Jack braced his hands on his hips. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Billy crawled to the door and swung his legs over and dropped to the ground. He looked up at Jack, squinting against the sun. "Running away with you."
Jack grabbed him by the arm and marched him a few feet away, then spun him around. "Does Alayna know where you are?"
"No, sir."
"Do you have any idea how worried she must be right now?"
Billy ducked his head and chipped at the rough asphalt driveway with the toe of his tennis shoe. "I guess she'd be pretty worried."
"Well, I'm taking you back," Jack said angrily as he tugged the boy by the elbow and dragged him toward a phone booth. "But first we're going to call her and tell her you are all right."
Billy dug in his heels, dragging Jack to a stop. "No, please, Jack," he begged. "Don't take me back. I want to go with you."
Jack braced his hands on his hips, glaring down at the boy. "You're not going with me, all right? You're going back to Alayna's." He whirled and marched on. "Now come on. We're going to call her."
Billy ran to catch up with him, pulling on the back of his shirt to stop him. "No, Jack, please. I don't want to go back there. I want to go with you." When Jack turned to glare at him again, Billy's eyes were filled with tears. "I won't be any trouble. I promise. And I can work for you, just like I did when we were at Alayna's. I'll work hard. You'll see. And I won't eat much, so you don't have to worry about buying me a bunch of food. Please, Jack?"
Jack inhaled deeply, and slowly dropped to a knee. "Billy, you have a home with Alayna. I don't have a home for you."
"I don't need a home. I can sleep in the camper with you. There's room."
"Alayna will miss you, Billy."
He ducked his head. "No, she won't. Not for long, anyways. Nobody wants me. My mom and dad didn't. And those other foster people didn't, either. They just keep me for a while then move me on to another house. Nobody cares what happens to me."
Jack watched a tear fall and splat against the asphalt. Setting his jaw, he stretched out an arm and yanked Billy hard against his chest and to his knee. "I care, Billy," he said, his voice gruff with emotion. "And Alayna does, too."
"Then t-take me with you, J-Jack. Ple-e-ease?"
Jack let his head fall back as pain ripped through his chest. How could he turn his back on this boy who needed him? How many more parts of his heart could he afford to leave behind before there was nothing left? How could he bear to say goodbye to the kid one more time? How far would he have to run before he realized that he couldn't outrun his grief? It always seemed to be there waiting for him, when he stopped to catch his breath.
And how could he leave Alayna? How could he survive even a day without the beauty of her smile, the comfort and warmth of her touch? He needed her. He wanted her. He loved her.
Setting his jaw, Jack gathered Billy up in his arms and carried him to the truck. He opened the door and sat Billy down on the passenger seat and strapped the seat belt around him. Billy watched him through tear-filled eyes. "What're you doin? Where're you goin', Jack?" he asked when Jack started to close the door.
Jack paused, then reached inside and cupped his hand over Billy's head. "I'm going to call Alayna and tell her that we're coming home."
"We?" Billy echoed. "You mean you're going home, too?"
Jack blew out a long breath. "If Alayna will let me stay."
Billy let out a whoop, kicking his feet up in the air. "She'll let you stay, Jack! I just know she will."
Alayna paced in front of the window, casting nervous glances out the window. "They should be here by now," she said with a nervous glance at the grandfather clock.
"You know how kids are," Mandy soothed. "Jack probably had to stop every couple of miles to feed Billy or let him use the restroom."
Alayna choked on a laugh. "No, I don't know how kids are, but I'm learning. The hard way." She pressed her hands against her temples. "Oh, Mandy. What if Billy doesn't want to stay with me any longer? How will I ever be able to let him go?"
Mandy wrapped her arms around Alayna and hugged her. "That's the hell of being a parent," she said with a sigh. "We never know how long we'll have to hold on to them." She planted her hands on Alayna's shoulders and dipped her head to meet her cousin's gaze. "Look at Jack. He had a son and lost him way before he was ready to let go. My Jaime is almost seventeen and he's already kicking at the chute wanting Jesse and me to let him run free." She sighed again. "And I'm not ready to let him go.
"I don't know that I'll ever be ready. It's a mother's curse," she said wrapping an arm around Alayna's shoulder and walking with her to the door. "We work so hard to teach our children to be independent, then we cry when they leave us and strike out on their own." She shook her head, then pulled Alayna closer to her side. "Just love him while you have him," she told her. "That's the best a mother can do."
Mandy pushed open the screen door. "Jaime! Jesse! Load those kids into the truck and let's head home."
Jaime waved and scooped Molly from the swing and onto his back, giving her a piggyback ride. Jesse followed at a slower pace, holding his Stetson over Meggie to shield her face from the low-hanging sun.
Mandy smiled as she watched her husband and son. "But all the headaches and heartaches are worth it," she added, then turned and offered Alayna a reassuring smile. "You'll see."
Alayna heard the sound of a truck and raced to the window, shoving back the drape to press her nose against the glass. Twin dots of light bounced toward her through the darkness, growing larger by the second. With her heart in her throat, she opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch just as Jack braked to a stop and switched off the headlights. He opened his door, stepped to the ground and closed it behind him. He paused, turning to look at her. She lifted a hand, and he did the same.
She tried her best to get a good look at his face, to read his expression.
Before she could, he turned away and rounded the hood, moving to the passenger door. He opened it, and ducked inside. Moments later, he reappeared, carrying Billy in his arms.
Alayna raced down the steps to meet him. "Is he hurt?" she asked, laying a hand on Billy's bent knee.
"No. Asleep. I think he probably stayed up all night waiting for an opportunity to sneak out to the camper and hide."
Alayna stepped back, giving Jack room to pass. "Thank heavens," she murmured with relief, then ran to open the front door for him.
She followed him up the stairs to Billy's room, and helped him strip off the boy's clothes and tuck him into bed. Once they'd accomplished the task, they stood side by side, both staring down at the sleeping boy, their arms folded across their chests as if afraid that they might accidentally touch each other if they let them dangle free.
Alayna leaned a shoulder against Jack's, lifting her hand from her forearm to squeeze his. "Thanks for bringing him home," she whispered. "I was so worried."
Jack dropped his arms and placed a hand against the small of her back, giving her a nudge toward the door. "I imagine you were."
They walked down the stairs together, and Alayna was at a loss as to what to say. Everything in her told her to grab ahold of Jack and beg him to stay but she realized how unfair that would be to him. She had to be strong for his sake.
At the foot of the stairs, she forced a smile, knowing that dragging out the goodbye would only make it worse for both of them. "I really appreciate your bringing Billy home."
Jack stopped and pulled off his cap, crushing it between his hands. "It was no trouble." He cleared his throat, and dropped his gaze to his hat. Slowly he smoothed the creases from it. "Alayna, you said something to me last night that I haven't been able to get off my mind."
She cocked her head, looking at him in puzzlement. "What?"
"You said that you loved me."
Alayna felt the heat crawl up her neck and stain her cheeks. "Yes, I did. I mean, I do." She huffed a breath, stiffening her arms at her si
des. "What I mean to say, is that, yes, I love you, but that places you under no obligation to love me in return."
Jack looked up at her. "I wasn't finished yet," he said, trying not to smile.
"Oh." She pressed a hand to her throat in embarrassment, then waved it at him. "Well, go on, then. What was it that I said that has been troubling you?"
"You said that I didn't have to say it back."
Alayna looked at him, confused. "Well, that's exactly what I meant to say. You don't have to say it back. A person can have feelings for another person without that person having to return those same feelings."
Jack shook his head as if to clear it. "Is that a bunch of that psychological mumbo jumbo you picked up in that fancy school you went to back east?"
"What?"
"That 'this person and that person' stuff? Because if it is, you're gonna have to say it in plain English if you want me to understand."
Alayna pursed her lips. "What it means, in layman's terms," she added pointedly, "is this. I can love you without you feeling obligated to love me back."
"But I do."
"Well, fine, then. Now why don't we—" She stopped, her eyes going wide. "You what?"
"I do."
"You do, what?"
"I do love you."
Alayna could only stare. "You do?"
Jack gave his chin a jerk. "Yeah, I do."
She slipped a hand to cover her mouth, and the other to clutch her stomach.
"You're not going to get sick, are you?" Jack asked, peering at her closely. "'Cause if you are, I'll run and fetch you a basin or something to throw up in."
Alayna sputtered a laugh that sounded more like a sob, and waved her hand in front of her face to stem the tears that threatened. "No, I'm not going to get sick. I'm just—I'm just surprised, is all. Oh, Jack, I—"
But then she was in his arms and his mouth was on hers, stealing her words as well as her breath. "Alayna, Alayna, Alayna," he murmured, rocking her from side to side as he absorbed her warmth and the feel of her. "I don't want to run anymore."
She caught his face between her hands and held him there. "You don't have to, Jack. You're home now."
He closed his eyes and leaned to press his forehead against hers, wanting to believe that it was that easy. "But I'm scared, Alayna. Scared I'll screw this up somehow." He drew back to meet her gaze. "I want to marry you, and be a father to Billy, and Molly and Meggie, but I'm scared that I'll disappoint you, that I'll let you all down somehow."
Alayna pressed her hands against his cheeks. "But you will disappoint me, Jack. And I'll disappoint you, too. As well as the children. That's just part of life. But our love for each other is what will carry us over the rough spots."
Jack groaned and pulled her into his arms, burying his nose in her hair. "I do love you, Alayna. I love you so much it hurts."
"And I love you," she whispered, hugging him close.
He drew back again, cupping her shoulders within his hands. He dipped his knees, looking deeply into her eyes. "I want to have a baby. Us," he clarified. "I want us to have a baby. One of our own."
He watched the blood drain from her face and wondered what he'd said to make her react that way.
"I can't have children, Jack. I told you that."
"But I thought you meant—never mind," he said, and pulled her into his arms again. But this time her arms didn't come up to wrap around him and hug him back.
And Jack knew he'd said the wrong thing.
Slowly he stepped back, sliding his hands down her arms to capture her hands. "It doesn't matter, Alayna."
"Yes, it does," she said, dropping her chin. "If not now, it will later. You're young and healthy. You could have more children if you wanted to."
Jack released one of her hands to push a knuckle beneath her chin, forcing her gaze to his. "No, it doesn't matter," he said softly. "Not now, and not later. I've got you, and that's all I'll ever want or need. But if you want to fill this house with kids, then that's fine with me. I'll love them, too. And if you want to adopt some of those kids, that's okay, too. We'll provide for them all the best we can."
Unable to bear the misery in her eyes, Jack pulled her into his arms again, rubbing his hand up and down her back, willing her to believe him, to trust that he'd never renege on his promise. "I only said I wanted us to have a baby of our own because I thought that was what you wanted," he explained. "Truly, Alayna, I'm satisfied with exactly what we've got. I give you my word on that."
Slowly he felt the resistance ease from her body. Slower still, he felt her arms lift to wrap around his waist. Then she was hugging him with a fierceness that nearly stole his breath.
"And you never go back on your word, do you, Jack?" she said, drawing back far enough to look at him.
"No, ma'am, I don't," he said. "My word's as good as any legal document you could have drawn up."
"And I have your word that I can fill this house up with children?"
"Yes, ma'am," he said, beginning to smile. "As many as you want."
"And we can adopt some of them, too, if we're offered the opportunity?"
"Yes, ma'am," he said, laughing. "As many as you want."
"Then let's get married."
"That's a damn good idea."
"For better or worse," she said, pressing a finger against his lips and looking deeply into his eyes, "I'm yours."
"And I'm yours," he returned, and swung her up in his arms.
"Can I be the first kid you adopt?"
Jack froze and he and Alayna both looked up to find Billy sitting at the top of the stairs, his legs swinging from between the banister spools.
"That depends," Jack said, narrowing an eye at the boy.
"On what?" Billy asked.
"On how fast you can get back to bed."
Billy was on his feet and running before Jack could blink his eyes.
"I'm fast," Billy yelled over his shoulder. "Really, really, fast."
Jack chuckled and shifted Alayna in his arms, searching for a better grip. He jerked his head in the direction of the stairs. "Are you sure you want a houseful of kids like him?"
"Yes," she said laughing. "Just like Billy."
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That McCloud Woman Page 15
