by Elin Wyn
I moved too quickly. Black dots populated my vision, and the world tipped a little bit.
Mariella reached and grabbed me by the shoulders.
Probably to keep me from falling over, but also to keep me from bolting. Mari was smarter than she let on.
“I’ve had enough of this,” she snapped.
“Somebody’s got to try to find a cure for our illness,” I shot back.
“Don’t even pretend that’s what this is about,” Mariella scoffed. “You’re using your dead-end research as an excuse to run away from everything.”
“So what if I am?”
I tried to wrench my arms out of her grip, but she was stronger.
When did my baby sister become stronger than me? I rarely stood this close to her. When I did, I was always taken aback by the fact that she was taller than me.
“And it’s not dead-end,” I added, sounding like a petulant child.
“You’re right,” she sighed. “I’m sorry I said that. I was frustrated. But Leena, listen to me. You’re going to make yourself sick if you keep this up. Have you even eaten today?”
No, I hadn’t, and I don’t think I ate yesterday, either. It was hard to tell. All of the days blurred together in the lab.
“Turn my monitors back on, please,” I said weakly.
“No,” Mariella replied firmly. “Not until you hear everything that’s happened.”
“I don’t need to hear about it,” I seethed. “I was there.”
“Not for all of it,” Mariella argued. “Do you know what happened when you passed out?”
I tried to tune her out. I didn’t want to think about it.
I remembered the blood.
There was so much blood on the floor, and Axtin was in the center of it.
No one could survive that kind of blood loss.
“I don’t—”
“I know you think you don’t want to know,” Mariella said gently, completing my own thought, “but you need to. Tu’ver told me everything. When you passed out, Axtin picked you up and carried you. He fought the Xathi with you in his arms, shielding you from it all. He brought you outside. Thankfully, reinforcements had gotten there in time. And then he went back in. He continued charging through the Xathi ship until he was certain every human that survived was out. Even the doctors in the med bay don’t know how he did it. The blood loss should have rendered him unconscious before he even made it out with you.”
“How many are still alive?” I asked. I didn’t recognize the grave, hollow voice that came out of me.
Mariella didn’t answer right away.
“Mari, tell me how many,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Sixty-nine,” she replied softly. She looked at her feet.
“Sixty-nine,” I croaked. From one hundred. I’d failed so many of them.
“They are all alive because of Axtin,” Mariella said quickly. “He refused to stop until he knew he saved everyone he could have saved.”
“He did what I couldn’t,” I murmured.
“Leena, stop that! Don’t you dare blame yourself for what happened.”
Mariella shook me gently. The world spun once more.
“You and Axtin, I swear. You’re acting like children, thinking the world is on your shoulders.”
Children.
Oh no.
“Where’s Calixta?” I whispered.
“Who?” Mariella asked, her brow wrinkling in confusion.
Dread settled in my stomach. If Mariella didn’t know who I was talking about that meant she…Calixta was…
“Oh! The little girl?” Mariella said brightly. “I didn’t realize that was her name. She’s here on the Vengeance. She doesn’t say much, poor thing, I think she’s quite shaken up. And who could blame her after everything?”
“She’s alive,” I whispered and stumbled back into my chair.
With a wrenching pain, the icy wall I’d built around my heart crumbled. I was repulsed with myself for locking myself away in the lab so that I could pretend that my research and results were all that mattered in the world.
“She’s a sweet little thing too,” Mariella repeated. “She made paper flowers for Tu’ver, Axtin, and everyone else who helped get her out of that ship.”
“That sounds like her,” I said, a faint smile on my lips.
“Has she asked about me?”
“She checks your room in the med bay every day, even though she knows you won’t be there. She doesn’t know where else to look, and I think she’s too shy to ask anyone.” A familiar smirk twisted Mariella’s lips. “Pity you’re too busy to spend time with her.”
“She knows a lot more than she lets on,” I mused. “I have to go see her.”
“Anything to get you out of this lab,” she chuckled, following after me at a more leisurely pace.
“Wait,” I paused suddenly. The words Mariella said earlier clicked in my brain like magnets snapping together. “Did you say something about Axtin?”
“Yes,” Mariella nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “I said you both are stubborn fools who’ve convinced yourselves the weight of the world rests on your shoulders.”
“You spoke to him?” I asked, the words forming slowly.
I’d already forced myself to emotionally let him go. The way he looked so lifeless in the med bay, I made myself let go of all hope that he would wake up.
“Yes, not too long ago, actually,” she said, eyes sparkling with amusement.
“You care about him, Leena. It’s okay to admit it. Liking someone makes you vulnerable, that’s true.” She nodded as if she knew more than she was letting on but didn’t elaborate. “But after everything, I think Axtin’s earned your trust, hasn’t he? Do you really think he would do anything else but protect you?”
Logically, Mariella made very solid points. Axtin had risked his life for me multiple times since the day we met.
For the most part, I’d been a prickly bitch towards him. Though I still suspected he liked pushing my buttons. And I had to admit, I liked my buttons being pushed every now and then.
But the feelings that stirred in my chest when I thought of him were so wonderful and warm that the thought of losing them paralyzed me with fear. I would rather never experience the full effect of those feelings than get comfortable and have it all taken away.
“Mari, I’m scared,” I whispered as tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. “I don’t want to see him. It’s too much!”
Mariella closed the distance between us and wrapped me up in a hug.
“Of course, you’re scared, Leena,” she said running a hand along the back of my hair just like our mother used to do when Mariella woke up from a bad dream.
Just like I used to do for her after our mother died. Just like I did to comfort Calixta in the dark room on the Xathi ship.
“But you’re not the only one who’s scared. All of us are terrified out of our minds. And that’s okay.”
“You’re scared?” I asked her.
I found it hard to believe. For so long she seemed so at peace with everything in her world, even in our illness.
“Yes,” she admitted. “But I know that when I’m scared, there are people around me who will help me through it. People like you and Tu’ver. You’ve just got to learn to let people support you, that’s all.”
She gave off a small laugh.
“Oh, is that all?” I chuckled dryly.
I pulled back from our hug to wipe a tear off my cheek.
“Let’s tackle that in baby steps, eh? I need to check on Calixta,” I said.
Before Mariella could speak, the lab doors flew open.
“Leena!” A familiar voice that I never expected to hear again called out to me.
Axtin.
28
Axtin
In hindsight, I realized that crashing into the lab of a recently traumatized woman probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but I had been hard-pressed to think of another option at the
time.
I stood in the doorway, my eyes pulling immediately to where Leena stood. Her eyes widened as she saw me.
I opened my mouth to speak, only to find myself at a loss for words. The last time I had seen her, I had been badly injured, crouched and bleeding at her feet.
I stuttered, trying desperately think of how to start. How could I possibly express to this woman how terrified I had been when I’d discovered she was captured? How could I even begin to verbalize that fury I felt at the thought of her being hurt?
I had no idea where to begin.
Mariella saved me the trouble.
“Axtin,” she said, her eyes widening in surprise. “What are you doing? How’d you get out of your restraints?”
I glanced down at my wrists, noting the friction burns now winding around them. Turns out, once I finished waking up, the bonds weren’t as strong as I’d initially thought.
There were a lot of things that needed to be said right now, and how I managed to get out of med bay wasn’t one of them.
“I need to talk to you.” I said, directing my gaze toward Leena.
Leena stared across at me, emotions I had no idea how to name washing over her face.
“Axtin,” Mariella hissed, drawing my eyes to her. She walked over to me. “I told you to let me talk to her.”
“I know, and I appreciate you trying, but there are things I need to say myself… things Leena needs to hear.”
She hesitated, turning to look at Leena before putting her attention back on me. “I don’t know, Axtin.”
I suppressed my frustration. “Trust me.”
“She’s really fragile right now.” She bit her lip nervously.
“I know, I can handle it.”
“Really—” she tried one last time before I cut her off.
“I can handle it, Mariella,” I declared with finality.
She stood still a moment longer, her forehead creased in thought.
Finally, just when I decided she wasn’t going to budge, she nodded. “Okay.” She sighed. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I do.”
She turned back to Leena. “I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.”
With that, she finally left. I waited silently until I heard the door shut behind her.
Leena had turned back to her computer, her back facing me as I approached. I moved slowly and carefully, as if I were approaching a frightened animal. In a way, I guess I was.
Mariella was right about one thing, Leena was fragile right now. The absolute last thing I wanted was to make things harder for her.
“Leena,” I said, keeping my voice low, “are you okay?”
She didn’t respond, didn’t even move.
I walked closer, reaching a hand out to her. I didn’t know how she’d react to being touched just then, but my body practically screamed at me to do it. I needed to feel her, to know that she was alright.
It was all I could do not to grab her and pull her into my arms.
“Leena.” I tried again, letting my hand fall softly to her shoulder.
She spun the moment it did, surprising me as she whipped around to face me. I had expected her to be frightened, angry, but the woman that turned to me was neither of those things.
Her face was alight, eyes shining beautifully as they skimmed over my face.
“You’re okay,” she whispered.
I cupped her cheek, marveling again at the softness of her skin. How sweet she was behind her walls. How perfect. “Now that I’ve seen you, yes.”
“Axtin!” Her voice cracked on the word.
She threw herself into my arms, her hands wrapping around my neck as she pulled me desperately into a kiss.
The moment my lips met hers, everything else faded away. I sunk into it, pulling her against me frantically.
Her hands roved over me, exploring me as if she was looking for holes. Given what we recently went through, she might have been.
She pulled back, meeting my eyes once again. Her eyes brimmed with tears even as her lips pulled into the most radiant smile.
“It’s okay,” I offered, running my hand along her cheek, down the curve of her neck. “We’re all okay.”
That was all it took. Her dam broke at my words, her face collapsing into tears. She leaned into me, burying her face against my chest as she sobbed.
Hearing her cry broke my heart. I ran my fingers through her hair, offering small words of comfort here and there, but mostly just letting her collapse into me.
She had been through so much… so much pain that she didn’t deserve. No one did, of course, but least of all my Leena.
I wished that I could have spared her from it, kept her safe from all the horror she’d had to witness—all the fear. I had wanted to, and I had failed. Her tears were a vivid reminder.
All I could do was be here, hold her and let her fall apart.
Her tears finally slowed and her shoulders relaxed. Still, I held her for a long while even after she had grown quiet.
It was her who eventually pulled back, frantically wiping at her eyes as she gazed up at me. I reached for her hand, stopping it mid swipe and pulling it back down to her side.
Then, slowly, I ran my thumbs under her eyes, catching the tears that she had missed. She smiled as I finished. It started small, timid, but grew the longer she looked at me.
“I was so worried.” She ran her hand along my midsection.
I knew what she saw as she did, what awful images were replaying in her mind. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to see me like that, bleeding out right before her. If the roles had been reversed, I probably would have lost my mind.
“I’m healed now, Leena,” I assured her.
She nodded, but the doubt in her eyes didn’t fade.
“You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m here for you. Do you understand?”
She reached up, taking my face into her hands. Her thumbs ran small circles over my cheeks, her eyes falling to my mouth.
“I know,” she said.
And then her lips were on mine again. Her kiss was still frantic, still wild, but now focused in her intensity. The tension eased from her body, the fear ebbing as my tongue slipped between her lips.
I had wanted to be gentle, to wait, to take things easy. It only seemed right, after all. The moment that I actually had her again, though, gentle was the last thing on my mind.
My cock throbbed as I lifted her from the floor, pulling her against me in a desperate rush.
The feel of her in my arms was intoxicating. After all the fear, the close calls and near deaths, I had her again. I never wanted to let her go.
She kissed me eagerly, already pulling at my shirt as I carried her to the nearest desk.
I settled her onto it, pulling at her clothes even as she continued to tear at mine. It didn’t take long before there was nothing left between us.
I lowered myself onto her, my hand running up her leg as my lips found her neck, her throat, her collarbone. I worked my way slowly down, tasting every inch of her, biting and sucking in equal measure.
My mouth wrapped around her nipple, pulling at her as my tongue circled. She let out a moan, her body quivering beneath me.
“Oh god, Axtin,” she groaned, “I missed you so much! Don’t ever do that to me again!”
I let her nipple fall from my lips, rising up until I was again facing her. I had never wanted anyone so much as I wanted her in that moment. She gazed up at me, her eyes seeming to burn from within.
“I swear on the systems Leena,” I declared, “I will not.”
I kissed her again, slower this time, with all the force of a promise. I realized, of course, that I couldn’t guarantee that nothing would happen to me again. It wasn’t exactly my lot in life to live safely.
I could however, do everything in my power to stick around. And I would.
I hadn’t had anything worth living for in quite a while. I’d had causes worth dying f
or. I’d had reasons to sacrifice.
But reasons to live? Those had been taken from me years ago. Now that I had another, I wasn’t planning to leave this place anytime soon.
Leena pulled me close to her, the full press of her body driving me to madness.
It was insane that, just days ago, I had thought I might never be able to feel this again, might never get to be with her again.
Sometimes, life throws you good surprises.
As I spread her legs beneath me, watching her squirm with anticipation, I decided that she was by far the best.
Because Leena was nothing if not surprising.
29
Leena
The nightmares continued in the days that followed, not always exactly the same as the one from med bay, but near enough. I woke up most nights in a cold sweat, images of the Xathi swarming through my mind as I fought to catch my breath.
The big difference was that I no longer woke alone.
I slept in Axtin’s cabin every night, content that even if the dreams came, he’d be there to comfort me.
And it wasn’t just a one-way street. I woke several times to him thrashing at my side, his body struggling to fight off whatever monsters his mind was conjuring. More often than not, they were the same monsters as my own, Xathi soldiers, sub-queens.
Even though we’d escaped from them, they still wouldn’t let us be.
I’d wake him gently, holding him as he adjusted back to reality. Sometimes he’d come back to me quickly, other nights would take a while. He’d clear his eyes as he processed his surroundings and would smile at me then, as grateful for my presence as I was for his.
We settled into a routine, relaxing as best we could in the relative safety of the ship. I never felt entirely at peace, though, how could I, knowing that the Xathi were still out there? But I began to function again, to plan, and for me that was good enough.
During the day, while Axtin was off with General Rouhr and the others, I busied myself in the lab, trying my utmost to perfect the scent bombs.
I still wasn’t satisfied with them. The ones we had concocted so far were effective, but I believed I could make them even better. I knew we could.
