by Violet Duke
I donât know what to say. Fran and I donât usually talk about these touchy-feely things. âThanks.â Then I turn and walk out the door.
Someone is smoking a cigarette in the entranceway of our building. I guess the No Smoking sign on the wall means nothing. I fan away the smoke, which only makes my head hurt more, and head toward the subway. Every sound, every movement, is intensified this morning. The screeching of tires, heels making their way across the sidewalk, taxi drivers screaming at each other. Why do they have to scream?
By the time I step off the platform and onto the street, Iâm suddenly aware of an urgent need to pee. I have to go, and desperately. I pressure my feet to carry me faster, but theyâre less than cooperative. When I finally get to The Brew House, I head straight for the bathroom, rushing so I donât have accident number two here.
Iâm greeted by a delightful bathroom, if there is such a thing. One wall is purple and the other yellow, covered with what looks like graffiti art, while the third is covered in a giant chalkboard. How cool. I quickly pee, trying to translate the graffiti words into English, then put my purple lace undies back in place and smooth my skirt. When I go to flush, I notice the gifts in the toilet that were left for me. Gross. Grabbing the handle, I try to flush it. Nothing happens. Youâve got to be kidding me! Shit. The toilet is backed up!
Now what? Pacing the floor, trying to come up with some wondrous plan of how to make this all go away. My mindâs blank. Maybe Iâll kill some time and try again. I wash my hands slowly. Hmmmâ¦better wash them again. Thereâs hand lotion on a funky café table, so I put that on and rub it in thoroughly. I think I need some lip gloss. Pulling it out of my purse, I stare in the mirror a bit too long until my lips are glowing. Then I hear a knock on the door. Great! Now the next person is going to think I left this shit in the toilet. âJust one second,â I call out. I try to flush again with no luck, so I snatch a couple of pieces of toilet paper and throw them over the crap in the toilet. Thatâll have to do. Grabbing a piece of chalk, I write the words âit wasnât meâ on the chalkboard and draw an arrow to the toilet. Yeah, real believable.
When I leave the bathroom, the next person is practically standing on top of the door. I guess she really has to go, too. Chewing on my lip, I walk slowly over to the counter. Itâs the same cutie from yesterday. His hair looks a little different; maybe shorter. I can see his eyes today. Theyâre a warm, welcoming brown. âHey, Brad.â
A smile turns up his mouth, forcing out that adorable dimple. âHey, Gabby. What can I get you?â
Well, here goes nothing. My cheeks are burning and my foot taps nervously on the floor. âIâm not sure how to tell you this, but thereâs a problem in the bathroom, and I swear I had nothing to do with it. I did go, because I just couldnât wait, but I didnât leave the crap in there.â I hold up two fingers. âScoutâs Honor.â
Brad raises his eyebrows and cocks his head to the side. âDid you just say Scoutâs Honor?â
I nod my head because, at this point, I shouldnât be speaking at all.
The left corner of his mouth curls up. âIs the toilet clogged?â
I bite my lip so hard I think I taste blood. âKind of.â
He makes his way over to the bathroom and disappears for what seems like an eternity. While heâs gone, I order the biggest sticky doughnut they have and scarf it down. Then I order another one. By the time Iâm finished eating, Iâve added a serious sugar high to my hangover. I start humming Eliza DeAngelesâs song âClumsy Girlâ to myselfâ¦my theme song. Brad finally emerges and his eyes meet mine. I wonder what heâs thinking. Does he believe me, or is he thinking that was my crap in the toilet? Ugh.
Shaking his head and smirking, he walks straight over to me. âAll taken care of.â
I hope that by now the pink has left my cheeks and taken the embarrassment with it.
âI like your note, by the way. The arrow was a nice touch.â
I canât help but smile. âThanks. Iâm kind of creative that way.â
âSo, do you want a coffee?â
âWell, Iâm not sure my stomach can handle coffee after that. Plus, I just ate two sticky doughnuts. Do you have any Tums?â
Laughter coats his eyes. âCome on, Iâll make you another Salted Caramel Mocha on the house. I mean, you donât want that shit on your mind when you leave hereâ¦no pun intended.â
âYeah, real funny. Okay, Iâll take one, but Iâm paying you for it, and I wonât take no for an answer this time.â
âYou got it.â
While heâs making my drink, I check out more of the sweets in the display case. Iâm wondering if I should grab something else for work when I glance down at my watch and notice itâs 9:15. Shit, Iâm late! Robby hates tardiness!
Thankfully Brad hands me my coffee and I manage not to spill it all over. âThanks, Brad. I gotta run, Iâm seriously late.â I start heading for the exit when I feel a hand at my shoulder. Flipping around, I see Brad.
He bends down and grabs something from the floor, then pushes back up to his feet. A smile tugs at his lips. âYou had a piece of soggy toilet paper stuck to your shoe.â
âThanks.â The hits just keep coming.
I hurry down the street, weaving through the maze of body odor crowding the sidewalks. Everyone is a blur today, literally, and I just realized I left my sunglasses at The Brew House. Unbelievable. Robbyâs going to kill me. I rush back in the other direction and as soon as I walk in, Brad waves my glasses at me.
âI figured youâd be back for these,â he says with a small smile.
âThanks. See ya.â
âSee you around, Gabby.â
I grab my sunglasses and my now lukewarm mocha and head for the door, again. Iâm almost free and clear when I hear the door jingle and instinctively look up. My blue eyes are met by a forest of green sparkles, and thatâs all I see. I donât need to see anything else, recognizing those eyes immediately and knowing who they belong to. My heart pounds in my chest. I move forward and clumsily trip over one of the chair legs, dropping the contents of my purse on the floor and my drink along with it. âShit,â I mumble to myself. Letâs look at my list of infractions. First, caught gawking, and second, spilling my drink. And I canât forget dumping out my purse. Geez, I shouldnât even be allowed to walk around by myself.
All at once, everything goes into slow motion. Dark and Sexy moves toward me; at the same time I hear Brad say, âare you okay?â No, actually, Iâm not. I want to crawl into a deep hole and start this day all over again.
Dark and Sexy eyes me amusingly, and again Iâm embarrassed. God, Iâm so transparent itâs ridiculous. Could I be any more flustered? Or klutzy, for that matter? I donât think so. When he reaches down to help me pick up the contents of my purse, Iâm suddenly eternally grateful there arenât any tampons in there. All at once, my muscles tense up and I dig my fingernails into my palm as I stare blankly over his shoulder.
He continues in silence, then looks up at me, waving my wallet in front of my face. âHey, are you alright?â
And Iâm immediately snapped back to the now.
Somehow I manage to find my voice. âYes, Iâm fine. I wasnât looking where I was going.â
He gives me a dubious grin. Iâm sure heâs thinking my excuse has bullshit written all over it. He finishes helping me with my purse and pulls me to my feet. When our fingers touch, I immediately feel a shudder move through my entire body.
âLet me at least buy you another drink. What was it you were drinking?â
At the moment, I canât even remember my own name, let alone what I was drinking. Brad returns with more towels. I see him shake
his head back and forth but Iâm too preoccupied to give it a second thought.
After hearing the question, Brad replies for me, âshe was drinking a Salted Caramel Mocha.â
Dark and Sexy immediately requests another one and I stand there like a fool, tapping my hand against my thigh, while his eyes feel up my entire body. Thankfully, Brad saves the day and returns with my drink.
âThank you, â I say, still a little taken aback by this whole fiasco.
Dark and Sexy pays for my drink and gives me a wink, says âanytime,â and heads out the door. No name, no introduction, and he didnât even get a drink for himself. What the hell?
By the time I arrive at work, itâs ten oâclock, and I know Robbyâs going to give me hell for being late. I sneak into my cubicle, shove my purse in the drawer, flip on my computer, and take note of the demonic red light on my phone blinking at top speed. I sigh loudly, so much so, that when I look behind me, Robby is standing there. His dirty blonde hair is perfectly coiffed and heâs wearing one of his signature silk shirts, this one hunter green, black pants, and loafers. His arms are crossed over his chest, his foot tapping, and his lips form an annoying grin when I make eye contact.
Busted.
âGabby, dahling. Do you realize what time it is?â
I swallow hard. âYes, Robby. Iâm really sorry. I had a bit of a difficult morning.â
âWell, difficult morning or not, thereâs work to be done. As it is, I had to deal with the calls you were supposed to be taking, and you know how much that pains me.â
âI know. It wonât happen again.â
âGood, now letâs get to work. Have a look at your latest sticky notes. I couldnât sleep last night so I started then.â
Lovely. âOkay, Robby, thanks.â When Robby leaves, I put my head on my desk. Could this day get any worse?
*
âARE YOU FUCKING serious?â Fran asks me when I get back to our apartment.
âI know. This is the second time heâs made me crazy with lust, and he hasnât even touched me.â
âSo let me get this straight, you saw the hot guy at the coffee shop and dropped your drink and your purseâ¦geez, that must have really turned him on,â she deadpans.
âVery funny. I donât know what the hell happened. I never thought Iâd see him again, so when I did, it caught me completely off guard.â
Franâs eyebrows crease and her lips press together. âSo no name, no introduction, no drink, and he just left.â
âYup, that about sums it up.â
âWhat the hell?â
âExactly. It was very odd. But, if I thought he was hot from a distance, you should have seen him up close. Dear Lord. Those green eyes were mesmerizing, that mouth was intoxicating, and his body…well, it screamed sheet-clawing sex.â A light bulb immediately goes off in my head. âNot to change this hot topic, but do you want to be my date for the company party next Monday? Itâs actually going to be pretty cool. Thereâll be food, drink, and lots of hot guys.â
That last comment clinches it. Fran looks excited. âWell, thatâs an offer I canât refuse. I even have the perfect dress to wear! Iâll be right back. I want to try it on for you.â She disappears down the hallway excitedly.
I open the fridge and pull out the leftover pad thai, pop it in the microwave for two minutes, grab a fork from the drawer, and dig in. After five minutes, Fran still hasnât come out of her room. âHey, hot stuff! Letâs see that dress!â I call out, but she doesnât respond. I put down my fork, chomp on the last bit of pad thai, and walk down the nonexistent hallway to her bedroom.
When I step in, her black dress is laid out neatly on the bed and sheâs standing in front of the full-length mirror wearing nothing but her bra and panties, clutching her belly, and staring at herself. âAre you going to put that sexy dress on, or what?â I ask, but she doesnât answer.
I walk up behind her and put my hand on her shoulder. âFran, what is it?â
She continues to stare in the mirror. Her eyes are glazed over and her hand passes across her stomach again and again, tracing hundreds of tiny scars. âI remember the first time my dad cut me. I was five years old. My mom had gone back out to the grocery store after he pushed her into the wall because she forgot his favorite cereal. He came into my roomâ¦holding itâ¦the small paring knifeâ¦the one my mom cut fruits and vegetables withâ¦â
I can see in her eyes that sheâs there, back in her memories, so I squeeze her shoulders, put my arm around her chest, and pull her back against me.
âHe told me he was doing it on my belly because no one could see it. He said it would be our special placeâ¦that after, he would put my favorite Dora Band-aids on for me. He always gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me he was doing it because he loved me.â Tears roll down her cheeks. âI was so scared. I kept praying my mom would come home and save me, but she never did. She couldnât even save herself, Gabby. How was she going to save me? Now I have all these horrible scars, and I wonder if Iâll ever find anyone who isnât silently disgusted by the way I look once my shirt comes off.â
A tear tumbles down my cheek. I turn her around and take her precious face in my hands. âFran, youâre beautiful and anyone who canât see that doesnât deserve you.â I wipe the tears from her eyes. âWhat brought all this on?â
She tears her gaze from mine and stares at the carpet. âMy mom called me today. My dad got in contact with herâ¦he wants to know where I am. He wants to see me.â
Fran hasnât seen her dad since she was ten years old, the exact time when the desire to ever see him again disappeared. His abuse of both her and her mom left permanent scars not only on her body, but on her heart. The thought of seeing him again terrifies her. I didnât meet Fran until after the horrors of her childhood, but the damage remains. The cigarette burns on her thighs and small cuts on her stomach are only the physical reminders. The thought of anyone ever hurting her again makes me sick to my stomach. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect her.
My jaw clenches and my shoulders tense up. âAnd your mom said no way in hell, right?â
Fran exhales a harsh breath. âYeah, she didnât tell him, but Iâm worried because you know how persistent and resourceful he can be when he wants something. I donât want anything to do with him. Do you remember how many years of therapy I went through to try to heal from his bullshit? The emotional scars are fading, I guess.â She runs her hand along her belly and across her thighs. âBut these? These will never go away.â
What could I say? Words seem pointless. There are no words to heal. Only time and love can do that. So I just hold her.
CHAPTER THREE
THE WEEK FLEW BY and itâs already Monday. I wish the company party were on a Friday, but what can you do? This is the first year Iâm attending and I hear itâs awesome. It feels like a bit of a privilege, especially given the value I place on my importance at the firm; very little. Colleagues, clients, and even celebrities attend; itâs pretty extravagant. A colleague told me that last year she saw Brad Pitt, which is wild. She stared at him the entire night, but Iâm pretty sure heâs used to it.
Itâs my first work party and I donât have a date. Well, I do, and itâs Fran, which is okay. We get to dress up, drink champagne, and drool over hot guys. I canât think of anything better to do with my best friend. And I get to wear the dress Fran coerced me into buying at Bloomingdaleâs.
After Iâm dressed, I glance at myself in the full-length mirror. My nerves are on end because Iâm not used to wearing clothes this revealing. I practically feel naked. My only saving grace is that I leave my hair down so itâs sleek, shiny and straight. It lands on
my breasts and covers up some skin. The silky fabric of the dress falls just past my clean-shaven thighs; shorter than I normally wear, but not so short that someone will have a heart attack if I bend over.
I hear my mother and father in my head. Dear, your private parts should not be on public display like that, it will attract the wrong type of person; like Clark. Sitting down on my bed, I put my head in my hands. My motherâs an idiot. She couldnât have been more wrong. Clark was exactly the right type of person.
I try to gather my thoughts and rekindle my excitement for the night. Maybe Iâll get lucky. Fran obviously thinks I need it and maybe sheâs right. When I walk out of my room, the sight of her jars me from any wayward thoughts. She looks absolutely stunning in a short, black, fitted, off-the-shoulder dress, complemented by red stilettos. Her black hair is pinned up in a messy bun and her makeup dramatic.
âFran, you look gorgeous.â Iâm consistently blown away by her beauty.
She gives me the once over and it appears she approves. âYou look beautiful, Gabby! Really sexy! In fact, you might even get yourself laid tonight.â
Fran and her one track mind.
*
THE PARTY IS BEING held at the gorgeous W Hotel in Union Square. The event is attended by about two hundred people. Clients, employees, and local celebrities flock to the party every year. As we arrive at the W, Iâm instantly pleased that Fran suckered me into buying this dress. The women look stunning, and the guys, well, theyâre seriously mouthwatering. Photographers are snapping pictures left and right. If there was a red carpet, Iâd think we were at The Oscars.