,’ Sir Joshua said.
‘So you don’t like the idea. I was afraid you wouldn’t.’
‘On the contrary, my dear. It’s rather exciting. I thought it was a pity we couldn’t get them here more often.’
‘Well, I do know someone who would print leaflets for us and distribute them too. He wouldn’t charge much – he owes me a favour.’
‘Are you agreeing to this?’ Anne Kendle asked her husband, clearly astonished. ‘Goodness me, we shan’t know ourselves.’
‘You don’t mind, do you, my dear?’
‘I am merely surprised,’ she said. ‘I would never have expected you to agree.’
‘I dare say I wouldn’t have a few months ago,’ Sir Joshua said. ‘But a lot of things have happened since then. We can’t take privilege for granted anymore, Anne. If we want to survive we have to change and grow and Jessie is showing us the way.’ He lifted his glass in salute to her. ‘I can only say thank you, my dear Jessie, and I wish you all success with your ventures – of which I am certain there will be many more in the future.’
