by Jenny Brex
The entire experience confused her. Her body took over where her mind left off. If only she could go back in time and relive the experience. Alas, it was better left in the past. Besides, she wanted to focus all of her energy on her mother when she came home from the hospital. Then she’d have to pack up and go to the encampment that had only been postponed for a short period, not canceled.
There was no room for romance. She’d be gone for months before returning. It was silly to believe he’d still be interested after so much time had passed. She knew what guys were like…and guys like Jake. He’d snap his fingers and some other girl would run to his side and kiss him the same way. She’d be forgotten like yesterday’s news. Probably for the best. She didn’t have time to deal with the nonsense that was Jake Marchetti.
She had research to do, a career to start, a life to live. She’d simply been caught up in the excitement of reconnecting with her bear. An adrenaline rush that shot out of control, it’s all that it was. But what a memory to keep by her side, tucked in her pocket, before leaving for her maternity denning research. The memory was one she could relive over and over again. She’d missed out on that part of her youth, the one where others were dating each other, kissing, learning about their sexuality. She was well beyond that stage, and still with no past. Only a man in Alaska, a couple of kisses, and her memories would keep her warm in the late Alaskan nights.
Keyoni tingled. The heat that flushed between her legs warmed her in other ways. She reached down to touch herself. That was one thing she knew about. It’s not like anybody else had touched her there. She wondered what it would feel like if it was his hand on her slick, wet lips and not her own. Embarrassed by the thought, she pulled her hand away and rolled over. Foolishness. One kiss did not make a perfect lover.
***
One kiss was all it took for him to know. And then another confirmed it. Then another told him he couldn’t walk away. There was no point in trying to deny what had happened. He needed to find a way to convince Keyoni to not only change course, but convince her that she should spend her future by his side. Hell, he didn’t even know that much about her, but the drive to know more became all-consuming. How had his life turned on its ear in such a short time? Nothing made sense.
Until he resolved this, the world would stop turning. His bear demanded his attention and time, and denying him would prove fruitless. Keyoni Kalani was apparently worth fighting for, a girl he hadn’t thought about in years, and now she was everything.
Didn’t he have a say in it? Couldn’t he change his mind? What if they weren’t compatible? Right, none of it mattered. His bear said otherwise. She was the one.
In his arms, when she’d allowed him to kiss her again, he knew. He felt it. Something magical happened. He could convince himself, but what about her? How would he stop her from leaving? Unless he went with her. Well, that wouldn’t work either. Not like he could just pop in on a bunch of researchers. Unless, her research became about him. Shifters. There was too little research on shifter genetics. Could she focus on something else? Fall in love with another branch of science?
Not that she could just walk away from the two years she owed for her school funding, but she’d be in Alaska, and not that far away. That meant he had two years to win her over, even if it was only for a short bit at a time. Nobody else mattered. The brakes of life had been slammed, and until he figured out how to win her over or bypass the craziness of it all, he had his work cut out for him.
Chapter 15
Keyoni’s mother arrived the following day. Her father had left early to get her. On returning, the joy on her face was undeniable. Keyoni still used kid gloves when hugging her mother, for fear of hurting her.
“I’m okay,” she said. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
Keyoni hugged her mother tighter. “Mom, what happened? Dad told me some of it, but I wanted to hear about your experience.”
Mrs. Kalani settled onto the sofa and pulled a nearby blanket over her lap out of habit. “I was so weak. I didn’t know if I’d make it much longer,”
“I was scared,” Keyoni admitted.
“And then I went to get up and stumbled. My entire body was trembling. I could barely talk or move. Your father carried me out to the car and got me to the hospital. I was terrified, afraid I’d die before I saw you.” She wiped a tear from her cheek.
Keyoni sat beside her mother. “Go on.”
“I grew weaker and weaker. They flooded me with saline and checked my bloodwork. When they saw what was happening, they pushed a drug through my veins to help me. Again, more bloodwork. When it came back, they were in shock. Nobody believed the results. I was making a complete turnaround. It didn’t make sense. So they ran them again. I started coming out of the fog I was in. It was as if everything did a complete 180. My bear spirit was fighting back. With the shifter genetics, we knew there was a good chance the experimental medication wouldn’t help me. It wasn’t made for shifters. So, I started having some weird reaction. I guess that’s when my bear pushed back and went into survival mode. I wish I understood why it waited. It’s as if it finally understood the direness of the situation. Usually, we’re one with each other, but since I’ve been ill, it’s been harder to connect as one entity. I’d been drifting along. Then my bear was beside me, making me stronger. They wanted to watch me— to make sure I didn’t backslide, but each time they ran my bloodwork it came back better and better.”
“None of it makes sense.” Keyoni said.
“You’re right, but then nobody has been doing the research that shifters desperately need. They can heal my human body to a point, but my bear DNA is braided with my human. That causes complications. All I know is that I got a second chance, and I wouldn’t have had one without my bear.”
Keyoni looked down, a bit embarrassed. “Mom, I shifted. I’d denied my bear for so long, but I asked for help, and it was amazing. I’m not sure what that actually means, but I tried.”
“Oh, sweetie!” Her mother leaned over to hug her. “That’s wonderful news. I’ve been hoping you’d reconnect. It’s a part of who you are.”
She nodded quietly. “When you’re feeling better, I have a couple of questions.”
“Ask away…”
“Not yet. You just got home and need to rest.”
“All I’ve done is rest. I want to go out and play and do fun things, and spend time with my family. It’s okay, I’m allowed. I’ve gotten my doctor’s clearance.”
“That’s great, Mom.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready quite yet, but maybe later. I was curious if you knew anything about fated mates?”
Her mother arched an eyebrow. “Interesting topic.”
Keyoni blushed. Her cheeks heated as she shrugged. “It’s more curiosity than anything.”
Her father chimed in. “Does this have anything to do with your friend who was here?”
“Dad! No!” She got up, suddenly uncomfortable. Would talking about it mean she was admitting something was there? “I just…I read something, and I wanted clarification.”
Her parents gave each other a knowing exchange of glances.
“Oh my God, stop!” Keyoni jumped up. “I’m going to read. If you need anything…”
“Keyoni,” her mother started. “I do need something.”
“What, Mom?”
“I need you to consider using the gift that you have and think about expanding your learning. You’re so smart, so gifted, and have the ability to make a difference…”
“What is it?”
“It’s a lot to ask. I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking a lot over the last twenty-four hours. What if you found the answers we so desperately need? Genetic research is so involved, and it’s not fair to ask you to change visions…I guess I was dreaming of you switching gears and maybe instead of focusing on sun bears after the polar research, maybe you’d consider researching shifter bears to help the medical field with answers. I’m sorry, it’s selfish of me. I wo
uld have been horrified if my parents had chosen my course.”
“It would take a lot more schooling, and when it comes to shifters there aren’t universities that expand on that territory.”
“What if you did the research, and you taught it, wrote papers, learned, helped form alliances with educators and the medical world for the shifter world?”
“An exciting new venture, no doubt,” Keyoni said. “I have no way to fund it, nobody behind me, and I think it’s way over my head.”
“Unless I spoke with others in the industry. We could start the very beginnings of it together. It would be underfunded at the start, but I might be able to arrange a few grants to get us started. We could put a team together…” Mr. Kalani’s mind churned. “We could become the very experts in the field that we so desperately need.”
“Wow, it’s a lot to think about, but it would be groundbreaking,” she said, thinking aloud.
“Alaska is the perfect place to get started,” he said. “During these next two years while you’re doing your school funding payback, we can be putting pieces together for the very first foundation that looks to improve the medical lives of shifters. Understanding their genetics, testing medications to help, and so much more. It would start small, but imagine how big it would become, and with the right research team, we could bring respect to the shifter world it deserves.”
Keyoni got up and paced. “Dad, you and me? And a team of experts? Is it more than we could handle?”
“Together, we can do anything,” he said. “And we could name the foundation after your mother.”
“No,” she said. “After all of us.”
“The Kalani Bear Shifter Alliance, a foundation for research and the betterment of shifter lives everywhere,” he teased like an announcer on a commercial.
“Maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves,” Keyoni said, reeling them back in.
Her mother nodded. “It was a thought.”
“And an exciting idea, but I still have student loans from my earlier years. Thankfully, the scholarships helped with my later schooling. I thought I’d never finish.”
“But you did,” Mrs. Kalani said with a proud smile. “Another doctor in the family. Ph.D., those are impressive letters to put after your name.”
Keyoni smiled shyly. “I didn’t think I’d get there.”
“And here I am, wanting to push you back into more schooling,” she answered. “I just worry for our society, our culture, our species. Since we’re such a small segment, we’ve been overlooked and shunned. Shifters have been around for ages, but it seems each year they want to push us back into the shadows.”
“I’ll think on it,” she said.
“Now about the fated mate topic, well, there’s a reason you asked, yes?”
Keyoni shrugged.
“You’ve heard the expression ‘soul mate’ as humans. It’s kind of the same thing, only this is a biological response more than a psychological one. It’s as if nature is speaking for us, almost like a pre-destiny. When you find your fated mate it’s very special. Not everybody gets to experience that.”
“Do you have to choose your fated mate? Or can you walk away?”
“You can try. Above it all, you’re a shifter, so your DNA is braided with both bear and human DNA. Your human mind takes the lead, and you always have free will. Can you walk away? That’s a difficult question. From what I’ve been told, you might believe you can, but you keep being drawn back to your mate. The connection is more powerful than we can explain. Fate is a funny thing, something we can joke about, but when it’s nature driving, sometimes all you can do is buckle in and go along for the ride.”
“What if your fated mate was your childhood bully?”
Mrs. Kalani slapped her hand over her mouth and gasped. “No?”
“One of them,” she started. “I wanted nothing to do with him, but the more I’m around him, the more it’s getting harder to deny an attraction. I’ve been home for a few days and it feels like my entire world turned on its head. He’s convinced we’re fated, says his bear won’t stop pestering him about it, and knows that I’m fighting my own revelations of desire. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Relationships, well, you know… And my career, and life, and this wasn’t in my plans. How am I supposed to deal with some guy I hated now telling me he can’t stop thinking about me, and every time he gets close, I want to kiss him? I’m so confused.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Her mother gave her a moment to collect her thoughts. “You sound overwhelmed.”
“I am, Mom. I am. I don’t know what’s up or down anymore. My brain and heart are divided, and I’ll be honest, as much as I hated him I want him near me. The timing couldn’t be worse, and yet what if I’d never met him again? Would I go through life wondering if there’s somebody out there for me?”
“We don’t have to choose those we’re fated to, but usually the connection that we form, the bond is supposed to be something of the heavens. I’m sorry I don’t have other answers for you. I didn’t go through that, but thankfully I found my ‘soul mate’ in your father.”
“Why can’t life be easier?” she sighed. “I’m horrified that somebody that taunted me as a child…never mind. He was a kid, too. Not that I’m excusing it, but at ten or twelve we don’t have the maturity to grasp the harm that we’re doing. It makes me angry, because he hurt me. I want to be angry at the adult he is today. And yet, how is that fair to him? He was a child. What was going on in his life that he needed to turn to these tactics? I hate that I’m even considering the ideas that haunted me for ages. This isn’t how life is supposed to happen.”
“If there’s one thing I can tell you about life,” Mr. Kalani said, “it’s that everything changes and things you thought you knew can be an illusion. I remember when we made the decision to send you to live with my mother. It tore at me to let you go so far away. I hated that my work was here. I should have moved all of us together. We missed important years, and at the time I thought I was making the right decision. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. It’s easy to look back knowing everything you know and make a different decision. What’s not so easy is understanding that you only have that moment to decide.”
Keyoni walked over to her father and hugged him. “I thrived in Hawaii. Going there was good for me, but I missed you both. Allowing me the freedom to go helped me when I needed it most.”
“What do you need now?”
She looked away. “I need to find a way to make peace with the thoughts rolling through my mind. I can’t stop thinking about him, and that makes me angry. The question becomes, how long will I have to fight my feelings, or do I give in and stop trying to go against the grain?”
“Nobody can answer that for you,” her mother said quietly.
Chapter 16
“We need to talk,” she said, standing at Jake’s door.
“Keyoni? I just finished working. Let me go put a clean shirt on. Come inside,” he offered.
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Meet me at the bar. I’ll head over there now,” she said.
“Okay, I should be there no more than five minutes behind you.”
“I’ll see you there.”
She couldn’t go inside. Not yet. They had to get a few things out of the way. She’d thought about the idea over and over, and finally came up with what she hoped might be a workaround to their unique situation. She was obviously attracted to him, and he’d stated his case clearly. She’d be leaving to do her research soon, and figured she’d at least discuss the possibilities of solving their “issue” that plagued them.
***
Jake walked in the bar and scanned the room. He found her waiting at the bar. Her hair was drawn in a loose ponytail. He smiled and walked over.
Keyoni watched him walk through the door. He had a presence that left her weak in the knees. His broad shoulders, his strong jawline, and dear goodness, big, thick meaty thighs that showcased the muscles in his legs through the denim.
He was certainly gifted when it came to looks, but looks were far from everything. So she got a little sweaty-palmed, big deal.
He settled next to her on one of the bar stools. “What’s going on? I was surprised to see you, but glad. Have you changed your mind about the two of us spending more time together?”
“Funny you should mention that. I had a thought. What if we got the sexual tension out of the way? You know, feed the need, and then go on with our lives. Obviously, the chemistry is there, so why not release it? Once that’s out of the way, we can go back to our separate paths.”
He cocked his head to the side. “What exactly are you saying?”
“Well, if it’s our bears and not our humans, it’s biological to the core. That means, once we’ve sealed that connection, we should quell the need. It’s not like bears want to mate for life anyway. The male of the species can take several mates over time, and let’s be honest, the female rarely wants to keep the male around because of his nature. Territorial, cubs, all that nonsense.”
“Wow, you make it sound so sexy. So, you want to do an experimental analysis here?”
“It’s kind of brilliant, right? We don’t have to worry about the emotional garbage that goes along with this. Though, I don’t take this lightly. It’s not like I’ve got much experience, but I figure nature will take care of that. Let’s be honest, we’re very different people. I’m part of a different world than you are. And on top of my research, I’ve got the possibility of more schooling…”
“You’re almost thirty. How much more schooling do you need?” he said, laughing it off.
