by Elin Wyn
“I’ve seen it before,” I replied, looking down at the forest floor once more. “I’ve seen it more times than I can count, actually. It’s never easy to see. The holograms are incredibly lifelike, but there’s always something just slightly off about them. That’s the only way to tell if it’s real or not.”
“Did,” she started, but then she stopped herself, second-guessing her words.
I don’t think I’d ever seen her second-guess anything before. I could have guessed where she was going with this.
“Did it happen to your people?”
“Yes,” I answered directly. There was no point in dancing around it. It wasn’t like I could change what happened. “We stole all of the holograms we could find once we figured it out, but by that time, they’d already done a lot of damage. We studied them and eventually used them for training.”
“Training?” Leena clarified. She struggled over the word as if she had a million other things she wanted to say—and knowing her, she probably did—and that was the first word to make it out of her mouth.
“Desensitizing, mostly,” I continued. Most of the other Valorni aboard the Vengeance had been through similar training. It wasn’t something we talked about under any circumstances.
“One soldier lost his mind because the hologram image was taken from his sister’s child. But the rest of us became adept at telling the real children from the holograms. So I guess, overall, it was a good thing. Saved a lot more lives on both ends.”
Sometimes I could even convince myself it was all just some profoundly fucked up dream I’d had. But now that I’d started talking about it, I realized I didn’t want to stop. It was like slicing open a wound to let the poison seep out—painful, yet oddly relieving.
One look at Leena’s face made me wish I hadn’t said anything. She looked five shades paler than usual.
I quickly glanced down at her hands. She was digging her nails into the palm of her hand again. I reached out to grab one of her hands, to make her stop, but she pulled away.
“What happens to the children the Xathi take the holograms from?” she pressed on, her eyes burning so intensely it would have made a lesser man recoil.
“Leena—”
“Tell me!” she shrieked loud enough to startle a flock of colorful birds out of the trees above us.
I was tempted to shush her but instantly thought better of it. If by some miracle she didn’t attract some insane monster to rip us to shreds, I suspected she would tear me apart herself.
“The child in that hologram is probably already dead,” I stated bluntly. I hated telling her something so awful, but I knew she’d hate it even more if I tried to sugarcoat it.
I realized that Leena liked dealing with simplified information, much in the same way I did. It was easier to digest things when they were stripped down to their bare bones and less messy.
I thought she couldn’t get any paler, but I was quickly proven wrong as she turned as white as a sheet. Her legs began to shake as the horrible truth of this stupid war closed in around her. I suspected she’d been trying to emotionally distance herself from everything, a good tactic for a soldier, but she wasn’t one.
“Leena, you’re looking unwell,” I told her gently, taking a slow step towards her.
“I’m fine,” she snapped, but she was swaying on her feet. This was really hitting her hard.
“No, you’re not,” I sighed. “How about you swallow that pride of yours and let me help you before you end up with a mouth full of dead leaves.”
“Touch me and I’ll break your wrist,” she threatened.
I laughed. “How about this?” I said, taking three big steps backward. “If you can walk to me, I’ll let you try to break my wrist.” She glared at me, which I took as a good sign, before taking one step. She wobbled.
“That’s what I thought,” I said, closing the distance between us and scooping her up in one swift movement. “I’m starting to believe you would literally rather die than ask for help. That’s going to get you killed long before the Xathi ever find you.”
“Next time you ask someone for help, let me know and I’ll take notes,” she grumbled.
5
Leena
“You can put me down now,” I said for the fifth time since Axtin started carrying me.
It took longer than I was willing to admit to stop feeling like the world had been ripped out from under my feet. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him that I still felt sick and dizzy every time I thought of that poor child.
“I actually like this,” Axtin said with that insufferable smirk plastered on his face. “It beats having you stomping around, alerting every living thing within a three-mile radius of our presence. You’d think someone as tiny as you wouldn’t have the force to make so much noise. And yet…”
I think he was trying to make me laugh—or at least distract me from everything that had happened today. I still didn’t know what to say to him after what he told me. Just seeing one of those holograms was horrible for me.
I can’t imagine what it was like, seeing them over and over again, knowing that those children weren’t going to get to go home to their families ever again.
Axtin was the most arrogant, impulsive, boorish person I’d ever encountered, but now...I was beginning to think that there was much more to him than what meets the eye.
“I think you’re just looking for an excuse to flex,” I retorted.
“Oh, please, I’ve carried gear packs heavier than you,” he shot back with laughter in his voice.
Above us, the last light of dusk filtered through the thick canopy. Slowly—so slowly, I didn’t even notice at first—the forest began to glow.
Patches of phosphorescent blue, green, purple, and pink sprung up on every trunk. Leaves were mottled with glowing beads.
“Wow,” Axtin said quietly, craning his neck to look around.
“There are over thirty-five species of bioluminescent mosses and fungi,” I offered. “No one has figured out why they developed bioluminescence, but that doesn’t make them any less pretty.”
“No kidding,” Axtin said as a swarm of tiny silver insects swirled around us.
Suddenly, I didn’t mind being carried by him. It gave me a chance to take in the natural beauty of the deadly forest.
It was widely known that wandering the forest after dark was foolhardy, but I don’t think that rule applied to someone like Axtin. I didn’t know as much about the creatures that inhabited the forest as Jeneva, but I couldn’t think of anything that Axtin wouldn’t be a fair match for.
“How much farther?” I asked absentmindedly. Part of me was still so eager to get to Duvest, to see the lab and finally have some work to do. But the other half of me didn’t want to leave the glowing forest.
This place reminded me of the stories my mom used to read to me and Mariella. Stories about a time before magic turned into science, when mysteries were exciting, not deadly.
“Farther than I would like,” Axtin said, twisting a bit to look at the navigation device on his wrist. “I was hoping we’d reach Duvest by nightfall. Obviously, that’s not going to happen. We’re going to have to find shelter for the night.”
“I think the forest is bright enough for us to keep going,” I said thoughtfully.
“Sure, it’s bright enough for us to see big things like those hulking trees that walk around,” he said with a shudder. “I’m sorry, but trees shouldn’t walk. They’re breaking, like, twelve natural laws.”
I laughed, rolling my eyes.
“But in this light,” he continued, “I don’t think I could tell the difference between the real vines and the ones that want to strangle us. Can you?”
I thought about it for a moment. If I were being honest with myself, I may have overestimated my ability to handle myself in the forest, especially after that unfortunate run-in with the Luurizi.
When I didn’t answer right away, Axtin spoke up. “Deadly and confusing wildlife aside, y
ou had a pretty bad scare today. There’s nothing better for something like that than a good long sleep.” He gave me a gentle squeeze.
“I don’t think this forest can offer a good, long sleep,” I replied.
“Either way, we’re going to have to make something work,” he shrugged.
We moved in silence for a while as he scanned the area for any place that could be used as shelter for the night. I was about to suggest climbing a tree and sleeping in shifts when I felt Axtin slow down.
“That fallen tree looks big enough for both of us.” He jerked his head towards a massive tree that must have fallen years ago.
The inside of the tree was completely hollowed out. I doubted it was natural—but I didn’t want to think about what sort of creature could hollow out an entire tree. The huge thing was covered in a blanket of bioluminescent moss that shifted from blue to green and back again, surrounded by other trees that were still standing, shot through with veins of glowing purple.
It looked beautiful.
Axtin set me down at the mouth of the hollowed-out tree. It looked wide enough for both of us, but just barely. I sank down to my hands and knees and crawled in.
Without the sun, the natural dampness of the forest made me feel a little cold. I was grateful when Axtin crawled in after me. In the small space, he was essentially a space heater.
I kept my body rigid, my shoulder pressed up against his arm. In the last twenty-four hours, I’d been in closer contact with him more than I had with anyone in the last five years.
I was consumed with my work, my research. I willingly refused all romantic attention. Without the cure, what was the point? I couldn’t fall in love with anyone, I couldn’t marry anyone or start a family knowing that I would die far too soon and pass on my curse to my children.
“I swear I can almost feel you thinking,” Axtin groaned. He rolled over onto one side so that his chest was pressed against my arm. “Relax, would you? Nothing is going to grab you and drag you off into the night. I promise.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about that...but now I am,” I hissed.
Axtin laughed, still trying to shift into a more comfortable position. His body pressed harder against mine. I tensed.
“You’re stiffer than the damn tree,” he sighed. “If you’re not going to relax, will you at least roll onto your side?”
“You should have picked a wider tree,” I huffed as I rolled over.
Well, I tried to roll over so that my back was to Axtin, but my face was uncomfortably close to the dank inside of the tree. So, I rolled again, only to gasp upon realizing we were face-to-face. Our noses were less than an inch apart.
“What are you so afraid of?” he asked suddenly.
I could see his eyes shining in the darkness. The light from the glowing plants outside faintly illuminated his features.
“Excuse me?” I bristled.
“I mean, besides the genocidal aliens invading your planet and the forest where everything wants to kill you,” he continued.
“I’m not afraid of the forest,” I bristled.
“Right,” he snorted.
“What makes you think I’m afraid of anything?” I snapped.
“You fight so hard to have control over everything,” he said. “In my experience, people only do that when they’re afraid.”
“You’re so full of shit,” I said. “I don’t need to be in control of everything.”
“Prove it,” Axtin challenged. Even in the dim light, I could see his smirk. “Relax your body.”
“I don’t have to prove anything to you,” I said dismissively.
“No, you don’t. But if you don’t relax, you’re going to be in bad shape tomorrow,” he shrugged. He closed his eyes, and within a few minutes, his body went slack.
Never in my life have I been able to fall asleep that quickly. I was kind of jealous.
I didn’t like the idea of being the only one awake. I felt stupid and childish as I nudged Axtin.
“Don’t worry—I’m not asleep yet,” he said smugly.
“Oh,” I said quietly.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I felt strange. My brain felt sluggish and stupid.
“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” he asked. “Or are you just keeping me awake for the fun of it?”
“I just…I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving me. Twice.” I struggled with my words. Admitting that he saved me was like admitting my dependence on him.
I prided myself on being dependent on no one—but that mindset was what put us in danger in the first place. “So…thank you. And I’m sorry for what the Xathi did to your people. That must have been horrible.”
“Yeah. It was,” he said curtly. “But there’s nothing I can do about that now except for trying to help you and your people.”
“We’re lucky to have you fighting for us,” I said quietly.
I couldn’t meet his gaze. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt his hand brush through my hair.
“Easy,” he soothed. “You’re so tightly wound. How can you even function?”
“I manage.”
“Barely.” His hand grazed my cheek and gently traced down my neck.
My eyelids fluttered, and a small sigh escaped my lips. His hand traveled over my shoulder, down the bare skin of my arm, to rest at the small of my back. Very gently, he pulled me in closer.
My body felt loose, my chest pressed up against his. He dipped his head, letting his lips lightly press into my neck.
And then I felt his cock. Thick, massive, and throbbing.
Much larger than anything a human male could ever field.
Just like that, my body went rigid again.
“What are you afraid of? It’s just a kiss,” he teased, though he didn’t try to do it again. He lifted the pressure off the small of my back. He was letting me get away if I wanted to.
But I didn’t want to. The realization hit me like a bolt of lightning.
Before I let myself think about it, I reached up and pulled his face closer to mine. I brought my lips to his in one smooth motion. My control stopped there.
With a growl, Axtin pressed his body against mine, trapping me between himself and the inside of the tree trunk. He kissed me hard, one hand snaking around my waist, the other winding into my hair.
To my surprise, I didn’t feel panicked. I knew Axtin wouldn’t hurt me. Pressed between him and the tree, I realized I had given him full control. The relief was immense. The rush of heat, desire, and raw emotion undid me.
In the span of a moment, I’d become insatiable.
Axtin kissed his way down my neck and bit the tender slope of my shoulder. I cried out from the wonderful mix of pain and pleasure.
“Did I hurt you?” he moaned into my skin.
“Do it again,” was my only response.
With a growl, he sunk his teeth into me again, harder this time. He shifted us so that he was as on top of me as he could possibly be in our cramped quarters. The rough wood beneath me jabbed at my spine, but it only added to the intense flurry of sensations that engulfed me.
“Your scent is maddening.” His voice was a deep rumble that I felt to my core.
He pressed himself into me. I could feel his considerable length pushing against my thigh. I tried to lock my leg around his waist to pull him closer, smashing my knee against the side of the tree in the process.
“Shit,” I winced.
“We’re going to get hurt if we keep going,” he panted, his grin reaching from ear to ear.
I felt lightheaded. I wanted more. After years of shutting out all feeling, I craved this intensity. I couldn’t imagine going another moment without it. I didn’t care that my shoulder blades were barking in protest or that I could already feel the bruise forming on my knee.
“But—” I started to protest, but he put a finger to my lips.
“Leena,” he said softly. “I’ve imagined taking you a hundred times. Not
once was it in a half-rotten tree in the middle of the woods. Once we’re somewhere safe and comfortable, I will make you mine.”
His words sent a delicious shudder down my spine. All I could do was nod in agreement. He rolled us again so that I was lying on his chest. His arms were wrapped securely around me.
My body was practically humming. Warm and safe, I fell asleep in Axtin’s arms.
6
Axtin
The sun had barely started to break through the thick canopy of trees overhead when we woke, the faint light already smothering the bioluminescent glow that surrounded us only hours before.
We crawled from our shelter, blinking to clear the fog from our minds. We still had a ways to go before reaching Duvest, and Leena seemed to practically vibrate with impatience.
I knew that she was eager to help fight the Xathi. In fact, I don’t think that anyone could relate more than me.
Still, though, her intensity was surprising. Just the day before, I would have said she’d rather face a Xathi horde alone than trek through the forest with yours truly, and it was a sentiment I would have gladly echoed.
In the light of the new day, though, she seemed even more intensely focused than I was, her steps rushed as we resumed our hike towards Duvest.
How things change.
We walked in silence, our breathing the only consistent sound in the air. More than once, I thought to break the quiet, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, something stilled me.
Leena was different today. Distant. And, for some reason I didn’t quite understand, I felt the need to give her the silence she clearly craved.
As usual, I could see the wheels spinning in her mind. She was clearly lost in thought. Whether about the scent bombs or something else entirely—us, for example—I couldn’t say.
I knew that getting so close to me the night before might shake her. It wasn’t surprising, really—the female had despised me just hours before. I was more than happy to let her stew in her own thoughts...given, that is, that I expected she’d come to the right conclusion in the end.
