Memories buried deep from her own past are brought to the surface and her one fear, of losing the love of her fiancé, Marcus Hilroy could come true. She’d always suspected she wasn’t meant for happily-ever-afters, even though Marcus was her Prince Charming.
Is it too late for Charlie to face her past and find another chance at love or will she let the fear of her childhood overshadow everything else in her life?
The MEMORY JOURNAL is a companion story to The Memory Child, a story “poingant and richly drawn, The Memory Child is an unusual spin on love and loss with rich characters and an emotional twist.” ~ Jane Porter, Bestselling Author of The Good Woman.
ABOUT THE MEMORY CHILD:
When Brian finds out that his wife, Diane, is pregnant, he is elated. He’s been patiently waiting for twelve years to become a father. But Diane has always been nervous about having children because of her family’s dark past. The timing of the pregnancy also isn’t ideal—Diane has just been promoted, and Brian is being called away to open a new London office for his company.
Fast-forward one year: being a mother has brought Diane a sense of joy that she’d never imagined and she’s head over heels for her new baby, Grace. But things are far from perfect: Brian has still not returned from London, and Diane fears leaving the baby for even a moment. As unsettling changes in those around Diane began to emerge, it becomes clear that all is not as it seems.
A woman’s dark past collides head-on with her mysterious present in this surreal and gripping family drama.
“Reminiscent of The Twilight Zone, this novel has a feeling that will unsettle readers from the first page.” —KIRKUS REVIEW
To find out more: http://www.steenaholmes.com/portfolio/the-memory-child/
Copyright © 2015 by Steena Holmes
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.
www.steenaholmes.com
CHAPTER ONE
February
Despite the dust, insects, and nauseating heat, Charlie was happy.
“Your first real smile.” Marcus Hilroy, her fiancé of only a few months, threaded his fingers through hers and smiled along with her.
She couldn’t help grinning. After being away for almost a month she was back where her heart had begun to call home before she’d had to leave so suddenly. Every day she was gone she missed this little village in the Congo, with its small huts, fenced-in pens full of goats, and the kids. Her heart clenched tight—she’d missed the children most of all.
“It’s good to be back.” Charlie leaned against Marcus and let it all seep inside her, filling her soul and heart.
“You could have stayed longer; you realize that, right? Head office gave you three months of leave.” He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.
“I know. But I couldn’t sit around just being there for my sister, who obviously didn’t need me any longer. She was the one who told me told me to leave. I think she was anxious to get back to work as well.” She swatted at the haze of small insets that buzzed around her arms. “Besides”—she turned and wound her arms around Marcus’s body—“I missed you.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed him.
“I’m glad you’re home too, but I just didn’t want you to rush back. It’s okay to take the time you need to grieve.” Marcus held her tight against him, as if he never wanted to let her go again.
“Someone needs to tell Diane that,” Charlie mumbled.
Diane, Charlie’s older sister, had been involved in an accident on the way to drop her husband off at the airport for a business trip. Not only had the accident claimed the life of her husband, but also their unborn child.
Marcus pulled back a little. “Charlie, for as long as I’ve known you, I’ve also known that telling you or your sister anything is pointless unless you’re willing to hear it.” He gave her a soft smile. “She’ll grieve in her own time and in her own way. She’s not the type to sit still for long, is she?”
Charlie chuckled. “No, she’s not. You’re right. Walter even told her to not come in for a while, but she wouldn’t listen to him. She doesn’t need me to be there holding her hand. She knows where I am.” Charlie turned in Marcus’s arms and looked at the village ahead of them. “It’s not like I don’t talk to her on a regular basis anyway, although she did make me promise something.”
“What was that?” Marcus asked.
“To never let her forget what love felt like.”
Charlie had promised she wouldn’t—that she couldn’t, because their love for each other was strong enough to cover any distance. The sisters had proven that throughout the years.
Their relationship was unique, and one not many siblings shared. But then, they’d been through hell and back as children, and if that didn’t strengthen a bond, she didn’t know what would.
“How was Walter? You mentioned there was something he’d wanted to talk to you about, but you never said what it was.” Marcus led her back toward the Jeep and held the door open for her to get in. There was a crowd of children gathering ahead, and they could no longer delay her return.
Charlie thought about Walter, the man who’d entered the sisters’ lives in their early teens and never left. Diane worked side by side with Walter at his software company and viewed him as a mentor and friend, but to Charlie he was her father.
He was the only father she’d ever known or needed to know. Blood wasn’t everything.
“I’m not sure. When I went to meet with him Diane tagged along, and we never got the chance to talk before I left to come back. I’m sure if it’s anything important, he’ll e-mail like he normally does.”
She thought about the way Walter had hugged her close before she left his office only a few days ago. She’d told him she was leaving, that Diane was kicking her out, and the sadness in his eyes brought tears to her own.
“Do you have to live halfway across the world?” Walter had asked.
“It’s my job, Walter,” she’d said to him. He’d never really liked her working with Doctors Without Borders as a paediatric nurse, but he’d always supported her despite his misgivings.
“You can get a job anywhere.”
“But it’s my passion, my life,” she’d reminded him. It was the same conversation they always had whenever she returned stateside for a visit.
“Your sister is all alone now, Charlie. She needs you.”
Charlie disagreed. “She’s not alone, Walter. She has you.” She brushed his cheek with her lips. “Promise me you’ll take care of her, okay?”
She shook her head to clear the image of the look in Walter’s eyes before she’d walked away. It was almost as if he needed her to stay, not just for Diane but for himself as well. It bothered her—had continued to bother her while she flew from Seattle to London and then caught a direct flight to the coast of Africa—but there was nothing she could do about it now.
Marcus reached for her hand. “She’ll be okay.”
She nodded. “I know. She’s not alone, and knowing Diane, she’ll push through her grief the only way she knows how—by being busy. I found pamphlets on her desk for charities for teenage mothers and women’s shelters. She’ll bury herself until she realizes she can breathe again on her own.”
“Reminds me of someone else I know.” Marcus winked, and Charlie knew there was no use denying it. Like Diane, she buried herself in her work in order not to feel. It wasn’t until Marcus came into her life that she realized all she’d been missing by trying to protect herself.
Being away from him for a month had been hard, but the few nights in the city after he’d picked her up from the airport had been…almost like heaven.
Charlie turned from staring out at the village ahead to the man beside her; the memory of those nights sent tingles over her skin. He was nothing she ever thought she could have, but everything
she’d ever needed. From the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes to the dimples in his cheeks, she could stare at him all day long and never get tired of looking at him.
Marcus had to be the sexiest doctor she’d ever laid eyes on, and he was hers, all hers, for as long as life played fair.
As they drove into the village Charlie looked over all the huts, all the buildings, and the field beyond to make sure nothing had changed. She and Marcus, along with a group of volunteers from Canada, had built this clinic last year, and she was pleased to call it home. Their own hut was located at the back of the clinic, just off to the side and along a small path, and while Charlie would miss the comfy mattress at Diane’s house, she couldn’t wait to unpack her belongings and get settled in.
“Charlie, Marcus, come quick.” Annie Stevens, a friend and co-worker, rushed out the front door to the clinic and reached for Charlie’s hand, pulling her into the building. “It’s Amara. We need your help.”
Momentarily stunned, Charlie stopped in her tracks. Amara was one of the pregnant mothers in the village whom Charlie had been monitoring before she left. But the woman was only seven months pregnant and was healthy.
“She collapsed this morning while at the watering hole and is unconscious.” Annie stood to the side as they entered a small examining room, and Charlie took Amara’s hand in hers and counted her heart rate.
Together, she and Marcus examined Amara and her unborn baby, but it wasn’t until minutes later that Charlie noticed someone sitting in a ball in the corner.
“Naoki.” Charlie dropped to her knees in front of the small boy, Amara’s son, and reached out. He quickly scrambled into her arms, almost knocking her over, and wrapped his arms around her. His face was wet with tears and it broke her heart.
“Naoki”—his name meant “tree of truth,” as he was born beneath the great tree of this village—“how long have you been there?”
“He won’t leave,” Annie said quietly behind her.
Charlie pulled back to look Naoki in the eyes. “Are your brothers and sisters alone?” Naoki’s father had died from a snakebite while out hunting. When the little boy nodded, Charlie stood up with him in her arms. He was so skinny. “Let’s go find them, okay? Dr. Marcus will take care of your mom.”
She didn’t like the look in Marcus’s eyes as he listened to Amara’s heartbeat.
As she walked out of the clinic and down the street, she kept up a constant monologue, Naoki’s face buried in her neck. She was quickly surrounded by other children from the village, and her heart leaped to see their beautiful faces and their joyous grins, to hear their excited chatter welcoming her home.
Naoki dropped down from her arms but kept a tight grip on her hand as they walked together toward his little home. It was a mud hut with grass for a roof, very much like the others in the village. She could see questions in the gazes of the other women who stood at the open doors, children in their arms, and all Charlie could do was give them a smile. She wanted to stop and talk to each woman, see their little ones, hold them in her arms, but the sight of the children, of the babies in their slings, brought back the harsh reality that she would never get to hold her own niece, who had died before she was even born.
If seeing a little one hurt her so much, she could only imagine the pain her sister must be going through right now. Charlie couldn’t even imagine the heartache of losing a baby. In fact, up until recently she’d made the decision never to find out. After living with the heavy burden of her mother killing not only herself but her little infant brother due to postpartum psychosis, Charlie had sworn off ever having her own children—until Marcus.
She’d watched for signs that Diane might be suffering from the disease, but there had been none. In fact, her sister seemed to handle the loss of her husband and unborn child almost too well. Charlie knew it would hit her later, the realization of all she’d lost, but there’d been no sign of a breakdown, which gave her hope.
Ahead was Amara’s small home, constructed out of mud and sticks, and her other children all waited outside the door, the youngest on the ground playing in the dirt. Naoki released her hand and ran ahead, calling out for his sisters and brothers in French, the general language many in the village spoke.
A woman stood in the doorway of the hut, and Charlie recognized her as Amara’s twin sister, Nadia. She had a sling wrapped around her body with her own little one ensconced inside. Nadia must have had her baby shortly after Charlie had left. Without speaking, Nadia opened up her sling for Charlie to see a fussy baby inside, and with that one glance tears filled Charlie’s eyes.
Such a beautiful little girl. “Belle,” Charlie breathed before placing a kiss on the infant’s bare head. This was why she became a paediatric nurse—for the babies, to ensure their survival in the rough landscapes, to see them grow healthy and strong. Every child she helped deliver or take care of only solidified that she’d chosen the right path for her life.
“Belle.” Nadia smiled. “Oui. Belle.” With a little bit of adjusting, Nadia released her baby from the sling and placed her in Charlie’s arms. Up until then Belle had been fussing, almost to the point of crying, but the moment Charlie held her in her arms, she settled down.
“Her name. Belle.” Nadia smiled, radiant with love, and it took all of Charlie’s strength to push the image of Diane from her mind. She didn’t want to think about the fact that she should be holding her niece—no, she couldn’t go there. She wouldn’t let herself.
She was a paediatric nurse in a village full of small children. She needed to get hold of herself.
“It means ‘beautiful.’” Charlie couldn’t tear her gaze off the little one in her arms “And she is. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to see her take breath.” She finally looked away and gave Nadia a one-armed hug.
“Her breath was not loud, but she has since made up for it.”
The women here determined a child’s strength and name from the first breath he or she took. The louder the better.
“She is healthy?”
Nadia’s shoulders relaxed. “Yes.”
“May I check?” She could tell from the laughter in Nadia’s eyes that she already knew Charlie would need to make sure for herself.
With soft touches and a skilled eye, Charlie looked Belle over, and the infant did indeed look healthy.
It wasn’t until she’d asked after the child’s bowel movements and feeding patterns, the usual nurse-type questions, that Charlie was satisfied. She would keep an eye on her, though, as well as Nadia. Their Jeep was loaded with extra food, and she’d make sure some of that ended up in Nadia’s hut.
“How is our mama?” One of the children from outside quietly stepped inside and tugged on Charlie’s shirt hem. After she’d been back in the States for so long, it took a moment for her brain to switch to French, a language she was still struggling to learn.
“Dr. Marcus is taking care of her now.”
At her words, she noticed the way everyone around her relaxed a little, even Nadia. The common consensus was that Marcus had the magical touch, and while they would accept his medical treatments, they all believed the meditation he did each morning helped with his healing processes.
Sometimes Charlie believed it too. Marcus had an innate knowledge of how to heal someone, something that went beyond his medical training. He claimed it was from the heart, that his patients knew he truly cared.
“Nadia, can you tell me more of what happened to Amara?”
“Just what Naoki knows. I told her not to get the water today, but Belle was crying and she left before I could stop her.” Nadia gazed down at her daughter.
“Amara is stubborn,” Charlie muttered. She wanted to get back to the clinic, and began to hand off Belle, but Nadia shook her head. “She is sleeping. You have the touch.”
“Walk with me, then, back to the clinic?” She held Belle tight in her arms. This time Charlie did stop to talk to the other women, to gush over their children, and any heaviness she’d felt
earlier lifted.
Getting attached to any location was dangerous in her line of work. She’d traveled the world over already, being stationed in South America, various parts of Africa, and even Eastern Europe. But here in the Congo had been the longest mission for her team. She wasn’t sure she could say goodbye again so soon ... not now.
They met Marcus outside the clinic. A group of men were there with him, helping him unload the supplies he’d picked up from the Jeep.
“There you are. I see you’ve met the newest baby of our family too.” Marcus set the box he’d been carrying down and wrapped an arm around Charlie’s waist as he peered at the sleeping baby.
Charlie caught the way Nadia and a few of the other women who walked with them blushed. Marcus had that effect, and he didn’t even know it.
“She’s a sweetheart.” Charlie cooed over the little one in her arms.
She loved children, but babies in particular. When she was a teenager she used to volunteer at the local hospital, and eventually found herself drawn to the children’s ward. The moment she held a newborn baby in her arms for the first time, she knew what she wanted to do with her life.
She couldn’t save her little brother, but she could save others.
“You didn’t tell me about her,” Charlie chided Marcus before smiling up at him when Belle latched onto his finger in her sleep.
“I wanted you to be surprised. I knew you’d fall in love with her the moment you saw her.” He leaned his cheek against Charlie’s forehead. “I said that, didn’t I, Nadia?”
Nadia beamed a smile at him and then glanced toward the clinic.
“Amara is resting.” Marcus said. “She opened her eyes and has a bit of a headache. I’d like to keep her here overnight, if that’s okay?”
“Of course. Of course. But she is fine?” Nadia asked. She reached for Naoki and drew him close to her.
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