by Violet Duke
âDo you want another one?â he asked as he stood, heading back into the house.
Yep. Heâd finished it. And he was getting another one.
Thatâs not a good sign. âNope, Iâm good.â Haley had only taken the one sip from hers.
Coming back through the sliding screen door, Eddie was already well on his way to finishing off the second bottle and she noticed he had a third in his hand.
âOh, no. I said Iâm good,â she reiterated as he sat back down.
âItâs for me,â he explained unapologetically.
Ooookay.
âWhat has she been saying?â The tension in Eddieâs voice broke Haleyâs heart. She was seriously regretting the fact that sheâd decided to bring up the touchy subject. But she had no idea what else to do.
Sheâd already tried talking to his little sister Chelle, and she had zero advice to give her. In fact, sheâd said that, since Lacey had left, no one in their family even spoke her name. Chelle told Haley about the few times sheâd tried to broach the taboo subject out of genuine concern for her brother and heâd shut her down and practically bitten her head off.
Haley braced herself. Eddie adored Chelle. He would do anything for Chelle and Emily. From what Haley had heard around town and from her cousin Riley, Eddie and Chelleâs parents werenât bad really, they just werenât around. At all. They were absent. Much more interested in their own social lives.
Her own mom had told her a story about when Mr. and Mrs. Thomas had left on a European vacation when Eddie was a freshman in high school, leaving him in charge. Chelle had gotten sick when they were gone. Really sick. Sheâd been running a temperature of one hundred and three. Eddie had stayed by her side the entire time.
Heâd been the quarterback of the varsity football team, which was a big deal. He was the first and only freshman to ever earn that honor before or since at H. C. High. Some of the team moms had offered to stay with Chelle while he went to the game, but he wouldnât go. Everyone had tried to help. Her mom had stayed at the house with Katie (Chelleâs best friend) and also Katieâs Aunt Wendy, just in case they needed anything, but Eddie had refused to leave her side.
Haleyâs mom had said that for three days he sat beside her. He didnât eat. Didnât sleep. Just took care of Chelle, making sure that she took sips of water, feeding her soup, and even wiping her face with cold cloths. Finally, her fever did break, thank God.
His parents hadnât even cut their vacation short. In fact, theyâd stayed an extra week.
Haley only thought about that now because if heâd yelled at his beloved sister for bringing up his ex, who knew how he would react to Haley doing it.
But it wasnât about her, she reminded herself. It was about Emily. Sometimes when she was around Eddie or even thought about Eddie, she reverted to acting like a teenager with a crush. But she was an adult. She could have an adult conversation with him. So she laid out the facts.
âShe asks questions mostly. Did I know Lacey? What was she like? What is it like having a mom?â
Eddie listened, showing absolutely no reaction at all. After a few moments, he spoke calmly. âWhat do you tell her?â
Haley let out a breath she hadnât even been aware sheâd been holding. Maybe this conversation wouldnât go south after all.
Shrugging, Haley said, âThe truth. That I knew of her but didnât really know her. That she always seemed to be having a good time, like she was a fun person. As far as what it was like having a mom, well, I guess I do downplay that. I just donât want to upset Em or make her feel like sheâs missing out on something.â
Eddieâs expression hardened and his jaw tensed. Haley felt the air swoosh out of her lungs as her stomach dropped down to the ground. Maybe this little talk would end up with Eddie getting upset after all. She might have been counting her this-is-going-to-be-fine chickens before they hatched.
âBut she is. Missing out on something.â Eddieâs voice sounded tortured, and he took another swig of beer.
Haleyâs heart twisted in her chest. âYou are an amazing dad. Em is so lucky to have you.â
âBut no matter what, Iâm not her mom.â Eddie shook his head. âI can never fill that role.â
âLook, I was lucky enough to have both my parents, but look at my cousins. They grew up with Uncle Bob and they are fine.â
âJuryâs still out on that,â Eddie said flatly.
Haley smiled. She knew this was tough for him, but relief washed over her that he was at least joking around a little bit.
âAnd they were boys,â Eddie pointed out. âBoys are different.â
No kidding.
âEm has Chelle, me, my mom, and sisters. The list goes on and on with how many people adore and love that little girl.â
Eddie nodded, and Haley did feel like he was at least trying to take in what she was saying. Looking back across the yard and into the dark night, Eddie got a faraway look on his face.
Haley wasnât sure what he was thinking about and she kind of wanted-slash-needed to find out the answer to the question that had brought this entire subject up, which was what she was supposed to say when Emily asked her about it. But she had always had a gift of reading the room, and this was not the time for her follow-up question.
She would give him a few quiet moments, let him sit with it. Then, for Emily, she would ask. Again.
*
EDDIE KNEW THAT as Emily grew older heâd have to face the fact that sheâd have questions. It was only natural. He just couldnât believe how grown up she was.
When Em was a baby, during the crying, the sleepless nights, the teething, the terrible twos, heâd honestly thought that those would be the hardest times with her. That once she was able to do things on her own, be more independent, talk, and tell him what she needed, it would get easier. But the truth was, the time when she was an infant had been the easy part. Yes, it had been exhausting and draining, but heâd been able to protect her, take care of her. Heâd had complete control.
Now, he felt like things were quickly spiraling out of control. She wanted to go to sleepovers, wear makeup, get a bra. And the scariest want of allâto find out about her mother.
Eddie knew he needed to stop trying to avoid and prolong the inevitable. Facing all of this head-on was truly the only thing to do. But for once, he knew he couldnât do it alone.
Turning back to Haley, he was momentarily sidetracked when he saw that she had propped her legs up on the chair sitting opposite her. Eddieâs hungry gaze traveled from her delicate ankles that were crossed one over the other, up to her slender, sun-kissed calves, to her sexy, toned thighs. Her dress cut off his sensual visual journey mid-thigh.
Damn. Eddieâs hands itched to run up under her dress. Every fiber of his being was burning with a primal need to touch her. A vision flashed in his mindâs eye of her straddling his lap, her dress bunched up at her waist, his hands roaming beneath it, touching the baby soft skin of her inner thigh, traveling farther to herâ¦
âEddie?â Haleyâs voice snapped him out of his soon-to-be X-rated daydream. âAre you okay?â Her tentative, caring voice pulled at another part of his anatomyâhis heart.
Haley didnât just look after Emily, which would have been more than enough. She always wanted to make sure that he was okay. She regularly went out of her way to take care of him, like when she cleaned up, packed his lunches, and made dinners and put them in the freezer.
Eddie wasnât used to that. No one had ever taken care of him. Heâd always been the caregiver. First with Chelle, then with Lacey, and now with Emily. His mom had certainly not been the nurturing type. In fact, he remembered when he had chicken pox in first grade they had told him to stay in his room so he didnât infect the house with hi
s germs. His mom would leave his meals on trays outside his door and ask if he needed anything, but she wouldnât even come into the room and check on him.
âEddie,â Haley repeated, concern filling her soft voice as her face scrunched in worry.
âYeah, Iâm fine. Sorry,â Eddie assured her as he shook his head a little. He seriously needed to snap out of it and get his head right.
âSoâ¦â Haley took another deep breath, and Eddie noticed that she was wiggling her toes. She was nervous.
âYou donât have to be nervous, Hales.â Eddie knew he wasnât acting like himself tonight, but the last thing he wanted was for Haley to be nervous around him.
âIâm not nervous.â Haley looked at him like she had no idea what he was talking about.
âOkay.â Eddie sat back in his chair. He wasnât going to push the point, but he knew she was.
Haley stared at him with an assessing look in her eye for a few moments before asking, âHow did you know I was nervous?â
Eddie raised one brow in challenge. âI thought you said you werenât.â
She tilted her head with an expression that clearly communicated, âStop being a smartass.â
He smiled. Eddie loved the fact that whatever Haley was feeling or thinking was written clear as day on her face. Sadly, it made her poker game suffer. Heâd seen her get slaughtered at the table during Sloan family game nights on more than one occasion.
And it wasnât just her facial expressions that gave away her mood or thoughts. Haley had more tells than politicians had hookers. She was a walking, breathing, talking tell.
When she was nervous, she wiggled her toes and/or bit the inside of her lip. If she was thinking, concentrating, or working something out, she twisted her hair. When she was happy about something, her voice went up an octave. And after tonight, he knew that when she was turned on, her breathing became shallow and a light pink blush crept up her chest.
Eddie tilted his beer towards her feet before taking another swig. âYou wiggle your toes when youâre nervous.â
Haleyâs toes immediately stopped moving as she looked down at her feet, asking in disbelief, âI do?â
Eddie nodded. She did.
âHow do you⦠I meanâ¦who told you that?â Haley turned her head and narrowed her eyes, looking at him like she was a detective trying to get down to the bottom of a great mystery.
âNo one,â Eddie answered honestly.
Tilting her head, clearly not convinced, she asked, âThen how did you know that?â
âI noticed it.â Eddie looked straight into her crystal blue eyes as he admitted, âI notice a lot about you.â
Haleyâs eyes widened and her breathing once again came in shorter pants. That blush he had been thinking about appeared just above the swell of her breasts and continued up the smooth skin of her neck. Eddie should not have added that last admission. He could blame the alcohol, but sadly, he wasnât even feeling the slightest bit buzzed.
Well, that wasnât entirely true. He did feel a strong buzzing, but it was from arousal, not from the two beers heâd pounded back. Knowing that he needed to get this conversation back on track, Eddie asked, âSo why were you nervous?â
âOh, that.â Haley blinked and swallowed hard. âI just need to know how you want me to field the Lacey questions when they come up.â
âI think how youâve been handling it up until now is fine. Honesty usually is the best policy.â
âOkay, but what about when she asks why her mom left?â Haley questioned.
âSheâs asked you that?â Eddie was surprised that Emily had asked Haley that. Sheâd only ever asked him that once. And that was over a year ago.
âSeveral times,â Haley confirmed.
âDamn.â Eddie rubbed his hands over his face. âWell, I told her that, even though her mom loved her very much, she just couldnât be a mom. But that she would always love her.â
âWhat did happen?â Haley hesitantly asked. âWith Lacey.â
Eddie didnât talk about this. Ever. But for some reason, tonight, under the stars, sitting in his backyard with Haley, it all just came flowing out of him like her three-word question had broken down the wall to an emotional dam.
âWell, I donât know how well you knew her, but Lacey was wild. In high school, she experimented with drugs. I mean, a lot of us did, but she took it further than any of the rest of us. Her home life was bad. Really bad. And I think she used alcohol and drugs to escape it.
âThen, when we graduated, she left. Went away to college. You probably know I stayed here and started working for Sloan Construction. School was good for her. She got clean. We kept in touch. I still loved her. She said she still loved me. After college, she came back to town and we hooked up again. I honestly thought we had a real chance. She was different.
âShe hadnât been home more than a few months before I proposed. She accepted and moved in with me, but that was as far as it went. She didnât show any interest in planning the wedding. Never talked about it. I thought it was a little strange. I had always heard girls lived for that stuff.
âAbout a year after she was back, things were getting a little rocky between us. I could tell she was restless. Every day, I expected to come home and see a Dear John note sitting on the kitchen table. Then one day, on a random Thursday, I came home and there was a note, but instead of saying she was leaving, it said that she was pregnant.â
âShe told you in a note?â
Eddie had never told another soul what he was about to reveal to Haley. Not his sister, not Riley, no one.
âYeah. It also said that she needed time to think. I didnât see her or hear from her for three days. I tried all of her friends. They said they didnât know where she was. I called and left so many messages I filled up her mailbox. She never called me back. I was going crazy. I didnât know what her head space was like. What she might be thinking.
âThen, Sunday afternoon, she walked into the house. I remember how skinny she looked and that there were dark circles under her eyes. She told me that sheâd decided she was going to have an abortion. That sheâd already scheduled it for the next week.â
Eddieâs gut turned as he remembered that day. âI didnât know how much I had already fallen in love with my unborn baby until the moment she told me she wasnât keeping it. I begged her not to do it. She told me she wasnât ready to be a mom and I told her that it was okay. That I was ready enough for the both of us.
âIt took a lot of convincing, but she finally agreed to keep the baby.â Taking a deep breath, Eddie looked down at the lines in the wood boards of his deck. âI honestly thought that once Lacey held the baby in her arms, her maternal instinct would kick in and everything would fall into place.â
Looking back up at Haley, he saw tenderness and compassion in her expressive baby blue eyes. âThat didnât happen. She just never bonded with her. I do believe she loved her, but she was right. She wasnât ready to be a mom. After a few months, she started staying out all night. Partying. I wouldnât even leave Emily with her when I went to work because I was afraid she would get high.
âThen she just left. I came home from work with Emily and all of Laceyâs things were gone. No note. Nothing. After a year of no contact with her, I filed for full custody of Emily. Thatâs it. I knew that she hadnât been ready and Iâd pushed her anyway. I just thought I could love her and the baby enough for the both of us.â
Haley sat forward in her chair and Eddie felt her hand on his knee. The innocent contact shot straight to his groin.
âListen. You wanted Emily and you fought to keep her. How many dads can say that?â
Eddie looked up at Hal
eyâs earnest expression and warmth replaced the hollow feeling that had taken up residence in his chest while he had been rehashing the past.
âThat girl is lucky to have you,â Haley said with sincerity pouring out of her. âAny girl would be lucky to have you.â
Damn.
He really wished that she wouldnât look at him like thatâwith hero worship in her eyes. She obviously had a very wrong impression of who he was. If sheâd been back at that hotel room and seen how he had treated Claire, he knew that would turn the rose-colored glasses she liked to use while looking at him into a magnifying glass. His flaws would be on large display.
After several silent moments, she removed her hand from his knee. He immediately missed the contact. Sitting back, she spoke with a smile in her tone. âThere is one more thing.â
âWhat?â Eddie wasnât sure how much more he could take tonight. Heâd already had to use more self-control than he had even known heâd possessed not to strip her out of her clothes and take her in the kitchen. Then heâd bared his soul for the first time in his life. âOne more thingâ might be too much.
âEmily asked me to make her a bra for her birthday.â Haley sliced a look at him, and he could see that she thought he might lose his shit over that declaration.
âYeah, she asked me if she could get one today.â
A smile crept up her beautiful face. âAnd you said ânoâ.â
âYes,â Eddie stated firmly. âSheâs too young for stuff like that.â
Haley sat quietly, and it made Eddie wonder if he was right. He didnât really have a lot to go off of other than the fact that he was pretty sure that girls needed bras when they developed and Emily was far from developed. But with Haley not immediately agreeing with him, it made a niggling feeling of doubt take root.
Before he knew it, he asked, âRight?â
Actually it was more like he barked it butâ¦
Haley looked as though she were choosing her words carefully. Sitting up a little straighter, she said, âYes, I do think that sheâs a little young still. I didnât get my first training bra until I was ten. Butââ