by C. K. Martin
‘Your call.’
‘Now get on with it. Good luck.’
‘Thanks, I’m going to need it.’
‘And remember, call me if she says anything you think I need to know about. I don’t want to mess tonight up.’
‘You’re doing a site inspection, not going on a date.’ Maddy didn’t actually say the words ‘get a grip’ but it was abundantly clear that was what she meant. ‘Later.’
The line went dead before Jo even had chance to reply. She had to assume it boded well that Maddy had been allowed to start work. It meant that Kayleigh genuinely believed they would be able to pull this thing off.
She leaned back in her chair, a slow sense of satisfaction coming over her. For all his faults, her dad had been right. Sometimes, you just had to do the right thing and let the chips fall where they may. If, for some reason, someone found out that she had done it and wanted to sack her for helping out, then that would be their choice. She could only defend her actions on moral grounds.
They didn’t have to know anything about her crush. That was incidental to the proceedings.
Maddy was right though. She did have it bad. She couldn’t even pinpoint the moment when she had started to make this woman the centre of every thought. It felt like it might even have been the moment she had walked through the door to the shop that first time and found herself enchanted not only with the building itself, but the woman waiting there.
Her computer made a loud bing, startling her out of her philosophical contemplations. With everything that had been going on over the past week, she had been all too aware that she spent too much time daydreaming and surfing the internet, looking for any piece of information, no matter how small, that she could use to plead her case with Kayleigh. Given that she knew herself well enough to understand that her behaviour wasn’t going to change, she had decided it was a supreme act of cunning to set an extra loud notification so she didn’t miss any emails that came through. That way she could always look responsive, without actually having to be. In the general lethargy pre-Christmas where anything that wasn’t directly related to the event itself just seemed like an obstacle, her motivation for a job that had already almost cost her a relationship with the only available woman in town had sunk to an all-time low. Keeping her inbox under control seemed like a big enough step.
She leaned forward and read the title: Early Performance Review. That sounded ominous. She had assumed that given the festive season, it wouldn’t even cross her line manager’s mind to think about it until the New Year. Jo swallowed nervously, a sense of dread hovering somewhere nearby. It was her own guilt, she knew, that made her afraid to open the email. Only she knew about her impartial response to a case. Even if someone found out in the end, then the word surely couldn’t have spread already.
The click of the mouse was loud to her ears as the email opened.
Hi Jo,
It has come to my attention that you will be on holiday for your three month performance review. As you are aware, during your probationary period, you are required to meet the conditions of this review satisfactorily and also a subsequent one at six months. This allows us to assess your work to date and allows us to offer any additional support you may need.
As you will not be available for the week your review is meant to take place, may I suggest we move it forward to the week before? I understand that this makes your review earlier rather than later, but during the following two weeks I have meetings with some local government officials that will have to take precedence. Apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.
Please let me know if you are happy to do this and I will send an invite to your calendar.
Have a very happy festive break if I don’t see you before.
Jo sank back in her chair, a wave of relief washing over her. She’d forgotten when she’d taken the job that she’d booked some time off for that week. It was meant to be her decide-whether-to-stay-in-town week. The reminder replaced one sense of guilt with another.
When she had agreed to move back to help her father, his prognosis had been uncertain. Given his age and his injury, it had been impossible to predict whether she would still need to be around after four months. When she had moved back here it had felt the right thing to do and she didn’t begrudge him for it, but she was leaving behind a whole other life. One she had enjoyed and felt fulfilled by. She had friends and a nice apartment. A social life that wasn’t dictated by the gentle seasonal rhythms of village life. There were bars and restaurants and clubs within easy reach. Sure, she was getting a bit on the old side for the clubs, but she didn’t look it and when you were single, there was no harm in keeping your options open. It was the exact opposite to the cosy life she was now living.
There had been, although she hadn’t voiced it out loud to anyone else, the doubt that after all this time apart, she would even be able to live with her father without the two of them being at each other’s throats day and night. There were times, during her teenage years when she had been particularly hard to handle, that their verbal sparring had teetered on the edge of downright nasty. Jo knew she shouldn’t judge the relationship she had with him a decade ago with the one she could have now, but it was hard not to. Her last memories of them living together had been before university, if you didn’t include that first and only summer when she came back to stay for the holidays. Things hadn’t been much better between them then. She could, for that summer, put her hand on her heart and say that it had been entirely her fault. Her new-found freedoms had made her childhood home feel like a cage. By then she knew, one hundred per cent, that she was a lesbian. She’d indulged in more than one kiss to make certain. Self-acceptance was one thing. Knowing but not being brave enough to tell her parents yet was quite another.
She shuddered at the memory. It was so much easier for the kids today. That was what they always said. Popular representation on TV. Books that actually included gay characters weren’t hidden away in their own section at the back of only the largest book retailers. The world of sex online at your fingertips. So perhaps, in some ways, it was easier to work it out for yourself than it had been back then. For the older women she had met on the scene, they’d scoffed at how easy she’d had it in comparison to them. But telling your parents was never going to be easy. Fear of rejection, fear of fights, fear of outright refusal to accept what you were saying, were things she had faced and this generation faced and probably the next one would too.
At least now the two of them could talk about things openly. Her father still struggled to get the word ‘lesbian’ out of his mouth, but he acknowledged it in other ways. Like this thing with Kayleigh. It would have been easy for him not to mention the spark he saw. It would have been easy for him to just let it go and keep her with him, holding her close to him because he needed her right now. So moving back with him hadn’t been as bad as she’d feared when she’d first put that week aside, to either clean out her apartment ready to sell it, or to return and leave him to his own devices.
She had never once considered there might be another reason for her to stay.
A mental slap was what she needed to remind herself that nothing had actually happened between her and Kayleigh outside the constructs of her own imagination. And the interactions that had happened between them were certainly not enough to be factoring her into the decision-making process of whether or not she should stay. No, her focus should be on her own needs and those of her father. It was as simple as that.
Decision made, she sat back in her chair and tried to picture the look on Kayleigh’s face when she signed off the paperwork and told her she could go ahead with the fundraising day and big evening event. The bright smile, perhaps even a hug of gratitude. It would be impulsive, friendly, but in that moment she would feel a spark of recognition and discover she would feel the same way about Jo as Jo did about her…
Yeah, she sighed to herself with a shake of the head, she was screwed.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
>
The bookstore was buzzing. Kayleigh had been expecting a busy day simply because of the time of year, but it seemed that word of mouth was drawing people into the store. Her ‘traditional Christmas shopping experience day’ as she had so carefully labelled it to anyone who asked what was going on, had amused people no end. It almost seemed plausible too, if you ignored the sound of drilling and sawing and the fact that the back half of the store was out of bounds. Not only was it roped off, it looked like a bomb had gone off there. Books had been pulled off shelves to enable Maddy to move the free-standing book cases and get to the floors and walls they were blocking. There was even the occasional festive swearing going on, which Kayleigh couldn’t bring herself to chastise Maddy for, even if some of the older customers were scandalised.
Maddy was doing her a giant favour and she could see it now. She had been confused at first when she returned to the store and had seen just how wide an area had been made unavailable to the public. She was soon enlightened by the sheer scope of the job that Maddy seemed to be single-handedly undertaking. They hadn’t even discussed payment. The thought worried her, given the crazy prices she had heard from people over the previous week. But it was too late now. Maddy was working and it was getting done. Even if she had no regard for the careful shelf order. It would take weeks to get all the books back in the right place. Oh well, she supposed, it would give her something to do during the inevitable January lull.
Kayleigh hit dial on her mobile and tucked the phone under her ear. As it connected and rang out, she stabbed numbers into a calculator to work out how much she needed to charge the man who for some reason had brought an eclectic collection of four books of very different prices. If nothing else, her mental maths would be back to where it was during her school years. Only back then, she wasn’t used to doing things in multiples of £6.99. ‘Hi, it’s Kayleigh Johnson, how are you?’ She waited while the person on the other end of the line filled her in on a list of ailments she cared nothing about, bagging up the customer’s books as she went. ‘That’s £18.96 please,’ she mouthed at him. He looked dubious for a second — which made her doubt her own calculations, before reaching into his wallet and pulling out a twenty pound note. She took it from him and sorted out the change, feeling horribly exposed without the security of a cash register drawer to close. Like everything else, it was electric and there was no other choice but to abandon it. As soon as Rob arrived, she would have to take some of the money and put it in the safe upstairs. She liked to think the people in the village were good, honest folk, but at this time of year people without cash also got desperate. It would only take word to reach the wrong person and she would be in serious trouble. Her insurance policy wouldn’t cover her for that kind of loss.
The woman on the end of the phone finally finished talking, so Kayleigh took the opportunity to speak before she thought of something else to say. ‘I just wanted to let you know that the annual charity event at Johnson’s Bookstore is back on again. Yes. Yes, same charity as last year. Yes, there have been a few problems this year. No, we’re definitely going ahead. Fantastic. We look forward to seeing you then. Bye now. Yes, I would get that checked out. Oh, I’ve got a customer. Must go. Bye then.’ She hung up and placed her phone down on the counter. This was going to be a long day.
The extended sound of an electric screwdriver caught her attention and she looked over to where Maddy was in the process of getting up one of the floorboards. She swallowed nervously. Was she tempting fate by ringing all the key people to get word out that the event would be back on again this year? Maddy had been moving things around for a few hours now and while there were plenty of signs of destruction, she wasn’t sure she could see any real signs of progress. If she couldn’t get this done, then there would be an event with one very forlorn looking Christmas tree, unlit and only able to be viewed from a significant distance. It was hardly the festive feeling that she had managed to create in previous years.
Once again, a sense of mild panic threatened to overtake the optimism she was trying so desperately hard to hold onto. Speaking to other people, telling them that yes, everything was going to go ahead after all, made it feel a little bit more real.
She began to move on to the next customer, once again with unusual choices at varying price ranges. ‘Would you like a receipt? I’ll have to write it out by hand I’m afraid.’ Kayleigh had learned very early that morning that the standard response to the question would you like a receipt? was always yes. A Pavlovian response, she was sure, as most of them would only lose it in the bottom of their handbag. And really, who out of the many tourists that would be in here today would make the return trip to the village in the New Year to return something? Surely no one.
However, when she added the final part of the question, with the implication that it would take a lot of time and therefore hold them up from getting on with their busy day, the number of people who said yes fell drastically. After all, a book wasn’t like the other gifts that people needed a receipt for. A book couldn’t fail to power up, or have a part of it faulty. It couldn’t be a size too small, or worse, an insulting three sizes too big. And if you didn’t like it, you could return it to just about anywhere. These were the advantages Kayleigh had over other types of retailers and today, it was an ace she was more than willing to play.
‘Yes please.’ The man looked at her with a smile that seemed to contain a touch of malevolence.
‘Of course. No problem at all. It may take a few minutes. Is that okay?’ She gave him a final get out. For a second he seemed to hesitate and she allowed her hopes to rise.
‘I can wait,’ he said after the pause, giving her that smile again. She tried not to grit her teeth. He was, after all, legally entitled to one. She began to write it out, starting with the title of the book, then the name of the author and the price. Despite the growing number of customers, she couldn’t help but take her time. Using her best handwriting, she made sure every single word was clear. She wanted to make it clear to the man that if he was going to waste her time then she was more than willing to waste his as well, but he also seemed the type who would be willing to return the books just to check that the receipt was valid. No doubt he was hoping to get a disgruntled letter published in one of the Sunday newspapers if it wasn’t, highlighting the scandal of this independent venture ripping off unsuspecting members of the public.
This fantasy played through her head and she totalled up the cost of the books and did it a second time to make absolutely sure. She wasn’t surprised when he checked it himself before handing over his money. She made a show of counting out his change and then resisted the urge to raise her middle finger at his retreating back when he left the shop. As he opened the door, her thoughts were replaced by the arrival of her knight in shining armour. It wasn’t so much as the man himself, but more the tray he was carrying.
‘Wow,’ said Rob, making his way around the counter and depositing a large paper cup of coffee in front of her. ‘The place is really busy.’
‘You are a lifesaver.’ Kayleigh took a sip from the cup, pleased to discover that a trek down the street in the cool winter air had already reduced it to drinking temperature. She guzzled greedily, not caring about the strange whistling noise the lid was making at the rapid flow of liquid from the cup to her mouth. It had been a long morning and no electricity meant no kettle.
‘I got a tea for our new friend over there.’
‘I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.’
‘Milk, no sugar right?’
‘That was what she demanded at some ungodly hour this morning, so I can only assume she is more than willing to have it now.’
‘Do you want to take it over to her?’
‘Why would I?’ Coffee back down on the counter, Kayleigh was already stabbing at the calculator again. At least this customer was one from the village and would probably give her a free pass on the whole receipt thing.
‘She looks a bit intimidating.’
‘Re
ally? I think she looks quite friendly.’ Kayleigh didn’t even glance over.
‘Have you seen the size of that thing she’s holding? What is it anyway?’
‘I thought men were supposed to be fascinated by fast cars and power tools? I assumed you would know.’
‘I work in a bank. Why on earth would I know about power tools? Anyway, it’s lucky for you that no one wants to get a mortgage at this time of year. It’s bad enough buying presents, no one has the energy left to think about buying houses.’
‘When do you have to get back?’
‘I can stay for a few hours to get you through the worst of the rush. I played the charity card with the bank manager. Her second cousin almost lost his leg to meningitis a few years back, so she was willing to go for it. She knows I’ll only kick up a fuss if she puts me behind the counter while I’ve got nothing to do, so it’s a few less hours she’ll have to pay out in salary this month.’
‘Oh Rob, I didn’t mean for you to have to do that.’
‘I don’t mind. Seriously, I would rather deal with your customers than ours. Do you know what it’s like when you get stuck with someone banking the takings from their store? It takes forever and they’ve never got it right. I hope you’re better than that.’
‘I do sometimes get it wrong,’ Kayleigh admitted with a slight smile. ‘It will be a miracle if the books balance after today. Anyway, go give Maddy her tea. She’s been working flat out for hours now.’
‘She has?’
‘Oh yes. I know it looks like there’s still a long way to go, but she really hasn’t stopped. She’s earned that drink.’ Kayleigh turned back to the customer as Rob wandered over to where Maddy was balancing on a step ladder. Despite being more than happy to leave Maddy to her own devices all morning, she couldn’t help sneaking a glance in her direction now. True to form, Rob didn’t simply hand the drink over and then return. Within minutes, they had struck up a conversation and Kayleigh tried not to let paranoia get the better of her. Eventually, he ambled back when he remembered that he was here to help, not to distract everyone else.
