He paused, shame filling him as it did every time he recalled the callow, selfish youth he’d been. “How?” she prompted.
“He told me about his life. He’d served in the navy and nearly died in battle. He’d survived, but lost a leg. When he came home, he needed work. Had a wife and son to look after. A friend of his owned the pub and he’d worked there ever since. Listening to him, hearing him talk of that battle, knowing it had to be painful for him to stand behind that bar for hours on end, that he did so out of love for his wife and child, gave me quite a jolt. It made me take a good at myself and my life. And I didn’t like what I saw.
“I saw that while other men were serving our country, I’d simply moved from party to party, club to club, pleasure to pleasure, from one useless pursuit to the next. Frankly I was disgusted with myself. I wanted to change. To do something important. Something good. Something I could be proud of.”
She nodded slowly. “I see. So…if we’d met eight years ago, I wouldn’t have liked you.”
“Most likely not. I don’t see how you could have when I didn’t like myself.”
“And now? Do you like yourself now?”
“At this particular moment—not really. I lied to you. But in general…yes. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. The people I’ve helped. The lives I’ve protected and saved. Unfortunately with that sort of work comes secrecy, and with secrecy come lies. For eight years I’ve lied to my friends and my family—none of them know what I’ve just told you.” He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “I wouldn’t have lied to you, Genevieve, if it hadn’t been absolutely necessary.”
She nodded slowly, clearly digesting his words. “All this means you didn’t come to Little Longstone for a holiday while your employer was away on his wedding trip.”
“No, I didn’t.” He took a bracing breath and forced himself to say the words he knew would drain the caring from her eyes. “I came to Little Longstone to find you. To retrieve the letter Lord Ridgemoor sent you for safekeeping.”
All the color leaked from her face. He could almost hear the pieces clicking together in her mind. And then all the emotion faded from her eyes, until she stared at him as if she’d never seen him before. Even though he’d known it would happen, it still felt as if he’d been cut off at the knees. Without a word she slowly eased her hands from his. He wanted to snatch her hands back, to keep that connection, but he let her go. The loss made him feel as if his heart had been punctured.
“Tell me how you know about that,” she said, her voice not quite steady.
And so he told her. All of it. Of Waverly’s plot to kill Ridgemoor and frame Simon for the crime. Of Ridgemoor’s last words. Of Simon confiding in Waverly and being granted the time to clear his name. Of renting the cottage. Repeatedly searching her home. Of her almost catching him that first time. She listened to all of it in complete silence, her gaze never moving from his, only growing bleaker until, when he finished, she simply stared at him with eyes that resembled two flat stones.
A full minute of the loudest silence he’d ever heard swelled between them. He wanted so badly to touch her, but he knew, knew she’d pull away from him. And he also knew that would break whatever small piece of his heart still remained intact.
“Richard is dead,” she finally said in a voice as flat as her expression.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I know you cared for him.”
“You knew all along that I wasn’t a widow. That I’d been his mistress.”
“Yes.”
“You befriended me, flirted with me, spent time with me, seduced me—all to get the letter.”
“No—”
She held up her hand to halt his words. The emptiness in her eyes was gone, replaced with a combination of pain, anger and betrayal that twisted his heart. “Do not lie to me again, Simon.”
“I’m not lying. I admit that’s why I came here and why I initially sought you out. But once I met you…you weren’t what I expected. Genevieve, what we shared together, it’s all been real.”
Her eyes blazed at him and an incredulous sound escaped her. “Real? It’s been based on nothing but lies! If you wanted the damn letter so badly, why didn’t you simply ask me for it?”
He didn’t immediately answer, and he saw the realization dawn in her widening eyes. “Dear God, you didn’t ask me because you thought I might have been in some way connected to Richard’s death.”
“I couldn’t ignore the possibility.”
“So not only were you willing to seduce me for the letter, you did so believing I might have been either directly or indirectly responsible for my former lover’s murder.” The sound she made reverberated with disbelief. “These are actions you can be proud of?”
Without thinking, he reached for her hand. She jerked away as if he’d burned her, and his hand fell to his side. “I couldn’t tell you the truth at first. All I knew of you was contained in the last desperate words of a dying man, words you cannot deny were more incriminating than exonerating. All I can tell you is that every moment I spent in your company served to convince me of your innocence.”
“Yet still, you did not tell me the truth. Or ask me for the letter.”
“I’d planned to do so as soon as I returned to the cottage this morning.”
Another bitter sound. “Because you weren’t able to find it after spending the night searching my home. And pawing through my personal belongings. Again.”
He could think of ways to pretty up that bald statement, but what was the point? She was correct. “Yes.” He cleared his throat. “As for seducing you…I want you to know that my mission and the letter were the last things on my mind when we were together. And that I…care for you.”
The fire in her eyes extinguished like a snuffed-out candle. “‘Care for me,’” she repeated in an utterly bleak tone. “Yes. That is obvious.”
A sensation very close to panic gripped him. He had to make her understand. “Genevieve, I was trying to capture a murderer, a man, it turns out, who was a threat not only to me and you, but to England as well. I was going to tell you as soon as I could. I never meant to hurt you.”
But he had. Hurt oozed from her like blood from a wound. And even if she forgave him, he knew she’d never forget. Or look at him with that same care he’d seen when he first opened his eyes. He tried to remind himself that in a mere few hours, as soon as he could travel, he’d be on his way to London. He’d never see her again. But instead of that reminder making him feel better, it only served to make his heart feel as if it had been ripped in two.
Her only reply was to rise, moving as if her limbs weighed an enormous amount. Then she turned her back to him and slowly headed toward the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
She paused, then glanced at him over her shoulder. “I’m going to get you your letter. After all, it’s the reason you’re here.”
Simon watched her climb the stairs with labored steps. After she had disappeared from view, he struggled to his feet, resting his hand against the wall and closing his eyes to combat the waves of dizziness that hit him. When he opened his eyes he saw the folded piece of paper he’d offered to Waverly—the piece of paper that had saved him. Taking care not to keel over, he picked up the paper square and slipped it back into his pocket. By the time Genevieve rejoined him, he’d regained his equilibrium.
She stood in front of him, holding a gilt-edged frame. Her eyes remained expressionless, as if she’d pulled a curtain over her emotions. “Richard sent a note along with the box—a note I destroyed per his request—indicating he would come for it soon. Even though months had passed since we’d been together, the way he’d dismissed me still rankled, as did the fact that he took another mistress almost immediately, a very young, very beautiful woman. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me face-to-face that he wished to end our arrangement. Instead he merely sent me a note.”
Her lips pressed together briefly, then she continued, “I knew the box had to be of great imp
ortance and I was determined that he’d face me when he retrieved it. It took me hours to figure out the combination, but when I did, I discovered the letter inside. I suspected anywhere I tried to hide it would be discovered, just as I suspected Richard would try to retrieve the box and its contents without seeing me. I resolved to thwart him. Therefore, I hid the letter in plain sight by slipping it into an old picture frame and hanging it on my bedchamber wall, among all my other artwork and replicas of favorite poems.” She held out the frame. “Here you are.”
Simon took the frame and stared at the handwritten letter pressed beneath the glass and a swell of admiration hit him. “Very clever. I saw this hanging in your bedchamber—saw it, yet didn’t really see it.” He read the words, which appeared to be nothing more than a rather boring account of a day spent in the country, and his jaw tightened. “It’s in code, as I suspected it would be. But according to Ridgemoor’s last words, its message will prove Waverly’s guilt and my innocence. Which means I owe you my life. For this and for tending to me after I was shot. Thank you, Genevieve.”
A flicker of warmth broke through the blankness in her eyes. “You’re welcome. I…I hate that you lied to me, and I cannot deny I feel tricked. But since I’ve told many lies myself, I’m not precisely in a position to judge. I understand you only did what you believed you had to.”
His gaze searched hers. “Do you? I hope so, because when we were together…you have my word I wasn’t using you. You need to know that however this began, it changed course very quickly and became…something more.”
“Yes, I suppose it did.” Her gaze flicked to the frame. “I’m glad you have what you came for.”
Encouraged by her words and that miniscule flash of warmth, he moved a step closer to her. His heart jumped with hope when she didn’t back away. There was only one thing left to tell her, but surely if she could forgive him the other, larger transgressions, the fact that he’d omitted his title was a miniscule offense. “There’s one more thing you should know about me, a very small thing, actually.”
She appeared to brace herself. “What is it?”
“To protect my identity, I affected a slight change to my surname. It is actually Cooperstone.”
She considered, then nodded. “Understandable, especially as there is a noble family that bears that same name.”
“Yes, I know.” He made her a formal bow. “Simon Cooperstone, Viscount Kilburn, at your service.”
He wasn’t certain what reaction he’d expected, but it certainly wasn’t the dawning horror that bloomed on her face. The small amount of color she’d regained leeched from her cheeks, leaving her chalk-white. “You’re a viscount.” She said the word as if it harbored a contagious disease.
“Yes.” Bloody hell, she looked as if she were going to swoon. “Um, allowing for some understandable annoyance due to the deception, wouldn’t most people think that’s good news?”
“I’m afraid I’m not most people,” she said in a barely audible voice.
Before he could say anything further, the door burst open. Baxter strode into the foyer, followed by a bespectacled man with gray hair carrying a black leather medical satchel, and a tall gentleman with an official air. Genevieve appeared to have gathered herself and performed the introductions. When she said his name and title, Baxter gaped at him.
“Viscount?” he repeated. “Yer a bloody viscount?”
Damn it, the man made it sound as if a viscount were synonymous with a monster who eats children for breakfast. “I’m afraid so.”
The look Baxter shot him made it clear he’d like to murder him with his bare hands. Given the oppressive guilt weighing him down and the incessant pounding in his head, Simon wasn’t entirely opposed to letting him, although he was at a loss to explain this unprecedented reaction to his title, which, even though he hadn’t been honest about it, still seemed extreme.
He waded into the awkward silence and quickly told the magistrate what had occurred, giving him only the pertinent facts. After the magistrate and doctor verified that Waverly was, indeed, dead, Dr. Bailey asked Genevieve where he could examine Simon. She led them both to the sitting room while the magistrate, with Baxter’s assistance, saw to the removal of Waverly’s body.
Simon sat on the settee, his gaze fastened on Genevieve who stared out the window while Dr. Bailey examined his wound. He answered the doctor’s questions by rote. No, he no longer felt nauseated or dizzy. Yes, his vision was fine. No, nothing other than his head hurt.
Well, that and his heart, which ached as if it had taken a lead ball dead center.
“How soon before I can travel?” Simon asked, wincing a bit as the doctor applied a salve to his wound.
“You were merely grazed, my lord—it bled a great deal as head wounds do, but except for the lump on your temple you escaped unscathed. Therefore, I’d say you can depart Little Longstone as soon as you like, although I’d recommend traveling by coach rather than on horseback.”
“Is there a livery in town where I can secure a carriage?”
“Yes. I pass right by it on my way home. Would you like me to see to it for you?”
“Yes, thank you. I need to return to London as soon as possible.”
Yes, he did. Which meant leaving Little Longstone…and Genevieve. Given the way she’d looked at him, she clearly wanted him gone. That was good. His life was in London. His job was in London. The sooner he left, the better.
His gaze remained on Genevieve, who continued to stare out the window while Dr. Bailey wrapped a linen bandage around his head. Bloody hell, she was so lovely. And she looked so lonely, standing there by herself. He ached to walk to her, take her in his arms. Would she allow him to? Based on her previous reaction, he doubted it. Indeed, she was more likely to whack him upside his head, which would completely finish him off. And if it didn’t, Baxter would no doubt be delighted to do so.
He had to leave. She had to stay. He would never forget her, but their time together was over.
And surely, after the passage of some time, the raw edge of hurt sawing at him would fade away.
Surely it would.
GENEVIEVE stared out the sitting room as the words Simon had just spoken to Dr. Bailey echoed through her mind. I need to return to London as soon as possible. A humorless sound lodged in her throat. Actually, they weren’t Simon’s words—they were Viscount Kilburn’s.
She squeezed her eyes shut. A viscount. Just another nasty jolt in a morning filled with them. First, thinking he would die. Then, realizing she loved him. Then, the muscle-loosening relief when he regained consciousness, followed by the foolish hope that maybe, somehow, they wouldn’t have to say goodbye. That perhaps he’d come to care for her as she cared for him.
Finally, she’d listened to his admissions. All those lies. The heartbreak. The numbness. The disintegration of dreams she’d barely had time to acknowledge before they were snatched away. As much as she hated that he’d lied to her, she couldn’t deny his reasons were valid. He didn’t know her. Didn’t know he could trust her. He’d done what was necessary to stop a killer—the man who’d murdered Richard—to save himself and other people.
The thought that he’d seduced her to gain access to her home, to the letter, filled her with a combination of hurt and fury that had made it hard to draw a breath. But his assurances that what may have started out that way had turned into something more…her heart had latched on to that, rekindling a spark of hope that his earlier words had extinguished.
So what had she done? Like a fool, she’d begun to hope again. Hope that they could, somehow, find a way to be together; build a life together. Her imagination had taken flight, weaving a happy ending that involved the two of them, standing before the vicar, taking vows to love and cherish. Genevieve Ralston, anonymous author, and Simon Cooper, operative for the Crown.
Except he wasn’t Simon Cooper.
A huff of humorless air blew past her lips, fogging the window. A viscount. Viscount. That single word had po
pped the happy bubble she’d stupidly allowed to form in her mind. How had she made the same mistake again? How had she fallen in love with another man she couldn’t have?
The sound of the door closing pulled her from her thoughts and she turned to discover she was alone with Simon. He rose from the settee and walked toward her. A snowy bandage encircled his head. An image of him on the floor, bleeding, flashed through her mind, and she blinked several times to dispel it.
He stopped when an arm’s length separated them. “The doctor says I can travel. I’ll be leaving for London as soon as my transportation is arranged.”
“I understand.” And she did. She just wished it didn’t hurt so damnably bad.
“I have to go, Genevieve. It is my duty. I have to report to my superiors, give the letter to our decoders—”
“You don’t have to explain any further, my lord. I know you have to go.”
He frowned and moved closer, and it took all her strength not to back away, to stand her ground when all she wanted to do was run to her bedchamber, lock herself in and pretend that today had never happened. To pretend that he was a simple steward and she was just a woman in love.
But she stood her ground, even when he reached out and clasped her hands. His gaze searched hers and she forced herself not to look away. Why shouldn’t she look her fill? It was the last time she would ever see him.
“It’s Simon, not ‘my lord,’” he said quietly. “I want you to know that this time I spent with you has been unforgettable.”
She offered him a small smile. “I won’t forget you, either…Simon.” As much as she wished otherwise.
There was no missing the relief that filled his gaze, then his eyes turned serious. “Genevieve. I want to see you again. I don’t want this to be goodbye.”
Her stomach dropped to her toes with longing—and profound regret. She slipped her hands from his and shook her head. “I’m afraid this cannot be anything other than goodbye. I’ve been a nobleman’s mistress, and it’s an arrangement I’ve no desire to repeat.” Indeed she’d vowed never to be another rich man’s plaything, to be tossed aside when he tired of her. And given Simon’s position in society, that’s all she could ever be to him. “Continuing our physical relationship might satisfy us both for a short time, but let’s not pretend it would last for long. My life is here, yours is in London and with your work. Eventually you’ll need to marry and produce an heir, and I’ve no desire to share my lover with another woman, even if that woman is his wife. So I’m afraid that this has to be goodbye.” She drew a deep breath and pressed on, praying her voice wouldn’t break. “I’ll always remember you fondly and hope you’ll think of me the same way. I hope the rest of your life is wonderfully happy.”
Blaze Historicals Bundle II Page 16
